October 2007 Archives

Although I originally had no intention of doing such this early, I did end up getting Phantom Hourglass. Toys R Us did ANOTHER buy 2-get 1 free deal and I have such trouble staying away from those. This time, my sister and I held a twenty minute cell phone caucus as we decided how to maximize our deal. Obviously it makes no sense to screw up a B2G1 deal with two $50 games and one $30 game. We ended up getting two copies of Phantom Hourglass ($35 each) and my sister picked up the Wii edition of Resident Evil 4 ($30). Should be awesome.

We did Zelda's online multiplayer right away. It's weird. And it takes forever.

It's cute, I guess. After selecting a map, one player plays Link who has to run around the maze hoisting gems back to his base. The other player controls three Phantoms in an effort to catch the faster Link. The trick is that the Phantoms are not directly controlled; you draw lines to put them on a path, and if those paths get near Link, he's dead in one hit. Sort of Pac-Manish, actually. Then you switch sides, and you each get, like, three turns on each team. That's why it takes forever. Any game design student can tell you that as soon as a game has different teams and makes players take turns playing them, that means there's no balance.

Although the odd bit is that I always felt like a loser no matter which side I was playing. As Link, I was prone to getting cornered, especially when carrying a heavy gem. As the Phantoms, I felt like I had no chance to catch Link. I can't say it was particularly fun. I acknowledge that it was my first outing, but the lengthy time commitment and not-really-Zelda gameplay did not inspire me to investigate further.

Nintendo still has not added Phantom Hourglass to the master online game list on their WiFi site.

You have to wonder why Nintendo just didn't toss in the Four Swords multiplayer, a proven winner. Maybe they're still hoping to turn that into a DS game on its own.

The only impetus to play the online Battle mode (does that Pac-Man game even have a proper name?) is that you can trigger events back in the main game. Completing certain numbers of "Big Plays" nets you some items in Hyrule. Big Plays range from "pick up ten items" to "catch Link three times." My sister and I purposefully tossed games against each other just to unlock enough Big Plays to get a Golden Smokestack.

Speaking of Hyrule, I'm waiting for the game to open up and let you truly explore the sea, and more and more I've become convinced that it's not going to happen. I'm at the second metal bit, on the ice island. Everything up to now has been very linear, with almost no sidequests to speak of (I have not found the frog king yet; that's about the only direct non-plot task that comes to mind).

Dungeons are fine and all, but it would be nice to have something to do other than "sail to next dungeon." I know a lot of people say, overall, that the game is too easy and that the stylus controls are dumbed down for Nintendo's new non-gamer demographic... but it doesn't strike me as any easier or harder than recent Zeldas, just a whole hell of a lot less featured. With no reason to go exploring on your own, you just follow the storyline from one plot point to the next. And so far, half the game has you going back to the same damn dungeon doing the same damn puzzles over and over again. Whoever thought that was a fun idea should be immediately sacked.

Wind Waker had that sweet photography thing, the bit where you had to follow the phases of the moon, those odd statue things you collected, little missions for multiple town members, the island with the sliding puzzle. Even Twilight Princess had the golden bugs, the flying/rafting shooting gallery games, the cucco paratrooping, Wii fishing (if you could stand it; I couldn't), and the ball rolling thing. Phantom Hourglass has a terrible search-for-treasure minigame and a thing with cannonballs.

Who knows, maybe the world will open up once I collect the third bafmodad.

There's plenty to like about the game. Love the papercut artwork cutscenes (only in the beginning of the game :( ). Love the return to 3D Wind Waker style. Love shouting at the big-eared baddies to kill them. Love the Wind Waker music. Love the sailing controls. Love the stylus control. I just feel like I'm not really doing much of anything.

Went out to Toys R Us and picked up the new Ratchet & Clank game. I don't hold out much hope, but I dearly want this to accelerate the series forward in the way that the second game did and the third game didn't. At least it will look damn good, no matter what happens.

We had a 20% off coupon that expired today. I headed out planning on R&C but kept Eye of Judgement in mind as a backup. In the mail we received another batch of coupons that activate tomorrow. It's that time of year. Interestingly, the coupons we received as TRU credit card holders are worse than the coupons sent out to everyone else. The card holder discount saves you $25... if you spend $250. The "normal" coupons give you a $10 gift card if you spend $75. Way to go.

Of course, since my Toys R Us absolutely hates to sell things, they had no Ratchet & Clank boxes out on the shelf. None. But there it was, stashed sideways in the glass case behind the counter. They really are shit worthless out there. If you're looking for the PS3 editions of Pirates of the Caribbean, Spider-Man 3, or any given carbon copy sports title, they're your lads. Brand new triple-A games for a console that's barely treading water and has fans desperate to nail anything that moves? Hidden.

And don't even ask about Eye of Judgement. I could not find it anywhere in the store, and I checked all the stupid places that my idiot TRU would possibly file it... like with the pink MP3 players or over by Electronic Battleship.

I did see the EoJ booster packs, surprise surprise. They were stashed on the other end of the store with the other CCG packs, in a move that you'd think would make sense but probably doesn't since the game's whole purpose is as a PS3 thing. As I was standing in the card game aisle, it occurred to me that "The Eye of Judgement" is a really lousy title.

So I did manage to avoid buying it, although it's just the sort of proof-of-concept hardware/software combo that I tend to enjoy. Maybe one of those upcoming TRU coupons will make it seem more attractive.

Something minorly exciting about pre-ordering Mario Galaxy through TRU. Not only do you get the silly coin, but you also receive a free Remote glove (offer also applies to Smash Bros and Mario/Sonic/Olympic Games/Awful Crap). You know, those ugly-ass rubber things that Nintendo has been trying to sell since launch. If you haven't received your free mail-order Wii Remote jackets yet (mine just showed up this week), note that the new free ones are not the same shape as these old versions. The new ones have lots of large swellings built into them to absorb the impact when you smack player two in the head. The accompanying instruction manual has this ultra-useful image:

I will say this: the grip on these jackets is actually pretty damn comfortable. I may even use them now.

Good news for Smash Bros fans! Toys R Us has pre-order cards that still have the old December ship date! What colossal news!

Dumbasses. That delay was announced over two weeks ago, and these pre-order cards just showed up this week. Plenty of time to realize the error and print up new cards. Toys R Us just isn't your go-to source for video game purchases, folks.

And unfortunately, neither is Gamestop/EB. I stopped by earlier in the week to get my pre-order in on Rock Band. Here is the actual conversation:

Me: "I'd like to pre-order Rock Band. For PS3."

Guy Who Should Be Working At Auntie Anne's: "OK. [tap tap tap] Oh, we have a special edition of that for [tap tap tap] $170. [pause] I have no idea what is in that."

Maybe he was just hired for the seasonal Halloween shopping rush. Right.

Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire Commercial (YouTube)
I thought this was a fantastic spot.

Why We Swear (The New Republic)
Amazing essay about the power, form and origin of swearing.

J.K. Rowling outs Hogwarts character (Yahoo News)
She's rich enough that she can say that now, but wouldn't it have been just a little braver had she actually written it down?

Gabe's Wicked Cool Pokemon Fan Art (Penny Arcade)
The neat thing about Pokemon is that it's been around long enough that it has cycled through the cool-to-hate-it phase and is right back to cool-to-love-it.

Venn Diagram: Comparing The PlayStation 3 Models (Game|Life)
Proof, in Venn Diagram form, that I bought the best of the four (four!) models. All said and done, I'm only down that 20gig.

Pear Cable Chickens Out of $1,000,000 Challenge, We Search For Answers (Gizmodo)
Long tale about my man James Randi taking down some jackass tech company that sells $7000 speaker cables.

Clark is almost to the point where he can watch an entire movie. The last hour is pretty dicey but he's usually glued for the first half. What I find most interesting is how his 2.5 year old brain processes the storyline information.

A few weeks ago we watched the second Fantastic Four movie. Yes, it was about six times better than Spider-Man 3. At no point in FF2 did I stare through the screen thinking "What in the fuck is that." So that right there makes it a better film. Funny that the two Fantastic Four movies have a rep for being light and silly yet in Spider-Man 3 we waste five minutes making an omelette with Harry while listening to doo wop.

Anyway, we got out Clark's Fantastic Four toys while the DVD ran, and we made matches between the figures and the characters onscreen. He reenacted the chase scene with Torch and the Surfer, that sort of thing. After the movie was over, we talked about the characters some more, and I held up the Silver Surfer figure (one of those cute little Superhero Squad toys) and asked him "What does this guy do?"

Clark said "Surfer cries."

And no, he did not say "flies" and I misheard. It was "cries," and it is "cries," because he'll tell you the same thing every time you ask about the Silver Surfer. Surfer cries. There's a sympathetic tone in his voice when he says it, too. Because, as crying is one of about ten activities you can expect from a two year old, Clark knows that crying means something is wrong.

He's already figured out the poignant wistfulness to Stan and Jack's cosmic wanderer.

About a week later, he was playing in his toy room when he suddenly came rushing out to tell me that "Doctor Doom took it."

"What did Doctor Doom take? The surfboard?"

"Uh-huh."

It only makes sense that Doom's thievery would strike a chord with Clark; as a daycare kid, 70% of his waking day is spent tussling with friends in minor sharing squabbles.

Another story. We were playing with his super hero figures, talking again about the characters he has seen on TV. In addition to FF2, he's seen Spider-Man, Batman 1966, a few episodes of Justice League, and the recent Superman: Doomsday animated film (which, perhaps ironically, was probably the least suitable film for his age). He also likes to point out which characters he saw at the comic store's Star Wars day. I asked him to select a hero that he has seen and he grabbed the Cyclops toy from the Spider-Man and Friends line.

"I want to see this movie!"

It was actually kind of late and we weren't about to start a movie, so I tried to talk him down... "Yes, we'll watch that movie, but not tonight. Maybe this weekend." It's a buy-off; the first X-Men movie is too dark for him. But as we're talking I'm thinking "How in the hell does he know about the X-Men movie?"

"I want to see this MOVIE!"

So I asked him to find that movie on the DVD rack, curious to see what he thinks he's talking about. He instantly selects this one:

He was confusing Cyclops' ruby-quartz visor for Robin's classic domino mask.

But actually, Clark's favorite DVD at the moment is the Pee Wee's Playhouse Volume One boxed set. There are two particular episodes that we watch on a near-daily basis, the one where Pee Wee throws a pajama party ("Puppet dance!") and the one with Zyzzybalubah. Here's a preview of the Zyzzy episode.

I think it's the slightly-scary suspense as the Playhouse is shot into space that gets him. I recall disliking this episode back in the day because it featured George McGrath (as Zyzzybalubah) and I hated him. He was on Nick at Nite's bad skit-comedy show On The Television. Of course, I hated a lot of people on tv back then.

Two weeks ago I upgraded from Movable Type 3.3X to 4.01, because I hate having stuff out of date. It hasn't been the greatest experience.

4.0 is a massive change from the 2-3.0 years. First of all, the new UI is really ugly. Color-wise, it's a mess. There's a black bar at the top that uses green text, then your actual input windows are all light-blue with black or blue text. And there's a big orange "Write Entry" button. Guh? The previous version did everything in pastel blues and greens. Regardless of your feeling towards pastels, it felt like a unified presentation. Also, there's no design to the new look. The only graphic element is the wrench in the MT logo. I don't get it... where did the classiness go?

There's some weirdness in the menu bars, but probably nothing that I won't get used to. There is an effort to categorize the typical weblog publishing tools as either Create, Manage, or Design... and come on, there's not a lot of functional difference between those three words. It's splitting hairs. Writing a new entry (assuming you didn't use that awful orange button) is under Create. Writing a new template is under Design. If you want to see all of your entries (which I do a lot because I always have a handful of unfinished posts in progress), that's under Manage.

Really, if I could stomach the looks-like-puke stuff you get with joints like Blogger, I probably wouldn't even bother with Movable Type. Because I hate installing and upgrading it. It's just enough outside of my expertise that I always screw something up. Last time I worked on MT, I paid to have them do the install (especially because I wanted to change my database from Berkeley to MySQL, and I simply could not be responsible for doing that.)

But I attempted the upgrade myself... in theory you just have to FTP a new set of files, right? Make sure the cgis all have execute permission, tell 4.0 where your MySQL database lives, nothing too difficult. Then I tried to do a weblog rebuild and received a template error. I sent out a support request to Six Apart, the Movable Type people. Since, back when I paid for the install service, I also bought a year of tech support.

They kinda solved my problem... one of the MT template tags had been changed in 4.0 and once I altered my code the rebuild went through. But get this: my $50 year of support is only for 3.X installs, not 4.0. What kind of shit is that? I buy your product, I upgrade to the latest version of your product (based on the insistent little Upgrade Now! memos that appear in my MT News feed), and then find out that my tech support no longer applies? So I get a stern talking to about how I should either buy another $50 year of support for 4.0 or consult the user forums for future assistance. That pretty much pissed me off.

Then I discovered that my TypeKey comment system was dead. You can click the SIGN IN button, you can input your TypeKey account, but you never successfully get back to fourhman.com to actually comment. Instead you get "An error occurred: Null filename used at (eval 39) line 1." Brrrrrrroken. So, now tech support-less, I wasted a lot of effort trying to figure out why TypeKey broke in 4.0. I rebuilt my site javascript, tried numerous coding tweaks, re-uploaded the cgi files. I even briefly implemented the generic 4.0 default templates - meaning that, for about an hour, fourhman.com looked like the shittiest of 1997-era weblogs - only to find out, hilariously, that nothing in the default templates implements TypeKey. Even if it is activated inside your weblog settings.

In fact, almost nothing in the 4.0 documentation mentions TypeKey, except to point out how awesome it is and how free it is. Nowhere in 4.0 is there a "Follow these steps to add TypeKey authentication to your site," at least, not that I can find, and I totally entered "TypeKey" into the search box.

So that is still busted. Not sure what I'm going to do about that, since I'm the only person on the planet with this problem.

Last night I decided to lump it and revert back to Movable Type 3.3X. So I re-uploaded the 3 install. Didn't work. I got the 3.3X UI to return, but it said I had no weblogs (although I could still find them) and the templates would not load.

So I think, hey, I'll ask my super happy friendly DreamHost Team to flash my webspace back to what it looked like a week ago, when 3.3X worked. They did it for me once before. This time I get a reply saying that DreamHost has a new feature that lets users do that sort of thing on their own. Cool, I guess. So I find the hidden backups for fourhman.com two weeks ago... but the backup is for the end of that week, after I had already implemented 4.0. And that's as far back as the backups go.

I did it anyway. And now I am right back where I started, with a non-working comment system and a 4.0 that I don't much like. I mean, there's a few things I like, for example the automatic image popup code and the preview function is much improved... but it's still assface ugly and I want my commenting back.

It looks like I'm going to have to spend another $50 to get 4.0 tech support. Either that or bug DreamHost for any possibility of hidden backups older than not-quite-two weeks ago.

It's almost enough to make all that LiveJournal Blogspot manure look like genius.

If you're like me, you're only two pickups away from finding all one hundred.

And you're pretty proud about that, because you didn't have to resort to GameFAQs to figure out how to get them. You activated the Chozo Observatory hint system, which puts little dots on your in-game map wherever a pickup is hiding. Then, before heading to the game's final planet, you went around and tracked each little dot and turned it into a little X. So your pockets are bursting with missile expansions and energy tanks and whatever else Metroid Prime 3 has you collecting to reach that magical 100.

But if you're like me, you can't find two of them. You've pored over the maps, slowly scanning each one for any little dots that you overlooked. Planet Norion? Check. Bryyo? Yep. Elysia? All done. Pirate Homeworld (couldn't they have named that?) All X'd.

Hey, maybe the game is saving the last two pickups for the final planet, Phaaze. So you trigger the events that send Samus off to her destiny on Phaaze, even after one of the Aurora Units gives you the warning that once you go to Phaaze, you won't be able to come back.

You poke around on Phaaze for a bit. No pickups. You inch closer and closer to what you know is going to end the game, and you're still at 98%.

So you give in. You go search for Metroid 3 on GameFAQs. Because you need those last two pickups.

You browse the walkthroughs, all written by fifteen-year-olds (complete with hilarious Author's Notes at the end, where they discuss how their busy class schedule interfered with the writing of this FAQ.) Nobody seems to have a clear numeration of the pickups - difficult to count because the game counts the unavoidable weapon upgrades as pickups - but every one agrees that there are no pickups on Phaaze. So you retreat to your save point.

If you're like me, you spend another hour trying to pinpoint exactly which pickups you're missing, by counting lists from the FAQs and cross-checking your maps. You have all the missile expansions (easily counted at 255 missiles), all the energy cells, but you're shy one of the fourteen extra energy tanks. There's one of your missing two. By process of elimination, you guess that your other missing pickup must be a ship missile upgrade... although you don't know how to count your ship's missiles to verify that.

But now you have to determine which planet holds your missing items. Again, the maps all check out... all X's. The only area that you can't check is the Olympus, the tutorial level. Holy shit, what if you missed one of the two pickups back in training? That was twenty hours ago, so you have no idea what even happened back then. And you definitely cannot fly back to Olympus to find out. Did the game glitch? Did you get one and the game didn't count it? You're starting to hate Metroid Prime 3. If you can't finish the game with all 100, you're not going to finish it at all.

Then you notice the bottom of the FAQ page has some map files, probably drawn in Microsoft Paintworks Plus Elements Trial Edition. These maps have the pickups marked on them.

So you compare those maps to your in-game maps, scrolling across and muttering "Got that one. Got that one. Fucking got that one. Yes shit got that one." Then you get to Bryyo.

Bryyo has some kind of weirdass little corner that doesn't show up in the map system.

This FAQ map (drawn by spoony_bard_ol) has it, but the game does not let you see it unless you happen to be standing in that area. So the whole Chozo Observatory thing doesn't even help you here.

So you reset the game again (so that all of this time doesn't show up on your game clock) and fly to Bryyo. You land in the far east of the planet, run through the halls to get to the transporter that takes you to that particular area.

It's not that the area is a secret; the plot takes you through there once. There just happens to be two pickups stashed there that require suit uprades that you don't receive until later in the storyline. You need the screw attack (for those pneumatic mega jumps) and the spider ball (and get ready for a long spider track section with one highly annoying part in the middle.)

Two final pickups, clearly marked on a map you can't see, in a sidebar area that you probably forgot existed.

Not too much later, you see this:

And if you're like me, you're really really happy about that.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Snake vs. Mario (YouTube)
This footage cracks me up.

its a larger world after all (Mice Age)
small world at Disneyland regularly breaks down because all the fat people sink those old World's Fair boats and scrape the bottom of the trench.

Katamari Simpsony (Aeropause)
As cool as this is, it's not enough to make me overlook that assfest of a demo.

Brownback Blog Late To Handheld Dangers Party (Kotaku)
Potential Presidential candidate Sam Brownback posts a not-intentionally-hilarious resurrection of the "Pedophiles are using Pictochat" fearmongering. Also, I had never heard of Sam Brownback before today.

Rock Paper Scissors Spock Lizard (Sam Kass)
Cool-sounding Rock Paper Scissors variant that adds in Lizard (hand like a Muppet) and Spock (hand like, well, Spock).

With Smash Bros Brawl showing up to smother our Wiis in a few months, I've been thinking about how long it has been since Smash Melee came out... December 2001. Almost a GameCube launch game, but not quite. I was there. One of the features that made Melee seem like such an advancement over the previous generation was its expansiveness. There was a ton of characters and venues to unlock, an unbelievable stats system, more gameplay modes than you would ever need (or master; stupid Target Test!), and, of course, the interactive Nintendo history of the collectible trophies.

The entire game was one concentrated nostalgia wave, and Brawl will be no different. In fact, it's going to be bigger, thanks to the possibilities of opening up the doors to classic characters outside of Nintendo's extended family. One of the reasons floated for the game's delay was to perhaps integrate other non-Nintendo fighters into the game. That would be a nice surprise since they've already revealed Snake and Sonic, but I would doubt that two months is enough time to make something like happen. The move to February feels more like a political move, to allow Mario Galaxy and other titles room to breathe for the holidays and fill a hole in the Wii's dance card next year. Prior to the Smash switch, what was Nintendo's big competition for Metal Gear Solid 4, LittleBigPlanet, and GTA IV? Wii Fit and Endless Ocean?

Anyway, I was thinking about how much Nintendo has changed since December 2001, and what this means for Smash Brawl.

People care about Metroid. Let's face it: Metroid was dead and buried in December of '01. Sure, you had your inconsolable wags who always mentioned Super Metroid SNES as one of best games of all time, but that was 199-frickin-4. Aside from Samus's appearance in the first Smash Bros game (and even that was in 1999), she was a forgotten relic.

But thanks to the Metroid Prime series, Samus stepped back into the spotlight. Although the momentum cooled with Prime 2, the latest installment - the Wii's Prime 3 - has jump-started its Q-score, thanks largely to the game proving that the Wii Remote can handle first-person shooter controls.

Pokemon is bigger than ever. Pokemon accelerated so fast that the first Smash Bros included it, and the Poke-elements are huge in Melee (only the biggest franchises get TWO levels). When Melee came out, Pokemon had not yet made the jump to the then six-month-old Game Boy Advance hardware, so the newest Pokemon game was 2000's Gold/Silver duo.

Ruby/Sapphire came out in 2001, and then the franchise kinda went south for a few years until 2006's Diamond/Pearl. Before the DS generation, Pokemon remained a solid performer but the heat was definitely off. Thanks to the advances of Diamond/Pearl, the series catapulted into even higher heights.

Admit it, you thought Pokemon would have stopped by now.

Sonic is a joke. Sega announced the end of the Dreamcast in early 2001, so by Melee's release we already had experienced the cultural oddity of seeing Sega games on other systems. Up until that point, Sonic himself was still well-respected, most recently appearing in the Dreamcast's two Sonic Adventure games.

However, since then Sega has ground the blue blur to levels akin to Gex or Spyro. Horrible game after horrible game kept appearing, promising to be better, and then sucking canal water. His games sell just because of his pretty face. The only bright spots in his miserable recent history are a couple of DS games and the Wii exclusive Secret Rings (which reviewers still couched their compliments in the caveat that it was "the best Sonic game in years.")

Still, the timing is good for Sonic's addition to Smash Bros. Had Nintendo hustled to get him into Melee (as a famous EGM April Fool's Joke showed), the character's career popularity would have demanded that he take over more of the game... probably arriving with at least half a dozen other Sonic Universe characters, making the title more "Mario vs. Sonic" than "Super Smash Bros Melee." Now, with so many other fighters in the stable, and the luster gone, Sonic won't commandeer the entire game.

Starfox is dying. Starfox 64, the definitive Starfox game, was four years old was Melee came out, and anticipation was high for a new one. Then we got it. Or rather, we got a weird fetch quest with dinosaurs and no flying. The second GameCube era Starfox game, Assault, had flying but did nothing to move the needle. Then a DS game arrived with a nifty secondary game function (a turn-based strategy minigame) and that old 64 flavor, but a bizarrely constricted glass box flying setup.

So Starfox isn't as dead as Sonic yet, but he's getting there.

The new class. Fun fact: Melee was the American audience's introduction to Animal Crossing. Three of the game's characters showed up as trophies, almost a year before AC was released in the States. It's a similar story with Fire Emblem, but who gives a crap about Fire Emblem.

Some other new Nintendo IPs that have arrived on our shores in the years since Melee: WarioWare, Brain Age, Nintendogs, Elite Beat Agents, Chibi-Robo... not to mention the entire Wii/Mii paradigm. Then there's the Wind Waker look to Zelda, a couple of revamps that added elements to the Marioverse (Sunshine and New), and the aforementioned Metroid Prime series.

Some of these have already been announced as key components of Brawl, but no doubt every one will show up in some form. (Give me WW Link as an alternate costume to Twilight Princess Link!)

Has anybody predicted a Mii-styled fighter who, naturally, is YOUR Mii? Seems like a natural to me.

Online play. Not even a reasonable consideration in 2001. This was a full year before Xbox Live debuted, even.

There were a lot of great rumors - I remember one gleeful rumor circa 2002 that suggested Nintendo was going to shortly announce that all the GameCube versions of the classic N64 party games (Mario Kart, Mario Party, Mario Tennis) would all be online and all take the moniker "Smash" as Nintendo's new online brand. IE, Mario Smash Kart, Mario Smash Party, and Mario Smash Tennis. I always kinda liked the sound of that.

Of course, that didn't happen. It took a couple more years of nothing (thanks for that GameCube Broadband Adapter, Nintendo!), then a few spare efforts on the DS front, then the release of the Wii... and only in this calendar year have we seen some real online functionality. And happily, Nintendo being Nintendo, it's not all just on a simple Deathmatch FPS front... it's the faux-community of Animal Crossing Wild World, trading credit vouchers in Metroid Prime 3, sending Miis and photos on the Wii, and the pocket monster husbandry of Pokemon Diamond and Pearl.

If Nintendo had shipped Smash Brawl without online play, there would have been riots in the streets.

Back on top. The biggest change is that Nintendo, a punchline in video gaming circles for a decade, is the market leader. Thanks to Sony completely sputtering their PS2 power, thanks to Microsoft continuing to stay inside their own little poorly built box, and thanks to Nintendo striking unexpected gold with a stupidly crazy controller strategy that we're still surprised actually works.

And don't forget about their continued dominance in the handheld world since 2001... first with the GBA SP and then with the DS.

From the other side of the street... Here's the games that were big news in the fall of 2001: Ico, GTA III, Final Fantasy X, MGS2, Silent Hill 2, SSX Tricky, and the first editions of Jak & Daxter, Halo, and Devil May Cry. We had barely heard of things like Kingdom Hearts, Ratchet & Clank, or Splinter Cell. What's a Katamari Damacy?

That's how old Melee is. And it should give you an idea how long we'll have to live with Brawl.

Superman's Vibrating Face
I think this was originated by John Byrne in his Man of Steel miniseries that presented the new canonical Superman immediately after Crisis. The idea was that whenever Superman saw he was being photographed or videotaped, he would quickly shake his head to blur his features, so people wouldn't get clear images in the newspaper and connect him to Clark Kent.

Yeah, it's silly... almost Silver Age silly. But it impressed upon me just how difficult it was to be Superman, with his heightened senses. That guy operates on a level way beyond normal humans, if he has to be constantly on a sub-cognitive lookout for recording devices in crowd scenes.

Status: Probably hasn't been discussed since Byrne's miniseries. Although we constantly see Byrne's other contribution to the mythos: Superman shaving by bouncing his heat vision off a reflective piece of metal.

Batman is an Urban Legend
I LOVED this one. It probably originates from around the same time, that delicate little post-Crisis era when DC had this concerted push to make their heroes more realistic. There's definitely an echo of it in the Michael Keaton Batman movie.

Having Gotham City in a constant state of confusion over whether Batman actually exists just seemed so damned smart to me, and I like when Batman is smart. While other cities turned their highly-visible hometown heroes into celebs (witness Cental City's gushing Flash Museum), Batman worked to maintain his secrecy, using doubt and fear as weapons in his war on crime.

Silver Age fans hate this idea, as it deletes all the stupid Batcopters and Batman-shaking-hands-with-the-Mayor kind of junk. I think it just makes a lot of sense.

Status: Completely forgone. Batman is all the time hanging out with cops at crime scenes and standing stage left while Superman addresses the UN. I cringe every time I see a panel with Batman on a TV monitor.

Batman hates Green Lanterns
I thought this was smegging brilliant. A guy who honed his body to physical perfection, who refuses to use guns of any kind, who is damn well convinced that 99% of everybody else in a costume is an amateur who should retire and get out of the way... this guy hates an organization that numbers in the thousands, mystically selects members from the non-trained populace, and gives them the most powerful weapon in the universe.

Duh.

I first recall this coming up when Hal Jordan returned to active DCU status, and Batman went to great lengths to point out how Hal was a post-psychotic murderer. Then it was like, the Bat hates Lanterns and he hates Hal most of all. But I'm sure Batman's years in the JLI with Guy Gardner didn't help.

Status: played out. There was a story beat in Infinite Crisis where Batman and Hal had to work together, and it too-quickly moved them into a grudging respect. I would have read stories about Batman smack-talking the Corps for years.

Big Villains Should Be Big Events
I distinctly recall reading an interview with some creator who stated that the Joker should show up in comics once every five years. I want to place that around the time of Death in the Family, because it seems to me like part of the movement to make comics make sense. IE, how can somebody who kills as many people as the Joker keep getting away with it? The answer being, make his appearances far less frequent... maybe every five years is a stretch, but he doesn't have to show up so often that Batman can stop him by tossing Hostess Pies at him.

And I may be wrong, but I don't recall a lot of Joker-related material in the years before Death in the Family and the years after. Riddler was AWOL for quite some time as well; the story where he returns as a talk show host (in that terrific Secret Origins Annual) was a rare appearance. Sinestro was killed and barely mentioned for years of Green Lantern (although that may just be due to the modern bias against 1960s characters with cheesy -o names.) This seemed in direct opposition to Marvel's concurrent policy of inserting Venom into every single book they printed for about three years.

Status: a "long time away" today equals about three months. Jean Loring was "unmasked" at the end of Identity Crisis and put in the slammer... and then escaped and turned into Eclipso about a week later. The Cyborg Superman gets torn to shreds and tossed into deep space at the end of every arc he appears in... only to return as soon as the camera pans skyward (boy, I hope Sinestro Corps finally finishes him off. I'm naive!) Superboy-Prime, placed under an extreme and dramatic lockdown by the Green Lanterns, was out in a few months.

What's wrong with letting villains disappear for years, to let threads dangle, until the right moment... be it years later? Well, sales, for one. It's a noble sentiment to want to keep crazies locked up in wait for a suitably dramatic reveal. But if a Joker appearance sells and New Villain Guy #47 doesn't, then it looks like Joker's back in action.

I just really wish DC would have let Jean and Superboy-Prime stew for a couple years instead of trotting them right back out for the next Event. To make matters worse, neither has done anything even worthwhile yet, making the slaughter of their previously-impressive finales all the more depressing.

Aside from a couple of random clues in 52, the highest profile "missing person" in the DCU is Ray Palmer. He's been out of touch since Identity Crisis (Feb 05) and only now is there a storyline that purports to bring him back.

Now, I figure that Warhawk is pretty much the rich man's Halo, but I've been digging it. I tend to float into Team Deathmatch games because I don't necessarily want to think about organized tactics, just be assured that not everybody on the map isn't out to kill me. I've been using the Bluetooth headset although I have experienced mercifully few other players who actually talk during Warhawk games. I'm not even sure if the damn thing works, because they don't put useful buttons on it, like say "On" or "Off."

But it's been fun. Spawn into map -> run for weapons -> hop into a vehicle -> attempt to kill somebody before dying. The game's central focus - the little jet thingies - are really cool.

No, I haven't bothered using the motion controls for the planes. That sucks.

Anyway, after a couple matches, I noticed my profile page had started tracking stats and I had achieved a rank upgrade.

And a hellacious one at that. You start at Recruit and as you earn points (which I guess boils down to how many people you killed) you get promoted. There's, like, ten levels between Recruit and Commander, and I had somehow moved up the ziggurat in one evening's play.

You need 70,000 points - and a bunch of Achievement style awards - to get the Commander rank. I had 33 points. And the only award I had earned was the Bandit Flamethrower award for killing two guys with the flamethrower. Go me.

Then I remembered some warnings when the game booted up...

Uh huh.

The only interesting result of moving up the ranks means that you get more clothing options for your soldier character. So I'll be moderately annoyed to lose my custom-built avatar once Sony gets their arse together and cuts me back down to Recruit status.

This was almost a week ago... I checked tonight and I'm still Commander StocDred. So salute, bitch!

I didn't really finish organizing my un-filed comics this week.

First I ran out of bags, so I bought another 300 bags at the shop. Then I ran out of stickers (to close the bags), so I had to buy more of those. Then I ran out of bags again.

I'm guessing another 200 bags should more than cover me. The box with the cat in it has the unbagged books.

See those stickers down there? When I bagged two years' worth of Green Lantern books, I used up all of the green stickers. Except for when the Sinestro Corps War started, then I used the yellow stickers. That's how cool I am about this.

By the way, the new Captain Carrot miniseries started this week... and it is great to see full-blown Scott Shaw! artwork after that uglied-up Zoo Crew mini-comic. Unfortunately, this new story follows that continuity, so Little Cheese is dead and Alley-Kat-Abra is still rogue.

The latest issue of Alter Ego has a FANTASTIC lengthy expose on the origins of the Zoo Crew, as told by co-creators Shaw! and Roy Thomas. Thomas is obviously pissed that DC did not call on him to pen this new Zoo Crew revival, but he does not begrudge Shaw! the opportunity to draw the characters again. A great read, lots of discussion on historic funny animal comics, and rare artwork of the Zoo Crew's formative days. There's a DC Showcase Presents volume coming out that reprints all 20+ issues of CCAHAZC, and even though I own every single Zoo Crew appearance, I'm getting it. DAMN STRAIGHT.

The Zoo Crew was optioned for an animated series back in the 80s, when the book was a hit for DC. Although that was a lousy time for cartoons, I would have been right there. Maybe DC is casting about for the possibility of doing that now, since they have such a strong hand in animation these days. That, a HeroClix set, and a faction is Vs. would pretty much set me over the edge.

I'm jazzed about where this mini-series is going... hopefully towards the redemption of Alley-Kat-Abra. And I want that tool American Eagle to be behind it... why have TWO patriotic-motif heroes on the team?

Infinity Gauntlet Part VI - JLA vs. Thanos (YouTube)
A faked up Marvel Super Heroes battle (with multiple parts available to watch). Hang out for the finale of this one, where some very cool Flash and Guy Gardner sprites lose to Thanos.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Delayed To 2008 In US (Kotaku)
February 10... a two month delay. So now, instead of being uncomfortably close to Rock Band and Mario Galaxy, it's uncomfortably close to LittleBigPlanet and Metal Gear 4. At least all this release-date-slipping guarantees that we won't have the usual crappy 1Q post-holiday dead time.

Nintendo's Holiday Release Dates (Nintendo World Report)
Speaking of release dates, here's the DS and Wii list through the end of the year and beyond. Endless Ocean is booked for January, and I think we still know next to nothing about it. Mario/Sonic and the Olympics comes out just a week before Mario Galaxy... sorry about that, Olympics!

Also, "Betty Boop's Double Shift"... amazing that three years later, we still haven't gotten past DS games that have to have some kind of absurd D. S. initialed subtitle.

Non-Fiction Writers Need Not Apply (Tony)
A screenshot of an open position at FOX News: Fact Writer.

Yep, they do that.

The 28 Hour Day
Check out the chart that shows how you can change your 7-day week into a 6-day week with an overall increase in your time spent awake: they got rid of Mondays.

I just like the visual of my ridiculous Mii-Samus standing beside the Very Serious Mother/Father Brain giving a Very Serious Message.

Another of the cool bonus unlockables... ship bumper stickers! Again, you can only unlock this feature after trading a bunch of Friend Vouchers back and forth. Weird deal.

The stickers that appear are chosen by the save files on your Wii. Like this handsome Twilight Princess hood decal. No, you can't pick where to stick them.

I wonder if they have this system future-proofed with some stickers based on known games that haven't come out yet, like Wii Fit or Mario Galaxy?

I just thought this shot was cool.

See, now these are the kind of life-changing announcements we were all expecting at E3, not that WiiFit = Big Final Amazement crap. This is all from Nintendo's "Fall Conference," whatever the hell that was. (Links to Kotaku)

Smash Brawl delayed... but has Sonic and online co-op
The article says the Japan release has been pushed to January 24, so I can't imagine the US version sticking to the previous December 3 announcement. At least now I know what I'll be using my first vacation days for in the new year.

Sonic, verified! Brawl is going to be so much bigger than we thought, friends. (Pics, movies here.)

Damn. He's huge.

Online co-op. I'm assuming this refers to the adventure mode. Now they just need to add voice chat. For Friends only!

Mario Kart Wii also delayed, but has bikes
Now arriving Spring 2008 (which is a pretty wide target). Not sure if bikes means all that much to the series. Just a different kind of kart.

Square Enix: New Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles game coming as Wii Ware
OK, there has GOT to be a Wii storage drive coming soon. My Wii only has 800 or so blocks left, and I'm not even a huge VC hog. Hudson and Namco also announced upcoming downloadable games, with the WiiWare service scheduled to start in Japan next March.

New Pokemon game coming as Wii Ware
Hold on, I stopped caring about that Crystal Chronicles game.

Download DS Demos Via Your Wii
Well that only took them a year to deliver. I hope they realize that this means I'm going to buy a lot more DS games.

I think it's safe to say that somewhere in that list is Reggie's September Surprise. Probably Sonic.

I'm on shore leave this week, and one of my tasks is to organize the stacks of comics that have built up. The oldest cover date I have is from January 2006, so that's roughly two years worth of books to bag, alphabetize and lose forever to the shelves in the basement. So, as I did two years ago, here's my favorite covers.

(52 #48) Really, almost every issue of 52 had a great cover (unlike Countdown, which has been largely unmemorable in that regard), but this "Answer the Question" tag is just faceless head and shoulders above the rest.	(Books of Doom #1) Hits so many classic Doom beats: he's menacing, he's on his throne, he's pissed, he's maneuvering toward you a spider on the prowl.	(The Flash #230) This is the last issue before the ill-fated Bart run. Great, compelling image... hiding an utterly abysmal farewell issue.
(Green Lantern Corps #7) White covers always have impact. Always. Even when the scene doesn't necessarily happen in the book.	(The Helmet of Fate: Detective Chimp #1) You cannot go wrong with a Brian Bolland cover.	(Jonah Hex #1) You just want to stare and stare at this one, taking in all the grisly detail. You can't not read this book after making such a connection with Hex's mangled face.
(Superman/Batman #30) A fantastic What If? image. You just know that Pa Kent's reaching for his shotgun.	(Uncle Scrooge #355) Beautiful and random. Basically, Scrooge is getting zapped in the ass and dropping his lettuce while the boys carry away a stone Donald and the Beagles dance in the background. Sure beats the pants off the visual puns you usually get on the Disney book covers.	(Unseen Peanuts) An odd color choice and uncluttered design makes for an instant standout. Great book, by the way... and it was free!

Seriously, this thing is just about unplayable.

For the record, I liked Simpsons: Hit & Run and would not be adverse to another game showing up along those lines. This new The Simpsons Game is supposed to be pretty much just that (sans the driving stuff)... but with the intriguing bonus of containing a lot of video game parody material.

But if you can't get the fucking camera to work right, all the HI-larious Final Fantasy and Metal Gear jokes in the world won't get me near this turd.

The demo level has Homer and Bart (you control both, in an obnoxious and unnecessary complication for a frickin' demo) dropped into the middle of a burned out Springfield, with a rampaging Lard Lad on the loose.

(Sidebar: Here's the Big Problem with Simpsons games... the same episode refs over and over and over. Oh ho ho, fucking Lard Lad, god that's great.)

There's a lot of weirdness that I'll bash shortly, but what completely kills any fun you might squeeze out of seeing Lard Lad again is that the camera never has any idea what you're trying to do. The point of the demo is to target the buttons on Lard Lad's back, shoot him with your slingshot so a hidden panel opens, then jump to the panel and tear out his circuitry. Thanks to the game's Tourette's-enabled camera, you might as well play with your eyes closed.

Example. As Bart, I climbed up the construction zone in the middle of the map. Lard Lad's buttons get progressively higher, so you need to go vertical to attack him. With much difficulty (because there are little enemy Krusty robots everywhere wrecking shop), I target his weak spot. By the time I score a hit - meaning Lard Lad stops walking and the panel pops open - he is too far away for me to glide to the panel, so I need to quick scale a different building to make the jump. And when I hop down, the camera helpfully points straight down, so upon landing I am completely disoriented and have lost Lard Lad's location and waste precious seconds finding him... so the panel shuts back up and I have to start again.

And even though that sounds like a case of the camera simply doing an overly-good job of following the player, falling three stories seems to be about the only time it ever follows you, unless you're lucky enough to be running in a straight line. Try to double-back or do a fast turn and the camera will lag or twitch just to screw with you.

Stand between buildings and inevitably you'll see nothing but solid, cel-shaded walls. Stand between buildings with a swarm of Krusty-bots around you and they'll kill you while you frantically rotate the camera to find that sweet angle that lets you see yourself. I thought we solved all of that shit two generations back.

Just forget it. Unless this demo is showcasing The Simpsons Game's parody of Lousy Video Game Camera Controls, this game is going to suck hard. And there are other reasons...

The platforming controls themselves are floaty and jumping is inaccurate. Scaling a construction beam so you can leap to Lard Lad's back is awful enough thanks to this, even without figuring in the camera screwing you up, or the Krusty hordes hitting you off your mark every second.

The punch button isn't fast enough; the character animations slow it down. You can hit the punch button a dozen times, but you'll only actually punch three times. And you'll get hit by a robot five times during all of that.

And what's up with giving Bart and Homer super-powers? I guess that's the "video game parody" bit at work. First of all, the Bart-does-Batman Bartman thing is, like, one of top five worst moments in Simpsons history. It's right up there with the terrible "Lisa, It's Your Birthday" episode. And yet each game feels the need to have Bart pull on the purple cowl every damn time. In a masterful stroke of stupidity, this particular game has the Bartman outfit only appear sporadically! You have to actually turn it on in order to do the glide jumps.

And Homer. Homer has the ability to expand himself into a huge fat ball. You know, like he does in the cartoon all the time. It's not even Muumuu Homer. It's just fat Katamari-ball Homer. The purpose of the ball mode is to smash a few very specific level elements... in this level, you smash hydrants to create an updraft of water that Bartman can use to glide. Like you couldn't just have Homer kick the hydrants over?

Just to prove that no bad idea is above being used twice, you can also have Homer suck on one of Springfield's commonly found helium tanks so he turns into a fat balloon.

The promo movie seems to indicate that you will be doing Bartman gliding and fat Homer rolling throughout the game, so this isn't even just one-off stuff that is limited to the Lard Lad Attacks level. GREAT.

But I could even give the thing a pass on all of that overtly-gamey crap. I could get past seeing the same recycled gags and scenery jokes. If only the goddamn camera worked.

Shame. Had a great Kent Brockman opening, and I'm happy to see this one go fully cel-shaded after the subtle oddity of having Hit & Run be all "realistic." But.

Consider this one off the list.

Cartoon Network Groovies - "Rollin" (YouTube)
Classic stuff from the Cartoon Network era before Adult Swim.

Duck Season Opens This Week in "HOWARD THE DUCK" (Comic Book Resources)
Interview with Ty Templeton (whom I loved back in Critters) about his new Howard the Duck series. I'm there.

"I didn't have a better afternoon after 'Identity Crisis.' I just wanted to punch a car."

Scrappy Days, Part Four (Mark Evanier)
A great continuing story about the creation of Scrappy Doo, this entry focusing on how they cast the voice. Don't miss the first three parts!

"Scrappy was well on his way to becoming the first network TV cartoon character to have more voices than fans."

Mattel Apologizes to China (Angry Asian Man)
Mattel admits that all of the China Makes Death Toys stuff was largely their own fault, due to lousy design by Mattel. File this under "Stuff American Media Won't Bother To Report Because It's More Fun To Talk Shit About Other Countries."

It's certainly better than I thought, anyway. Thanks again for the sale, TRU!

When I initially made my decision to pass on Metroid Prime 3, I read the usual review suspects... all of which said the game was awesome. And yeah, I figured it would be. But the reasons I really like it aren't getting the press.

To wit, number 1: the screenshot feature.

I've said before that the Wii needs a system-level screenshotting feature, most recently in mid-August, and Metroid 3 sorta delivers on that. Once unlocked and activated, you can press up on the d-pad to save a screenshot to your Wii message center, where it can then be emailed out to other Wiis or fiddled with in the Photo Channel.

Yes, it works during cutscenes too.

To buy the screenshot tool, you need to spend a pile of those weird credits you collect during the game... three red ones, three blue ones, two gold ones and two green ones, or something like that. Red and blue come by the ton, as you get those for scanning creatures and lore in the game. Gold credits are quite a bit rarer, only awarded after beating certain bosses. The green ones are the crazies, as they come from other Metroid 3 players on your Wii Friend Code list. (Metroid 3 doesn't even need its own code, the game uses the Wii console code, just as Elebits did.)

The way it works is, you collect a fifth color credit - gray - during the game. You get one every 100 kills and at certain discoveries. For example, I've received gray credits for finding a shortcut and for finding a new area (which was odd, because the "new" area was a place that the game was telling me I had to explore.) The gray credits are vouchers and are entirely worthless to you; you have to send them to your Friends, where they transform into the prized green credits.

Basically, Nintendo found a way for you to hassle your pals into buying and playing Metroid 3. It's evil genius. But when the unlockable is as cool as a screenshot ability, I'll definitely pester [the two people on my list who own the game].

(Although Nintendo should still bring this to the system level, regardless of game.)

To wit, number 2: a much improved mapping and hint system.

I stopped playing Metroid Prime 2 when I got lost and could not figure out my next goal. Metroid Prime 3 sidesteps that ugliness by including goal reminders, in the form of an important communication from the Aurora Units. They call you every time you start up the game, so you don't have to page through your logbook to see what you should be doing. They is especially helpful to a guy like me, who doesn't necessarily play every day. I can turn it on after three days away, get my reminder of my current task, and not waste time with redundant exploring.

To wit, number 3: Mii Bobblehead.

This is another unlockable, same as the screenshot tool. Buy it, turn it on, and get this for your ship's dashboard:

I'll zoom in for the extra sweetness:

So freakin' cool.

To wit, number 4: onscreen battery lights.

Check those two HUD screenshots above. See the four rectangles in top center? That's the battery power of your Remote. Cleverly integrated into the screen design. Brilliant!

These are all little things, and I guess most people just wanted to know if the game's controls worked, so I've not seen anybody mention these particular perks. (The neatest non-feature feature I saw on the circuit was the hidden space messages from Iwata and Miyamoto.) But they make all the difference to me, small touches that showcase the obvious care that went into a AAA title.

When we last saw Mappy, he was on a trailer headed towards our new garage. Although we did not make a priority of getting the 20+year-old arcade machine into the house, we figured we better get it out of the garage before the seasons turned any further. So Mappy made the big move to our living room.

So after several years in the corner of a kitchen, this corner is probably an upgrade.

Naturally I noticed this when I bought the thing, but I never documented it... my Mappy has a refurbished floor that was obviously donated by some other hapless coin-op. If I thought hard enough about it, I could probably name it.