OK, so I traded in some games.

I often talk about how I never trade games back for store credit. But "never" is really just "almost never," because I have done it from time to time. I remember trading in Diablo 2 for PS1 many years ago (but I kept the bundled Diablo-stickered memory card!). What was that PS1 Descent rip-off? Forsaken? Also traded in.

There are many reasons why I make it a general rule not to trade in games, but my need to continue to possess items tops the list. Yes, I don't approve of the GameStop business plan of reselling games because they're making continued profit without kicking anything back to the game creators. Yes, I know you can generally do better on eBay with a little effort. Yes, the GameStop system pretty much pays you dirt, and the prices have gotten even lower now that they want to further con you into buying their magazine subscription and benefit from "increased trade-in rates!" But mainly, I just like owning stuff.

I did a fairly large trade pile about a year ago, and then completely forgot about it until this week, when I did it again. Here's last year's firing line:

Some of those actually escaped the bullet, but we'll get to that shortly.

You can see by the incredible selection that I don't trade back anything good. This is one of the rules I have codified that govern the teency amount of trading I've done over my gaming history. Trade Back Unplayable Junk. Resident Evil: Outbreak. Finding Nemo. Sonic Heroes (which, along with Spider-Man and Mario Party 4, I instead gave to some family members when they picked up a Wii).

Another rule is Keep the Replacement. The Simpsons Road Rage, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and Spider-Man were all succeeded by better games. Which I own. Crazy Taxi was replaced by the Grand Theft Auto series.

If the Game Was Fine But Not a Standout, it may find itself on my deathlist. Red Faction. Splinter Cell. Medal of Honor: Frontline. Timesplitters. SOCOM (kept the headset).

If I May Turn a Profit, or at least get a solid return, I'll consider it if it is already close to one or more of the other rules. ATV Offroad Fury 2 was a PS2 system pack-in, so it's sort of pure profit.

If the Game Was Such a Colossal Disappointment that I View Trade-In as an Appropriate Punishment, I may even take some measure of glee in giving it back. Like Resident Evil: Code Veronica X, whose mid-game boss fight turned me livid with anger.

But let it be known that I do not take these decisions lightly. At some level, all of these games mean something to me. I think of the friends that played them with me. I think of the characters and cutscenes. I sweat this. Even as I'm humping a bag o' games into the GameStop, I'm considering Governor's Reprieves for each one.

Notice I do not include Will Never Play Again as a trackable criteria. I have hundreds of games that I will never play again, but I have absolutely no intention of trading in.

Here's the stuff I turned in this week, which is actually quite a bit worse than the first batch:

I have to apologize for most of those. Just about all of those games are so bad that I can't even keep them around for laughs. (Splinter Cell and Wolverine's Revenge made this picture because I spared them on the first round.)

Most of those games are completely unplayable. All those DS games completely suck ass. Lair is of course a joke, but not funny enough. And dammit I would really like a good Zatch Bell game; Mamodo Fury isn't it, not by a mile.

But you want to hear the tale of the tape, right? Here's what I got, and I'm giving you the final credit amount, including whatever stupid bonuses GameStop was handing out that day. Most of this is really funny.

ATV Offroad Fury 2 (PS2), $1.65
Star Wars: Starfighter (PS2), $2.20
Red Faction (PS2), $1.10
Resident Evil Outbreak (PS2), $4.40 [Whoa! Not bad for pure shit!]
SOCOM (PS2), $1.10
NHL 2002 (PS2), $0.55 [And that will not be the lowest one!]
Simpsons Road Rage (PS2), $3.30
Smuggler's Run (PS2), $0.83 [Hey, that was a launch title! Where's the respect?]
Medal of Honor: Frontline (PS2), $2.20
Timesplitters (PS2), $1.10
Finding Nemo (PS2), $5.50 [Who can beat THE CHAMP?]
Crazy Taxi (PS2), $3.30
LOTR: Two Towers (PS2), $1.10
Resident Evil: Code Veronica X (PS2), $2.75
Zatch Bell: Mamodo Fury (PS2), $2.50
24: The Game (PS2), $1.50
Eco-Creatures (DS), $3.00
Lost in Blue (DS), $7.00 [NEW CHAMPION!]
Sprung (DS), $0.50 [The all-time trade-in loser!]
Cookie and Cream (DS), $2.50
Splinter Cell (GameCube), $0.75
Wolverine's Revenge (GameCube), $0.75
Lair (PS3), $9.75 [Only paid $15, so this is almost like making money.]
Blast Works (Wii), $10.00 [Seriously guys, this game sucks.]
Cooking Mama: Cook Off (Wii), $15.00

And the utterly irredeemable first Cooking Mama game for Wii wins the competition with a trade-in value of $15. It currently sells for $20, so that's pretty sweet. Of course, I bought it at original MSRP.

Cooking Mama aside, much of that latter half was bargain games where, in the final analysis, I didn't come out that far behind. I'm sort of proud of that Lair trade-in. $5 isn't bad to see a truly mismanaged big budget game in action.