Sandman looks spot-on. I mean, there's a guy who has been a lousy villain and an even worse hero over the years, and he doesn't even have a costume. I'm excited that the movie is upholding that tradition. (I still can't get over the loss of the classic Osborn family hairdo.) I can't imagine him being anything more than a special effect.

Speaking of special effects: the big question is will Venom talk? And when he does, will he say "I want to eat your brain?" I'm pretty sure the movie will reward fans by ending with Venom in his purest form: beefy, gigantic, and with a mouth full of illogical teeth... but there's certain to be an abundance of skinny-Venom soul-searching before they get there. I do hope that the "Evil Spidey" scenes are a notch above the "Evil Superman" scenes from Superman III.

New Goblin. Is a snowboarder. Easily tracking to be the least interesting part of the movie. A full switch to Hobgoblin would have been much preferred, although I hear that many comics fans dislike the Hob-concept. I always thought he was much awesomer than Green Goblin, but then again, I grew up during the era when Norman Osborn was as dead as Gwen Stacy. I think I even have the first Hobgoblin story arc, and it wasn't as lame as "Norman's embittered son dons the mask."

Speaking of Gwen Stacy, think they'll have New Goblin drop her off a bridge?

I'll find out in an hour. Movie starts at 10:15pm. Back to Pokemon.

I'm pretty sure we were the last people into the sold out theater. We queued up in the wrong line and would probably not have realized it until our tickets were denied had not Melissa made Tony go ask at around 10:20pm. On yeah: in attendance: Josh and the aforementioned Tony and Melissa. We had to all sit in the very first row (not my usual preferred seating) and we had to split up. Ah well.

If I have to go to the trouble of labelling everything that follows as SPOILER, then you clearly haven't been around here long enough.

10:29pm: Movie has started. Saw a preview of a NEW penguin CG movie! I swear!

10:31pm: The hell? The opening titles look like the intro to Spider-Man: The TV Series. This is really awful.

10:33pm: Yay! Dr. Conners, The Lizard. Have I mentioned before that I fully expect them to pull a Harvey Dent on this poor actor (who was just on FOX's cancelled Drive, by the way) and replace him with a name actor once they get around to doing a Lizard appearance. Which, according to the mathematics of super-hero movie villains, should be by Spider-Man 5 at the latest, which will feature 57 villains.

10:36pm: Harry is such a douche.

10:39pm: When the symbiote asteroid landed, the guy beside me muttered "What happened to his Spidey Sense?" Somebody doesn't know his comics lore, ha ha!

10:42pm: Yay again! Sandman finds his favorite shirt just where he left it, presumably because his wife is too sentimental to move it while he's been in prison. Great shirt. This comics fan approves!

10:47pm: Harry is beating the hell out of Pete. Josh just said "He is way better at this than his dad."

10:51pm: It would be too good to be true if Harry died right now.

10:52pm: Sandman about to become Sandman because he ran into a Let's Make Sandman Test. You know, guys, ya did make a Hulk movie. We kinda know how this is going to work. Welcome to the Marvel Universe, home of the multiverse's most careless scientists. And also the most hard-working; it's like 1am!

10:59pm: Sweet resurrection sequence. That's why I'm here.

11:00pm: Man, are all the apartments in the Marvel U this shitty? Tell Slobodanovich to throw some paint on those walls. The little girl beside Josh just let out this huge sigh at MJ's big psycho "it's not about you; it's about me" speech. My thoughts exactly.

11:02pm: Holy crap, what are they making cranes out of these days? I would suggest they start making the buildings out of the same stuff.

11:03pm: Eddie Brock Junior! Ha! I'm not 100%, but I think the "Junior" thing is not canon and is just a little bone to fans because the real Brock looks like Dolph Lundgren.

11:09pm: Stan Lee! 'Nuff said! Sadly, Stan is not going to be around forever, so it's nice to see him finally gets some lines.

11:10pm: Somebody mail Dafoe another check.

11:14pm: Jesus, ease up on the cinema veritae. Yes, Sandman is tossing cops around, but you don't need to punch the viewers in the face. What did we do?

11:15pm: Cloud of dust rolling through the streets of New York. What's that remind you of.

11:16pm: Happy Amnesiac Harry is the absolute worst thing in the world. His child molester grin makes me want to molest children.

11:17pm: Not a single comics weblogger will fail to notice this, so I'll jump right in... "Shazam"? Wrong U.

11:18pm: Sandman's musical theme is really terrible.

11:19pm: Yeah! Spidey gets an airfoil!

11:20pm: This I like. A bad guy with no interest in Spider-Man.

11:21pm: Bruce Campbell, scene stealer.

11:25pm: Gwen Stacy is creepy but still prettier than Mary Jane.

11:29pm: What?! Sandman killed Unca Ben? This wrecks my whole 11:20pm point! This feels like a scene they added after principal photography was complete, because initial focus groups thought Sandman ought to have some random yet critical connection to Peter.

11:31pm: Tobey Maguire, Face Number Four.

11:33pm: Oh right, Venom is in this movie. Hey, how did the symbiote come up with the proper mask design on it's own?

11:39pm: Kickass fight scene. How sad is it that this movie has great fights every other scene, and Superman Returns had the hero either crying or floating motionless for the whole film?

11:43pm: Aunt May ends her sentence with the word "ugly," and then we cut to MJ. Uh huh.

11:44pm: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to miss New Goblin.

11:47pm: WTF is this cooking scene.

11:56pm: Remember what I said about Superman III? This evil haircut thing is no better than Christopher Reeve with five o'clock shadow.

12:01pm: "The Empire State Photography and Film Department." Able to verify crappy Photoshops while-u-wait.

12:02pm: Man, that is one aggressive cell! I would have died a fanboy's death had Spidey gone to Mr. Fantastic for this.

12:04pm: Tobey Maguire is now strutting down the street doing little Saturday Night Fever moves. I don't know where I am anymore, because where I am sucks.

12:09pm: And it gets even worse. If anything cool happens for the rest of the movie, it will be forever destroyed by the memory of Tobey Maguire doing emotionless pelvic thrusts.

12:12pm: Excellent drippy symbiote stuff, and it's about time we get actual Venom. Nice subtle reveal that sonics are Venom's one weakness. Does anybody really buy Topher's "intense" hatred though? I don't think we've had enough script to believe that.

12:17pm: Finally it's good. Venom is freaking incredible. Could be a little more muscular, but still cool as hell. I love that he referred to Pete as "the spider." I'm officially predicting an eleventh hour Harry sacrifice.

12:18pm: Hal Fishman actually anchors for KTLA in Los Angeles.

12:21pm: Just who is this butler ex machina guy? From what plot contrivance heaven did he fall out of?

12:26pm OK, now I want the video game. More awesome fight scenes, the only thing this movie does right. And, incidentally, it's the only thing the audience responds to.

12:30pm: Isn't Gwen supposed to be dead by now?

12:31pm: My 12:17pm prediction lurches ever closer to reality. How exactly did they kill Sandman? With invisible missiles or something? He just fell over for no reason.

12:33pm: Good thing Spidey landed in that pile of giant wind chimes.

PREDICTION CORRECT! I'VE DONE IT AGAIN.

Eddie = Not Coming Back For The Lizard Sequel.

12:38pm I forgot to say earlier, but I'm not really behind this whole Sandman-can-fly thing. I am, however, on board with him being unkillable.

12:40pm: Harry is dead and people are leaving. I can't blame them; they've seen all the punching.

12:43pm: Credit roll surprise: Flash Thompson?! Further surprise: no further surprises! Not even a final shot of a black droplet rolling off a girder and into some construction guy's lunchbox.

OK. Wow. Was that really crappy or did I just have higher expectations than the franchise deserved. I mean, there was stuff I hated about the first two, but nothing as awful as this one's many, many dance sequences. I think everybody guessed this going in: too many villains, too much Pete vs. MJ undercurrent.

The film desperately wanted to be taken seriously (re: all the punctured romance sub-soap opera bits) but then does everything it can to not be taken seriously (re: evil hair). By the end of the movie, people nearby were openly mocking Tobey Maguire's infantile blubbering scenes. That's a bad sign. I guess all the CG battle stuff is enough for repeat business, but I don't see this one topping the box office records of the other two. It's just too silly half the time, and too dry for the other half... which, if my math is correct, leaves not enough time for cool action and cohesive storytelling. Very unfocused film.

Too many stupid coincidences too. Pete's lab partner Gwen just happens to be modeling when the diamond-encrusted crane attacks and her dad Capt. Stacy just happens to be on the scene and Eddie Brock just happens to stand beside him and just happens to be dating Gwen who just happens to be saved by Spidey.

And really, that was balls-out stupid for Peter to encourage Gwen to kiss him at the Spidey-festival. He knew MJ was in the audience and he knew that this was his hot lab partner. Hey, did we even really need Gwen to be his lab partner? Couldn't she just have been a model (cough) whom he saves one day? She still could have grenaded his dinner with MJ just based on that connection.

Does anybody care where the Venom asteroid came from? Probably not.