Comparing the Songs to the Stories in Elite Beat Agents, Part 4
01.24.07 / 07:13PM / Joe
 Episode 13: Rags to Riches! Go East Wildcatter!
Featured Song: David Bowie - "Let's Dance" (1983)
Your Video Is A Non-Sequiter When: An Aboriginal couple fighting capitalism is the imagery you choose for your dance club track.
Embarrassing Secret: This song marks the precise moment that Bowie started selling out.
Stage Synopsis: A wealthy oil baron hits a run of bad luck and loses it all... much to the disdain of his trophy wife. So the former billionaire resolves to personally re-build his empire, and he takes to the desert with a shovel. The Agents are on hand to gently guide the eager magnate from one financial success to the next.
Song Analysis: It's a happy boppy little song (marred only by the obnoxious barbershop quartet crap at the open.) But, unlike Rock This Town or Canned Heat - tracks with similar Let's Have Fun Tonight themes - this one has this dark twinge to it.
Let's dance for fear your grace should fall
Let's dance for fear tonight is all
Most of the lyrics point towards an unhappy ending, as if this dance will be the last time ever enjoyed by Bowie and his unnamed partner.
How Do They Match Up? Nada. Despite being part of the super-rich elite, our oil baron comes off as a sympathetic character. His money-making efforts are a result of his own hard work, which is laudable even if his end goal is self-serving. None of which has anything to do with dancing or clubbing or running away together or perhaps dying tomorrow.
★ ★ ★
 Episode 14: Batter Up! Home Run Hero Makes a Comeback!!
Featured Song: Good Charlotte - "The Anthem" (2003)
Falls Into The Trap Of The Conforming Non-Conformist By: Owning their own clothing line.
Embarrassing Secret: Bullied in high school. In Maryland.
Stage Synopsis: A once-famous baseball player has his best days behind him, and he currently works a lousy job at an amusement park. He is as surprised as anyone to find a young kid claiming to be a fan... but the ego-boost is interrupted when a giant lava monster ride comes to life and goes on a tear through the park. The Agents inspire the ball player to tap into his forgotten skills, as he saves the kid from the monster and his career from obscurity.
Song Analysis: It's about not conforming, a-duh, but it manages to slip this much above pure triteness by adding a self-referential overlay. IE: the end of the song where they refer to the whole concept as "another loser anthem." In a tricky way, they're playing both sides of the street.
How Do They Match Up? Complete inverse. The song specifically says "[I] don't wanna be just like you." And the story is about this washed-up major leaguer who finds the one kid who still idolizes him.
★ ★ ★
 Episode 15: No More Music!? The Last Hope!! (Part One)
Featured Song: Hoobastank - "Without a Fight" (2006)
Newest Track In The Game Because: They thought it would do better.
Embarrassing Secret: Band name is just some stupid old high school in-joke and was originally spelled "Hoobustank." Kee-rist.
Stage Synopsis: An alien invasion force arrives on Earth to eradicate all music. Their evil armies get to work locking up all of the characters from the game's previous levels. Since the Agents very existence is to empower people through music, they are naturally at the front line of Earth's defense. Things do not go as planned.
Song Analysis: I feel like this song was written specifically for future licensing opportunities with movies and sports teams. The whole song could be shouted from the stands of the big rivals Central vs. Northeastern game, where increased violence will surely carry the day.
This is our time! Get up off the ground!
Take what is mine! We're not going down,
Without a fight!
It's a mob-rouser, full of aggressively inspirational platitudes.
How Do They Match Up? Great. Just short (only two checkpoints) and obscured with lousy voicework.
★ ★ ★
 Episode 15: No More Music!? The Last Hope!! (Part Two)
Featured Song: The Rolling Stones - "Jumpin' Jack Flash" (1968)
Mick's Paradox Of Licensing: The Stones will allow you to use their songs in your movie or whatever, but you can't put it on the soundtrack album based on the movie.
Embarrassing Secret: Named after Keith Richards' gardener.
Stage Synopsis: With the Agents out of action, things look bleak. As all hope is lost, Lucy (the girl from "A Christmas Gift") starts slowly calling out "Agents. Agents. Agents." The crowd soon picks up the chant and their combined goodwill breaks the Agents free. Then everybody dances their way through the enemy ranks, forcing the aliens to withdraw.
Song Analysis: Like Let's Dance, Jumpin' Jack Flash is a dark song about things being okay now where they were formerly awful. The difference being that the Stones setup situations are far more horrible ("I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead.") and the turnabout chorus ("It's a gas! gas! gas!") comes off as more sarcastic than successful.
How Do They Match Up? Surface. The Agents being knocked out of action is truly a problem for the planet, so if you assume that Mick is not doing this tongue-in-cheek, you're gold. Where it breaks down is in the detail of those bad times, where the song has people dying and howling and getting smacked around... which is a bit more explicit than EBA's world-without-music crisis. Although to be fair, you probably can't really understand the lyrics anyway. All you hear is "Jumpin' Jack Flash, it's a gas!" When paired with the cheers and clapping that accompanies a good play - not to mention the visuals of the game's cast working together and winning over the aliens - it melds into an exceedinlgly upbeat and inspiring scene. | 
