Stage Synopsis: A teen girl wants to ask her football star pal to go steady, but the couple is continually distracted by babysitting duties. The Elite Beat Agents must help the teens get the kiddies to bed so they can have their romantic moment together. The level culminates in a hilarious screen where the guy equates the girl to football uprights. No innuendo there, no sir!

Song Analysis: Um, utter nonsense. The only recognizable lyrics are, predictably, the chorus:

He’s fat and he don’t run too fast
But he’s faster than me
Last night at the show we saw him
Going out of his tree

For some reason, it suggests to me a bouncer at a rock show, or maybe a guard at the mall, some scene where a fat dude has a brief moment of authority in private sector security. I honestly don't expect you're intended to think about it very much.

How Do They Match Up? Lousy. There's no connection here at all. It's a good opening level though; the song is recent enough to seem hip and quirky enough to let you know that the game doesn't care what you think of it. Perhaps more importantly, the song's speedy tempo and babbling lyrics make you think you're playing at a harder level, so it's a confidence booster.

Episode 2: Red Carpet Premiere! Smash Hit or Box Office Crash!!
Featured Song: Sum 41 - "Makes No Difference" (2000)
Your First Reaction Is: Huh? Who?
Embarrassing Secret: Classified as "Canadian Punk."

Stage Synopsis: The pressure is on for Chris Silverscreen, a famous director, to produce another hit, so the studio moneymen are watching his current project very closely. The movie, "Romancing Meowzilla," features action, romance, and a giant cat. The Agents' unerring rhythm gives the director the pacing he needs to call "Action!" at just the right moments to cut a perfect film.

Song Analysis: This is a song about moving on and getting over what may have sucked in the past. Happily, it is not a song about malice towards anyone, but more about accepting that things will always suck in some fashion, so why internalize it. There's some moderately clever rhyming hidden inside sentences, which I always like.

How Do They Match Up? Sort of. You could suggest that Silverscreen is trying to resurrect his career and thus get past bad times, but he ends up doing stuff that the studio loves (with $ eyes) and his final product doesn't make much sense anyway. It would be more appropriate if he thumbed his nose at the bean-counters, did his own thing, and THEN was a raging success.

Episode 3: Hey, Taxi! To the Hospital and Hurry!!
Featured Song: Avril Lavigne - "Sk8er Boi" (2002)
Worst Way To Justify The Inane Way Kids Spell On The Internet: Name your song in AOL-speak.
Embarrassing Secret: Somebody thinks this would make a great movie.

Stage Synopsis: A woman goes into labor in a taxi cab, and the need to get to the hospital awakens a dormant second personality in the meek cabbie. With his shades on, he will take any risk to get the woman there before the baby becomes a cliche. The Agents' dancing keeps the cab driver focused on his goal, avoiding cops and pedestrians in a very wild ride.

Song Analysis: Thanks to the distinct voicework, there's no confusion about this song's story: boy and girl like each other, girl's friends convince girl to reject boy, boy becomes super-famous on MTV. The only "surprise" comes near the end when you find that Avril is a second girl who eventually won the Sk8er Boi, and not the regretful chick.

The song contains absolutely nothing internetty in it, so the title is naught but a carefully chosen bid for cheap cred with kids.

How Do They Match Up? Mismatched. There is clearly no romance between the new mom and the young cabbie, and the plain sound of the lyrics drives home the disconnect. You'd think a song with such a blatant story would write its own level, but the downer ending probably nixed that idea.

Episode 4: Art and Beauty! Love and Happiness!?
Featured Song: Freddie Mercury - "I Was Born to Love You" (1985)
Creepiest Lyric: "If I was given every opportunity, I'd kill for your love."
Embarrassing Secret: The video.

Stage Synopsis: In 16th Century Italy, young Leonardo DaVinci is a ladies' man with his pick of women in Florence... but he is infatuated with Mona Lisa, who is not as certain in her return affection. The Agents' soulful rock moves ignite the fires of invention in Leonardo, who puts his skills into wooing the lady. He even has his own catchy exultation: "Volcanooooo!"

Song Analysis: This was essentially a solo work by Freddie that Queen later re-recorded several years after he died. This factoid explains why you won't find any casual Queen fans who have heard of this tune. Lyrically, it is a one track mind, as Freddie repeats his plea to the unnamed object of his love. Over and over again. He was born to love you.

How Do They Match Up? Brilliant. This is a love song that borders on psychotic, neatly fitting Leo's untameable obsession. And with DaVinci uniquely recast as a glamorous, lusty showman, the parity with Freddie Mercury's exaggerated stage identity is perfect.