June 2006 Archives

[LIVE ON THE ROAD from Origins 2006] This is your typical gaming convention photograph. A bunch of guys sitting around folding tables not doing much of anything.

This is actually a small group of Doomtown players waiting for the Sealed Deck event to start... unfortunately, it never did. Hopefully we'll find out tomorrow what happened, since the Doomtown World Championships are Friday at 7pm. I'm doing Whateley (again) and Mike is running his Sweetrock deck. Of course, if there's more trouble at the watering hole, maybe this event will be a surprise cancel as well.

With all the extra time afforded to us by the cancellation of the Doomtown Sealed Deck tourney, we accomplished a lot of demoing in the exhibit hall. I'm sure I've said this before, but this is why I come to Origins. Game demos.

This picture is from our demo of Clout Fantasy, which is probably one of the most awful games ever. Somehow, you're expected to simulate an epic battle between elves and zombies by tossing poker chips on the table. Suckity suckity suckity suck. I wouldn't expect this one to be around for long. The demo guy told me that they're doing a Marvel version soon, which just proves that Marvel has ceased to be a comics company that licenses characters and is now simply a character licensing company that makes comic books.

Here's another common Origins view: the booth that sells swords. There's a bunch of them out here this year, but this one seems to specialize in video game related weaponry.

That keyblade goes for $60. I have a great photo of me doing a Kingdom Hearts action pose with it, which you'll see when I get the full online photo album assembled.

I also spotted lots of swords from Final Fantasy (you know, the big one with the fur trim, and the ones that have a gun for a handle), and a Link sword+shield combo.

The best part? They're all made in Pakistan. How the heck did these guys get through customs?

I see Blastoise, I kiss Blastoise.

And when we got back to our host home, I fired up some iChat with Rhonda and Clark.

As I found out later, I'm not even using the in-house WiFi network... I'm on somebody's signal from down the street.

The free goodie bag this year ranks as one of the best I've seen, with several substantial freebies. Some dice, lots of literature, a 2-figure HorrorClix demo pack, even a complete Clout Fantasy starter so you can bring the suck home.

I've already checked out most of my targeted purchases... and rejected the Deadlands book and (probably) the Zombies upgrade. The Deadlands book is too expensive ($40) for my needs, since I'll never use all the RPG junk. And the Zombies Second Edition box is big, but not big enough. It looks like it will only fit the expansion sets if you throw away the expansion set boxes. I'm still debating this one; it's $27.

I did buy the big Pirates islands + playmat set, which is super-awesome. My Pirates games are going to look completely badass now. Mike really doesn't dig on Pirates much, so we're at loggerheads on it. Chris is coming up tonight, and at last report he was really into the game, so I'm going to start dating him now instead.

WizKids has already picked up the award for Biggest Dick Move of the Show. They're selling their stuff on the convention floor for MORE than it costs at retail. Pirates boosters are $4 anywhere else in America; here, they're $5. Fuck off on that. And of course, they have "convention exclusives" for most of their games, which you can only get by buying $50 worth of overpriced merchandise. I really wanted the Pirates exclusive. Now I'm just sour on the whole thing. What a great way to screw over your own loyal customers.

Bought Monsters Menace America, a happy little board game where you pit giant movie monsters against the US military. It kinds of reminds me of Gammarauders if Gammarauders wasn't terrible. We had a great demo of it - to the point where we finished a game, which rarely happens in demos. I had seen the game before, but I've been burned time and time again on independent board games with lots of plastic parts... so I've grown wary. Happy to say, MMA is fast without being simplistic and funny without being hokey.

Mike, meanwhile, has purchased Gold Digger (which I liked as well), Blokus (as a gift for our gracious hosts) and a bunch of WizKids' failed CCG, High Plains Drifter (at ridiculously cheap closeout prices).

A year ago, we got a call.

By our crude estimates, it came about two months ahead of schedule. So we didn't get to paint what we wanted to paint, and we didn't get to build what we wanted to build. Instead, we got a phone call. And by the end of the day, we had plane tickets: two going out and three coming back.

Thirteen months ago, we were still going to stores and restaurants as we always did, wondering what it would be like to be in these very same places with a child. We couldn't even imagine it, despite it being our fondest wish. We couldn't visualize us with a kid... sitting in that booth or walking in that mall or pushing that shopping cart. And worst of all, we had no idea when it would finally happen.

And then it did. We brought Clark to the United States on the day he turned four months old.

And now we're a year later.

Clark can communicate to us now. He points and says "cat!" "bubble!" "clock!" "ball!" He can tell us when he wants his "cup" for a drink. He does sign language for "more," which, as we've found, can apply to so many additional situations than just meal time. He does the spidery fingers portion of Itsy Bitsy Spider, and he knows when to fall in Ring Around the Rosie (even if sometimes he'd rather watch you do it.) He says "aah!" when he is done drinking and "aww!" when he touches one of the cats. When he sees something that catches his interest, he says "oooooooooo!" Everything is done with exclamation points.

He is determined to master the proper use of forks and spoons, although he hasn't yet decided if he intends to be right- or left-handed. He loves spicy foods (like those seasoned soy steak strips and Szechuan tofu.) Wax beans, grilled cheese, bananas, papaya, noodles, animal crackers and broccoli are all favorites.

He is a thrill-seeker, a dancer, an explorer. He gives great big open-mouthed kisses. He loves to go outside, where he can spot flags and trees. He loves to go shopping, where he can see new people and places. He always has to be holding something, the bigger the better... currently, he prefers his butterfly net.

He knows that balls are tossed, keys go in doors, and that he's more likely to get food if he heads for one particular chair. We still need to work on the right way to go down steps and up slides.

He doesn't know that our family is a little different. He doesn't notice how we get checked out by the people walking past. He doesn't understand the extra smiles he gets when we go to a Chinese restaurant for supper. He doesn't know why we work to keep in touch with other families like ours, or why it is important that we go to special adoptive family meetings and outings and parties. Someday, he will.

One year ago, we were hustling through a nervous weekend buying baby essentials and memorizing Korean phrases.

This weekend, Rhonda packed up most of his smallest outfits.

I could say that our family started with that phone call. But I could also say that it started one month before that, we we first saw his picture. Or two months before that, when he was born (although we had no idea at the time.) Or five months before that, when we sent in our formal application to adopt a child. Or six months before that, when we went to our first adoption information meeting.

Or even two and a half years before that, when we decided we were ready.

Because the journey that brought Clark to us was both wonderful and random. We experienced months of excitement and endured years of pain. We made decisions; agencies made decisions. Notarized letters, official meetings, phone call tag, bank withdrawls, the postal service... every possible step of the way where a million other things could have happened, ended up bringing our family together. One letter gets stuck on a desk somewhere, and it all could have been different. Another letter gets mailed a week earlier, and it all could have been different.

But when the three of us spent the night in a modest room on the eighth floor of a hotel in Seoul... regardless of how it was different and exciting and painful and random, that was when we knew it was perfect.

Eleven months and three weeks ago.

With Origins 2006 just around the corner, I've been compiling my rough draft want list. This is the stuff that I'll be on the lookout for while scavenging the vendor hall.

First up is WizKids' Pirates, which I first discovered at Origins 2004. Hard to believe it's already two years old, but then, this past year has been a fast one.

Pirates recently reignited my interest with the most recent two expansions, South China Seas and Davy Jones Curse. South China Seas introduced the Asian-themed ships of the Jade Rebellion faction, which are far more colorful and interesting-looking ships than the usual three-masters. They also include the historically intriguing Korean Turtle Ship design, so big bonus points for including something Korean in the mix.

The Davy Jones set adds in sea monsters, which is a big step towards moving Pirates into a fantasy world. Prior to the monsters, I think the most fantastical thing in the game was the keyword "ghost ship," which is far more boring in play than you'd hope.

Anyway, their website is currently touting two exclusive ship models, both gigantic 10-mast juggernauts. The one I want is a convention exclusive, the 30 point Jade Rebellion beast pictured above. That is definitely on the Origins hit list.

The other one is a Cursed vessel you get for sending in 12 wrappers from the Davy Jones Curse set. Which just pisses me off, because this is exactly the reason why I entertained a long time practice of keeping card/game booster wrappers. And of course, nobody has offered such a rebate in years upon years. So as soon as I liberate myself from the terrible habit of keeping trash, these bastards go and resurrect the concept.

I'll also be on the lookout for GF9's awesome Pirates terrain and playmats. I almost ordered them online already, until it occured to me that I might be able to score a convention sale price.

This is an easy one: a second edition of the Zombies!!! board game. Zombies!!! was a nice little game that grew into a big meaty game, and the rules and cards from the first edition have been revised and superceded by all the expansion sets. So it will be nice to get a revised edition that plasters up the cracks in the original set.

The best part is that the second edition promises to come in a box big enough to hold all of the existing Zombies!!! expansion sets. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm hoping this is no exaggeration. I, of course, have all the expansion sets... plus a couple bags of extra zombies figures (because I hate to run out during an especially big match.) So I would love to be able to consolidate the mess. Are they including Zombies!!! 4 in this as well? Because that was not exactly an expansion, but a stand-alone "sequel" that was compatible with the other sets.

Also, the new box comes with female zombies figures. Nice!

They've been working on this one for years, but the revamped, re-ruled Deadlands Reloaded RPG tome is finally out from Pinnacle. (Or are we supposed to call them Great White Games now? Sounds like a tax dodge to me.)

I'm not a role-player, but I am interested in the Deadlands universe... so if I buy this, it will be more for a good fiction read than for any kind of gaming. My chief draw here is for any sidebar mentions of Doomtown, the Deadlands card game that I still adore, even if I haven't played it in two years.

Speaking of that, Mike and I do plan to participate in the Doomtown World Championships again... although I'm so rusty I'm just going to drag my trusty ol' Whateley deck out of retirement and field that one again. I can probably play that one in my sleep, and I may have to.

I'll also be bringing along every earthly piece of Nintendo portable I own, figuring that the Nintendo booth will have some kind of downloadable something to hand out. Maybe this will be the year I talk Mike into a Pokemon sealed deck tourney.

Here's the part that could get me ejected from the premises: when I ask the Vs. System guys why they can't release a simple rules encyclopedia that explains the rules behind each keyword. I'm always a little surprised that Marvel/DC Vs. has done as well as it has, since the expansion rules are always completely obscure and difficult to find in summary. The game has a huge barrier to entry, both in keyword mechanics and in deck building.

This list is all fine, but the true excitement comes in demoing a brand new, unexpectedly cool game. Sometimes these finds turn out to be duds (Creepy Freaks), sometimes they're in their dying throes (7th Sea), and sometimes they're unreservedly awesome (Chrononauts)... but there's nothing quite like a knock-your-socks-off game demo.

There's a great story making the rounds about a gal who attempted to stay in Manhattan's 24/7 Apple Store for a week without leaving. Spoiler: she only lasted about a day.

This is terrific. This is the kind of thing that is absolutely a direct creation of the internet. It's performance art. It's culture commentary. The idea started at Suicide Girls, a sort of online alternative magazine that has a lot of Not Safe For Work Or Kids type stuff on it, so watch yer clicking. The editors combined a David Blaine obnoxio-stunt with the techno-porn of the new 24/7 Apple Store. They found a willing participant and asked her to weblog the whole experience. Which she did. The weblog is randomly entertaining, in a non-sequiter "last known photograph" kind of way... but if you want to read it in proper order, you have to scroll to the bottom (not too far down, because then the comments start) and read upwards, since the whole thing has not been properly archived yet.

Unfortunately, I think she went in slightly unprepared for the enormity of the task, and this should be a lesson to future 24/7 public weblog events. By the middle, she's nearly begging for readers to show up with food and pep talks. Which just tells me that Suicide Girls doesn't have enough active NYC readership... if Kotaku placed some poor shlub inside a store near me, you can bet I'd pop in for moral support and some DStraction.

She should have at least beaten LEGO Star Wars.

I don't know what the Apple Store's rules are on loitering... obviously they're pretty lax if she went through 24 hours uncontested. She even had some guy - completely unrelated to her stunt - who hung out playing Halo or something for nearly as long! Still, with this story showing up on Apple sites the world over, it was only a matter of time before some staff member found out about it and confronted her.

Actually, I would not be surprised if they had embraced her, made a fun viral pro-Mac presser out of it. She probably would have scored a free Shuffle.

Could I do it, I wonder? Now, I dig real time/remote weblogging, and I'm awfully good at entertaining myself, assuming I have my gear on me. Does it count if you hang out in a corner, not in front of an iMac? What do the employees do if they find you sleeping? When do simple vagrancy laws take precedence over the free-spirited Apple attitude, and they have you escorted from the building?

Here's my plan for anybody who wants to give it an honest go.

First, get it sponsored by some well-trafficked website. You're going to need random unknown people showing up to keep you in the game. Your own friends will probably just make you want to leave.

Second, at some point, you're going to have to buy something to ward off the security call... so find ten to fifteen people who want iPods and buy one every so many hours. That way, you can always pretend to be waiting for a phone call because even though you just bought one, you "have a pal who also wants one." Maybe have people keep bringing in sick Macs and you keep handling their Genius Bar appointments.

Third, arrive with projects in mind. Yes, you should be discreetly snapping pictures and weblogging, but you should also have some big iLife Thing to occupy yourself. Bring a DVD filled with family pictures and make a bunch of slideshows or books... this will also take care of your Christmas shopping. Pace out your gaming so you don't burn out. See if you can get away with watching an entire movie.

Fourth, the necessities. If you have people bringing you food, you'll be fine for sustenance. Forget about bathing, but you will need some kind of anti-funk to keep you from wallowing in misery about your own smell. I would hazard a guess that you could get away with sleeping in a closed bathroom stall for a couple hours at a clip.

Fifth, you have to want it. You have to convince yourself that this will be the weblog entry that makes you a million dollars. You'll write a book about it, a screenplay, you'll be able to retire on this baby.

This will not be the last time somebody attempts this.

Here's the latest cool news from my world, which, this past week, has been marked mainly by being off work to take care of Clark since we're in a daycare transition period.

I hit the top score in Brain Age in, like, four days... and I didn't consider it that hard at all. Seems like I should have worked more for it. Many of the "training" exercises are more difficult than the actual Brain Age Test, particularly Head Count, where I scored 5/5 only once and that was sheer luck.

And in case I haven't been clear about this yet: New Super Mario Bros. sucks, but it's a good sucks. I'm really close to beating it... against the wall because I died another damn time from overjumping into a bottomless pit.

The new Pirates set is out, the one that totally rips off the new [unrelated] Pirates of the Caribbean movie. But I am complacent because, out of only four packs I managed to pull two sea monsters (one of each type!) That's pretty cool because all the monsters are rare and selling for at least $6 apiece as singles. So nabbing a serpent and a kraken on a random booster grab is one smooth move. I'm a little worried about the kraken's line-of-sight on his interior tentacle attacks, however.

By the way, even though I know you're completely jealous of my Hello Kitty CD case, I don't want any damn emails begging me to send it to you.

Based on a ridiculous one-shot Web of Spider-Man story (from 1991 maybe?), here's the new Spider-Hulk action figure. It's the underbite that gets me. Note, that's not the Hulk in a Spider-suit, that's Peter Parker after receiving a gamma radiation blood transfusion or something... I forget what actually happened, even though I know I have two copies of the book. I forget why that is, as well.

To explain: Gumby and Optimus Prime are celebrating yet another successful game of "Hide the Poke Ball."

Clark likes Spider-Hulk as well. They both have posable fingers with knuckle joints! That's at least eighteen points of articulation just on his hands!

Small aside about Civil War #2: if you were a major league super-hero with tons of enemies who was about to make his secret identity public, would you let your wife and Aunt watch the press conference at home on the couch?

This in-store ad has probably been around for a long time (my TRU is notoriously lax in keeping themselves up to date), but it caught my eye this week.

This is probably not going to be the ad campaign they use for the PS3 launch.

Unless you're heavily invested in blu-ray, that $600 price just sucks. And no one is heavily invested in blu-ray. I wonder who keeps telling Sony that people want that. We're the pawns in a grand technology chess match, and it's the PlayStation brand that's going to suffer. What really grinds me is all the stuff I'm looking forward to (new Fatal Frame, new Katamari, new Red Dead Revolver, new Kingdom Hearts, new Deception, new GTA) that now seems in jeopardy should this thing tank. For most of the games on that list, half of the reason why they even exist is because sixty gajillion people own a PS2, so even weird untested games can make a run for a profit. Take away the multi-zillions in home penetration, and what is the likelihood of the next-generation's equivalent to Katamari, Ico, Cookies & Cream, or Mr. Mosquito? We'll end up with more bullshit sports games, more extreme urban driving clones, and more whiz-bang same-old shooters.

Viva la Wii.

After a couple more nights of Kingdom Hearts 2, I've managed to log another 6+ hours just in the Gummi Ship stuff. Considering how the Gummi experience was so lousy in the first game, this is a pretty huge compliment.

They shined it up something nice, and if you're willing to forgive and forget, it is a tremendous amount of fun.

I think I first checked out the new Gummi Ship Editor waaaay back when I opened up the first world path... and I was rather meh about it. The in-game help is imposing. There's no way you're going to read through it all; you're already set to blow it off. But I'll tell you whut: they cleaned up the interface and made it much easier to use. Even though I had barely skimmed all the documentation, I had little problem using colored blocks to assemble a starship in three-dimensional space.

I had a very specific reason why I decided to try out the Gummi editor. I was staring at the editor screen, thinking "Maybe it would be neat to make my own ship. There was no point last time, since the Gummi stuff sucked, but it looks kinda cool this time. And the actual flying/shooting parts are much, much nicer. What kind of cool aircraft could I make, that would look neat and sort of make sense inside the admittedly scattershot and seam-bursting world(s) of Kingdom Hearts?" The answer hit me like a lightning bolt.

The Sea Duck.

Here she is, Baloo's pride, at the conclusion of one of the levels. I even made a pair of little airfoils to fly alongside.

The airfoils are pretty weak though, so I'm working on an Air Pirate biplane model, as seen here from rear view. Even though it's not as pretty as the Duck, I always fly with two pirates as wingmen now. Kit's airfoil just isn't an efficient use of Gummi resources.

The flanking mini-ships are restricted to a pretty severe point total (you only have so many points to spend on blocks and weapons per ship) so my biplane design is awfully sparse. I had something far more accurate in mind, but I didn't have a big enough budget to have it look awesome AND have weapons. I'm hoping there's an upgrade coming soon that lets me expand it to version 2.

She's a little abbreviated, as you can tell. Not quite up to TaleSpin specs, but, again, you only have so much quota to spend. I wish you could make your ships wider, so I could give her a proper wingspan. Still, freaking hell awesome, eh?

Here's the stats:
654 out of 700 construction points
Abilities: cannon upgrade, 2 heal upgrades, auto-regen and formation change (because I dig being able to make the Air Pirates change formation in mid-battle)
Flat Helm
2 Neon Bars (for overall power increase, they're mounted just under each wing)
2 Screw Propellers (they cost a little power but add to speed)
2 Cyclone wing Gummis (for mobility, they're the two halves of the tail wing)
2 Blizzard weapon Gummis (dual shot, the guns mounted on top of the wings)
1 Blizzara weapon Gummi (dual shot / tri-directional, peeking out at the bottom of the red nose piece)
2 Fira weapon Gummis (dual shot / heavy rounds, buried in the pylon arms coming down out of each wing)
1 Comet weapon Gummi (autolock laser, hidden in the main body just behind the helm)

Building the Sea Duck probably only took an hour, initially. The reason why I've burned so much additional time running Gummi battles is to unlock more new pieces so I can go back into the editor and tinker with her! I'm really looking forward to more space-shooter levels, because I can't wait to see what other cool features and upgrades I can find.

It's probably a lost cause, because the anti-hype surrounding the first game's Gummi Ship was so pervasive... but they really fixed it. The Gummi Ship no longer sucks, people.

Background: I don't even know how an article about the various DS media add-ons devolved into an argument about whose system has the suckiest games. Wait, sure I do... the article was about Nintendo, so that means it's open forum for gay jokes and Mario Infinitum gags. I actually thought the original comment was pretty funny, but uneven gunfights always rile me up... Complete original discussion here.

Now we're into the good stuff. I've been through four new worlds since finishing Mulan's territory, and my game clock is around 12 hours.

One thing about Kingdom Hearts 2: it is far more accessible than the first one. I remember getting completely frustrated after getting lost inside Deep Jungle, and that's, like, KH1's second world. This time around, the game does a much better job of leading you on and keeping you on task. Sure, you can go screw around in minigames and random Heartless battles if you want, but it won't be because you're totally lost and pissed off.

The new context-sensitive triangle button should just be labelled the Awesome button. Because any time you can use it, awesome things happen. It's the de facto input for anything non-standard while exploring - hit it to fire up a lantern or talk to somebody or whatever - but during battles, it regularly lights a spectacular finishing move or combo move. You end up keeping half an eye for it to appear, because you know that something truly kickass is about to blow onto the screen.

Two new abilities of note: first, Leaf Bracer. This ability lets your healing moves NOT get cancelled by incoming attacks. This was probably the single most obnoxious part of the first Kingdom Hearts... you're about to die, the klaxons are sounding, Donald and Goofy don't have any means to heal you up... so you dig into your command menu for a cure... and then get pasted into goo because some low level Heartless wanker backhands you while you're stuck in the animation sequence for "healing." Leaf Bracer puts an end to that.

Also: Chicken Little. Despite hailing from a rather forgettable movie, the little guy pops up as your first Summon. He somehow causes nearby enemies to gather right in front of you, which conveniently lines them up for a big keyblade swipe. And yeah, Zach Braff does the voicework. Which means he spent an afternoon in an audio booth saying stuff like "I can DO this!" and "Let's go, Sora!"

Timeless River - the black-and-white world - was wonderfully done. It's set up like a mini-world inside of the regular Disney Castle world... because to get there you have to go back in time. As a Disney nut, it's pretty cool to find yourself tramping around the land of Steamboat Willie. I talked to Clara Cluck, for crying out loud. Timeless River also has a brilliant homage to 1930s style with a handful of environments that are pulled straight out of vintage cartoons. Like a construction site with bent girders and rivets everywhere. When was the last time you saw a cartoon take place halfway up an unfinished WPA skyscraper.

Although, for all the new fun and easier gameplay, Sora's quest is nowhere near as compelling in Kingdom Hearts 2. For one thing, I still have no idea what he's doing. I don't think Sora knows. He's just bouncing from world to world, ostensibly looking for Mickey (or Riku, whoever shows up first, I guess) but continually getting distracted by the petty local issues. Of course, this happened in the first game but at least there the distractions were founded in the Missing Princesses puzzle that led our heroes into the big finale. Here, it's just Sora / Donald / Goofy stumbling into various unrelated plotlines and loudly proclaiming "Oh, is that all you need? WE'LL DO IT! WE'RE AMAZING!"

KH2 also has a silly need to find increasingly stupid ways to ditch Donald and Goofy before particular boss fights. I can't figure out why the game wants them removed from certain battles, but it's always willing to randomly trap D&G behind a gate when needs be.

Overall though, the whole game is so much more fast and fun than the first one. It's easier to manipulate your commands in the heat of battle, which used to be such a stresser. Even the inventory/status screens are better designed and more readable, despite the game packing three times as much junk into them.

Against all odds, however, is the fact that they made the Gummi Ship parts about a million times more interesting. And I don't mean just the space shooter bits... I mean the dreaded Gummi Editor, too. In fact, I'm deeply entrenched in the most awesome thing ever with my Gummi Ship design work, but I'll save that for the next report.

This is a GameCube essential.

And the first Cube game that truly felt "next gen." It looked amazing, had an absurd amount of unlockables, ridiculously anal stats-keeping, a full barrage of characters both recognizable and obscure... and gameplay that scaled to let both newbs and pros enjoy the hell out of it.

I think it's also a positive orgy for Nintendo obsessives, packed with company history and references. Melee validated many a fanboy's existence, and probably created just as many new hardcore fans. Whether your major muse was Pokemon, EarthBound, Game & Watch, Zelda, or whatever, this game had something especially for you. It even shone the spotlight on games that had yet to appear in the US, like Fire Emblem and Animal Crossing.

One of Nintendo's first-party signatures of the GameCube generation was games that you couldn't possibly finish to 100%, and Melee was the progenitor of that concept. Even today, you still occasionally hear about new hidden messages... like the one I just heard that pops up after you log 5000 matches: "That's one penny per match!" Insane.

It's tough to imagine how they'll top this one. But an army of Nintendo die-hards is waiting...

Memory Score: There is not a GameCube library on the planet that lacks Smash Bros.

Sonic on Nintendo.

It's like going to McDonald's and getting a Whopper. It's impossible. And yet, after Sega backstepped its way out of the hardware business, it happened. An ancient video game rivalry was put to rest.

I was a Genesis fan - and I distinctly recall my jaw hitting the floor when I saw the Sonic Adventure demo running on a Dreamcast kiosk at EB - so I was super-excited to get a "new" Sonic game.

Plus, check out the date. This was smack in the middle of the GameCube's post-launch drought, where just about nothing happened for six months. Nintendo lost a lot of momentum, expecting their time-suck games like Melee and Pikmin to absorb the shock.

So this Dreamcast port hit at a good time.

And it was a fun ride. Not especially substantial, a trifle unpolished, visually and conceptually dated... but easy and cute. I really liked the song "City Escape" from the first level; "Pumpkin Hill," not so much.

Memory Score: Sonic, I'll always remember you like this

This was a good game for its time. Particularly since the first-party drought was still in full effect. Like most movie tie-ins, this game was everywhere. The movie was huge news, and the game rode that wave.

It was definitely a step up from the borked controls of the PS1/N64 Spider-Man games, where the various web moves were more a result of luck than skillful button work. Given the linear structure, by-the-book mission variety, and the silly webswinging levels where a missed line means a fall to Spidey's death... this was little more than an updated, Hollywood edition of the previous generation's Spider-Man experience.

And it managed to be rendered completely obsolete once the sequel used GTA as a template.

Memory Score: Worst part: Spidey's fight against the Green Power Ranger, who attacks by hopping

Next time: We bust out of the lean first year with some extreme inline action, a visit to the outskirts of Raccoon City, and the GameCube's most unique (and overlooked) M-rated title.

I repeat, the tarps are down!

As first discussed here, then here, and here and most recently here... this could be the last chapter in the saga of the neighbor jerk who barrelled his SUV into his living room.

This morning the contractor trucks assembled, and for the last half hour there has been some serious de-bricking going on.

What's weird is that in April, he added bushes all along the side of the house, and had a passel of good ol' boys helping him with the back deck. All while the mangled frontispiece remained sadly dressed in blue tarp.

Do you think he has to keep telling the construction guys his official story that the accident happened because his "leg locked up"?

So here we are, damn near exactly five months later, and there's finally some real work being done. Were I the cynical type - *snort* - I'd suggest that the timing has more to do with the local Homeowners' Association's annual inspection than any kind of innate desire to live in a house that wasn't a pathetic testament to one man's self-destructive lifestyle. I mean, township ordinances to the contrary, he's been living here the entire time.

We were threatened with Association fines because our door frame wasn't painted precisely the same color as the rest of the houses in our block, so I can only imagine the strict levies should one not have a door frame at all.

The DS Lite is not a major upgrade from the original model, but it sure feels like it. It is easier to hold since the shape is more uniform, and the stylus is thicker, more naturally pen-like.

The shoulder buttons are also excellently clicky. I was never satisfied with the clicks on the original DS (or the SP, for that matter)... they were a bit mushy. These buttons do seem like the kind of plastic that will discolor over time, however.

You're going to want a protective carrying case for it right away. I wish we could get away from glossy finishes on this kind of junk, because it creates an aura of fragility that I'd rather not have on all of my portables.

The GBA slot cover is not a door, as I had previously thought. It's a fake cartridge with contact points that completely plugs the hole. Although it's only about 2/3 the height of a GBA cart, so yeah, they do stick out a bit. Of course, I think the last GBA game I played was a year ago, so I'm not too worried about that. Once the Lite becomes the defacto DS model, I hope Nintendo comes up with some kind of flash cart chip that fits flush in that slot... for use to store demos and whatnot.

The on/off switch is totally weird, and I have not seen it mentioned anywhere else so I'll bring it up here. It is shaped like a sliding switch, but it doesn't have a distinct ON or OFF position. It always rests on the south side, returning to that position after you thumb it upwards. I'm not sure what the advantage is to that.

The screen is insanely bright. A huge upgrade over a screen that never bothered me much in the first place. The WiFi settings transfer was super-painless.

Overall, the Lite is just frickin' beautiful. If Nintendo had launched the DS with this puppy back in '04, you wouldn't have heard half of the bitchy complaints and whiny doom predictions.

As for Brain Age, it's interesting enough, and I can't believe I'm actively playing a game that tests my working knowledge of multiplication tables. Nice system of gradual unlockables, so you keep coming back to see if Dr. Kawashima has anything new to give you. Plus, I'm enjoying sudoku more than I thought possible.

The actual age test itself seems a bit of a sham, more of a clever scoring conceit than any actual medical science. I reduced my brain age from 56 to 22 inside of one day (20 being the optimum score.) So either I'm super smart or this is just a fun little non-game game, the virtual equivalent of those math/logic/word puzzle mags you can impulse-shop off the checkout counter racks.

Aside: that is clearly not a DS Lite in the picture of Clark above. That's a miniature DS water toy I imported from Japan. "Imported" being the fancy way of saying "ordered off a website."

Today is DS Lite launch day. It sold out rather fast in Japan, and expectations are high for big sales in the US. Lots of major retailers broke the street date and started selling them last week, but I had to wait until today to go get one. As I headed out the door, I realized I had to go to the bathroom, but I opted to hold on to the bladder pressure to keep it real.

I walked in and found nothing except a photocopied flyer taped to the wall of the video game section, talking about how awesome the DS Lite will be, how you should totally buy one, and how there will be a special one day sale (June 11) for $5 off any DS "software" with purchase of a DS Lite.

As you can see, I went with Brain Age on the Save $5 deal, which made it a bargain $15. A final strange TRU moment: all thye Brain Age tickets were stapled to a $15 DS accessory kit tag. I asked a clerk about it, and she told me I could tear them apart. Maybe they once ran a bundle deal and didn't separate out all the tickets?

So now we're off the races. Time to check out some Brain Age. But first, the hunt for dead pixels...

Because we all knew they were doing it, here's the first look at Pokemon Battle Revolution, the first Pokemon game for the Wii (link via Kotaku via YouTube).

Before you get too excited, note that there's a gigantic Wailord floating above the stadium battlefield. That's right, yet again we have to see water-based pokemon suddenly defy gravity for the duration of the battle.

Is it possible for Nintendo to learn anything from the previous boring, awful N64/GameCube Pokemon games? Because that footage shows to me that they haven't figured out why the console game sales are a mere fraction of the total sales of the "core" GB/GBA Pokemon sales. And it doesn't bother them that sales are falling for the mighty franchise. With every new console release, more people bail. Isn't anybody saying "Man, we really ought to try to get the console game numbers up there with the GBA game numbers"? Anybody?

(Although I am pleased that the trainer designs seem to be emulating Pokemon artist Ken Sugimori's understated, classy anime style... rather than aping the Digimon so-hip-it-hurts look of Colosseum and XD.)

I know, it's great that Pikachu's attack actually makes physical contact with the Deoxys. In Stadium / Stadium 2 / Colosseum / XD, no pokemon ever touched another pokemon. The closest you got was the laser beam-style attacks, because the beam could actually whack an opponent.

So a lot of Pokemon fans are thrilled with this development, which just shows the sorry state of expectations we all have for this game.

I posit this: a jumping tackle attack is the absolute easiest thing they could have done to fake us out. Look at what actually happens in the clip. The camera is behind Pikachu as he runs across the field, which is nice (remember, we had simple running animations before, just restricted to a forward camera view so the runner was never actually shown reaching the target.) Pikachu jumps and plants his feet into Deoxys chest, and a white impact flare appears.

We didn't see a Machamp picking up an enemy and throwing him across the stadium. We didn't see a Victreebel using a Wrap attack, encasing the opponent with his vines. We didn't see a Jynx waddle over and romantically lean in for a Lovely Kiss.

We saw the world's simplest attack, performed by pokemon of roughly the same size scale, and covered with a flashy lighting effect. What does it look like if Pikachu tries to paw-kick a giant flying Rayquaza? Or a long, skinny Onyx? Or even that ridiculous floating Wailord?

I think we're being visually fooled here, and that Pokemon Battle Revolution will be more of the same coma-inducing garbage that murdered the previous "major" Pokemon console titles.

The sales charts are the writing on the wall for the franchise. Even on the portable side, we're getting tired of looking at the same old thing. If you think I'm excited about this Pokemon Pearl/Diamond screenshot - the next core Pokemon game, on the DS - you're quite wrong. Once again, 2D sprites are facing off over a barely-there background. Aside from tinier pixels and increased color depth, there's nothing that differentiates this shot from a Pokemon Red battle shot on the original Game Boy, ten years ago.

I'm not saying we lose the classic turn-based action. I'm not saying we lose the complicated, math-geek attack system. I'm not saying we go for an uber-realistic 3D graphic style.

I'm saying the games need to start looking better-than-last-gen, and that they need to start feeling like actual battles. These characters perform like trained wrestlers in the cartoon, why can't they do the same in the games? Is there no way to preserve the gameplay basics but provide a more compelling and interactive presentation? The franchise desparately needs a fun transfusion, because Nintendo cannot continue to bank on little kids who buy the games no matter what. They're growing up and dropping out.

Here's what we need:

1. Real audio
No more obnoxious transister radio sound effects posing as pokemon voice work. Every damn pokemon has appeared in the TV show with a genuine, distinct voice. Get those sounds in the game.

2. No more hovering
It is obvious nonsense to have swimming characters float in mid-air. Fish cannot hover. Just have the stadium floor part and reveal a pool whenever a water-based fighter is used. Or ban the damn things from "dry" arenas. You almost never see the cartoon leads pull out a water type in a non-aqua stadium anyway.

But beyond that, the flying types should not be animated in a perpetual hover either. If you field an Articuno, it should stand on the damn ground between attacks, not be stuck flapping its wings like an impossibly slow helicopter. Note that this does not apply to creatures that can logically hover in place, like most of the bug types.

3. Counter moves
It's time we expand the battle system to include user-triggered counter moves. If your Forretress is about to get smacked by an incoming Double Slap, you should be able to call out an Iron Defense move to temporarily defend from the attack. It is entirely possible to add instant counter moves without destroying the core turn-based system. The days of one guy just blindly standing there while he gets face-bludgeoned should be behind us.

4. Trainer reactions
Look, if the in-game trainer characters are just going to stand on the sidelines in a Street Fighter bobbing loop, take them out. They should be as animated as their pokemon, reacting to all the takedowns and washouts. They should provide visual cues that you're fielding a mis-matched type. They should be seen comforting a fighter who has taken a ton of damage. They should pace nervously when you're on the ropes.

And as you climb up the tournament ladder, I want people in the stands too.

5. No jump cuts
Watching a battle in Pokemon Colosseum was eye-clawingly terrible. These are full-fledged mega-sporting events in the Pokemon Universe, yet the repetitous, amateur camera work turned them into snoozefests. The big issue was the limited character interactions that required jump cuts between every shot to preserve that total separation. You even got a jump between animations on the same character, like when a pokemon gets knocked out.

That Wii movie shows some impressive movement towards this direction. My fingers are crossed that it wasn't just a cinematized demo version of the real thing.

6. RPG, not MMORPG
There's been a call for a Pokemon MMORPG for years now. Fans are rabid for it. Every new Pokemon game gets grilled in the forums over any hope of being an MMORPG. Well, I'm here to tell you that A) Nintendo will never do it. And B) It's not what you really want anyway.

There's a difference between an MMORPG and an RPG with online multiplayer. Gang, we want the latter. This intensely detailed Pokemon MMORPG fandream wastes a lot of time talking about how people will be able to build their own cities and stores on a persistent, undiscovered continent. Complete crap. No one is going to buy a Pokemon MMORPG and then go run a bike shop. Jesus.

No, the MMORPG style is decidedly NOT the way to go. Despite that guy's rose-colored view, you do not want your Pokemon experience at the mercy of other players in an always-on environment. This setting is not World of Warcraft. It makes no sense as an MMORPG. To have a gameworld where every single player is an awesome pokemon trainer (because NO ONE is going to opt for the "Poke Ball Manufacturer" character class) is completely at odds with the very concept of the GBA games: that trainers are few and far between, akin to professional athletes. It'd be like Star Wars with nothing but Jedi.

We need the bulk of the gameplay to be single-player or small-party-multiplayer, because it has to keep YOU as the focus... the eager young up-and-comer with a dream of being the Champion. We want Nintendo to be in control of the Gyms, or else we're at the whim of a nation of assholes.

As I proposed over three years ago, the way to do it is to limit the online portion. After you beat all eight Gyms, then you travel down Victory Road to the online arena. Once inside, you're online and matched up with other players looking to battle. If you win enough games over the course of a weekend, you advance up the ranks and could potentially win the championship... but here's where it gets fun for everybody: that championship was created just for you. So it's not like only the best jerks out there can monopolize the ranks every week; the game takes care of everybody individually.

Sure, you can brag about how many weekly championships you've won, track friendships with online players, exchange email and items and trade through the Pokemon Center PC system, and meet up with other players on Victory Road for exhibition matches. But everybody has a shot at getting the title, which would be how you "beat" Pokemon Online.

And aside from all that, we want an offline RPG saga that is just as detailed as the best of the GB/GBA games. Real time. Weather cycles. Swarming patterns. Breeding. Berry harvesting. Minigames. TV/radio updates. Fetch quests. Hidden locations. Contests. Game parlor. Secret bases. Not just walking from town to town looking for the next plot point fight.

We need to get away from the MMORPG pipe dream and convince Nintendo to give us the best of both worlds. We need to stop mindlessly buying console Pokemon games that are nothing but overdrawn battle sequences that value surface over substance. (My god, the GameCube ones even dropped the N64 minigame mode!) We need Pearl/Diamond to lift us above the half-assed cash-in of LeafGreen/FireRed. And we need a "big brother" - a console edition - that we can be proud of.

There are reasons why the original Pokemon trilogy surpassed expectations, leapt global borders, and crossed into every possible age group. Because the games were deep and engrossing and accessible. Because the characters were memorable and customizable and intriguing. Because there was so much to do, we couldn't believe this was only a handheld game.

Yes, Pokemon has been whored out and commercialized as kiddie crack. ("Gotta Catch 'Em All!") I don't mind the Snaps and Puzzle Leagues and Trozeis and Channels... all the franchise sub-games that extend the IP's market worth (some more so than others). But for Nintendo to continue the success of the brand, the portable games and the console games need to be BIG. And GOOD. They can still maintain the quality of the core games. And as fans, we should push them in the right direction.

Today's edition of Stupid Panels of the Silver Age comes to us from Marvel Comics' "Fantastic Four" #7, October 1962, "Prisoners of Kurrgo, Master of Planet X"!

On far-off Planet X, mighty Kurrgo contemplates the future of his planet...

Yes, superior in every way. Except when it comes to naming planets.

And in space travel.

"Freaking hell, Bob! Quit bringing up the damn spaceships! You KNOW we only bothered to build two of them! For ceremonial purposes only!"

Kurrgo's plan, therefore, is to kidnap the Fantastic Four and let them figure a way out of this mess. Reed, ever the scientist, does indeed come up with something in just under three panels. He plans to shrink the entire populace of Planet X (X-icans? X-itos? X-men?) so they can all fit on the remaining rocketship. Then, once they reach a new homeworld, they can use an expander gas to return to normal size.

Except that Kurrgo has other plans...

Do what with your finger?

Not so superior now, eh bitch? I believe this makes Kurrgo the only villain in Marvel history to be defeated because he tripped. (EDIT: Unbelievably, Puppet Master trips to his end in the very next issue. You can't say Stan Lee never knew a great gimmick!)

But Mr. Fantastic has the last laugh:

Until they all get eaten by giant bugs, genius.

Yes, when the Fantastic Four knowingly mislead the civilization of an entire planet without remorse or concern, you know you're reading Stupid Panels of the Silver Age! I wonder if Marvel ever did a story that returned to New Planet X? Hopefully Galactus was in it.

Today was a fine day. Nothing overtly demonic or world-ending happened today. Our news department talked to a local priest about the origins of the "6 6 6" numerology, which struck me as asking Bigfoot to talk about unicorns.

I did not get much sleep last night, because Clark is in a "Night Terrors" phase right now, which would be amusing if it wasn't 2am. He also managed to wake up over an hour ahead of the usual time, so I went to work on about four hours' sleep. Which isn't all Clark's fault. I was up late anyway.

So, scrambling for weblog fodder... how about Katamari?

I ordered the third Katamari soundtrack from Play Asia, after I made the logical leap that since they released soundtrack albums for Damacy and We Love, they probably did one for Me & My Katamari. M&MK is likely the Katamari game I'll never own, since it's a PSP title. I say PSPs are still too expensive, but that seems to be Sony's thing these days.

Anyway, "Katamari Damacy: Complete Sounds" is a two disc set that really isn't just a M&MK soundtrack. About half of the first disc is from M&MK, and the rest of the set is previously unreleased tracks from We Love Katamari. Furthermore, I believe the entirety of the second disc is taken from the King of All Cosmos cutscenes, so it's mostly classical score and not especially Katamaresque. So I'm largely focusing my attention on the first disc. And the CD artwork. Here's Fujio on the cover:

No kidding! Fujio is the cover! No Prince! No King! Not even Jumboman! It's Fujio, bitch!

And Colombo is the back cover (or is this Lalala?):

Miso - one of my favorites - makes the back cover of the liner notes:

And, inexplicably, a non-cousin panda is the image that sits inside the jewelbox under the CDs.

These are just destined to become forum avatars and buddy icons.

I know I bring this up all the damn time, but when iTunes grabbed the CD track info from GraceNote CDDB, the second disc was spelled "Katamary." Freaking hell, can't anybody get anything right? This is the problem with user-controlled databases.

Ooh ooh, excellent topic fusion coming up.

While perusing the Wikipedia entry for We Love Katamari, I noticed something stupid in the "Secrets & Easter Eggs" section. The entry was gamely attempting to point out how the crazy assortment of in-game items allowed the designers to create little "hidden" scenes that you could stumble upon. Now, this is an Easter Egg only by the longest stretch of the term, since scenes like that are found in every corner of the game. But I'll play along.

What bothered me was this section: "Some objects or situations lend their origins to pop culture. For example, in the schoolhouse level, a ghost character is seen rising from a toilet, which was inspired by J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, where the character Moaning Myrtle is the ghost of a former student who was killed in a Hogwarts bathroom."

I'm paraphrasing a bit, because I fucking changed that right away.

First of all, who is Anonymous Wikipedia Editor #4883208984 to suggest that a ghost in a toilet is somehow exclusively a Harry Potter ref? Maybe it's just a ghost coming out of a toilet because it's funny. Maybe there's a famous Japanese myth involving spirits and plumbing. If the game had a little block person on a broomstick with thick glasses and a scar on his forehead, THAT would be a Harry Potter ref. This Myrtle bit is pure conjecture. And naturally, every noun in that sentence was cross-linked to the Harry Potter Wiki entries.

And of course the phrase "...situations lend their origins to..." That doesn't even make any sense. How does something (that came after) lend its origin to something else (that came before)? Clumsy, confusing grammar.

So it became: "Being highly non linear, We Love Katamari lends itself easily to numerous easter eggs, in this case, the deliberate placement of in-game items to create humorous scenes. Since the environments are typically very large, and a player's current katamari size determines what objects a player can physically see, these "hidden" situations can be found literally anywhere. For example, in one level, the player can find the Prince sitting on a photocopier, with Slip (the Cousin who is a flat 2D clone of the Prince) emerging from the paper tray. Other combinations of objects or situations derive their origins from pop culture. For example, in one of the outdoor levels, there is a female ghost that rises up and down out of a well, which is reminiscent of the character Sadako in the Japanese horror movie Ringu."

The first half of the first sentence was already there. Everything after "numerous easter eggs" is all me. I managed to more thoroughly define what the eggs actually are... included a comic sample... and even came up with a far more plausible pop culture example, softened with "which is reminiscent of".

So we'll see if Moaning Myrtle returns should our Kata-Potter fan come back to check his work.

Although I'm not a big fan of the classic 2D Mario style, I did finally pick up New Super Mario Bros this weekend. Note to Nintendo designers: I was definitely swayed by the multiplayer stuff, particularly the devolved Mario Party minigame bonus feature. Further note: There is something about the marketing artwork - the stuff with a gigantic Mario stomping in on normal sized baddies, as seen on the game's cover - that I find absolutely compelling.

About the gameplay. Although I love retro-nostalgia, I do not love retro-gameplay. Nintendo's late focus on re-releasing classic titles has proven this out. After diving into original Metroid, Zelda and various Super Mario Advance titles, one word comes to mind: tedious. As I fought through the SMA games, it was completely un-fun. The first one was interesting as a GBA launch title - and I did love the opening movie, where Nintendo pulls back the old Game Boy screen to show off the wide expanse of the GBA screen. And the one that did SMB3 - I forget which Advance title that even was - but it was just so I could see how the eReader power-up / map scan junk worked. I lacked the fortitude to beat either of them. Meh.

You can gloryhole about classic 2D stuff all you want, but when I'm playing them today, I feel like I'm missing something. There's just not enough going on, and what is there is unfairly punishing and overly reliant on too-perfect skills... or face ridiculous amounts of forced replay. Am I simply not a very good 2D Mario player? Of course. But there's very little inside that age-old core that even makes me desire to get any better. I want story, I want drama, I want mapping, I want variety, I want scalabilty, I want depth, I want adventure.

And, as if that hoary one-hit-kill motif wasn't annoying enough, NSMB has a bullshit of a save system. You can only save your progress after beating a Tower or Castle level, or after spending Stars to open new paths. IE, not at any time on the World Map, the way you'd want and expect and need to. WTF. Further research tells me that "Save Anywhere" is actually an unlockable, received after beating the game! Holy christ Nintendo, stop giving me rewards after I'm done playing, that would only help me while I AM playing! Once I catch all the goddamn fish, I don't need a better fishing rod, capice?

At least New Super Mario Bros looks nice, even if the gameplay is still that annoying OhFuckIJumpedTooFarAndThere'sAFuckingPitFuck standard. And I like Mario's enhanced moveset. So I can give it a pass on that, for the time being. Like I said, I'm mainly interested in the multiplayer stuff, although none of it runs over online WiFi, which sucks serious stank. The 4P minigame mode, which runs exactly like one of the minigame-only games from any given Mario Party, is great. I can't believe E3 '06 came and went without mention of a Mario Party Online DS game.

Since I went to an EB to make this purchase, I got to take advantage of the DS Download Station... which was totally unadvertised. I had to ask the manager if they had one, and I was told it was under the counter (but active.) Is anything Nintendo so incredibly gay that game stores are afraid to hang up signs about it, for fear the Xbox gangbangers will start throwing flaming turds through their windows? I'm looking forward to the Wii being able to distribute DS demos to my living room.

Anyway, I grabbed the demo for Pokemon Trozei. Which was far better than anticipated. It's a stylus-based things-fall-from-the-sky puzzle game... with a collectible pokedex element, which is usually enough to get me aroused. Rhon and I were looking to enjoy the demo all weekend; I set up the power charger to keep the demo alive, since all download demos vanish once the DS is turned off. But around 11pm that night while on the toilet, I beat the demo... and, rather unexpectedly, triggered a complete DS lockdown with the friendly message "Thanks for playing! Look for Pokemon Trozei on 03/06/2006! Please turn off your DS!" Bastards.

When Trozei hits the sale rack, I'll pick it up. It's still at $35 right now, which is nuts for a no-frills puzzle game. In the year 2006, we're officially past the point when simple DS puzzle junk can sell for that... unless they've been substantially spiffed with online play and multiple variant modes like Tetris DS. I think Nintendo signaled this change by opening Brain Age (which is nothing but logic and math puzzles) at $20. By now, I should be able to pick up Yoshi's Touch-n-Go, Trozei and some Mario minigames for $30 on one cart. The days of one-off junk like that at $35 are over. I hope.

There are games that I have beaten in six hours, so it's always fun to be deep inside one where six hours has gone by and I've barely accomplished anything. It's even more fun when you realize that Kingdom Hearts 2 is not a GTA or an Animal Crossing; this is not a game where you can burn hours just gadding about. No, these six hours are more or less linear, plot-driven action RPG stuff. In other words, the designers intended for you to spend the first six hours learning how to play their game.

The reports that the game has a three hour tutorial are not wholly unaccurate, even though such a thing seems at best completely impossible and at worst egregiously unappealing. It's really more of a three hour introduction, featuring all new characters whose story will intersect with Sora's at some future point. Length aside, it's a good idea... because it allows new players to become familiar with the Kingdom Hearts system, and it keeps old players from wondering why Sora has to learn how to access the combat menu all over again.

And about the length... there's a ton of movie in there. I didn't exactly keep track of how often the Dual Shock was sitting idle, but I would guess roughly a third of the time. Much of the FMV stuff recaps both the first Kingdom Hearts and the GBA side-sequel, Chain of Memories. So by the end of the three hours, everybody is back on the same timeline.

I'll try to keep this spoiler free.

The first three hours belong to Roxas, a sort of Sora analogue... in fact, the whole thing is meant to mimic the first portion of the first KH, where you ran around an island and hung out with kidified Final Fantasy characters. That also happens here, except now the FF representatives are a bunch of jerks (Seifer and company, from FF8.) Begin combat lessons.

Oh, since I played Chain of Memories, it did not take me long to realize who Roxas really is. I wouldn't say that you'll be forever lost if you never played the GBA game, but it certainly does help out in early comprehension, since a bunch of these "new" characters were introduced there.

There's a bunch of mini-games thrust upon you in this opener level, and, in grand Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy tradition, they're pretty lame. The best one - the best one - has you running around the town hanging up posters.

Some things never change: Kingdom Hearts still does not have 100% voice acted audio. I know, I know, there is so much dialogue in your average RPG that expecting voice work throughout is unreasonable. Except that it isn't. After graduating to the Sora section of the game, I ran into Uncle Scrooge. And I had to read his text instead of hearing his comforting Scottish brogue. Alan Young has not yet left us, folks.

And the Gummi Ship is back. I figured they would have dumped that since A) it made no sense at all, even among all the Disneyana and B) everyone hated it. I personally didn't mind it and found it very easy to ignore, but I will concede that this version is much better. If the original Gummi Ship levels were Galaga, the sequel is Starfox. Early Starfox.

I wrapped up my six hours finishing up the Mulan world, which was very impressive beginning. In KH1, your first Disney movie experience was Wonderland, which was pretty crappy. Looking over the worlds chosen for inclusion in KH2, it seems obvious that Square Enix went for the fan dream stuff, the more marketable locales. Kingdom Hearts took you to Tarzan's world - which was dead and buried even by the time KH was released - and glossed over Lion King, which is easily a Top Five Disney property to this day. KH2 rectified that by offering up a full Lion King world (which I imagine I'm quite a ways from experiencing) and strangling Rosie O'Donnell in a back alley while Phil Collins sings Sussudio.

The press releases for Kingdom Hearts 2 all trumpet "over 100 Disney characters!" Which sounds great until you realize all the secondary characters in there filling up the ranks, like those three dork soldiers from Mulan.

Next up is Beast's Castle, featuring characters from another movie that was sorta slighted in the first Kingdom Hearts.

Say what you want, but I'm up for anything that makes Goofy into a badass without making him not Goofy.