This is the LCD game of the NES game of the Metal Gear sequel that nobody wanted. You can check it out on Wikipedia, but the upshot is that Snake's Revenge is the Kojima-less sequel made specifically for the US. And if Kojima-san had nothing to do with the NES Snake's Revenge, I'm sure he had even less to do with this poor boy LCD version. As the story goes, after hearing what his company had approved in Snake's Revenge, Kojima started work on his true sequel, Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake.

You can click for a larger version of my assembled-in-Photoshop scan, in case you're still keen on the Don Johnson version of Solid Snake. (Here's the backside. Not Don's, the package's.) Dig the crazy synopsis from the LCD game's instruction manual:

After his iron clad plan to rule the world rusted away in Metal Gear, crazed Colonel Vermon Cataffy retired from the terrorist business. But before going on tour, Cataffy gave the secrets for Metal Gear II (an ultra-sheik nuclear attack tank) to the world's premier bad guy - Higharolla Kockamamie. Now, you're ordered on a mission to infiltrate Higharolla Kockamamie's heavily guarded Fortress Fanatic and to destroy Metal Gear II.

"Colonel Cataffy"? "before going on tour"? "ultra-sheik"? "Higharolla Kockamamie"? Uwe Boll, is that you?

Surprisingly, the Kockamamie thing comes directly from the NES original's manual, which, according to Wikipedia, was written with little regard for the game's actual tone. Although Kockamamie is designated as such in print, that name is not mentioned in the NES game. Weird, huh? If you needed more proof that the guys who made LCD versions never actually played the source game, there you are.

Anyway, laying Kockamamie aside, the LCD Snake's Revenge was noteworthy for it's leading-edge use of voice samples during the game... which offers a passable imitation of the classic Metal Gear CODEC. If you owned this, those audio clips are forever etched into your lizard brain. Even though this game is wholly rejected by the Metal Gear world, the constant usage of bizarre audio like "This is Nick... are you okay?" seems to harken the meta-textual weirdness of the franchise as it exists today.

Here's four minutes of edited highlights of me playing the damn thing. It's the audio you'll want to hear, not so much the video.

That comes from a solid half hour of recorded footage, if you must know. I almost beat the final boss, but I ran out of missiles.