February 2009 Archives

The Week in Links

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BEAT CRUSADERS - PHANTOM PLANET (YouTube)
This video made the gaming rounds this week... pretty incredible use of LittleBigPlanet herein!

Terminator won't be back next fall (TV By The Numbers)
So a not-really-popular popular TV show is likely cancelled, and this article examines all the illogical fanboy responses.

Krypto Joins the Space Canine Patrol Agency! (Again With the Comics)
Holy shit. I can't believe I didn't know that those dopey space dogs from the Krypto the Superdog cartoon are actually DC canon. The Silver Age of comics is like an endlessly unfurling onion.

EastEnders' actress Wendy Richard dies (Yahoo News UK)
And also from Are You Being Served. She's free.

FINAL CRISIS FAQ (Comic Book Resources)
Awesome Final Crisis Q&A. All the discussions and arguments and annotations only make me love DC more.

FEBRUARY 25 COMIC REEL (Comic Book Resources)
Green Lantern movie: December 2010. Jonah Hex movie (starring Josh Brolin): August 2010.

Marvel Super Heroes: What The--?! (Marvel.com)
Is Marvel really just going to copy Robot Chicken with this series? Or is this actually from the RC crew?

Those custom printed, great price Fatal Frame cards I ordered? They arrived today and they are gorgeous. Only took about ten days! I am SO heading back to order some additional Fatal Frame runs and a couple rounds of TaleSpin before the coupon code expires. Amazing.

Ye gods, look at that. I'm too afraid to shuffle them!

They are a bit flimsier than your average poker cards. I can tell they will be prone to flaking on the edges after intense playtime. So I'll likely be sleeving them... which I do for most of my card games anyway, so that's not a huge deal. Although I'd kinda psyched to play a round with the cards naked, just because that makes it less nerdy and more real. When I first opened the cases, some of the cards seemed a bit tacky, but I think most of that has faded.

Still, this is the real thing. These are real cards, for MY game. Awesome again.

Here's the trio of card backs I whipped up. The middle one is for the main draw deck. On the left is the interior location deck, and the exterior location deck back is on the right.

As I said before, getting the entirety of Fatal Frame - with three different card backs - to fit within the confines of several 52-card decks was a bit of an organizational challenge. Here's some of the extra cards I printed just to fill out the empty slots... cut-apart player pawns in four colors (I'm too chicken to do it!) and a ridiculous "Lose a turn" reminder card.

Here's a comparison shot of one of my original inkjet-and-sleeve cards and the 2009 model. The blacks on the new cards are super black, which is beautiful. Black means a lot in a horror game like Fatal Frame, and these blacks are just completely deep and soupy. My inkjet blacks varied according to the age of my cartridge.

The jpgs I generated for this project came out great. I took the PDF versions of the cards and turned each one into a JPG with a width of 1000 pixels. And they are so crisp you can even read the flavor text that I stupidly slapped onto the cards in a bullshit scripty font!

I put all of those jpgs into a zip archive and stashed them here, in a file called fatalframeCARDS.zip. And I included the new Expansion Set cards that I've been tinkering with for over a year! I have not gotten around to making the usual PDF file with the new cards, so until I update the official Fatal Frame card game site, this will be the only way to get them.

Oh yes, time to see just how right I was about the 2008 Nintendo Power Awards. I'll recap my predictions from last December and track them against the fans' actual votes... note that NP more or less ignores the fan opinion and gives the awards to the games they like anyway.

To be clear... my running score shows how well I predicted the whims and fancies of Nintendo voting fanboys. Although it's interesting to guess what the editors will award, it's more fun to tweak the fans, who routinely make awful choices. When the editors are awful, at least they were salaried to do so. Fans have to pay for the privilege.

Overall Game of the Year: I picked Smash Brawl as a shoe-in for Overall GOTY, and it was... with voters and editors alike. I suggested Mario Kart Wii would be "a close second," but boy was I off there. 55% of voters went Smash, and only 6% chose Kart. And Kart wasn't even the runner up... The World Ends With You had 14%, which can only be the result of some DS RPG fan-forum spamming up the votes.

Joe's Score: +1

Game(s) of the Year - per-platform: I personally voted for Brawl (Wii), Layton (DS) and World of Goo (WiiWare). I figured the voters would go for Brawl, Final Fantasy IV and any given Strong Bad. Nope! Voters went Brawl, Kirby Super Star Ultra, and Mega Man 9. I completely overestimated the FF fanboys; Strong Bad, however, was a close runner-up to Mega Man 9.

Joe's Score: 0

Best Wii Graphics: While I voted for Warioland: Shake It, iconoclast that I am, both editors and voters sided with Smash Brawl. A bit crazy, that. I predicted the voters would go with Sonic Unleashed... which did manage to runner-up.

Joe's Score: -1

Best DS Graphics: This was a category that I really didn't care about, since I've played exactly none of the nominated games. I went with World Ends With You, and thought voters would go for Castlevania. I had that backwards. Voters went for World Ends and the editors went with Castlevania.

Joe's Score: -2

Best Original Score: Brawl, Brawl, Brawl. All votes for Brawl. Unlike the graphics award, this one is totally deserved.

Joe's Score: -1

Best Sound/Voice Acting: I chose No More Heroes, as did the editors. I said the voters would fall in line like parent-safe pop-culture-riff-laden sheep and vote for Strong Bad, and they did.

Joe's Score: 0

Best Music/Rhythm Game: Again the editors back my horse, Rock Band 2. My prediction, in pull-quote form...

[The fan vote is] going to go to Guitar Hero World Tour. You can thank the huge undeserved popularity of last year's Guitar Hero III for that one. "Well, we already have one guitar," said a million Wii-owning parents this Christmas.

Guess what happened.

Joe's Score: +1

Best Adventure Game: I voted for No More Heroes, and so did the editors. I said the voters would go with Strong Bad - I really was anticipating a Strong Bad rush - and I was wrong. Against all sales data, the voters chose Okami... with No More Heroes a close second.

Joe's Score: 0

Best RPG: So, like, where did all the Final Fantasy fans go? I guess nobody gives a shit about FF re-ports to the DS, because The World Ends With You swept the category. Although I voted for World Ends, I figured the majority vote would go to FFIV.

Joe's Score: -1

Best Shooter/Action Game: The nominations for this category were a joke, covering at least four different genres. I took the road not travelled and voted for Ninja Gaiden, but predicted Mega Man 9 would win popular opinion. It did.

Joe's Score: 0

Best Sports Game: Who gives a shit!

Joe's Score: +1

Best Racing Game: Now what do you think?

Joe's Score: +2

Best Platformer: I vastly underestimated Kirby Super Star Ultra, because the pink puff has come up strong every time. I voted for Warioland; guessed voters would pick Sonic, but Kirby took it.

Joe's Score: +1

Best Puzzle game: Another one I totally whiffed, but I had a really amazing rationale...

My gut feeling is that the voters will choose Tetris or Boom Blox, and the editors will use this as an opportunity to push World of Goo.

And then Layton sweeps it!

Professor Layton has done it again! /Luke

Joe's Score: 0

Best Alternative Game: Wii Fit vs. Animal Crossing vs. Trauma Center 2. I like my tone on this one, so I'm pullquoting again.

MY PICK: Only three games? WTF. The sports category is fluffed up beyond all recognition, like three-week-old roadkill, but NP can only muster up a trio of "Alternative" games? How about Sam & Max Season 1? My Pokemon Ranch? Endless Ocean? Goddamn Ninjatown?

Anyway, I'm going with Animal Crossing.

VOTERS PICK: Also Animal Crossing. I know Wii Fit is the media darling, but I also know that nobody plays it for more than a week because it is dead boring. If NP was polling parents at the mall, Wii Fit might have a chance. But they're polling gamers and fanboys.

And the fans did in fact choose Animal Crossing. The editors, being jackholes, gave the award to Wii Fit. Along with some bullshit about it giving "2008 its defining new experience, supplanting Wii Sports as the flagship title for a new generation of players." I don't know what pisses me off more, the notion that Wii Fit defines anything, that it's somehow better that Wii Sports, or that we're still talking about fucking Wii Sports in the first place.

Joe's Score: +1

Best New Character: I went with Travis. The editors went with Travis. I figured the voters would go with "Shade" from "Sonic." They did.

Joe's Score: +2

Best Multiplayer: Brawl, Brawl, Brawl. These Brawl wins are about the only thing upping my tally.

Joe's Score: +3

Best Story/Writing: I voted for Chrono Trigger, but World Ends racked up another win.

Joe's Score: +2

Best Online Functionality: Kart, Kart, Kart.

Joe's Score: +3

Best Fighting Game: This was a funny category. It was Brawl pitted against a bunch of games nobody ever heard of. Brawl took it with 87% of the popular vote.

Joe's Score: +4

So, wow. My final score really sucks. Last year I got an 8, and I thought that was lame. My massive failure this year probably falls to me putting too much stock behind Strong Bad and Final Fantasy. And I did not count on The World Ends With You and Kirby Super Star Ultra snapping up so much support.

More phone cam pics.

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Just going through the Sidekick again...

I don't know if you can still find this Walmart bundle pack, but $15 for Elite Beat Agents plus a couple of don't-really-need-it-but-whatever DS accessories is pretty fabulous.

This was pretty awesome as well... $35 for the huge Eye of Judgment pack at Target. They still sell the camera alone for $30!

This is a good Sad Toyless Child look.

And you are pet is guaranteed to fail spelling and grammar classes!

Man, wasn't that cool that Target used Domo-kun as a Halloween mascot?

Gee, think they've overpublished every single Guitar Hero title since Rocks the 80s?

This is what's known as a COLOR FAIL.

Things We Learned This Week

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These are very old fansites.

As I was publishing updates to Mappyland and the Ambush Bug Archive, I was struck by how old (and poorly maintained) these sites are. All of my code for the ABA is old school HTML done by hand, dating from early 2002. It could be a much zingier site in Movable Type. And easier to update too.

The oldest "front page" news on Mappyland is from 1999! The current red design is from 2004, but much of the content/graphics is from 1999 or earlier. That Mappy stuff was some of first fannish junk I put on the WWW, right alongside my custom OverPower CCG decks and favorite Duke Nukem 3D maps. Hoo boy.

 


Rule of Rose is well inside the Fatal Frame tradition.

I'm about three to four hours in... to the bit where (I think) I'm trying to find an abused rabbit as my monthly "gift" to the Red Crayon Aristocrats. (Which, by the way, seems to have inspired the name of a Spanish synthpop band.)

So far, it's been mainly psychological horror rather than survival horror. Which is fine. Only in the latest hour did I even see any low-level enemies. I didn't bother to fight them. I know the reviews were not-kind to it, but I wonder if that was just PS2 burnout on this type of game. Rule of Rose is very much like Fatal Frame and early Resident Evil, with fixed, dramatic cameras, lots of zig-zaggy fetch quests, and a bounty of disturbing cutscenes.

 


The inevitable iPhone move grows ever closer.

Rhonda's T-Mobile WiFi phone died this week, but it was fixed with a new SIM card. (Do you cap that?) While she was on the phone getting the SIM re-activated, the support dude helpfully pointed out that we're super awesome customers, having never missed a bill or gone over our minutes. Plus, I totally have a sweetheart deal on my Sidekick data plan of $20/month. Were I to switch to a T-Mobile Blackberry or whatever, and then decide I liked the new Sidekick better, switching back would make my $20 data plan jump to $35/month.

Matters not, as we'll be switching to iPhones once we feel we can stomach our phone bill doubling. Rhonda's phone contract is up this summer, while my Sidekick contract ended in 2005.

 


But, anyway, a DSi.

$170, this April. That's actually a bit more than I was counting on, seeing as the DS Lite is, what, $130? I think there's a disconnect between what people think the DSi is (a minor update on the Lite) and what it actually is (a more-than-minor update on the Lite.) I really like the first blush at DSiWare games and apps (Katamari puzzle game! New WarioWare!) and I won't miss the plastered-up GBA port for a single second. Here's hoping the DSi can do some future fancy tricks with the Wii... Nintendo has been really lame about making the two platforms interact, and given that everybody on the planet has them both, you'd think they'd leverage that a little better.

 


Bandai is shocked that this happened.

Remember when Clark's free mail-away Ben 10 toy was asploded by the post office? Rhon sent Bandai a nastygram about the genius idea to fit a toy inside a regular first class envelope, and they replied with an apologetic email. This weekend Clark received two of the toy in question, shipped in a padded oversized envelope with over a $1 in postage. Uh huh.

But good on you, Bandai, for making it right.

The Week in Links

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Rule of Rose - opening video (YouTube)
Have you ever seen the open to overlooked PS2 horror game Rule of Rose? Sweet jesus. There is nothing right about this game. I'm really looking forward to playing it.

The Myth Of Walt Disney's Lord of the Rings (2719 Hyperion)
Nope, Unca Walt never had designs on adapting LOTR. And for his part, the Professor hated Disney productions anyway.

IN BRIGHTEST DAY (Comic Book Resorces)
An absolutely beautiful true story about a boy who skipped school to go to DC Comics and ended up spending the day with Julie Schwartz.

Fantasy Flight Games new website
Nice redesign! Looks like each page has a huge Flash element at the top, spotlighting various art and characters from their games. The main page is effectively a gigantic slideshow that looks very cool... but probably costs too much time to download that huge imagery.

First Picture of Woz Primed to Dance Into America's Hearts (Gizmodo)
Woz on Dancing With the Stars?!? Guffaw!

Finally, some fourhman.com fansite updates.
Today I went through two years of fanmail for my Ambush Bug Archive and Mappyland. That's a bunch of Mappy fan high scores, the Mappy/Noby Noby Boy connection, lots of Ambush Bug scans and appearance tips, and issues #4 and #5 of Year None. Whew! I especially like the panel scan for Year None #5.

Seven Year Itch (N-Philes)
I used to go to N-Philes all the time for Nintendo news and commentary (it's been around for seven years or so), but the site all of a sudden stopped updating about half a year ago. Now they're back, but no longer exclusively a Nintendo site. Now they review movies like Gran Torino! Guh-whuh? How can Nintendo be at its most successful point ever, but enthusiast websites like N-Philes can't find anything to talk about? (We cover this in this week's Aeropodcast.)

Mappy is totally in Noby Noby Boy!

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What an awesome surprise. Of course I was planning on buying Noby Noby Boy, the game that designer Keita Takahashi can't even adequately summarize himself.

But then to boot it up and right away discover Mappy and Goro dapping around town?

Noby Noby Boy runs $5. Which makes it just about the cheapest thing on the PlayStation Store that isn't a new hoodie for Home.

I played it for an hour tonight, and I'm still not sure exactly what you're expected to do. I made my BOY longer, had him eat stuff (and poop stuff), and visited several random worlds.

One time I ate something that literally blew my ass off, and then I had to eat my ass.

Here's another clip with Mappy and Goro. Mappy will beat on lawbreakers with his nightstick!

As you can probably figure out, Noby Noby Boy supports YouTube upload. It's also the first PS3 game I've seen support the screenshot feature that was added to the OS months ago.

You get a Trophy for quitting the game. That's how tight this game is.

One of the Trophies alludes to the Prince from Katamari, so it looks like Mappy is not the only Namco family cameo in the game. (Pac-Man is in there too, during the game's superbly cool tutorial.)

See? No idea what's going on here.

A printing site called ArtsCow is running a great deal on custom card decks, and the BoardGameGeek forums are all over it. I heard about it via a random email from someone in Spain (I think) who wants my card files for Fatal Frame: the Card Game so he can create his own set via this deal.

I actually get a lot of requests similar to that. I also get pleas to release the source files so people can translate the games to their native language.

I usually deny (or ignore) these requests, unfortunately. I just don't have the time to go back and dig through all the Photoshop files to re-export over a hundred Talespin: the Card Game blanks, much as I may like to spread the game around the world. Anybody who is deadset to customize Fatal Frame into Portuguese is just going to have to go the ol' WordPaint route and cover the cards with ugly blanking boxes.

The ArtsCow deal gets you a fully customized 54 card deck for $5.88, free shipping. And I mean fully customized. 54 different fronts, on one shared back. Obviously the idea is to make a custom poker deck with 54 images of your kids and dog, but once you turn off the automatic poker suits on each card template, the sky's the limit for Board Game Geeks like me.

I mean, jesus.

So I went to my Fatal Frame PDF folder, where I have individual PDFs of every card. Since upgrading my original low-quality TaleSpin layouts some time last century, all my future designs pretty much go from 400 dpi Photoshop to a 1000 pixel PDF for each card, to a bigger PDF that contains a whole pile of printable cards. So I thanked my past self for saving out these individual PDFs. As I intimated earlier, the original Photoshops are a mess of layers, old text and false starts. So my PDFs are the way to go. I set up a Photoshop action that saved each PDF as a big jpeg, because that's what the ArtsCow graphic editor wants.

It also requires Silverlight, which is totally gross.

Small problem. Assuming that I'd never have to prepare these card designs for professional printing, I originally built them as 2.5 inch by 3.5 inch with no allowance for bleed. I mean, you cut them out by hand and fit them into sleeves; no real need for normal pro printing caveats and alignment tricks.

ArtsCow's editor has you covered, more or less. Once I uploaded all of the images (which, in Fatal Frame's case, was over 100 files), I could shrink the jpeg inside the card template, creating a nice border... just so none of my card text gets uncomfortably close to the card edge. You can even choose a color for the border. Naturally, resizing all of those cards took some time. But I did it, 'cause I'm super cool. ( <-- Res Dogs ref)

At the bare minimum, coming up with a complete set of Fatal Frame cards (including the correct number of duplicate cards) would be under three 54-card decks. But I'm picky and wanted to do different card backs... so the draw deck would have a different back from the location deck, etc. So I had to space it out to four decks, but there was enough leftover space in there to accommodate multiple runs of the same cards... so I ended up placing an order for six custom decks, which is enough for two complete sets of Fatal Frame, an overrun of some card subsets (another three decks and I'll have four full sets), and some test cards and extra duplicates.

Of course, this means I had to quick design some card backs. That's something else I never counted on.

Bad news for my friends in the European Union and elsewhere around the world: there seems to be no way to share my ArtsCow image album(s) with other people. So I can't just easily allow other people to snap up Fatal Frame decks based on the ArtsCow formatting I have already set up. If I had correctly prepared the jpegs in the first place - with proper bleed - then I could just dump the images somewhere and let people go to it. I suppose I could just present the jpegs I do have and let anyone who is sufficiently motivated grab them and build their own ArtsCow albums.

The normal price is $15 per deck. The coupon code CARDS388 gets you the $5.88/free shipping deal. Counting those savings plus wiping out the egregious shipping price, I saved over $70 on my $35 order.

Oh, and if you're a new account, you get a ton of store credit on just about every sillyass thing they can print for you.

The code is good until March 15, so if I'm really pleased with my Fatal Frame job, you can bet I'll go order more. Heck, if the final result is as nice as people are saying, I'll be back for custom decks at the usual price. I'll be sure to report back on this one, because if it is as cool as I'm hoping, I'm going to be on cloud nine for a while.

Tom Nook is a bastard.

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Remember a week ago when I was excited about this exit poll at Nook's?

Seems like a great idea, right? Here's the game taking the time to find out how you play and adjusting itself to your liking. We all opted for "better hours," figuring that we would sacrifice the rare item stock for store hours that fit our lifestyle... we usually only play Animal Crossing at night, and it's a sucky rush to get to it by 9pm when Nookington's closes. Or else our pockets fill up with unsellable fish, fruit and fossils.

A few days later, this notice went up on the bulletin board:

Cool. We're excited. Best case scenario, Nook pushes his hours to something awesome like 1am. And we lose the frequency of Nook's item specials. Big deal; I already have most of the rare junk in my catalog from the Wild World import.

We were not prepared for the Worst Case Scenario.

Fucker went back to the Nook-n-Go!

With the same interior, too! So it's not like a TARDIS thing where it's small on the outside and good ol' huge Nookington's on the inside. Unbelievable.

We told the guy we wanted better hours instead of item variety, but we assumed that would just dial down the rarity... not turn us back to a minimal daily selection of tools, seeds, furniture and everything else. We were willing to ditch the quality, but not the quantity.

All for a bullshit 11pm closing time.

The worst thing about this is that Nookington's is a place of pride. Now anybody who comes to our town will think we're some kind of amateur pikers who can't even upgrade Nook's to the top level. It's embarrassing. And thanks to the strategy guide being garbage, there's no warning anywhere that something like this could happen.

This is unsettling enough for me to not ever want to play Animal Crossing again. It feels like I've been punched in the gut. Because there's no going back to an earlier save, or any of the usual gaming preservation and backup tricks. All decisions by Nook are final.

Running the numbers, it looks like Nook brought this up approximately two months after we started playing. Maybe he asks this every quarter. Will he ever poll us again? Or will we have a lousy small-town Nook's forever? I will be inconsolably pissed about this if we're truly stuck.

Talk about an accurate life simulation. Even in Animal Crossing, the economy is falling apart.

Things We Learned This Week

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Flower is SO a game.

You've probably read a lot of codswallop about Flower on PS3 being some kind of virtual poem, or a relaxing zen experience. Well, it's a game. I don't know what it is about these "arthouse" games that people want to play them up as non-game experiences through beauty and motion and expression and design. Or, in the case of LocoRoco Cororeccho, unfairly tarred as an "interactive screensaver." Flower is so incredibly a game. You fly around landscapes tagging items in order. It's like an off-rails, no-shooting Starfox. Or NiGHTS. Or any bloody game where you fly around in 3D space and have things you must do.

So if you're worried about Flower being like that PSEye granola Tori Emaki, or something genuinely arthouse and useless like Linger in Shadows, worry no longer. Flower is completely a game. It just happens to be damn gorgeous.

 


Black Freighter home video release, eh?

Yeah, yeah, it's cool that they've made some kind of animated film out of Watchmen's "Tales of the Black Freighter" bit, but is anybody really that hot for this that they'll rush out and buy it on DVD or blu-ray in time to see it somewhat near the actual Watchmen movie?

Here's a free tip: when Watchmen: The Movie comes out on blu-ray, guess what will be included with the bonus features? That's right, "Tales of the Black Freighter." Or at the least they'll do an expanded version that has both for an additional $5 or whatever. And if they're smart, they'll find a way to interleave both movie and animation together into one extended film.

 


Now why did they do that?

Season 4 of Ben 10 includes the "Secrets of the Omnitrix" movie as a bonus, but it includes three different versions. Red, Blue and Gold. We've never watched these alternate cuts close enough to realize what the difference was, so I looked it up today. They all have different opening scenes. Each movie begins with Gwen and Grandpa captured by Dr. Animo, but Ben shows up in a different alien form to save them. Red = Heatblast, Blue = XLR8, and Gold = that ugly-ass eyeball devil guy. So what does this say about that movie's place in Ben 10 canon?

 


We finally got to Circuit City.

Some items hit 40% this week, so we ambled on over. The place was packed, but still full of lose. The game selection is pitiful, and 40% off of $60 Bioshock is still not that great a deal. Nor is 40% off of $80 Deadwood Season 3. I wonder if it will drop any lower before the guillotine falls.

One item that will definitely see future cuts is ANY Guitar Hero game. Our Circuit City had literally hundreds of Guitar Hero III, Guitar Hero Aerosmith, Guitar Hero World Tour... all guitars and game/guitar sets. Hundreds of them. All systems. And now all 40% off. Apparently now is the time to get into Guitar Hero. I swear, the Guitar Hero franchise is the new Atari E.T.

Ironically, the only interested buyers I saw among the cavernous fortress of Les Paul plastitars was a family guarding one of the handful of Rock Band 2 bundles.

 


Clark is learning to read.

He's about to turn four, so I guess this happens. In daycare, they've been drilling the class in recognizing each other's names. This week, Rhonda held up the class valentines, each with a neatly printed name, and Clark could read every one. I was astonished. I thought it was some kind of pre-arranged trick.

It's not like he's sounding out every letter; he basically knows the first letter, maybe another key letter. But it is cool that he can put it all together and come up with the right name, and that it is mostly based on the letters... and not as much the overall length or shape of the word itself. We know this because he picks out the specific letters in other words and can associate them with his friends' names. It's time for Rhonda and me to break out those starter reader books at bedtime!

 


Some fan I am.

I knew that DC was doing a stunt month called "Origins and Omens," but I had no idea that it was mostly Green Lantern-centric! Each book this month has a backup feature that roughs out the characters' origin story and presages some plot points to come... and each one is framed by Scar, that nasty Guardian who's been the de facto leader behind all the sure-to-misfire Corps initiatives over the past few months. It's presented as if she is researching the entire DCU to assess their threat level to her upcoming evil plans! And she bleeds black ink out of her mouth or eyeballs.

It was cool to find a Lantern surprise at the end of books that, generally speaking, do not (or even will not) have much to do with the GLC... like Booster Gold or Secret Six. This summer's big event, Darkest Night, is going to be red hot.

Boo to all the spoilers running around about who is going to show up as Black Lanterns, though. I'll take some teasers from the various convention panels, because half of those are done light-hearted so you're not sure if they're serious or not... but when specific Black Lanterns show up solicited as action figures, it's tough to brush that off as Geoff Johns and Dan Didio screwing with us. Plastic never lies.

 


I have a niece!

My sister had a baby girl this week! We got to meet the little darling today. The litany of baby gushing applies: so tiny, so beautiful. We were out running around beforehand, and the whole time Clark was pushing us to bail on shopping and get to the baby's house. Clark is always very good with the babies in daycare, but there's a difference between the six month to one year olds (which I guess are about as young as he sees) and a four day old! It will be a while before they can play together... but, really, it won't. What is it with this human curse that makes time drag on forever when you're an antsy, precocious, bored child... but makes time vanish in a blink when you're older and desperate to absorb every moment?

The Fascinating Fishbots

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I've been hit with random, nonsensical IMs every so often lately. At first I ignored it, since I do maintain a fairly public AIM screenname. But it seemed to be happening more and more, and not always from the same stalkerish name. Maybe you've noticed it too.

Today I got a message from EmpathicCoho and it read:

Hi, Billy Mays here with another fantastic coho.

I'm thinking, "Ah, so finally these IMs reveal themselves. They're crappy random marketing from some stupid infomercial product campaign." You may remember about five years back, you couldn't log on to AIM without instantly getting a spam IM from somebody with a porn link. I guessed this was a return to those days.

So I figured I'd bite. And the fish metaphor is entirely appropriate, as we'll see.

empathiccoho.jpg

So now I'm thinking that the ruse is deeper, and that there's some wanker on the other end who's game is to engage me in conversation with the goal of tricking me into downloading a virus or clicking a link to something sinister. Being on a Mac emboldens me to not worry about such things. I googled the screenname and shortly found my way to this site that explained what the heck was going on.

It seems that there's some organization out there (Project: Upstream) that collects AIM usernames and then randomly initiates conversations between the people on its list. It's called Fishbotting and the critical tell is that the faked screennames always contain a fish word, like salmon, trout or coho.

It is, interestingly, entirely harmless. Unless, of course, you get paired with some jackhole who actually DOES try to send you a virus file or hurtful link. Here's the next part of my conversation with someone whose real screenname I'll never know.

empathiccoho2.jpg

Uh-huh.

Truthfully, I felt a little weird shutting the window, because there is no way I'd ever be able to contact this person again. Isn't that odd? Knowing that you just interacted with someone that you'll never, ever talk to again? Not that I wanted to; if any of these random conversations turn into some kind of amazing bonding session, I guess you'd have to ask for the real IM accounts and continue on in that way. Which is no doubt Project: Upstream's ultimate high-minded purpose.

Realistically, you interact with people all the time that you'll never see again. Waiters, clerks, other people out shopping, cops, etc. I think I'm so accustomed to my IM chats being with friends and family and therefore more personal, that permanently shutting the chat window felt more fraught with meaning.

The Week in Links

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Optical Illusion Girlfriend (YouTube)
Not everything from College Humor is sleazy!

Small World makeover opens (Cartoon Brew)
I was afraid to watch the video for fear of giant Chicken Little and Incredibles adver-tronics in the ride, but what Disney characters they show are entirely tasteful and keeping in the Mary Blair style. They could totally sell Small World reimaginings of the Disney character stable and I'm sure the Disney accountants are on it. Looks nice to me. I really don't mind Disney finding new ways to keep the old rides relevant. Or anyway, I haven't minded it yet. At least Small World got to stick around instead of being ripped out like Mr. Toad or Kitchen Kabaret.

Sack it to Me - Love is in the Air Edition (PlayStation Blog)
First pics of LittleBigPlanet action figures. These look WAY nicer than those plushies that Japan got a few months ago.

And also, more proof that Keita Takahashi is batshit insane.

Pepsi Branding Document (Cabel Sasser)
Oh my god. A nightmare of marketing vomit. Word is that this is real; I guess it is the presentation where one group of idiots sold another group of idiots on that horrid new Pepsi logo. I think the best part is where they talk about Pepsi products exerting a natural gravitational pull on grocery-shopping consumers. Classic stuff: marketers thinking that simply talking about something makes it real.

Hit Self-Destruct: I Will Dare (GameSetWatch)
Nice ramble about Rock Band and how it compares to the real band experience.

Clever dog uses snow bank to climb up on roof (Yahoo News)
I guess in North Dakota, a dog on a roof is "clever." Seriously, read this article and see if you can find anything redeeming to it. "Just when you think you've seen it all," [the animal control officer] said with a chuckle. Really. Dog-on-a-roof amusingly baffles Dakotoan police officer. Really.

Demo siren song (Brainy Gamer)
Dude dares to gently bring up the Resident Evil 5 / racism thing again, and somehow is not swallowed alive by an internet full of moron teens who think that shooting Spanish people in RE4 somehow justifies that first RE5 trailer. IT IS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.

Me, Koss and Haygood answering the musical question "If you had three wishes, what would you ask of the games industry?" And yeah, Haygood makes me go first. Ass!

In the "What are we playing" segment, I cop to GameCube-induced confusion over the Resident Evil 5 controls. Apparently I am the only one. It feels to me like I have to keep switching analog sticks. Left stick is character movement, but when you pop up your gun, left stick becomes aiming. What's up with that? Why is it just me who finds that weird?

I also bring up Sam & Max: Season One, which I have valiantly jumped back into. I was never cut out for these games. I love them, but I don't have the patience. And it's not because I can't solve the puzzles, it's because I can't solve the puzzles in the specific way the programmer intended. I could not get out of the first episode's final boss fight without looking up the solution. I felt totally lame. This is why I'll never finish Zack & Wiki. At least with S&M, there's fun characters drawing me back in. Zack & Wiki just pissed me off with no hope of returning to it.

I began the wishes segment with over half a dozen petty requests, like a new Deception game and the arrival of Fatal Frame 4 on our shores. And cheaper DLC, which is a stupid wish... of course everybody wishes stuff didn't cost so much. Duh.

But for a real, high-minded, naval-gazer of a wish, I offered the suggestion that Sony and Microsoft find their own paths to distinction and not just ape Nintendo's success. First of all, I'm no longer even sure Nintendo's path is what we should all be following. Nintendo seems to work best when they're getting knocked around a bit. As soon as they get to the top, they lose their drive and start coasting on ephemeral bullshit like "Games should be tools for creativity!"

That said, Nintendo has fashioned a style, and neither the PS3 nor the 360 can say that. The 360's prevailing style is the same as it has always been: shooters shooters shooters on ugly hardware with a terrible failure rate... only now with an interface ripped off from Apple. And the PS3 has been too expensive for anyone to care that they have all these crazy arthouse DL games. Nintendo has a complete package, starting with the name, carried by the unique controls, and supported by a solid, minimalist design aesthetic.

As you'll hear me say in the podcast, I find it completely depressing that Sony has prototype plans for some ridiculous break-apart motion controller (not to mention the eleventh hour inclusion of SIXAXIS on PS3).

And the magical mystical announcement that the 360 is a "family" console, with kids games and Miis and everything! Christ, what a pack of jackals.

Find your own path. Know what you do well and make it better. Ironically, the people buying 360s right now due to the cheap price don't even want the family angle. Families buy Nintendo, period. The 360s are going to 14 to 35 year olds who already disdain Nintendo's cutesy products and non-standard controllers... and they want violent shooters.

And for all the 360 price cuts, the PS3 is still selling marginally better than the 360 did a year ago. Imagine if the PS3 had launched sans blu-ray at a decent price.

Anyway, the other guys had some good wishes too... like Koss asking for cross-platform play on multi-platform titles.

I bring up LittleBigPlanet's dirty little DLC secret, that all the for-pay DLC is included in those monthly "patch updates" whether you buy it or not. MGS levels, Street Fighter costumes, Valentine's Day stickers, whatever is coming for the next month. You already have it. When you "buy" the DLC, all you really buy is the unlock key.

I'm surprised there isn't more wailing about this one. Seems like the kind of thing people would absolutely hate. I've definitely read people's comments who do not seem to know what's going on, thinking that all of that new DLC will add to the load time as buyers try to play online with non-buyers. Of course, that's exactly what stealth DLC seeks to avoid, and I can't think of a better way to accomplish that. There's just something shifty about having to pay for bits and bytes that you already own. Sort of. There's also the parallel issue that if you opt to NEVER buy any LBP DLC, you're still forced to download all of the patches that add hidden DLC to your HD anyway.

The Aeropause comment system is still demolished; not sure what will happen there. Of course, my own fourhman.com commenting system has never worked quite right, so I guess I shouldn't talk.

Now that interest in Speed Racer movie merch has cooled to be roughly akin to the surface of Pluto, the Hot Wheels 1:64 cars are priced to move. This week we saw the leftovers (mostly tons of plain Mach 5s) down to 98 cents at Toys R Us. And I've previously mentioned the rare Wave 2 cars suddenly arriving en masse at our local Dollar Stores. If you saw the racks of these things cramming up the car aisles, you might have thought that the line held hundreds of cars. In fact, there's only around fifteen distinct body molds... and at least three of those you never saw since they were only in Wave 2. Wave 1 was mostly Mach 5 and Mach 6 variants, with all the other interesting vehicles shortpacked.

Wave 2 cars come with this nifty collector's poster, which unfortunately isn't even complete. The poster - misleadingly hyped on the backer board as a "movie poster" - lays out all (most) of the available cars... separated according to single packs, two-packs (each two-pack contained one normal car and one with a unique paint job), and the cars you could only find in the larger track sets.

The basic car types are Mach 4, Mach 5, Mach 6, Gray Ghost, Racer X Race, Racer X Street, Snake Oiler Race, Snake Oiler Street, GRX, Togokhan, Thor-Axine, Musha Motors, Prince Kabala, Delila, and the Sonic Boom (which was only available in a boxed set exclusive to Target.)

So how does a line of fifteen grow to over 35 cars? Through terribly weak paint apps!

Most common is the "Race-Wrecked" variant.

When I think "Race-Wrecked," I think the car will be somehow banged up. Dented hood. The windshield may be cracked. Missing hubcaps. No, "Race-Wrecked" in the Speed Racer Hot Wheels world means that the toy has a gentle black spray going across it. See if you can spot the Race-Wrecked Racer X Race Car and Race-Wrecked Mach 6 in the photo above. Five other cars got the Race-Wrecked treatment.

Then there's "Desert Rally."

The Desert Rally cars have brown smeared on them. On the undercarriage too, by the way. Since the Mach 5 is normally very, very white, and the brown paint is effectively randomly applied by the robotic factory painters, you pretty much have your pick between Mach 5s with a lot of sand on them or only a little. We went for a Mach 5 that was really sandy.

That picture shows Desert Rally Mach 5, Desert Rally Racer X Street, and Desert Rally Snake Oiler. \Snake Oiler's car even has brown plastic tires, which perhaps completes the illusion.

I shouldn't be too hard on Hot Wheels. There actually is a desert scene in the movie, part of my favorite sequence, the dangerous Casa Cristo rally. Casa Cristo ends with a jaunt through the deadly Ice Caves, which brings us to the next silly repaint.

White splatter paint and white tires equals the "Ice Caves" variant. Here's the Desert Rally Racer X Street Car and the Ice Caves Racer X Street Car. They also did an Ice Caves Mach 5, which is funny since the car is already white.

There is one other crazy stupid repaint, the Wild Water Mach 6. This one has, you guessed it, blue paint. You can only get this car with one of the big track sets... I think the one meant to replicate the movie's Fuji Helexicon race.

And just to prove that this nonsense is not limited to the 1:64 Hot Wheels miniature die-cast cars, here's the Racer X Street Car that was sized to fit the ill-fated 3.5" action-figure line.

Yup, that's Ice Caves all right. To this one's credit, the packaging did not mention any kind of "Ice Caves" variation, unlike all the Hot Wheels line. We bought it figuring that all the 3.5" Racer X cars were snow-splattered. But since then I have seen identical cars with the faux sand effect of "Desert Rally." They also came clean.

Incidentally, here's some of the rare Wave 2 cars.

That's Delila of Flying Foxes Freight, a rather cheap looking rendition of a team Thor-Axine car, and Taejo Togokhan's street car. Had the line continued, I would have fully expected Race-Wrecked and Desert Rally variants on all of them.

Like I said, our Dollar Stores have tons of these, so don't waste your money on eBay. We bought several of each just on general principle. And no, we are not flipping them. We opened them all up for huge racetime fun.

Here's the two cars that came in the Only At Target boxed set (last seen red-tagged at $8, but probably long gone by now):

The purple one is Sonic Boom-Boom Renaldi's car. It's funny because the sponsor is a toilet paper company called Quiet Sensation.

The other one is called the Masurai, and it's just a total repaint of the Gray Ghost body. It's such a bad repaint that the bottom of the car is still stamped "Gray Ghost."

And that was for the toy archeologists of the future. Thanks, Google!

Things We Learned Last Week

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OK, so there's at least three PS2 games that I want.

Not that I've touched a PS2 game since beating Okami over a year-and-a-half ago, but I'm up to three that I feel are missing from my collection. Rule of Rose, Raw Danger (which was effectively Disaster Report 2), and that new Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories. Yes, this is why I am a year behind in my Farewell to the PS2 article series.

 


No, those are not cow penises.

Lately Clark has been asking about the butcher section of the grocery store. We're not being super-militant about being vegetarian, but we do tell him that those are animal parts and that some people eat those. The giant sacks of beef soaking in pools of blood are pretty gross no matter where you stand on the issue. Now he wants to know what animals those cuts used to be, so I've been telling him which are cow, pig and fish. The other week - and he's now done this a few other times since then - he stopped at the sausages and asked if those were cow penises.

 


Rhythm game dealz.

Spotted at Walmart: a double pack with Guitar Hero III and Guitar Hero Aerosmith (Wii version.) Sells for $50 even as the separate editions of both games lurk on the same rack for $50 each. I guess this double pack is for anybody who only has Guitar Hero World Tour.

Separately, I've noticed that the bottom has entirely dropped out of the Guitar Hero market. Piles of Aerosmith for all platforms are priced down to $20. Even Rocks the 80s is finally at $20. And at every Big Box we go, forts of World Tour boxes take up enough space that could legitimately be considered an entire electronics section at smaller retailers. This is why, suddenly, World Tour deals are everywhere. Activision completely overestimated the sellthrough on this.

Also, Target has Rock Band Track Pack Volume 2 (PS3) for $20, which is ten off the normal price. Volume 2 lets you transfer the songs directly into RB by giving you download credit for the 20 songs on the pack. So 20 songs for $20 is pretty cool. Unfortunately, I already own about five of them, or I would have jumped on the deal.

 


Perhaps because Final Crisis or Trinity would require a full five pages of text recap.

I don't agree with him, but I sure did laugh. At NY Comic Con, Dan Didio referred to Marvel's single-page recaps as "lazy tools." Haw! He said "they" should concentrate on better storytelling. That is some epic snark right there.

I actually like the recap pages, especially for books with monthly (or less) schedules. I don't like when they take up the entire first page, because that's kind of a crappy first impression when you crack open a book. For a while, DC's own Flash (Didio must have hated that) would drop a recap page about four pages in, akin to what would be the first commercial break in a TV show.

 


Bad 2.0.

I am not into the new YouTube revamp that places the clip title and star rating on top of the thumbnail image. It looks cheesy.

 


Heroes with a Half-Assed Trailer.

Welp, one trailer and I am officially off the bus for the new Ninja Turtles game. It will suck.

Depressingly amateur logo, no actual game footage, pathetic use of "smash" and "brawl" in text as if taunting Smash Bros. In fact, even the game's subtitle "Smash Up" sounds like a cheeky middle finger towards the unseatable king of Wii games. And it's not even a Wii exclusive!

Oh, and quit saying that this game "follows no licensed iteration" of the characters. Bullshit. Those character models are straight out of the CG movie. And anything with four separately colored bandannas is based at least partially on the original animated series.

 


A very good deal on FusionFall.

Now's the time to buy into FusionFall. Target has the retail Victory Pack for $15 (usually $20). That includes four months of free play, which is about $6 a month. Here's your math: $24 is greater than $15. I'm thinking of buying the Pack again, and I haven't even activated my playcode yet! It's a very nice game. There's a TON of stuff to do for free, so you have hours to decide if it's worth paying for.

 


Another toy disappointment for Clark.

The booster packs for the Ben 10 TCG (hint: it ain't much of a TCG) have a mail-in offer where six wrappers gets you some lame Ben 10 figure. The plastic figure is only 1.5 inches tall, and is completely transparent. But it glows in the dark. Anyway, Clark wanted it - and it was a neat lesson in saving stuff for free rewards. IE, learning patience. However, and you can guess where this is going, to receive the toy, you needed to include a SASE along with your six wrappers. What kind of toy will fit inside a SASE, covered under normal US first class postage? Only a very flat one.

Turns out, nothing will. Not only did our SASE carry a Postage Due notice, but it was also completely demolished by the post office, and the toy was long gone. The end of the envelope looked like somebody had fired a miniature cannon from the inside out. And that's probably exactly what happened. The postal morons sent the envelope through the sorter, which squeezed the toy out the other end like the amazing Rocketship Phoenix.

Can't entirely blame the US Postal Service, though. Because that is an exceptionally stupid (and cheap) way for a toyco to send little trinkets in the mail. Next time, Bandai, go ahead and cop for postage and a perhaps even a little box.

We were looking forward to this one all week, as the promos promised Dr. Fate AND the Green Lantern Corps. Some of my favorites.

Great voice for Dr. Fate. I thought it was interesting that they did not refer to the Helmet of Nabu, but instead called it the Helmet of Dr. Fate.

I think this is my new favorite representation of Oa.

They dug up the Cavalier! How can this dippy little kids show be doing such a better job at delving the DCU than five years of two Justice League cartoons? I mean, I loved the JL shows, but they were so much slower and deliberate. The fast and loose style of Brave and the Bold makes it so different to watch. I thought Justice League was amazing for bringing up tertiary characters like Vixen and STRIPE... but the B&B drops in the smegging Cavalier.

Of course Hal would ring up a jet missile. I also loved how the episode shows Hal as being the last Lantern to lose his shield, and how Despero presumes Hal destroys all the Corps rather than let Despero have them (which is a sort of Parallax-y move.)

G'nort Esplanade G'neesmacher! And they even reffed his influentual uncle! That is so canon I can't even stand it!

They even echoed the "One punch!" moment from the classic Giffen League days. G'nort pulls the same pose that Blue Beetle did in the comics. Unbelievable.

I called Mogo, right when the characters' realized that's who Despero was going for. I also recited the oath along with G'nort.

So I guess "ex-oo-dar" is the proper way to pronounce "Xudar," homeworld to Tomar Re and his people? Then again, in this episode they keep saying "DESP-er-o" when I've always said it "des-SPAIR-o."

And great job with Sinestro. They gave him an entirely awesome voice, established him as a hero and a villain, and managed to draw him without the silly gigantic forehead.

Clark and I did not move from the couch during both times we watched this one.

The Week in Links

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Singapore EOY '07 Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan Cosplay Group (YouTube)
SUPERYES to all Ouendan choreographed cosplay!

All About Kim (Mice Age)
I am in love with this. DisneyWorld is currently soft-launching a Kim Possible attraction where they give you a cell phone and put you on a scavenger hunt throughout Epcot. Following the clues takes you to special locations where your phone (KIMmunicator) will activate mechanical setpieces, like making a radar dish rise up out of a jar in a shop window, or making LEDs light up on a secret rock. I could blow an entire day at Disney on this one.

Comics Grammar and Tradition (Blambot via Daring Fireball)
A beautiful account of the unique ways comics communicate grammar with lettering and punctuation. Missing one biggie though, the character-specific balloon... seen both in captioning (usually with a cutesy icon and/or color scheme to indicate the character) and dialogue (as in the recognizably different balloon designs for Swamp Thing, for example.)

Aeropodcast #68: Are You There Godfree? Its Me, Aeropause (Aeropause)
And that will be the only Judy Blume reference you get on this podcast. Our main topic was about features we'd like to see in the next generation. What, we're already bored with this one?!

No Prayer For Commissioners (FOX43.com)
Good for you, Lebanon County! Of what possible benefit is it to place a call to the supernatural at the beginning of a County Commissioner meeting? Other than to establish a state religion and ostracize any constituents who are not part of that team, of course.

Val_Kilmer on Twitter
New funniest fake Twitter celeb ever.

And now, a Silver Rod.

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Yep, the Silver Rod. Randomly for sale at proper Nook's everywhere.

Not sure what it actually does. We still can't catch a coelacanth. But it's rare so there you go. When you're shopping for the rare silver tools, look for the green highlights. Also, noticing more than one fishing rod for sale in a single day is a dead giveaway.

This could be huge. Tonight Nook asked all three of us if we would prefer variety or better hours. We all voted for better hours, because it is crazy that he closes at 9pm. Crazy awful. Could the game really be willing to alter Tom Nook's long-established crap hours?

I was all set to scoff at this claim that Nate - a bear - had gone veg once I noticed him still walking around with a fishing rod. However Rhonda pointed out that maybe he still fishes for the sport of it, catch-and-release.

We're up to three or four genuine artworks for the museum, after so many Redd-sold frauds. We only need six more fossils and we'll have the dinosaur portion finished.

Ah, the days of snapping cute photos of your son out playing with his little friends in the backyard... running, laughing, talking, pulling fruit off trees... in Animal Crossing.

So GracieGrace held a half-off sale, which almost brought her furniture prices down into the stratosphere. Of course, most of the stuff is gone. For a second I wondered if Gracie's stock was "shared" among my Wii Friends and that other players had grabbed her clearance stock before I got there... but there's no way AC:CF is that progressive.

Also, did you know that Redd pays you for sending out those membership invitations, once that person signs up (at a cost of 3000 bells)? If I refer two more people, I'll have made back my own fee.

The Game of the Year post

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Honestly, I had not even thought about coming up with a Game of the Year until Joe Haygood sent 'round an email saying he wanted to compile a GOTY awards article from the Aeropause staff writers. So then it became, I guess, a responsibility.

You know, 2008 was a great goddamn year. A lot of favorite franchises showed up swinging, which ought to be expected in Year Two of a console's lifespan. (I'm lumping Nov/Dec 2006 in with 2007 as Year One, which makes 2008 the Two. And I'm ignoring the 360 entirely, which has become a character trait with me by this point.) For Y2, you've gotta figure that the best series of the previous generation will arrive with all the benefits of whatever it is that the new gen can offer.

Let's generalize. Year One is the tech demo year. Year Two is the expectations fulfilled year. Year Three is the potential fully realized year (but no one will admit it). Year Four is the glut year. And Year Five is the you're-lucky-to-get-anything year, because everyone is already deep into the tech demos for the next Year One.

Right off, I knew I had four GOTY possibles for Year Two. Super Smash Brothers Brawl, LittleBigPlanet, Grand Theft Auto IV and Metal Gear Solid 4.

And plenty others that were close or close-to-close, but various important factors kept them out of contention. Rock Band 2 is really just a polished-up Rock Band 1 pushed to retail so as to keep the brand alive in the onslaught of shitty uses of the phrase "Guitar Hero." No More Heroes tried to wield "ugly" as a design choice... but ugly is never a good design choice. Ninjatown, Professor Layton and PixelJunk Monsters are not epic enough, not big enough for a GOTY. Soulcalibur IV still couldn't gin up a decent replay mode. Mario Kart Wii dumped the best bits of Double Dash and doesn't have enough new tracks. LEGO Batman made no attempt to fix three-year-old co-op mode flaws. Burnout Paradise is still just a car game, and Buzz Quiz TV has already asked me way too many times to identify which Madonna albums were not released in the '90s.

But those are ten really great games, each a well of hours and hours of my 2008. Just perhaps with a critical fail there, a minor flub here, a general ennui in the middle... that certain something(s) that, in my mind, keeps them from playing at the same level as the top four.

Taken as a unit, jesus. What a time. And I'm sort of proud that those fourteen games cover a wide range of genres, styles, tones, companies, IPs, sizes and art direction. And that's not even including all the stuff I played that I would place on a tier below that, whether it came out in 2008 or not.

But back to those four. All of them are huge. Can be played for weeks straight without losing momentum. Recession-proof entertainment. Can be put away for months, then re-opened and still hold up to the latest new releases. And really, at the moment, I don't see anything in the immediate future that looks to compare to those four (but that's probably because a lot of what I'm tracking for 2009 is wholly original and untested, so we don't really know what to expect. Madworld, InFamous, Deadly Creatures, Cursed Mountain, Fat Princess and Flower could all totally suck, for all we know.)

But I had to vote for the best for the poll's purposes, so I had to decide.

And I think it's GTAIV.

MGS4 does not get it because it is the most storyline-focused and therefore the most linear. Now, I LOVE those characters and that storyline, and I've been through it 2.5 times now... in fact just talking about it makes me itchy to go play it again. But there's no way I can rank it above anything that provides story, characters AND non-linear sandbox play (although each level in and of itself is a free-to-explore experience). Not to mention that firing up MGS4 - any Metal Gear, really - is a known time investment. You can't just pick it up and quickplay in the way you can the other three games.

But what makes it one of the best is that Lynchian experience: the strange characters, the bizarre plot points, the fourth-wall-breaking moments.

LittleBigPlanet does not get it because of that damn screwy back-mid-fore-ground floaty predictive jumping issue. There's been way too many times that I have to fight that while playing, and every new player needs half an hour to suss it out. I think the three-slice presentation is a brilliant way to add depth to the traditional platformer, without making things so fully 3D that it becomes impossibly complex for players to make their own levels... but there has to be a better way to tune those jumps.

Nevertheless LBP remains a gigantic accomplishment for art direction, for user empowerment, for DLC expandability, and for genuine fun appeal.

Brawl does not get it because Brawl is hampered by Nintendo's comfortable flakiness. There's no easy online social networking solution, there's the WTF lack of Remote point control as soon as the game boots up, you can't compare accomplishments with online friends (trophies, stickers, unlockables), and there's no good reason why a portion of the Melee lineup (fighters AND levels) was cut.

Regardless, Brawl stands as THE Wii game. A neverending French kiss between Nintendo and 20 years of nostalgia, packed with discovery and surprises.

Any one of those could be Game of the Year, but there's something tactile and personal about Grand Theft Auto IV that inches it ahead. Inches. Rather than doing a lot of things half-assed, the GTA series does a lot of things really well. Driving, exploring, stats-tracking, cutscenes, details... even the targeting system has been shined up for GTAIV (once you realize that any fight involving guns needs to be played smart with lots of cover, not avalanched like a One Man Army FPS).

Are you tired of all the puerile humor? It's in there, all right. Much of it is legitimate social satire (like "America's Next Top Hooker") and plenty of snorty juvenilia (like "Easy Lay Carpeting"), but it's all eminently avoidable. It's not like the game demands you stare at street signs, watch TV, or listen to the radio. It just happens; it's background. It's a parody of American culture and a damn good one at that.

Are you weary of the violence, sex and drugs? Niko is, I think, Rockstar's most moral hero to date. Niko is clearly disgusted by the drug habits of the people he meets. He is almost never shown drinking in cutscenes. He is extraordinarily empathetic to characters in trouble. He is an unfortunate soul in an unfortunate world... but, as he himself says, he can't get out because he doesn't know what else to do.

The GTA series consistently ranks among my favorites because it provides the gaming experience most dear to me: being dropped into a giant, fully functioning universe without worry of other human influences wrecking shop. It's a great showing for 2008 that three other games came so close to the peak.

So there you are. I didn't really want to pick one, but under extreme duress I did so.

Things We Learned This Week

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Final Crisis #7

I'm not a Grant Morrison fan, but I do love huge multi-hero crossover jams. So I'm torn about the readability of the entirety of Final Crisis. On one hand, I've always loved piece-it-together works like Twin Peaks or Metal Gear Solid, so I'm not too put off by having to read and re-read and check annotations in order to puzzle out what's going on. I mean, in the end it sure beats garbage like World War Hulk.

But on the other hand, I wouldn't complain about having Final Crisis go for twice as many issues and really lay out all the missing pieces. I didn't even feel like Darkseid had enough of a chance to chew scenery like he usually does!

 


Are there really people complaining that we don't have a "mature" look tower defender?

Even though the screenshots look like giant poo, I've been gently following Savage Moon's release on PSN. Although I don't have much interest in the cliche Starship Troopers dressing ("insectocytes"? Really?), I do love that crazy tower defense stuff.

Unfortunately, I think I have to call this one a Wait And See. The reviews say that it only has 12 levels and that they get wildly difficult right off the bat. I'll wait for the inevitable patched bundle release, where they tune the difficulty curve and add in a bunch of extras... at a discounted bundle price.

Besides, this month we get Noby Noby Boy and Flower anyway.

 


Speaking of PS3 stuff...

Am I supposed to be excited by Killzone 2? It's all anybody is talking about on the PS3 side lately, but, being an FPS, I've paid little mind to it. I tried to watch the preview trailers, but I clicked out before they finished. I guess it looked great, but I couldn't tell it apart half a dozen other current FPS games. Not that there's no precedent for me buying a game solely on tech-boner graphics fidelty: that's why I bought the original Gran Turismo on PS1, after all.

 


Stuffed by Walmart.

We thought we hit a great find today in the Walmart toy clearance... a pile of Speed Racer action figure two-packs. They fit the largish cars that Clark already has, and the packs include such rare movie characters as Pops, Cannonball Taylor, and freakin' Royalton. Clark was pretty jazzed; so was I. Then we go to check out and they all pop up as "CANNOT SELL." Shitfuck. There must be some kind of recall or something against these toys... although of course Walmart had a caseload still sitting on the shelf. When he realized that we could not buy the toys - and that it wasn't some disciplinary action by us - Clark took on this quiet disappointment that we rarely see in him. He rebounded quickly enough, but for a few minutes he just wanted to be held, and to understand why the store would do that to us.

 


Whatever, Martha!

Every now and then we catch "Whatever, Martha" on Fine Living, where Martha Stewart's daughter and Martha Stewart's daughter's friend pull an MST3K on old Martha Stewart shows. The show's biggest problem is that it is not consistently funny for the full half hour. But when they are funny, they are exceptionally funny.

 


Had I not seen that Batman Beyond movie before?

If I saw it, I did not remember it. And I even want to say that I have Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker on VHS somewhere around here. Regardless, we watched it Saturday night. Hey, it's one of the 52!

I never caught enough of the Beyond series to know how it usually dealt with old continuity from Batman: The Animated Series, but this movie version was a doozy in that regard. I loved the take on middle-aged Tim Drake, even if we had to swallow some serious disbelief to explain how Joker was back in action.

Clark was a little confused on the Old Batman / New Batman thing, although that Blue Beetle legacy episode of B&B helped.

 


Finally, a trouble-free Animal Crossing experience.

We had no issues connecting with a local AC pal, one of Clark's daycare friends. I guess I ought to be weirded out by Clark already having online gaming meetups, but I'm totally not.

It's easy for an old pro like myself to get cynical about City Folk, but it all comes alive again when you see the game through the eyes of someone who has never played it before. It is fairly mind-blowing when the game starts revealing its secrets, and I envy those who get to discover it for the first time. Mainly because Nintendo decided to not add in much new for players like me. FROWNY.

 


Storyline Finale Option Two

OK, WTF. I'll spoil all of this at a later date for you, but I really thought that there was some credence to those early rumors that suggested this generation of GTA games would all be about Niko Bellic. Like, maybe we'd follow him to modern day Vice City in the next game, and so on.

The branching endings available in GTAIV make this notion highly questionable, if not outright impossible.

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This page is an archive of entries from February 2009 listed from newest to oldest.

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