I swear to you that the following is a real book and has not been photoshopped in any way. The author's last name really is "Hyman."

Agreed. Do not let any distractions arise during your reading of this book. It is so fucking batshit nuts that you'll need your full concentration. When reading the book, why not try using the letters found in the prose to cause your mouth to form words, and also consider saying those words to create sentences.

In today's fast-paced internet world, your children need to learn both upper- and lower-case letters, because I am sick of getting IMs from twelve-year-olds that look like they're shouting.

Aside: This book, published in 1986, marks the final time that anybody used the word "youngsters" in print in a non-ironic fashion.

See? Already Gumby is in fucking space. That's a goddamn adventure, and it's only page one.

Hey, I don't want to give overdue credit, but if you're in space and wearing astronaut suits, I'm willing to call you an astronaut. Pro tip: Your famous bump is about to asphyxiate.

But did you guys really come all the way to the moon just to mope and tell stories? Best Office Bonding Ritual Ever.

Next Letter: Bb