We all know the jokes: Aquaman is a useless hero because his only power is talking to fish. Well, he wasn't always such a punchline. In the early Justice League stories, he is treated as fairly as anybody else; your average Silver Age supervillain was fielding some pretty heavy duty equipment, and it was almost always hidden somewhere in "the ocean depths." Aquaman is at least as useful as Batman, whose role in these tales is usually relegated to keeping Giant Walking Statues "busy" while somebody with powers does something real.

So when did Aquaman lose his heroic status? After months of research, I have found it: a tale of man vs. machine, "Justice League of America" #13, August 1962, "Riddle of the Robot Justice League"! And that is today's edition of Stupid Panels of the Silver Age!

The League has been kidnapped out of time and space (causing Jimmy Olsen to think he killed Superman - HILARIOUS) and taken to some far off stupid planet to fight in gladiator combat against their own robot doubles. Who even cares why; the point is that Aquaman does not receive a match...

Is it me, or does the gang seem all too eager to bench Aquaman for this one?

Aquaman then spends the bulk of the story shouting empty cheers to the rest of the team:

"Get with it!" That's his advice for Superman. "Get with it!"

Against all odds, each Leaguer mis-interprets his meaningless cries into something actually useful, like when he tells Wonder Woman to "yank harder!"

Like she's never yanked before.

GL damn near gets an inspiring haiku:

Or course, if Hal wasn't so damn preoccupied maintaining a ridiculous floating kiddie pool, maybe he could hold his own against a robot.

This one is my favorite: "Hit him at his weak point!" To which J'onn replies:

"You stupid shit. I'm the goddamn Martian Manhunter! I don't have a weak point! I'm as tough as Superman, as smart as Batman, I can shapeshift... OH RIGHT... I'm allergic to fire. Thanks, dude!"

Lucky for all concerned that the robot Martian Manhunter is also weak to fire. Just like a Bulbasaur!

After the JLA defeats their soulless mechanical dupes (even Green Arrow managed to pull it out!), they all decide to go off in search of the power doohickey that is keeping the bad guys in charge. All of them except Aquaman, that is, who is ringed up a TV and easy chair.

You see that? Even after saving their asses through non-sequiter cheerleading, GL still thinks Aquaman sucks. "If you can!" I'd be throwing Hal into the Marianas for that one.

As if turns out, Aquaman - from his comfy living room suite - figures out the problem and the team regroups to take care of business without a single Thank You. GL even puts the entire planet inside a ring-shield, so that they may never bother any other civilizations ever again. Wonder Woman remarks that, in time, this whole world will "die off - forever!" And people say today's stories are too dark!

The story that took Aquaman off the A-List is truly worthy of being called Stupid Panels of the Silver Age!

"Get with it!"