Let's finish up the intense semifinals action and determine which cheapass games advance to the mysterious finals! But first, a recap of the standings thus far:
Zack & Wiki: Trial and Error Rabbit Adventure (Wii): 6 (measured in points)
Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree (Wii): 2
No More Heroes (Wii): 7
Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law (Wii): 5
The Orange Box (PS3): 3
Slide Adventure Mag Kid (DS): 5
Pain (PS3): 2
Now follows the final trio (of six) categorical comparisons, with a potential three point maximum in each contest (although an effort will be made to limit the awards to a single 3 and a single 0, to name the best and worst in each comparison bout). Out of these seven, the top three will compete for the title of Best Cheapest Game 2007-2008, which will give the winning game the all-important VETO power when judging the 2008-2009 edition.
AURAL SATISFACTION: Best Music/Soundtrack/Audio
There's not a lot of standout work here, save one: "Still Alive" from Portal. That song is so good that I'm giving Orange Box the coveted 3 and no one gets a 2 because nothing even compares to how awesome that song is.
1s all around to No More Heroes and Big Brain for using the Wii Remote speaker, an additional 1 to Pain for bothering to come up with a custom theme song (which is a sucky metal tune, but I still find myself humming it), and fat goose eggs to all else.
A FACE TO A GAME: Best Cast
With the exception of Pain, it's been a while since I've played any of these games. So this category is really a measure of how well I remember the characters and storyline.
No More Heroes is super ultra sexy packed with cool people. Harvey Birdman has the benefit of hilariously leveraging the Hanna-Barbara library of forgotten characters. Portal has GLaDOS. Zack & Wiki has a unique cast, mainly lots of rabbits. Mag Kid has a bunch of refrigerator magnets. BBA has Miis.
Pain has... well, unfortunately nothing. Again, I can't judge Pain on what it became (cheesy sexy girls, the Buzz guy, and David Hasselhoff); I have to stick with what it was when it was cheap.
THAT'S WHY I OWN MULTIPLE CONTROLLERS: Best Multiplayer
There's no multiplayer at all in Harvey Birdman, No More Heroes, or Portal (although obviously Orange Box includes Team Fortress 2, which I have never bothered to play). Mag Kid might have multi; who can tell. Zack & Wiki has a weird multiplayer mode that is actually stupider than advertised: P2 can draw on the screen to point out stuff to P1. So there's your 1s, but Z&W gets knocked down to zero for being dumb.
Big Brain Academy provides reasonable multiplayer laffs, but it pales in comparison to Pain. Even though most Pain multiplayer is of the pass-the-controller variety, it's still fun to watch... and Pain Bowling is more fun than you'd expect (although a full ten frames is a bit much to ask).
Oh what the hell, let's give Orange Box a 2 since Team Fortress 2 is probably OK.
Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree 6
Pain 6
Slide Adventure: Mag Kid 7
Zack & Wiki's Awesome Waggly Pirate Quest 7
Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law 8
The Orange Box 10
No More Heroes 12Unbelievable! Orange Box comes from a ridiculous fifth place to a second place finish! And former second placer Zack & Wiki falters back into fourth! I hope my math is right, because Orange Box now joins Harvey Birdman and No More Heroes in Your Final Three!
Next time: it happens! The winner is crowned via a methodology you won't expect!
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