9:18pm
In the theater for 9:30 showing of X3: Dramatic Subtitle. I'm alone, which, locally, is referred to as "pulling a Matt." Less than 10 people in the room. Over the Hedge ad just ran, part of the pre-show crap that replaced "The 20." One thing I'll say about Over the Hedge, at least the characters are doing cartoony takes, unlike most Popular CG Films.

Now we're on to a featurette on the third Fast and the Furious movie, "Initial D." So far, there's been exactly one Asian person interviewed. Nice. Boy, I'm convinced they researched it fully.

Monster House. Seriously, could they not just make it with real people? It's CG masturbation for profit.

God, one of those interminable Coke "save your points and rule the world" ads. Ever wonder why you never hear about people cashing in those awesome prizes, where average cola-drinkers make their own studio album or become an extra in a movie? Because nobody ever does.

9:31pm
Previews have begun. Hey Initial D again! All the same clips as in the featurette! Goddamnit, the lead has a ridiculous southern accent.

Superman Returns. It is creepy how well this guy is resurrecting Christopher Reeve. I was originally all for this movie NOT referencing the previous movie continuity in any way (a la Batman Begins)... and I still am.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend. Any film where the pitch is so easily read - "you ever have a girlfriend who was really bitchy about your breakup? now imagine she's a SUPER-HERO!!/!/1!11!1" - must suck. The prophecy is complete.

Ghost Rider. Jesus, another comic book movie. I do, however, totally like Ghost Rider. I was there for the '90s Dan Ketch reboot, and I have fond early-'80s Merry Marvel Memories about the John Blaze original (mainly from in-house ad pages)... so I'm kinda digging on this one. He drove the bike up the side of a building! If you're looking for B-grade Marvel heroes with plenty of signature moments, GR's definitely up there. Better than Blade, for fuck's sake. A kid in the audience declared loudly that he wants to see it, too.

The Omen. Hooray, not a super-hero movie. Boo, no one cares. Points for the 6/6/6 release date. Somebody has to have been planning that one for years.

9:42pm
Movie is go.

9:45pm
Three minutes in, here's your Stan Lee appearance.

Young Angel scene is great. Nice emotional mutant shame + puberty moment.

What is up with this stupid open? It's like Sons of Liberty without the jazz music.

Storm flying using obvious wire effects. Just CG it next time, gang.

9:56pm
Yayayayaya, a weather pun. Die die die.

9:59pm
Beast says "At least you don't shed on the furniture," a genuinely funny and self-deprecating line, and no one in the theater laughs. Three minutes ago, Wolverine says "look who's talking" and it's guffaw city. This is why I don't go to the movies.

10:05pm
Somebody help me out here, what terrible Xbox 360 game is Leech playing?

10:07pm
Jean Grey's super-red hair looks absolutely silly.

10:12pm
Oh, so Jean is schizo? That's completely out of nowhere, a plot point so manufactured you can read the copyright date. It says "Evil Twin Variant, Circa 1903."

10:14pm
Ah! Angel's wing harness! And the wings are folded in under his long coat! This comics geek thanks you.

10:17pm
The breakout scene, where Mystique was the only one kept inside an open bar cell. WTF. And holy christ, Arclight is a hideous monster.

10:29pm
Hey Juggernaut, when Magneto tells you not to let anybody inside, that doesn't mean you can throw people inside through the bay window.

And as I recall, Juggy ain't even a mutant. Fun character though. I like him being British.

10:32pm
Whoa. There is no way Jean Grey is walking out of this movie alive. Until she meets Leech, anyway.

10:34pm
Man, Bobby. At least wait for the funeral to be over before you start French kissing Kitty.

10:37pm
I'm torn: who is the least attractive female mutant? Arclight? Or Rogue?

10:41pm
I think it would have been hilarious if Bobby would have opened up the door to Rogue's room and found Angel already in there unpacking his stuff. And then Angel goes "Hello sailor!"

What's with that bug crawling around Wolverine's jacket during the tombstone scene?

10:47pm
Is that Omega Red? Or Cyber? Maggot? The Marvel U has a bunch of jerks who can secrete crap out of their hands, so it's tough to tell.

10:52pm
Multiple Man: most under-utilized character. Every team needs a jerk.

10:54pm
Wolverine's rally speech made me puke.

10:59pm
I wish Pyro would at least pretend to have a costume. He's had the same unwashed hoodie since movie #2.

11:04pm
Good night nellie, is that Sunder? Ha!

11:05pm
"I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" <-- the quote destined for bumper stickers, signature lines, and comic convention t-shirts nationwide. (ayep)

11:09pm
Whoo, DBZ power struggle! FINALLY YES HE ICED UP STAY THAT WAY STAY THAT WAY STA... you shit, it's already over.

11:13pm
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magneto says "what have I done?" No freaking way: Magneto says "roast them all, my child!" Complete movie fauxment here.

All the bloodless psychic killing is fun. Adults see carnage; kids see people turning to dust.

11:15pm
Whoop, didn't see that ending coming. I honestly was expecting Leech to shut down Jean. Say, what happened to Young Mr. Anti-Mutant Mutant anyway? Shouldn't he have had some role to play in the big finale? And just how did they turn his power into little syringes? Is that his spit in there?

11:20pm
Ah ha. Suckers are up and leaving as soon as credits roll. I would guess we had twenty people in here, and now we're down to seven... the seven who heard about the Mega-Cool thing that happens after the credits end.

...

11:26pm
Was that it? What a letdown. That's a DVD extra, not a big Marvel Fan barnburner. I was hoping we'd see Tobey Maguire knock on the X-Mansion door and get turned out.

Overall: OK. I actually liked Fantastic Four better, but that was probably because the X-Men movies burned through all their classic comic booky moments halfway into the second one. This one was just cleanup... and we couldn't even give poor Cyclops a scene as a corpse. We did get Beast though, that was the saving grace.