I am going to take so many pictures in Smash Brawl. I loved the feature back in Melee, but of course there we had no place to save the photos. Brawl lets you save them to an SD card.

Happily, the internet has already figured out how to convert the saved photos into a usable format. This awful little Windows utility does the job, with all of the usual Olde World Windows mess. IE, no GUI, horrid meaningless filenames, and extraneous file litter. But anyway, it works, and here's some of the many many photos I've taken. Click for a supersized version.

There might be some spoilers, incidentally.

During the big open movie, which does feature Luigi, Clark always asks "Where's Luigi?" Well, here's Luigi, about to get whacked in the sacks by Falco.

And Pikachu provides neatly fried bananas!

Why is it that Smash Brawl is a better console Pokemon game than the last five console Pokemon games?

The mix of characters makes Subspace Emissary a joy. Shame Meta Ridley isn't playable.

Peach's Final Smash turns everyone to sleep.

I'm not sure if that pic shows Peach about to smack two guys around, or if the Fire Emblem dude is going to strangle her. She looks confident, anyway.

Although I wish Waluigi was playable (is there anybody I wouldn't want playable?), it's fun to see him beat the stuffing out of somebody with a tennis racket.

Other Brawl items of note: It took me 8.5 hours to beat Subspace Emissary. Holy crap, I've played games where 8.5 hours was enough time to play an entire game, much less just a sidebar to the game's main attraction.

Spectator Mode is just as awesome as I hoped, even more so due to the ability to collect coins and stickers just for watching and wagering. (There's no "gambling" qualifier on the ESRB rating! Don't tell anybody.)

The Masterpieces dealie for demos of old NES/SNES/N64 games is pretty cool, although some of the demo time constraints are weirdly strict. How much can you learn about Donkey Kong in 30 seconds? I wonder if there's a way to extend that demo time.

Online match data doesn't seem to show up in your stats. I hope that data is being collected somewhere, because, as a stats freak, it really bugs me to see the data page say that Falco has never been played, even though I just took him through ten online brawls.

I think I only have one more character to unlock, and I honestly do not know who it is or how to unlock it. I have an idea... based on some unsubtle hints heard in one of the gaming podcasts I follow. I did a really great job of avoiding Brawl spoilers.

I personally expected just about everybody from Melee to show up in Brawl, so I don't really consider guys like Falco to be meaningful spoiler material. Out of all the folks I've unlocked (and you get quite a few for completing Subspace Emissary), two were complete surprises, and that was cool.

As I post more of these photo entries, I'll gradually reveal all the spoiler characters, so watch out.

It seems odd to us Americans, but Sonic is only five years older than Charizard. And he can't breathe fire. Weird!

Ash - come on, let's just call him Ash - can't bear to see his little buddy about to asplode on a bob-omb.

That delicate-looking Metal Gear is from MGS4. Pretty cool that Kojima allowed Nintendo to use elements from a game that isn't even out yet.

Ready? O! K! Samus Sister Cheerleaders are go!

The only problem I have with the camera itself is that you can't zoom all the way in. I would like to get microscopic on these guys. It's weirdly situational... for example, on the Halberd stage, you're even more restricted.

Tingle would have been a great playable character. I hope they're working on that for Super Smash Bros Donnybrook, due in 2015 for the Nintendo Woo.

Sausages! I'm a big Mr. Game & Watch fan, although I rarely win with him because I get distracted just watching him animate.

Remember how I wasn't sure what final unlockable character I needed? Well, I had a clue, and then my first random online match confirmed it. That match also spoiled his Final Smash for me. So meh. I still don't know what I need to do to unlock him. And he's not a particularly original character, by the way.

My random matches went as well as everybody else's. I played two and they were both laggy at times. Looks like the ping distance is the critical factor, because all my local East Coast matches have been fine, aside from the occasional weird Wi-Fi drop.

We are such big fans of the Nintendog. Clark gets this huge smile on his face and jokes about how the puppy wants to get out of the TV.

I thought that was fun to have found a pause that made it look like a giant devil guy was sitting on the Halberd.

True story: I did not get the "Kat + Ana = katana" joke until just now, when I typed out the photo filename. And I'm like a huge WarioWare guy.

Just when I feel like complaining that there's not enough Assist Trophies and I've seen poor Samurai Goroh way too many times, Nintendo throws a new one at me. Here's Barbara from the Japan-only DS game Daigasso Band Bros (and apparently Master of Illusion, the DS game about card tricks, according to the Smash Notice screen)... and Jill from the overlooked GBA game Drill Dozer.

Are you ready for teh spoilers? Here they come...

I was moderately surprised to see Jigglypuff survive the cut from Melee (especially since Mewtwo was downcloned into Lucario), since he's no longer the Generation One fad character he used to be.

I was very happy - and genuinely unspoiled - to find Toon Link. It's great to see Nintendo honor the awesomeness of Wind Waker (and the memory of Melee's Young Link), with the cel-shaded Link, although "Toon Link" is such a painfully awful name. I have always hated the usage of the word "toon," because it was never a real moniker; it was manufactured for public consumption by Who Framed Roger Rabbit. (And don't think I'm crazy, Wikipedia backs me up on this.) So it really grates me to hear the announcer intone "TOON Link." I'm not sure why he couldn't have been just another "Link," but Nintendo could have gone with "Cel Link," "Wind Waker Link" or anything rather than pretending that "toon" is something real.

Still, great screen, right?

I really do not see any end in sight for these Smash pics. Even after this post, I have another pile ready to go... and I snapped more tonight.

Has anybody figured out how to decrypt the replay footage?

Sonic, that is not the Menacer.

After a couple good head kicks, Captain Falcon likes to boogie down with the mens at K.K.'s.

I love that contemplative Wario shot, like he's on a vision quest or something.

I call the one on the left "Hell Comes To Smashville."

The look on King Dedede's face is hilarious.

I was going for an R2-on-Dagobah thing there. Thanks to that shot, R.O.B. is now my Longest Swimmer.

Geez, so I started writing more about Mario Galaxy vs. Ratchet Future and ended up boring even myself. So you get more Brawl photos.

Tonight I ventured back into Subspace Emissary, which I finished a while ago but only to the tune of 84%. What the heck do I have to do to get the whole 100? Since I've been through most of the serious spoiler material already, I'm getting close to looking up the game's darker secrets.

The DK Final Smash photo really isn't that remarkable... except for HIS EYES.

Quick, on the left: girl or dude? Hint: His name is Isaac.

Pretty much all the characters have animated, tracking eyes, but none are quite as impressive as Toon Link's.

Lately I've been trying to get good with Lucario, since he's essentially Mewtwo Again.

I love Olimar's Final Smash. It's definitely one of the more impressive bits. Some guys get really crappy-looking Final Smashes, like Link and the Fire Emblem boys. Olimar's smash is a great ref back to Pikmin, rather than just a generic fighting-game attack.

That's actually Clark playing as Pikachu on the left hand shot. He hasn't exactly figured out that he should walk and attack simultaneously.

Those of you on Macs or otherwise unable to get that awful bin2jpg PC program to work, try this online Brawl decrypter. Thanks to Jeffrey for finding that link!

That pic of Link sailing away might be my favorite Brawl snap yet.

For some reason, you can't rotate the camera as much when you're in Subspace Emissary mode. Similarly, I don't get why some levels are worse than others for camera positioning and zooming. You also can't zoom in when viewing trophies. (EDIT: It's the A button! And since you can't snap photos while in trophy viewing mode, no one will know how pervy you were in zooming around on Krystal's ass.)

Two of my man Snake. One unflattering, and one very flattering.

That Spear Pillar is one funky level. I love the variety of stages in Brawl... you've got straight-forward empty levels for close combat, gigantic levels for wandering, levels that attack you on their own, levels that keep moving, and weirdo stages like Spear Pillar and WarioWare.

Wario's bike is awesome. Were it not for the 'Ware, stupid fat Wario would no doubt just be a lame assist trophy like poor Waluigi.

That shot of Lucario is another favorite.

The other night when I started up Brawl, it immediately threw me two notices... one, that the sprites from Advance Wars were now available as an Assist Trophy, and two, that I now have all the Assist Trophies available. That was kind of a bummer. I was hoping for a ton of Assists, like a hundred. Where's the Elite Beat Agents Assist Trophy? Chibi-Robo? Slippy? The Duck Hunt dog? The girl from Balloon Kid? Seems like a lot of missed opportunities for a game that was in development for years.

Can anybody tell me why Luigi's Final Smash is a weird hippie dance? Was there some kind of Luigi Meets Late-Period Beatles game that I missed?

I don't really know what's going on with R.O.B. and Samus there, but that R.O.B. model just has this impressive physicality to it. Like it's a real object.

Any photo with Snake choking someone is a good photo.

"I, Lucas, do beseech mighty Andross to get Nintendo to release Mother 3 in western territories. I mean, seriously, they got Fire Emblem before a new EarthBound?"

I'm usually fascinated by pics of the ancillary characters and elements, like these Shy Guys and Waddle Dees.

NEW CHALLENGER: Ghost Rider! Marvel Comics' famous spectral biker joins the Brawl! With his brimstone chain attack, crippling Penance Stare and of course his trademark flaming motorcycle, Ghost Rider can be unlocked once you get fifteen online random matches to actually finish.

My challenge board is really, really full. Finding my final character this week released a string of related unlockables.

It was Wolf. You know this.

I'm sorta pissed, because I gave in and we looked up how to unlock him... and I was so close to stumbling into it on my own, which would have been the preferred method. You have to get Fox through Boss Battle mode (or there is some dumb hidden path in Subspace Emissary). Fox being one of my favorite characters, I definitely would have happened upon Wolf by myself. In fact, I had attempted Boss Battle mode with Fox previously, and just did not complete it. Even on the easiest difficulty, Fox is sort of underpowered against the bosses.

In one night, it took me five attempts to unlock Wolf... two of those with me not even finishing the bosses. Wolf was some pretty smart AI, mainly because he went after the items... which, when the CPUs are set to stupid, they're really slow about bothering. But I did it, and that unlocked All-Star mode, another pile of Events, and several Notices/trophies.

Wolf's taunt voice sounds exactly like Race Bannon.

Everything Wario does is just gross.

Yoshi re-enacts his favorite scene from A Christmas Story.

Since Shadow is the only Sonic-related Assist Trophy, getting these two together is about as Sega fanboy as it's going to get.

I love that ridiculous Mario Bros vs. Bowser shot.

The other night I did about a dozen Giant Game & Watch matches, with four Mr. G&W in Flat Zone 2. Hilarious.

"You're right, Mr. Popular Opinion! Everything on GameCube was terrible! Sunshine was a disaster, Starfox was an abortion, Double Dash was a joke, Wind Waker was an embarrassment, and we actually let Luigi front a game! I, Mario, accept full responsibility for this dark and disgusting era in gaming. Thank god somebody at corporate hit on the star-making idea to wave sticks at the TV like a tennis racket."

I'm at the level where any future games that lack instant photography will utterly disappoint me. Although I haven't read as such, I'm sure GTAIV will have a camera feature (San Andreas did). Seems awfully unlikely that I'll be as happy with Mario Kart Wii.

I recently learned that those little hammers on the Challenge board let you smash boxes, presumably ones you think you will never finish (like all the Multi-Man-related challenges). I thought they were just some kind of achievement ranking, as in 'How are you doing with your Challenges, Joe?" "Pretty sweet, I'm up to three hammers."

So if you use a hammer, do you automatically get the treasure inside? Can you use a hammer on a box that has not been revealed?

How great is that Peach pic. She's sitting in a tree!

If you're wondering where Kirby has been lately, he's gotten into the construction game.

One of my dream snaps is to get a whole bunch of dead pikmin spirits clustered together in the Mansion stage.

Love the zoom-out on Flat Zone 2. Very surprised that the original Flat Zone is not in the game.

Does that Mr. Resetti thing go on forever or what?

And there's two uber-dramatic shots to wrap up this edition. Unbelievably, I have more to come.

I'm going through Classic mode with all the characters, just for the trophies and the corresponding Challenge achievements. With the fighters I dislike, I set it to easy and then the whole affair is over in like ten minutes. Looks like you need to play Classic multiple times to get the trophies for the alternate transformations, like Sheik and Zero Suit Samus? And speaking of that, I still haven't figured out how to start a match as Zero Suit.

Now that Sakurai has come out firmly against panty shots, I might as well post a sample of my voluminous upskirt collection. I call it "The Wolf Whistle."

You see, by including Wolf, I turn it into a complicated cultural touchstone, not just a bit o' pink. Now it is art. Now it belongs to the ages.

Snake performs the tricky skateboard-less handplant.

What the hey? How did Azelf get in there?

Wario is never going to win the championship like that.

I titled that one on the left "ganondorfpwns" because I am shameless in the face of the internet.

Whenever I'm given a camera, I'm the jerk who goes around taking closeup pictures of stupid little details, like the horse posts along Main Street at DisneyWorld. Or a Poke Ball perched on a Landmaster cannon that is about to fade out.

I don't know yet. I might like Wolf just because he was the last character I unlocked and I had to really fight to get him. But I definitely find myself gravitating towards him. There are characters I like to play even though I'm no good with them (Olimar, Peach)... there are characters I'm reasonably good with even though I don't like them (Captain Falcon, Donkey Kong)... but finding a character that I like with a moveset that I feel I can effectively manipulate is where it's at, and Wolf seems to fall in that category. He's everything I like about Fox without being quite so light and zippy. Plus he has bitchin' taunts. What's the matter, scared?

You've seen the Smash Taunts, right? Completely freakin' awesome, even if you can't take pictures of it in action.

As soon as I unlocked Wolf, I immediately tried to set up a sweet howl-at-the-moon shot in the Mansion stage.

Squirtle is about to have some fun with the warp star.

That upside-down stuff is screwy. It even messes with the photo mode.

Speaking of borked replays, I saved a replay tonight that completely misplays what actually happened. As I played it, I won the match (Fox) with two points. In the replay, the last fifteen seconds show Fox jumping around not hitting anything, tying with Ganondorf 1-1, and then losing in Sudden Death! Now that's messed up.

Smash Ball + Pika goggles + the cool Mansion lighting = hot shit.

It looks like Wolf is giving Charizard a big ol' hug.

Energy whip > radish.

I have now been through Classic with all the characters. I guess I should start working on All-Star. Or Boss Battles, but Boss Battles sucks because you can't continue. One stupid Yoshi-egg-off-the-platform and your game is over.

Yeah, so, All-Star it is then. At least with All-Star you get some really sweet trophies.

Luigi is totally doing the Private Lynndie England.

That Snake closeup was captured during a giant match in which Snake then got a mushroom, for extra giantness.

Betcha didn't know you can take snaps during the intermissions in All-Star and Boss mode. For whatever reason. You can't even zoom properly.

DK is a total brickhead.

Do they all do that when Bowser is about to hump them, or just delectable Zero Suit Samus?

We'll end on a philosophical note. Mario contemplates man's place in the environment, while Lucario shakes his existential fist at the universe.

Gave the 15 Minute Brawl another shot last night, this time with Pikachu. The cheapness of his b-down move excels against the Fightin' Wireframes. Although the best I could do was only about six minutes. I would invariably screw myself over by diving for an Assist Trophy and then getting dogpiled before I could pick it up. Or, even worse, I would let myself get sucked into a poor smart bomb throw.

My best on 15 Minute Brawl is somewhere around 13 and a half minutes, with Donkey Kong. I've also tried Bowser, gambling on a heavy character that does not get launched as far, but I was no more successful with him than I was with Pikachu.

That is some kind of crazy ass Escher thing going on there. Snake looks so messed up.

I enjoy Giant photos.

You can't tell, but there's an enemy Olimar inside that bulborb's mouth. Guess what happened next.

On the left is what Fox does when you successfully trigger the Smash Taunt that ends in those great Team Starfox onscreen conversations.

Zero Suit, you kinky.

When Squirtle's parents made him ask Sonic to the school dance, he just knew he was going to be embarrassed with a tentative kiss by the punch bowl.

And now, an unexpectedly themed arrangement of Brawl photos... first, some cute trophy collections, then some photos sent to me from folks on my Friend List.

First, a pair of Pokemon retrospectives. The four fire-type starters, each representing a different generation. Charmander from Red/Blue, Torchic from Ruby/Sapphire, Cyndaquil from Gold/Silver, and Chimchar from Diamond/Pearl.

Then we see four end-of-game legendaries... Groudon from Ruby/Sapphire, Moltres from Red/Blue, Suicune from Gold/Silver, and Palkia from Diamond/Pearl.

Mewtwo gets revenge on Lucario for supplanting him and cloning most of his powers.

And there's a pleasant Animal Crossing diorama.

Team Sonic, and Olimar vs. one of the typical native beasts.

Why can't we place more than four trophies in these custom displays? We should be able to pose dozens of trophies in cool pictures. Why so few backgrounds? We should be able to place trophies on all of the game's actual stages, not just these four awful generic backdrops. Why aren't trophies (and stickers) tradable between Friends? What's the point of me having half a dozen Torchic trophies if I can't share them? This whole trophy thing could be a ton more fun.

Colin sent me this exceptionally creepy Pika/Luigi gestalt, a prime example of finding the perfect paused nanosecond. And I love his "Wario's Nose Is Infected" piece, complete with an embarrassed Samus in the background.

Snake seems shocked at his callous treatment of Lucas in this photo from Jeffrey. Josh takes us into the seedy underworld of Alloy-on-Ape action. Look away!

Ben sent me that well-timed collision between Sonic and Weavile, while Tony reminds us that we are all brothers on this Distant Planet.