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I never penned a full-on review of the first Animal Crossing, because I figured my ongoing diary feature more or less covered it. Plus, you almost need to play it for months before you can truly review it, since the game's slow pace unfurls new content long after you've stopped expecting it. Ultimately, the game's success depends on what you put into it... which is a pretty crazy thing to ask of your average gamer. I've read many reviews from people who never "got" Animal Crossing. They sunk an hour into it, maybe a weekend, and declared it boring. Or depressing. Or another Nintendo kiddie game with no point and terrible graphics.
It can be a tough game to grasp. It's not for everyone. I've come up with a short questionnaire of the personality traits you need to be able to enjoy Animal Crossing.  My feeling is, if you answered "Yes!" to any four of those questions, you're a likely candidate for Animal Crossing fandom. And just to get it out of the way, it ain't like The Sims or Harvest Moon or Second Life... except in the larger scheme of "games about a virtual life." Any reviewer who quotes either of those three games in direct comparison to Animal Crossing is like saying hockey is a lot like tennis. Well, sure, Me, I score a solid 6 on that chart. But then again, I'm biased and I'm the guy who made the questions. I loved Animal Crossing. But that's the kind of thing I dig. There's lots of junk to collect - and a means to collect that's more varied than the old Spyro the Dragon endless roaming for secret gems procedure. You can organize and display those items, because of the rooms-and-furniture motif. You can customize your world... not to the extent of Second Life, but in a kind of minimalist creative expression: designing textures, landscaping, interior decorating, writing short tunes, creating viral catchphrases and patterns. The dialogues get extremely strange, from the bizarre letters from Mom to Kapp'n's cute sea shanty limericks. New stuff happens depending on what day it is, thanks to an internal schedule that takes weekends, holidays, and the change of seasons into account; it takes place in real-time.
That's why I say it asks a lot of the gamer. It's positively cosmic with introspection and self-evaluation. The flipside of that is that it can get intensely dull. If you want the money for that mansion, you're going to need to fish and sell and dig and sell and repeat and repeat and repeat until you get enough money... because nothing is cheap in Animal Crossing. It's a grind. You have to really want it. You have to measure if the hours spent fishing for coelocanths (and tossing aside countless common sea bass) was worth the reward. It's not that it can't be enjoyable. It's entirely possible to like catching insects or planting trees or writing letters. It's that the time Nintendo expects you to commit to that task is positively insane. Maybe that's the message: in life, hard work often yields mediocre rewards. And since the game has no "finish" - heck, the game's end credits are cleverly stowed in musician K.K. Slider's weekly performances - you just fake your own goals to keep it interesting.
The release of Animal Crossing: Wild World for the DS is a lateral move for the franchise. It plays identically to the GameCube version, inheriting all the charm and most of the flaws. New features were added in almost equal measure to what was removed. It's difficult to even consider the game a sequel, since it's mainly just a new look at the previous title. There is no connection between the two games; you are reset to zero when you start in Wild World. Shopkeeper Tom Nook doesn't even reference his past self in the GameCube game, which is a little strange given the focus on real time gameplay. You'd think they would have "aged" the cast five years, just to present something unexpected to the returning player. (Well, Kapp'n has gone from ferryboat captain to taxi driver, so I guess some characters have changed... albeit due to gameplay conceits rather than any kind of overarching storyline.) Wild World adds multiplayer gameplay, both in local wireless and Nintendo's internet-based WiFi Connection. One of the quirks of the first game was that only one human could be in any given town at a time, even when travelling to visit somebody else via memory card. Wild World allows up to four players to meet in the same town, with one player acting as host. Once your wireless has been configured, you open your Town Gate in either local or WiFi mode. In local mode, any DS gamers in the vicinity will be able to see your open gate and walk on in. In WiFi mode, it looks for other internet-connected players on your Friend Code list (see sidebar). Then your town is loaded into their DS, and you can all run around together, share items, visit new animals, etc. WiFi also allows Nintendo to pull off some cute "living world" tricks, like having NOA President Satoru Iwata mail everybody a letter and rare item to celebrate the New Year. Last week, everyone who activated WiFi picked up a letter from Nintendo with a piece of Lovely furniture in it, which was their way of celebrating Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, you can't mail letters/items to your friends offline; you have to be physically inside their town to do so (likewise to mail letters to your friends' animals.) It would have been nice to be able to write letters to offline friends, and then have the game mail them out once you activate WiFi. To make matters worse, there's precious little to do once you're in someone else's town. Trading/sharing items is a given. (There's even a new vocabulary word for it: the drop-pick. Since merely touching any item will add it to your catalog, people will drop something for you to pick up with the expectation that you'll drop the item to return it.) Viewing each other's houses and collections is nice. It is a moment's interest to see how the geography differs from town to town. A new tool called the timer starts a countdown clock and tracks the number of fish and insects caught... although it doesn't broadcast the results to all players. That - plus the game's horrible-but-functional chat interface - is about it. You can't even donate to another town's Museum.
There should have been special items that trigger multiplayer mini-games. I'm thinking of simple WarioWare style games themed to Animal Crossing. Somebody says "Hey, let's play the Find Rover game" and then all participating players see the Find Rover game (like Find the Nest Egg from WarioWare Mega Party Games) slide in on their touchscreens. Or remote control airplanes for hoop-racing on the top DS screen. A jump rope for a game of Jump Forever featuring your avatars. Big winners get a free item; high scores are recorded at the Town Hall. To simplify things, here's a chart of what happened to the world of Animal Crossing since Wild World.  And, you know, not to mention that there's just more collectible items, more non-catalog items (like individual animal portraits!), and more travelling vendors. One other important upgrade is the stylus control. The entire game can be played with the stylus (although the d-pad and buttons are available if you want them.) You draw where you want your character to run, tap to use a tool, tap trees to shake them, tap a villager to talk to them, etc. Although you may find yourself accidentally using your current tool quite a bit as you click around. I find it most useful in the inventory screen, where you can now grab-and-drag items around. It goes without saying that it makes pattern creation and conversation typing far easier than in the GameCube original. The camera is also much nicer in Wild World. Instead of the fixed-point overhead view - and obnoxious invisible acre scroll borders - ACWW has a continuous, flowing exterior map. And, in a neat visual trick, the whole thing is mapped to a cylinder, so the background wraps down and away from your character... which means you can see farther than you could on the GameCube. The top screen shows nothing but sky (and a few altitude-based surprises), but when you pull up your inventory or start chatting, the bottom screen moves to the top so the touchscreen can handle the keyboard. With a scope as large as one's life, the flaws of Animal Crossing become painful. You're constantly wondering why this isn't bigger or that isn't easier. Why do tools take up inventory slots. Why can I only have eight active custom patterns. Why is everything so random. And by the same token, the joys of Animal Crossing have been expanded. There's more to collect, more NPCs to interrogate, smoother control... and the portability means you can play it anywhere. I used to have to take a day off of my job to attend the Spring Sports Fair. Now I can whip out ACWW in the middle of the workday. The WiFi multiplayer, as crippled as it is, is a worthy addition, but far from a perfect one. I would hazard a guess that the next Animal Crossing game won't land until 2008. That should be approaching the middle of the Revolution's lifespan, so Nintendo ought to be pretty savvy on internet play by then. Hopefully they will have figured out how to improve the multiplayer aspect so that Animal Crossing can stand as Nintendo's unique MMORPG. I would even expect that Wild World will interface with it in some way, since the Revolution will also have WiFi access (heck, maybe the DS's touchscreen will be required as a keyboard-friendly controller). They need to maintain the customizable and collectible world, but give us more of a reason to interact with it. That facade - be it through stale multiplayer or predictable fixed NPC conversation - is what ultimately brings Animal Crossing to a halt. This franchise has been hyped as a "living world" and a "communication game" already, and it will be the responsibility of the next game to further that reputation in the face of new technology and heightened expectations. I know I'll be awfully busy in Wild World until it happens. |
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February 2006 Archives
But that final point is where most people fall off the bandwagon. To most people, "freeform gameplay" brings up a more MMORPG sort of feel... or the GTA approach of open mission selection with plenty of re-spawning sidequests. You can do what you want, but there's still a point. You're still levelling up or crafting finer armor or grabbing all the character enhancements. Animal Crossing has no point. The most impressive thing you can do - complete your item catalog - is so impossibly hard that to this day, five years later, I've never heard of anybody who did it without cheating. The game is purposefully without a point. The intent is that you'll just do what you want to do; that you'll find something interesting enough that will inspire you to keep coming back day after day. Maybe you want the biggest house upgrade. Or you want a completed Museum exhibit collection. Or you want to catch all the fish. Or you want to do it all.
Maybe it's that similarity to real life that makes it so compelling. Every day we grind through hours of work for a paycheck that, for most of us, barely covers everything we want to do. We make up our own goals (a better job, a trip to DisneyWorld, a new car) and work towards them. That's Animal Crossing for you. The only exception is that in Animal Crossing, you have a set of parameters that keep your in-game life far more controllable than your real life.
It's a missed opportunity that is typical of Nintendo. They always develop blind spots where they totally ignore gamers' expectations. It's like when Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire came out with underwhelming pre-GBA graphics. Or when Mario Sunshine showed up lacking the familiar themed worlds. Or when Wind Waker revealed the cel-shaded Link. Or the lack of online play on the GameCube. Nintendo can be stubborn, and often they simply decide that what they've done is good enough. Sometimes they're right (Wind Waker WAS beautiful!), but sometimes they're not. When I'm standing in my town with three other people, and we've already traded a bunch of cool items... invariably the next chat balloon from somebody is "Weeeelllllll..." Nintendo thinks they gave us enough to do. They are wrong.
My comics organizational system is as follows: New books land in a stack by the computer. Eventually, they make their way down to the basement for the bagging and boxing ceremony. With any luck, this will happen at least once a year. I have a nice stack going at the moment, so to feel like I'm catching up on my government-assigned comics weblogging, here's the rundown.
Teen Titans #30-31
I jumped in just for the sidebar Captain Carrot bit, but I didn't mind the main Titans storyline (part two, anyway.) Especially when Kid Eternity showed up. (What's up with Beast Boy mackin' on Raven?!) Ironically, the Captain Carrot story gets far worse in part two... and even though they put Scott Shaw!'s name on the cover of #31, he did not do the art for the interior Zoo Crew pages. Which is a complete shame, because these characters absolutely belong in his pen. I know a lot of Zoo Crew purists hated this story - what with Little Cheese dead and the stunning reveal of Alley-Kat-Abra as a villain - but I would love to see more. I just don't buy that Felina would betray her team like that - my guess is that she's being controlled or replaced or cloned or something - but I would love to see that story develop in a new, genuine, Scott Shaw! Zoo Crew comic. These few pages, which have NOTHING to do with the Titans story, simply have to be a tryout for interest in new Zoo Crew stuff. DC: I am intensely interested. I also request an animated series (hey, you cancelled Titans and Justice League, so you've got the time) and plenty of toys.
JLA #123-125
These are the last issues of JLA before the title gets swallowed up into Infinite Crisis and rebooted. Again. DC is restarting the numbering to make the book come off as an attractive jumping-on point. Which I'm sure it totally will be. (eyes roll) The interior art is pretty lousy (great covers, though), and the story is a mess. It always ticks me off when people draw Green Arrow as if the mask is somehow part of his flesh and not simply something that goes over his eyes. I will say this: I like Manitou Dawn. I had no problems with the JLE storyline that split her up with Manitou Raven (who was essentially a modern take on animation's Apache Chief) and made her the new Justice League magic user. I would hate to see her never used again, even if she is branded with being part of the "dying" League of pre-IC.
JLA Classified #14-16
I did not like the "New Maps of Hell" storyline that ended in 14 and 15. I'm not a fan of overblown stories where some big unbeatable mega-monster dumps into town and forces each Leaguer to "face their worst fears" or some shit. I can't even count the number of times I've read that story. And I really hated the creepy CG covers. #16, on the other hand, starts a new storyline with art by legend Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez. even if you've never read comics, you've probably seen this guy's super-hero work, because he drew the model sheets that served as the basis for much of DC's character merchandise. His Superman is iconic. Unfortunately, Klaus Janson's inks aren't doing him any favors, which dampens my enthusiasm quite a bit.
Marvel Zombies #1-3
I'm more than a little surprised than I'm enjoying this one, since it sprung from an Ultimate Fantastic Four arc that didn't do much for me (which may have been more due to that annoying art, but we'll get to that in a minute.) This has become quite the hot little miniseries, thanks to the appealingly bizarre concept of the Marvel heroes turned into a band of flesh-eating zombies who have ravaged the Earth in their search for untainted human meat. The one problem I have with it is that almost none of the characters have a true voice... their lines are interchangeable and nobody really acts in tune with their recognized personalities. Captain America could be Wolverine could be Spider-Man could be Luke Cage. Regardless, I am a known sucker for a Galactus story.
Ultimate Fantastic Four #25-27
Awful, awful artwork. At no point do any of the characters ever visually interact with each other. I've talked about this before. Do yourself a favor and do a comparison between the styles of Greg Land in UFF and Luke Ross in Jonah Hex. Both artists have extremely realistic approaches, yet the Hex work is much more convincing, much more suited to the framework of telling a story via sequential art. His characters make eye contact. Greg Land is merely tracing supermodels out of Cosmo. He doesn't know how to "stage" his characters. Irony: I was all set to drop UFF, but I liked the first part of #27's President Thor storyline. So it's still on my list.
Jonah Hex #1-4
Speaking of Jonah Hex... in addition to a photo-referenced art style that actually works, Hex also has pleasantly readable, self-contained stories. I'm not saying that this book is rewriting the rules on Wild west storytellin'... just that what it does, it does rather well.
 On the left are photo-referenced characters who never once look at each other. On the right are photo-referenced characters who do. (Click for larger image.) |
The Flash #228-230
Terrible. An awful way for Wally to finish out his title, as he becomes yet another Infinite Crisis victim. I'll be in line for the new Flash, since I've always loved the concept (and costume), regardless of who is under the mask.
JSA #80-82
#80 finished off that bit with Jakeem being the evil overlord of imp world. Which did nothing for me. From start to finish, it felt like a "Boy, we haven't done any stories about the Thunderbolt in a while, so let's crap one out quick." #81, however, was great. A nice character piece on Stargirl. I adore character pieces like this one. It even featured one of my favorite forgotten Golden Age heroes, Liberty Belle. And #82 was even better... probably the best Infinite Crisis crossover ever.
JSA Classified #5-9
Loved them. #5 through #7 wrapped up a spotlight on the Injustice Society... and good villain teams can be so much more interesting than hero teams, just because they're so rare. And hey, the Gentleman Ghost is all of a sudden the Best Character In The World, thanks to this story and his star turn in JSA #82. Who would have thought such a goofy, one-note, Silver Age villain could steal the show. #8 and #9 are a two-parter featuring Wildcat and the Golden Age Flash, which I also liked... simply because of the concise, two-man "buddy movie" vibe. The covers did nothing special to sell it, though. Part one shows the guys running and part two shows them fighting.
Fantastic Four #533-534
Good stuff. Solid artwork, solid story. The key to a good FF story is how you present their personalities, without letting them drift into cliches. Plus, we have a rampaging Hulk to contend with.
Marvel Knights 4 #25-27
I think this is one of those stories that pop up just to keep certain underused characters in copyright. The Salem Seven (Six? Eight? I forget.) are a truly terrible bunch of gormless villains. They're some of the most ridiculous character designs ever, apparently designed by the fantasy minds of eight-year-olds. Not even Mephisto's last page appearance can save this story. (Although I still much prefer his old Infinity Gauntlet-era trickster appearance to the Kubert demon look.)
Green Lantern #5-8
I'm not sure the new Hal Jordan series has found its element yet. The Black Mercy storyline of #7 and #8 has been the closet thing yet to memorable; very little else has stood out. I'm vaguely annoyed by Hal returning to military duty... he has a Power Ring; I just don't buy that he needs to rebuild a human connection by becoming an Air Force test pilot again. The good news is, Mongal is dead!
Justice #3-4
Now on to another photorealistic artist, the famed Alex Ross. I'm undecided on this one. What bothers me about Justice is that it's basically one man's (Ross) homage to the Super Friends cartoon... which was undefendably terrible. There was no earthly reason for Grodd and Luthor and Riddler and Sinestro and that woman in the leopard skin outfit and everyone else to become the Legion of Doom. And their big schemes were always bent on world domination... as if those guys would actually cooperate and rule equally once they pulled it off. It was pure cartoon logic. Big hero team needs big villain team as its opposite number. So I have trouble accepting the Legion of Doom as the premise here... but Ross's art does give you plenty to look at.
Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty #1-4
I really dig the slapdash art style in this series (by Ashley Wood). It's reminscent of the PS2 game's concept art, but completely at odds with the game's actual detail-heavy visuals. It's a nice contrast and a very interactive read. I'm wondering if they're simplifying the MGS2 storyline somewhat, just to have it make a little more sense on first blush.
The Pulse #13
I like Pulse, because it's character-driven. However, I'm going to have to ask Michael Gaydos to start actually drawing the entire book, instead of doing six panels and then photocopying them throughout. Pulse is starting to look like a shitty webcomic. I get that there can be a dramatic purpose to duplicating a particular panel. It can show that no time has passed. It can show that a character is stunned or surprised or confused or awkward. It can show people waiting for something tense. What it cannot do is effectively illustrate a childbirth scene, which is what happens in this issue. Plus there's a two-page spread of a conversation with D-Man that would embarrass known photocopier Keith Giffen. Marvel needs to drop this guy's rate per page. It's a shame, because both plotlines in this book are really strong: the birth of Jessica and Luke's baby, and Ben's intervention on D-Man.
 Three uses of the same panel, for no dramatic reason. And this is just one of many. |  The dude can't even be bothered to draw Captain America more than once. |
I should just stop doing my own updates and start linking directly to Kotaku. Because they've found another mindless, unbalanced, anti-video game scare-the-parents story. This one, coming to us from Chicago's Very Own WGN, might actually be even worse than the one from Philly Action News 6. At least the 6 story attempted to present a legit concern, but just had every single fact wrong. This one doesn't even try to use facts.
The premise behind this Medical Watch segment is that video games are drugs, teens become addicted to their own adrenaline, and that once you limit access to them teens all of a sudden become nicer. And all without talking to a single doctor! The only "expert" is a social worker who claims that the video game generation currently in college dorms can't even share rooms together because they've never had to relate to fellow humans before.
There's plenty of talk about all the "speed, sex and violence" in video games - while we see footage of two teens playing Tony Hawk on what looks to be a kickass home theater setup. It's the same crap once fielded against rock and roll, against comic books, against television. Yet another Nation of Wasted Youth is upon us, folks. Just "unplug the drug" and your surly, inattentive kids will be pink-cheeked and bright-eyed again!
Full disclosure: I work for the same company that owns WGN. I could use the company intranet and ask all three WGN personages in the piece (two anchors and a reporter) how they managed to say things like "It's the latest drug of choice among kids, and they're doing it right in front of their parents!" without throwing up onto their company-dry-cleaned clothes. But I won't. As someone who occasionally has to write things exactly like that, I cringe at the baseless boogeymanning encased therein. If a reporter had come to me or anyone in my department with a line like that, we would have stopped them and said "Whoa, that's a bit overdramatic, don't you think?"
What crass sensationalism. What blatent audience pandering. What utter lack of evidence or balance. What unsubstantiated fearmongering.
What a sweeps piece. They probably spent all night teasing the "new drug of choice" in hopes of dragging prime time viewers into the late news.
Quite honestly, gaming comes up with regular frequency in broadcast circles. It's one of those topics that threatens to "change the business," because it's keeping young demos from watching television. It's a threat to the bottom line. Don't be fooled by Medical Watch and the notion that WGN wants you to have a healthier family. They want you to watch more TV. Demonizing one of television's "new" enemies is simply a defense tactic.
Last week was a nonstop parade of visitors. Adamsvil welcomed - and I hope I don't forget anyone - Stephen, Rachel, bik, Matti, Biff, Eli, Marci, Taylor and Cameron. I'm sure I forgot somebody.
Tonight, I shut it down around 9pm because my battery was dying. The picture is from tonight, when I briefly enjoyed an All-Girl Open Gate Night: Lilly, Cameron and Marci.
I'm still fielding friend requests... so the unfortunate truth is that I have to cycle out names to meet new people. As Cutter informed me, if I drop your name from my Friend List but you still have me on yours... then you can SEE my open town but you can't enter it. That's actually a bit rude, Nintendo.
So anyway, if you can't get in, that might be the reason. I'm keeping track of every code, so it might just take another email in a few weeks to get you back in. Just trying to get everybody a shot at it.
But actually, once you've visited Adamsvil for a couple weeks, there isn't that much else to do. Since the chat feature is so gimpy, it's difficult to hold an actual conversation. And unless you're showing up with cheated items (for shame!), there's probably not a lot of useful item-sharing to be done. It's starting to seem to me like starting players get the most out of WiFi play. Once you've got a fairly solid catalog, why bother? Because you like writing letters to animals you've already seen in your town but mysteriously have never heard of you here? Oh, right, we're supposed to be racing to catch fish or playing tag.
Before this devolves into a bitch about the utter lack of true multiplayer game features, let's move on to the good news. Like Cameron showing off her four-leaf clover.
Nook built another room for my house, bringing me up to two rooms off the main floor living area. So far, it's looking like a completed Snowman Series in the leftmost room, a theme-less mess in the big middle room, and a Fatal Frame room (the Japan theme sets) in the righthand room. The second floor remains devoted to the Western theme. According to last month's HRA score, I'm veering very close to the 100,000 point level.
Got my golden watering can, the result of a "perfect" town for 16 days. Or so. This is just the internet talking, because the strategy guide certainly isn't going to cover it. I followed the prevalent suggestion and marked my town off into 16x16 acres, and then kept 12-13 trees and 3-5 flowers inside each acre. The other benefit to perfection is the appearance of wild Jacob's Ladder flowers, which I've been giving away on Open Gate night.
I'm still trying to figure out the draconian rules that govern random animal appearances. Apparently, Tortimer's presence is enough to keep Sow Joan from showing up, because she never appeared during the end of last Sunday's Bright Nights holiday. (Another reason to hate holidays.) According to the useless guide, Lyle and KK show up on every Saturday (true), it's Joan on Sunday morning, and everybody else is restricted to Monday through Friday. I'm fairly certain that Katie inhibits other guests from showing up while she's waiting for you to take her to another town, which is lousy play. I'm no longer convinced that Blanca doesn't do the same, because I've only ever seen her double-up with Lyle on Saturdays, and Lyle seems to be a hell-or-high-water kind of character (like KK).
By the way, the other day I read that Nintendo is working on an Animal Crossing game for the Revolution. I guess that's been everybody's assumption for some time now, but it was nice to hear it sorta verified. I'm working on a list of demands.
| Devil May Cry |
released October 2001, purchased January 2003
I had enjoyed the Devil May Cry demo that came packaged along with Resident Evil: Code Veronica... but I didn't pick up the game when it came out. The reasons were threefold: GTA3, followed by MGS2, followed by Fatal Frame. I was busy.
But when DMC2 came out, and everybody said the first one was better anyway, that's when I bought Devil May Cry... as a Greatest Hits selection, no less.
It's definitely a fun game, crazy fast... with some hilarious cutscenes ("Hello, Devil May Cry?") However, I found that my skills couldn't keep pace with the game's punishing curve, so I never finished it. But it was easily worth the $20.
I've always had the feeling that DMC is the franchise that Capcom desperately needs to explode to RE status, but it just keeps missing the bar.
Memory Score: I forget exactly where I stopped, but I think there was a pirate ship involved.
| Twisted Metal Black Online |
released August 2002, received February 2003
I held off on buying the PS2 Online Adapter because the initial game rush just wasn't that interesting. (My Street?!?) So I was rather surprised that the Free Twisted Metal Online promotion was still in force when I finally jumped onboard six months later.
I was glad it did, because this was my favorite online game for a few months, mainly because SOCOM was so terrible. Unfortunately, by the time my pals' PS2s went online, TMBO was no longer available. So I only played this against random PS2 owners... but the nice bit was that it had no voice chat, so you could actually get into the game without all the immature screaming.
Twisted Metal was once a high-class PS1 franchise, until a string of mediocre sequels killed it. Black was the attempt to reinvigorate the brand for the PS2... and it actually worked. Although the gag at the time was that "Black" also referred to the game's working color palette. It was a great deal to give away an online-only version of Black free with your new online adapter... just stupid that it was a limited time mail-in offer. Future online bundles came with ATV Offroad Fury 2, which sucked ass.
Memory Score: An easily enjoyable online experience, but an impossible game to find today.
| Disaster Report |
released February 2003, purchased February 2003click here for my review written in March 2003!
I first heard about Disaster Report when the Penny Arcade guys talked up the import version they were playing. There's no reason this earthquake adventure game should have made it to the US, but somehow it did. I guess it's survival horror, just without the horror... unless the horror refers to all the suck this game brings.
Luckily for Disaster Report, it's bad enough that it's wonderfully funny. You're Keith Helm, a young reporter whose first day on the job happens to coincide with a massive earthquake. You're headed to Stiver Island, a manmade city floating in the middle of the ocean... and it's now sinking. You have to work your way across the island - often parts of it will simply fall out from under your feet, or buildings will fall and block off old sections, or floodwaters will force you to find alternate routes - while taking care of a lost girl and managing your meager water supply.
It's a great concept (and the game does have some moments that you can't find anywhere else, like a boss fight with little weaponless you against an Apache helicopter!), but there are so many basic gameplay faults. There's awful slowdown, an inventory forging system that is completely unecessary, and an annoying need to make you drink from your water bottles every fifteen feet.
You have to play it, because it's that bad. It's short enough and ridiculous enough that a couple of friends could make a fun evening of it, Mystery Science Theater style.
Memory Score: Hilarious pseudo-serious storyline makes up for half-assed gameplay every time.
| Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance |
released March 2003, purchased March 2003
Yeah, I bought MGS2 again.
This was the Sons of Liberty re-release, with extra modes and bonuses. I actually kinda forget what most of them were. I know I played through the game again, and did the ship portion (Snake's bit) several times.
You'll have to forgive me. I was just coming off of Disaster Report, for crying out loud.
Memory Score: This was pure fanboy indulgence.
Next week: Apes, Amps, Aiming and Assaults!
Every year, around the anniversary of Dale Earnhardt's death, this dramatic billboard shows up around town.
He died in February 2001. Lots of things have happened since then.
Space shuttles have exploded. Mines have collapsed. Tsunamis and hurricanes have killed hundreds of thousands of people. The Middle East is virtually one giant landmine. Anthrax. Power outages. Suicide bombers. Pope John Paul II.
Fucking 9/11.
But every year, the asshats of Thornton Chevrolet expect us to remember the great works and outstanding life of this one amazing man, who commited vehicular suicide while playing dirty team tactics in his chosen pseudo-sport.
Thornton Chevrolet, and I hope like hell this pops up in every Google search from now through eternity, please choke on a bone and die.
And now, the spirited conclusion to my FF3 photo album.
See? Kid ghosts. You face off against these happy young gals several times throughout the game. Their shtick: one tries to nail your feet to the floor while another one swoops in for damage. This is the "I'm stabbing you!" pose.
But they're so damn cute about it. I would rather take them to the zoo or something.
And at some point, they learn how to fly.
What's up, Kusabi? This guy is a return customer from Fatal Frame 2. One of the more traditionally scary-looking ghosts.
But the main event is the Tattooed Priestess, Reika... shown here in another absurdly dangerous closeup. As far as Fatal Frame bosses go, I found her less difficult than Kirie or Sae. She does this thing where you get sucked into a black & white world, and if she touches you there, it's instant death... so you just have to run away and keep running until the b&w times out. The unfortunate thing is that you usually aren't sure where she is when the b&w thing happens, so sometimes you mistakenly run right into her. That causes swearing.
One thing I learned about myself: I always go for fatal frame shots (when a little red light goes off, indicating a shot that does maximum damage.) It never even occurred to me to not go for the fatal frame shot and just take a normal shot, until I read it in a strategy FAQ. Kind of a mental rule I made up, I guess.
An astonishing new development in the saga of the guy who attempted to park his SUV in his living room.
Contractors (we think) have been spotted, examining the damage and shaking their heads. The front was tarped off just before this past weekend's big snowstorm, so phew. The pink sign says that the building is unsuitable for habitation.
But the dude is living inside anyway! He has been spotted using the back deck door to come and go. Scandalous.
This is hilariously sad. This story from the award-winning ABC 6 Action News Team - WPVI in Philadelphia - is so full of bullshit and unresearched assumptions that it just reeks of a pandering, bottom-feeding Panic The Parents sweeps stunt story. There simply must not be any gamers on the WPVI staff, and if there are, they should be wholly ashamed of the lies their station just foisted upon the wide-eyed eager viewers of the Philly region. (I heard about this via a Slashdot link to a GameSetWatch story, so it's been around the block already.)
It's about the DS. It's about how the DS can be used to lure innocent children into online chatrooms and, assumedly, get them kidnapped or molested or worse. It's another solid fear story, pitched as "an important warning to parents" but done with absolutely no evidence or credibility. It is sadly indicative of the state of local newsrooms all over the country, where any press release issued from any wacky fringe group can land on the broadcast like the Word of Cronkite himself.
Actual story text follows in italics. My inserted comments are not.
Feb. 14, 2006 - We have an important warning for parents. Today marks the three-month anniversary of the launch of the Nintendo DS Wireless Connection. But Action News has learned this popular gaming system could put kids in harm's way.
No, you haven't.
Parents buy the system so their children can play video games. But we have made an alarming discovery. Strangers can use this toy to lure unsuspecting children to dangerous places.
Again, here comes that "alarming discovery." Parents all across Philly, still heartbroken over the Eagles' fall from grace last season, are leaning forward in their seats.
Nintendo's hot new creation markets primarily to children. It even comes complete with playmates. The handheld gaming system is like a mini computer. It has built-in wireless capability. That allows kids to battle fellow Nintendo DS players across the room or across the world.BITE: "They can play somebody they've never met."
All you need is a home wireless network or a Wi-Fi hot spot. And the game is catching on. Just this week, Nintendo announced more than 850-thousand users have logged on since the service's launch last November.
BITE: "It's a great thing for kids to have - they love it."
OK, this section is all technically correct. I wince at the "mini computer" description, which sounds to me like how you'd explain it to your deaf grandmother. "IT'S LIKE A MINI COMPUTER, GRAMMA." But get ready, America, because you're about to meet Theresa Keel, Moron Mother At Large.
But as Theresa Keel learned, that revolutionary wireless capability also comes with a potentially dangerous problem...BITE: "It could be putting your children at risk."
Theresa's 11-year-old daughter, Emily likes to doodle so she's using the Nintendo DS Pictochat feature. Pictochat puts you right into a chatroom and let you send messages wirelessly - and on this day we are in one of Philadelphia's many Wi-Fi hotspots.
Theresa Keel/Center City: "This screen name pops up and asks her what her name is and how old she is, and she answers."
Emily Keel/Center City: "And I just felt a little scared and confused."
You goddamned idiot. You should be ashamed for not understanding what your "kid's toy" does, and WPVI should be ashamed for not bothering to mention at this point how PictoChat actually works.
PictoChat creates local chat rooms. Local. That screen name is probably sitting in the both behind you. Glance about the room, you great flounder, and look for the other person with a DS. That's who just talked to you. If you're using PictoChat, you're not even fucking online.
This has happened to the Keels once before. But this time the screen name is so offensive, we can't even show it to you.BITE: "It frightened me. It really did."
Of course it did. You're a tool.
And a big boo to Action News further poisoning the well with the "offensive" screen name comment.
The stranger asks Emily: "Hey what's up? Are you still here? My name's Jud. What's your name?"BITE: "But it was scary to me as a parent that someone I don't know is talking to my child over what I consider a toy."
And Jud is persistent. When Emily won't tell him where she lives. He says, "Why won't you tell me? Don't want to chat? Why not? Are you afraid?"
Jud is standing RIGHT OVER THERE. This is one case where it is really easy to find/punish the actual pervert instead of railing against the technology that makes it possible. Go over to Jud and size him up. Is he actually a pervert? Or he is just some guy who was as surprised as you to find somebody else using PictoChat in a coffee shop.
Keith Dunn/Internet Safety Expert: "Predators are using Nintendo DS anywhere in the world. And it's going to be really hard to track down those individuals because of course, they're on a wireless network from a hotspot such as a coffee shop. Or if they're in a wireless environment, say a coffee shop or whatever, they jump on the wireless network so now you have predators who are trying to get at our kids."
And here comes the Internet Safety expert! Keith, predators may indeed be using the DS anywhere in the world, but they're only using PictoChat when they're in the same motherloving room as the kids. Maybe you should call the cops on that dude in the corner spanking it over his DS.
Internet safety expert Keith Dunn says parents need to teach their children to apply stranger danger rules to every and any situation.BITE: "Don't talk to strangers in game rooms if you don't know they're your friends. Don't talk to anyone. Just stop talking. Stop chatting in the game room."
Dunn also says parents should educate themselves.
Keith needs to educate himself on how the DS actually works, rather than just assuming it works like an AOL chat room on a PC. His advice is perfectly valid. Just not for PictoChat, Mario Kart, Animal Crossing or any other game currently available for the Nintendo DS. I suggest he should "Just stop talking."
BITE: "Parents really need to pay attention to what they're purchasing, ask a lot of questions, and really find out more about the game, what's involved - other than the video game aspect of it. Can you talk to other people? Can other people connect to my son's or daughter's mini game system?"Now Theresa and Emily are on alert. They don't plan on taking any chances.
BITE: "And eventually I got really scared that I shut the thing off without responding back."
If that scared you, now imagine that Jud was right the fuck beside you.
Nintendo confirms what happened to Emily is possible but the company claims that person must also be using another DS system and be within 65 feet. Like our expert, Nintendo also warns parents to educate their children not to talk to strangers even on their gaming system. Also, beware, there are other wireless gaming systems made by different manufacturers and they may have similar issues.
Whoop! Incoming truth! But of course the Action Tard Team couches it with the phrase "Nintendo claims." Instead of discussing this little bit of honest reality back when they first posit the dangers of the DS, they instead resort to lowest common denominator fearmongering. Hey, it's sweeps! Your kids will die tomorrow if you don't pay attention!
But I got news for you, newsies. Nintendo's claims are 100% correct. Emily and Jud were within 65 feet of each other. And nobody did anything about it. If Emily was unattended, you've got a problem. But her idiot mother was right there, sweating about some dangerous perv talking to her kid, presumably from Sasketchewan or other evil place. Instead, he's in Center City Philly eyeballing the both of them. This is no different than if he had walked over and talked to Emily in person. The DS is not the problem here.
And I love the scary, underlit DS pic used in the online version of the story. It's DANGEROUS.
But let's talk about how the DS handles genuine online play. Because it does actually do that... but PVI isn't going to play straight with you, now that they've exposed this "important information for parents" and already moved on to the crushing importance of Olympic medal countss and the vice president shooting people in the face. (How funny is THAT, by the way!) GameSetWatch has a nice look at this side of the coin. The bottom line is that Nintendo has been really careful about this. Certainly far more careful than America Online or your cellphone carrier has ever been. Attacking Nintendo over the Big Dangerous Pedophile Internet, of all companies, just shows how little fact-checking went into this story.
First of all, remember that Nintendo has been pushing the concept of a Friend Code... in order to play against a specific person, both he and I need to exchange Friend Codes, which are generated randomly according to a mystical analysis of DS hardware and game cartridge. (And, in Animal Crossing's case, even down to the player avatar itself.) If you have my Code and I don't have your's... no dice. You have to mutually share codes... and you have to do it offline. Either in person, or through email, or however people communicate these days. Nintendo has even banned people posting their Codes on their own Nintendo.com online forums!
Mario Kart DS: no chat at all. As GameSetWatch shows, the worst that can happen is that other players can custom design an icon that is broadcast to all players. An ICON. I'll admit, I've seen icons shaped like wangs... but in no way did that wang entice me into a chat room or try to find out how old I was. In MK, you can play against Friends or have the system match you with any available players... but, again, no chat. I'm going to put this one on the Green portion of the terrorist chart.
Animal Crossing Wild World: ok, here we have chat. Text chat. One-line, no scrollback text chat, but still text chat. The whole game is pretty much a visualized chat room. But here's the trick: it's Friend Code only. The only people I see in Wild World are people I've pre-approved to enter my game. And if your kid is exchanging Friend Codes with people unseen to you, then, as a parent, you've got bigger problems... because he/she is getting those Codes through other channels that you're not monitoring. I still feel obliged to place ACWW in the Green section, although maybe a slightly bluish-green, just since you can actually use words in it.
The worst thing that can happen is that some kid could somehow exchange Friend Codes with a pervert and the typical progression of online stalking takes over from there. But that's not even discussed in this pig! The whole 1:20 is wasted on something that can't even happen - online predators in PictoChat - and the (slight) real danger isn't brought up! I'm not meaning to minimize actual online dangers... just that the DS isn't likely to be one of them, and that this story is a total exaggeration that could have been refuted by the closest EB register jerk.
And remember, this is a goddamn DS we're talking about. Not a PC. You can't send somebody a link in Animal Crossing that pops up a porno website. You can't send somebody a virus that will install spyware behind Explorer. So half of the a dangers of online chat are already cut right out. Nobody is going to scan a naked picture of themselves into Mario Kart. Drawing a wang does not equal seeing an actual wang. And it absolutely doesn't equate to "putting kids in harm's way."
And as an adult, I find Nintendo's security measures annoying. I'm ok with Friend Codes as a way of connecting players, but the Mario Kart's matchup method is just about worthless, and I would find it interesting if Animal Crossing allowed you to throw open your gate to anyone. If the online play on the Revolution runs like the DS, it's going to be a laughing stock... which is why I suspect they will have some serious Parental Controls built into the system, and once you prove you're an adult, the console will allow unrestricted access.
Let's look at what's coming next. Metroid Prime Hunters will have voice chat, but only before and after a match. Yes, this means someone can call you a fag just as they do nightly on Xbox Live. (Jesus, WPVI, what about that?!) But I betcha Hunters runs off of Friend Codes as well. And I'll further bet that if it has a Mario Kart-esque matchmaking feature, it turns off the voice chat. (Or at least has the option of turning it off, and since it's going to be aimed at an older audience, it can get away with that.)
So what happened, WPVI? Your producer get a press release from one of the many Save The Children organizations out there? Jack Thompson stop by with a Pick Me Up bouquet? And since Nintendo = kiddies, you just had to hit the street right away with this Compelling, Important Investigative Report?
Do a little research next time. Stop spreading panic and alarm. Explain the real story throughout the piece instead of tucking the truth into the anchor's wrapup. I guess this is how you get to be the news leader in Philly: make shit up and scare parents into watching. Assholes.
I'm wearing this awesome t-shirt today, but odds are you're not going to see me. It's the They Might Be Giants visit Amish Country t.
Having spent my life in the shadow of that terrible terrible shrine to myopic religious cultists, I find this pretty damn funny. I'd be interested to know if the lads ship more of this particular t-shirt to Pennsylvania than to other states in the Union.
Also, there's exploratory drilling going on the office today that is driving me crazy. So I'm posting this.
| Grand Theft Auto: Vice City |
released October 2002, purchased October 2002
This was a hotly anticipated purchase, and for a while, I really didn't think it measured up to the hype. It took me a few months of on-again, off-again play before I seriously got into it. My initial reaction was that it just wasn't new enough, that it was just more of the same GTA3 stuff.
Once I warmed up to it, I think this became my favorite GTA game thus far. The faux 1980s setting casts the game in a high-spirited light. It's more broadly drawn, more cartoonish, than the other two in the series... and I think that helps counterpoint the gangland violence and Scarface-inspired plotline. Vice City also gave the radio stations a massive upgrade: more real music and much longer loops.
Vice City proved that GTA3 was no fluke. And although today GTA is the 800lb gorilla of video game franchises, back then it was nice to see a great game get a great sequel.
Memory Score: But there's no way I'm listening to K-ROCK.
| ATV Offroad Fury 2 |
released November 2002, received November 2002
Free from work.
Sucky and boring.
Played it online once.
Ironically, I received another copy when I bought my second PS2, the one that came bundled with the online adapter.
Memory Score: No personality, a million racing games do it better. Only for ATV fans (?)
| Ratchet and Clank |
released November 2002, received November 2002
I remember playing the first Ratchet demo when Mike and Scott were coming over for a Grand Day In. They asked how it was, and I said it was nothing special. I may never have played the actual game had I not received it free from work.
And it turned out to be quite a fun little title. Of course, today it's a franchise behemoth, but then it seemed like a sci-fi Mario clone with guns. Sony did a bang-up job developing this series, which, as I've said, was part of their initiative to invent brand new mascot-based exclusives to help distinguish the PS2.
Still, very Mario64. Later games amped up the weaponry angle (and the sidebar missions), but this one got a lot of play out of jumping platforms and a punishingly short life meter. There was a happy cartharsis to shooting things, but even that seemed like a Sony pastiche on Super Mario Sunshine, which came out a few months prior. They did make main character Ratchet come off as a big jerk... although that personality quirk didn't stick, probably because it was so awkward. This was definitely a prototype; while the Sly series got worse from 1 to 2, Ratchet got better.
Memory Score: Just rising action for game #2.
| SOCOM: US Navy Seals |
released August 2002, purchased January 2003
I bought this one solely for the gimmicky technology.
SOCOM has since become a leading name franchise for the PS2, but I tell you, this first outing did very little to impress me. The single-player missions were too trial-and-error. Your partners had trouble following your commands. And, as I found out once I picked up the broadband adapter, the online game was just awfully ugly. Almost unplayably ugly. Not to mention the eternal battle between the players desparately trying to be tactical versus the chatty losers only interested in screaming obscenities into the mic.
I liked the gag of issuing voice orders with the mic, and I loved that they would talk back to me inside the headset. I wish it had worked better, but it was a fun idea. Maybe they fixed it during one of the 16 sequels that came out, but since this one didn't do much for me, I bailed. I'm not a big fan of games that attempt to be so realistic that they squeeze all the fun out of the gameplay... especially when they look as lousy as this one did.
Memory Score: I think I made it to the third mission
Next week: After my online goes Black, I finally catch up on my Dante, buy Metal Gear AGAIN, and travel to that man-made monument to hubris: Stiver Island.
Just a quick note to make sure everybody out there reads 2005's Most Loathsome People in America. The acidic list comes from the Beast, a website I've never heard of but seems to be some kind of political commentary/humor site. My favorite quotes follow:
On Larry the Cable Guy, #48: "A middle-class Nebraskan, raised in Palm Beach, whose parents sent him to private school, masquerading as an Appalachian mutant and making millions off the nine-toed cyclopes in his audience by calling his material "blue collar," when it�s really just a celebration of proud ignorance."
On Rush Limbaugh, #43: "Rather than engage in the admittedly difficult task of justifying GOP policies rationally, the key to Limbaugh�s success is attracting an audience that actually yearns to be lied to. It doesn�t matter how many righteous fact-checkers assail him in print and on the web, because dittoheads don�t care that he�s lying, as long as the lies justify their prejudices."
On Tom Cruise, #40: "Seriously, can�t even act like a human being."
On Hillary Clinton, #30: "Will probably cause yet another tragic Republican presidency."
On Terri Schiavo, #29: "As confirmed by a conspicuously underreported autopsy, Schiavo feels the same about her current situation as she did a year ago."
On God, #13: "If your answer to the age-old question of God�s existence is "yes," your next question should be, "Why is he such a dick?""
On George W. Bush, #3: "Often responds to questions by attempting to define the word he finds the most challenging in them. Thinks press reports of his various crimes are responsible for his waning popularity, rather than the deeds themselves. Interprets the constitution like a Unitarian interprets the bible; for maximum convenience and with no regard to the actual text."
I won't further spoil the list. Enjoy.
There's spoiler material here, so watch out. Although, as you'll see, it ain't much.
I received my Wild World Player's Guide this week, my free gift for another year of Nintendo Power. It has lots of great pictures, a hip HGTV kind of layout... but the more I paged through it, the more pissed off it made me. Because it doesn't explain much of anything about how the game actually works. As I said previously, Nintendo remains dead-set against anybody knowing anything about Animal Crossing. Even the strategy guide has to stay spoiler-free.
Now, I'm not asking for a complete watchmaker's detail. I don't expect to see every single dialogue tree or an explanation of how the game generates town visitors. But when I pick up a strategy guide, I expect certain layers of game strata to be exposed. I want some secrets revealed, some thorough discussions. And I expect it all to be correct, because that's the chief advantage to buying something official like this as opposed to dredging the internet for info. (Plus the in-theme layout and imagery.) Yes, a book like this is intended to wreck some portion of the game. Pick up a guide for an adventure game and you'll see intricate maps showing every hidden collectible, every weapon upgrade, every secret sidequest. Animal Crossing: Wild World, on the other hand, dismisses every intriguing part with a smile and a wave, glosses over details, and still expects you to roll over and thank Nintendo for the privilege of collecting Gyroids one more time. (Which the book doesn't mention as showing up only after a rain or snowfall.)
What the Player's Guide doesn't explain:
- It doesn't explain how your character's face is determined by the questions Kapp'n asks you at the very beginning of the game. Only the vaguest terms are used: "if you answered all the questions rudely, you might end up with a permanent scowl." Which is, as Teh Intarweb already figured out, not even correct. First of all, what is the "rude" response to "I've had about enough of this here rain!", when your only choices are "Me, too!" and "I like it!"? And I don't see any faces that I would classify as a permanent scowl. Your avatar's face is awfully important, because that's one thing in this game that you can't change later. Who wants to play with a face that they hate? A proper face guide should definitely have been in this stupid book.
- Same goes for Harriet's hairstyles, which is also covered in merest detail and with only a sample of photos. You can get a new hairstyle each day, so it's at least changeable if you hate it... but at the cost of 3000 bells and you'd still need to dope out the dialogue tree to hone in on something you like. Also, the guide makes no mention of how a male character can "unlock" female hairstyles, and vice versa.
- The concept of a "perfect" town is handled in one tiny paragraph, with no discussion on how to accomplish it. It would have been simple to include a list of Pelly's hints and explain how best to fulfill them.
- There's no strategy offered for catching bees.
- For all the branding Nintendo did for the first AC as a "communication game," there's very little devoted to that in ACWW. There's almost nothing said about maintaining friendships with your town's animal villagers. Nothing about how to keep them from moving out (the only way I've personally found is to go inside each animal's home and see if any of them have their stuff packed in boxes, and then talk them out of moving), nothing about how they "read" letters (if at all in this one), and nothing about how to encourage them to give you their Pictures, which are one the game's rarest item sets and just about completely unmentioned.
- The blurb on Lyle doesn't say what he charges for his insurance nor what his payout is for signing up. Small detail, but why overlook it?
- Next to no info on buying turnips. No insight into the usual range that white turnips can sell for. No number quoted for a well-watered red turnip. And they even screwed up the traditional "stalk market" pun by calling it the "stock market" instead. (And yes, they put it in quotes.)
- No full display of Wendell's patterns. I've talked about how I hate the new Wendell procedure already, but it might be easier to swallow if I saw the awesome assortment of patterns I could get from him. Nope. The only interesting detail here - and it's exactly the kind of thing that I would want from a player's guide - is that the kind of food you give him determines a sub-class of patterns that he will choose from. For example, giving him fruit will get you a retro-Nintendo pattern of some sort.
- No full list of the emotions you receive from Dr. Shrunk, and no explanation of how many you can hold at a time. The chat keyboard only has room for four emotion buttons. If I talk to Shrunk again, will I have to replace one of those four? Will he magically make another panel for my keyboard, one dedicated to all emotions? Will he simply stop offering emotions? Nobody knows, least of all the Player's Guide.
- There is no mention at all of the obnoxious furniture limit that you get inside your house. You can't fill up every available square in ACWW like you used to on the GameCube. There is an unspecified limit, and the game bitches at you if you try to drop something over that limit. It's not discussed in the book.
- Feng Shui is still as vague as ever. The various effects of "luck" in Animal Crossing remain a mystery, even though half a dozen other game features refer to your "luck" as a deciding factor. But honestly, I'll let them have that one. Feng Shui is mysterious in the real world, so I can see them obscuring it here.
- No mention of growing flower hybrids. Not even a simplistic "and if you plant different colored plants of the same type, you may find that a new flower will grow nearby in a new color!" Nothing. Just a list of all the different flower types, with a notation that they "can be bought at Nook's" or "grow in the wild."
And yet, the trading quest - a branching item hunt that involved giving specific things to specific characters, something you'd never, ever figure out on your own - is mentioned dozens of times and explained thoroughly in a flowchart.
The holidays really do suck:
Wow, what a huge disappointment. I have the AC calendar that came in Nintendo Power hanging on our fridge, so I've been grousing over this for months. I understand the need to make the holiday events consistent across the board... but Nintendo could have replaced Halloween and the Harvest Festival (Thanksgiving) and Toy Day/Jingle's Appearance (Christmas) with something comparable. And I don't mean another fake-name-but-still-obviously-Christmas deal, I mean something with genuine gameplay attached to it.
Take the Harvest Festival. You had one evening during which you had to steal silverware from the dinner table and take it to Franklin, the turkey who was hiding somewhere in town. It was fun. It was, effectively, a mini-game. You had something out-of-the-ordinary to do and you were rewarded with rare furniture that you only received if you did well.
We now have ONE holiday that replicates that. The Acorn Festival in October. The rest of the holidays are so boringly non-events that the Player's Guide can explain them all in one tri-fold poster insert...
La-Di-Day. Every second Saturday in odd-numbered months. If you talk to villagers multiple times, they'll hum a song that you can choose as the new Town Tune. WHO CARES. Not a holiday. Next!
Fishing Tourney / Bug-Off. Various Sundays throughout the year. Same deal as in the first AC. You have X hours to catch the biggest fish (or bug). At least it's something to do, I suppose. And you get a trophy and rare paper if the game randomly generates your fish/insects as being largest. Still, nothing new here. Next!
Bright Nights. Going on right now, actually. The animals' houses have lights all over them, and you can tell Tortimer whose house you like the best. Here's my favorite part: the villager you chose "might give you a gift." MIGHT?!? The word "might" shouldn't even be in a strategy guide's vocabulary. Next!
Flower Fest. Second week of April. Whoever grows the best garden gets a trophy. Does best mean largest? Does best mean most hybrid colors? Does best mean most species? Does best mean I can simply destroy every other garden in town and walk away with the prize? Who knows? Next!
Fireworks Show. Every Saturday in August. Tortimer gives out sparklers, which are amusingly distracting. And you get fireworks on the top screen. Nothing to do, and the event is duplicated on New Year's (with the addition of a countdown clock). Next!
Yay Day. Every fourth Sunday, every other month. Villagers will compliment you, and you have to respond in a dialogue choice that matches his or her personality. I guess this is kind of a mini-game, since you have to work out your villager's personality types... but you don't get anything for it, aside from "improving your friendship." Maybe this leads to a better shot a getting villager Pictures, but the Guide won't say anything that explicit. Next!
Flea Market. Every first Saturday except January and August. This is the only other holiday (Acorn Festival being the other one) that is worth looking forward to. On this day, you get to walk into the animals' houses and buy their stuff. Just click on a piece of furniture and see if they have a price in mind. That's one thing I really like about ACWW: that the villager's houses can change furnishings over time. The downside of Flea Market day is that the second you enter your house, somebody will walk in and start making offers on your furniture. Before the next Flea Market, I think I'm going to fill my house with a bunch of super cheap items and see if I can turn a profit.
Those terrible Camper and Igloo events seem to be gone, which surprised me. I would have thought those two would have benefited greatly from the DS touchscreen. Imagine a "pick a card, any card" game where you actually get to see the cards the animal is referencing! The mind reels. But no, we've got smeggin' La-Di-Day hogging the calendar.
The Animals:
The Player's Guide displays the entire animal population, which is trimmed down form the GameCube version. Some species have only two or three animals, where before they had four to six. There's only two cows, for example. The good news is that there is only one hippo, and it ain't Bitty! Ooh, I hated her. I was also excited to see that Octavian, the super-rare octopus character, has a female counterpart in ACWW.
I also like the three guys dressed up like Power Rangers: Kid Cat, Dr. Trunk, and Agent S. That would be fun to get all three of those dudes in one town.
The Catalog:
The Player's Guide mentions that sometimes Nook will have an item for a better price than Redd, but then never shows what those prices are. The back of the book lists Nook's price but not Redd's... and the Redd section rather stupidly lists the price Nook pays for Redd items. WTF.
Some of the new fish and bugs are crazy cool. Tarantulas?! There's going to come a month when tarantulas freely roam Adamsvil?
There's items missing from the guide that I've seen in animals' houses, that other players have already found, and that you can order from a catalog. Why is the Arwing a secret? Pudge has an Arwing in his house! Put those damn items in the Player's Guide! I'm sort of OK with leaving out the super-secret stuff, like the Pikmin item we all gawped at last month... but the Master Sword? I found one of those in the dump back on the GameCube.
In conclusion, what a bunch of suck. This isn't a Player's Guide, it's a pumped up Instruction Manual.
Most of this missing stuff can be found online, but I always prefer to hear it from an official source, not some Johnny Website with a big mouth. AC forums are always full of outright lies masquerading as uber-rare hidden secrets. In fact, I started one once as a joke. When the millionth person started a "What's a pitfall?" thread, I posted that they were holding it upside down. It's not an "!", I said. It's an "i". If you can collect all the letters in the word "pitfall" you'll unlock the Atari classic video game.
After finishing Fatal Frame 3, I did some info searching at Beyond the Camera's Lens and GameFAQs, just to see if I missed anything.
I knew I missed a couple of items. Having Folklore Notes 1 and Folklore Notes 3 but missing Folklore Notes 2 was pretty obvious. And of course, all the Vanishing Ghosts that fade out just as I realized they were there...
But I somehow managed to completely avoid one of the legends of Fatal Frame 3, the Stroller Grandma. Not sure how I skipped that bit, but I never saw a single Stroller Grandma. Didn't see one until the Mission Mode that you unlock after beating the game. Huh.
I also totally missed the Notched Arrow Key section, which eventually grants you the Measure Function. Measure allows the Camera Obscura to pop up a life meter on enemy ghosts. Never got it. so I did all the game's big final boss confrontations with absolutely no notion of their HP status. Nice.
I never noticed half of the ghost visits that show up back in Rei's apartment. Duh. (Relatedly, I waited until about a third of the way in before I started giving Miku pictures to research... just kinda missed the point on that when the game first mentions it, and then forgot about it until randomly talking to Miku later on.)
So I have started a second playthrough. You get to purchase new camera bits for use during the second play and in Mission Mode, so my camera is getting pretty swanky. Plus, the second play can reveal a new ending.
Postscript: Here's a little something that might appeal to Fatal Frame fans, Japandonland. It's a couple of english translations of photo galleries of abandoned buildings in Japan. Apparently there's a whole subculture (both in Japan and the rest of the world) of people who invade and explore decaying, decrepit buildings. And, of course, take pictures and blog it. When they're not being run off by cops or threatened by homeless squatters. Rhonda and I actually did that once, at some giant abandoned hotel in midstate NY. The exploring part, not the blogging, running or threatening parts.
What makes Japandonland especially interesting to me is when you see real life pictures of stuff that could be straight out of a Fatal Frame game... shattered walls, mulched tatami mats, scattered leaves and debris. If you're game, start at Japandonland and then go here (Haikyo Explorer) for the full, unabridged, untranslated source material.
Post-postscript: I found that slick "Gals of Project Zero" image here, on some site I never heard of before. The artist's handle is Phanatica.
| The Document of Metal Gear Solid 2 |
released September 2002, purchased September 2002
I'm riding the MGS fanwagon, sure.
This is mostly a documentary DVD, some short films about the making of Metal Gear Solid 2. Being a big fan of the game, I definitely found the stuff interesting - like the hilarious footage of Kojima and Co. being instructed on how real soldiers clear a room. But, this being a pretty rare concept, I thought it was important to buy it so as to show support for future video game documentaries and explorations. (They're doing a similar DVD as a pre-order bonus for the re-release of Metal Gear Solid 3.)
There's some actual gameplay here, just some sample levels of the VR Mission ilk, but nothing I really glommed onto. Nope, this was a passive purchase. I'm anticipating this will be even more interesting to watch years from now, as video games develop: Imagine watching a "behind the scenes" special about the making of Super Mario Brothers today.
Memory Score: The countermonkey felt he had to warn me that this wasn't a game. Dude.
| Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus |
released September 2002, purchased September 2002click here for my review written in October 2002!
With PaRappa stuttering, Lara Croft an embarrassment, and Crash Bandicoot hitting the skids, Sony needed some fresh blood. In the fall of 2002, they unveiled three brand new character-driven games, all destined to become major franchises for the PS2. They were Jak and Daxter, Ratchet and Clank, and Sly Cooper.
Sly is easily the least popular of the three, but probably my favorite.
When you compare Sly 1 to Ratchet 1, it's no contest: Sly 1 is so much more memorable. (Move on to game #2 and the gap narrows, because Sly starts to dilute itself while Ratchet piles on the flavor.) Sly's platforming acrobatics were a joy to play, and the art direction was second-to-none. I still have happy flashbacks to that one level that looped around itself as you scaled the exteriors of several interconnected buildings. The game looks great and plays great.
Unfortunately, it was kinda short; it definitely left me wanting more. The sequel came out two years later and - gasp - forced you to play other characters beside Sly, which really killed it for me. Once you've gone Sly, you don't want to waste time with anybody else.
Memory Score: If you're still into games where you collect stuff, this is the one to get.
| Superman: Shadow of Apokolips |
released September 2002, purchased October 2002click here for my review written in November 2002!
This is a real disappointment. Here's a game where they did all this great work figuring out how to replicate Superman's powers, mapped all sorts of fun abilities all over the Dual Shock, mastered the transition between walking and hovering and flying... and then phoned in a four hour game. Seriously. Four hours.
OK, there's some technical weaknesses. A thin plot, lousy dialogue, and a graphic look that is intended to be streamlined but just looks unfinished. But the controls for Superman himself are begging to be in a fun, complete game. It is fun to fly him around, it's fun to use heat vision and x-ray vision, etc. You just aren't given much game to do it in.
The dealbreaker is that you spend all this time following a trail of "high tech" weaponry that is showing up in Metropolis, you figure out that it is Apokolips tech, you realize (duh) that Luthor is behind it... and then the game takes you to a Stryker's Island breakout where you fight Livewire, Parasite and Metallo... none of whom have anything to do with Darkseid and Luthor. And then credits roll. No confrontation with Luthor, no Boom Tube to Apokolips to toss Parademons into Darkseid's ugly face. Credits. What a super-letdown.
Memory Score: Next time, let's get Superman all the way to Apokolips.
| The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers |
released October 2002, purchased October 2002
Hack and slash movie license game. Not really much to talk about here. It's one of those games where you have all these dopey combo moves you're supposed to learn, but simply hammering the X button works just as well.
It looked okay. Did some cute tricks dissolving from movie footage (which wasn't out yet) to game footage. Actually started out with a fair amount of levels based on Fellowship of the Ring, since all the Fellowship video games sucked. You got kind of a sneak peek at the movie's Ents near the middle of the game, although they're only seen in shadow.
Perhaps the neatest bit is how they treated the game almost like a DVD, with unlockable celebrity interviews and art galleries.
Memory Score: Can you believe there's no multiplayer mode?
Next week: a lombax, my PS2 goes online, very little offroad fury, and the series that can't miss adds motorcycles. Motorcycles!
I finished Fatal Frame 3: The Tormented in just over 16 hours. I'm well aware that's not any kind of record - my completion ranking was E, as expected - but I tend to play games like this slowly and with a lot of exploration. Took 19 in-game nights, and my highest scoring photo was over 7000 points. Unlocked Ending #1 and other fun stuff.
Here's some of the in-game photos I saved. I usually don't pay much attention to a photo's point total; I keep pics based on how awesome or rare or scary they are. So most of these are embarrassingly low scores simply because the ghost is a split second away from kicking my ass. Still, the photos look great!
See what I mean? She's about to grab me.
This is another favorite pose of mine: the super-close-up. If you haven't played Fatal Frame, keep in mind that these ghosts are attacking... typically by lurking nearby and then lunging at you. For most of the combat scene, Mother here was at a reasonable distance... until WHAM she jumps you.
The Wandering Mother is searching for her lost Wandering Daughter. The Fatal Frame series has always had a mad-on for kid ghosts.
And our final muse for the day: the Woman Brushing. Her hair, that is. You always come across her in the Kimono Room, sitting at her vanity. There are several clumps of old matted hair stapled to the wall, just in case things weren't creepy enough. When she's not swooping in to grab you, she throws balls of spectral hair.
I think shots like this should be worth more points. If you're willing to let a ghost get in close enough to kiss you, you deserve something for your bravery.
Going on two and a half weeks now since some dude down the street rammed his own house, and still no movement. In fact, it's starting to look even worse.
We've had some hilariously bad weather lately, driving rain and such... so that tarped-off interior must be feeling pretty musty by now. I'll let you know when something changes.
I finished off the fossils section of the Museum tonight. 52 fossils in just under two months. If everybody's town generates 1-3 fossils a day, and if everybody is as diligent as I am in digging them up, then I would expect that a lot of Day One Wild Worlders have a full or nearly full dinosaur exhibit right about now.
The last fossil I needed was a Trilobite.
Spoiler: You don't get anything for completing Blathers's fossil collection. Unless something comes in the mail tomorrow, I guess. It would have been nice if Blathers had handed me a rare item to comemmorate the event. When my Official Nintendo Strategy Guide arrives in the mail, I guess I can double-check that. Then again, given the hippie attitude Nintendo has toward Animal Crossing - where it's all "Have fun doing it yourself!" - maybe not. The GameCube strategy guide has a big writeup on NES Punch-Out, for cryin' out loud. And we still have no legit way to get it. Some strategy guides go into insane detail about game mechanics and minutae, covering every possible hidden secret and delicate nuance. Not Animal Crossing. With Animal Crossing, you get a photo guide to the item sets and a lot of vague descriptions about things that might happen. I can't wait to see how all these no-item pseudo holidays stack up against the GameCube's Real American Holidays With Rare Items And Sort-of Minigames.
So far, they don't.
From this week's Open Gate night: Tyler, Matti, me, Marci. That green feather in my hair came from donating over 10,000 bells to the downtrodden denizens of Boondox.
Tyler is sporting the royal crown, which costs a million bells if you bought it from the store. He says a friend gave it to him, but I would wager it was procured through less-than-honorable means... or one helluva week in turnips. Regardless, it is a catalog item (although you can't order it, it does count towards your list); he hadn't been in town for more than a few seconds before we were begging to touch it! So we worked out a trade. Tyler wanted the UFO I had up in my western room: I let him have it free of charge, if he allowed all three of the other people currently in Adamsvil touch his crown. He consented, and the royal crown went around the room like a pack o' Luckies. Catalog +1!
In other news, I had the Lost Kitten sequence again, this time with the mother cat in my town. The kitten was roaming over in Gabby's town of Mooguppy. We met up and reunited the family... and I forget what I received for it. Something amazing, I'm sure.
I did get TWO paintings from Wishy the Star this week, which has to be a crazy coincidence.
Also finished off a mortgage and had Nook put in a house upgrade. Now I have a side room off to the left of my main room that contains a complete Snowman Series decor. And the new upgrade/mortgage is well underway.
And lastly, a link: Old Grandma Hardcore does Animal Crossing!
Disney's features division has been in a lose/lose situation for years. Their original movies have failed miserably, gobsmacked by just about every other family movie outlet around. Treasure Planet. Brother Bear. Home on the Range. So it's become apparant that nobody wants them to produce original content... and yet when they crap out features based on their beloved classic properties, the purists say those suck too. Bambi 2. Lady and the Tramp 2. Cinderella 2. So what are they supposed to do?
Here's a great Pixar/Disney deal editorial that pretty much says it all. Summary: Steve Jobs is highly aware of the odds that Pixar's winning streak is about to end, plus he knows that only Disney has the power to continue to wring money out of the Pixar stable. Disney is desparate to remain a force in the animated marketplace, it's just good karma to stay on good relations with the progenitors of their most successful licenses of the past decade, and they know they need a creative shot in the arm... an injection now personified in Jobs and Lasseter.
Of course, I don't agree that Pixar's creative output has been the end-all/be-all of the animated world. I still say they're writing more or less the same movie every time. And I wish they would make a movie with characters that live in a world of their own making, instead of always being some kind of hidden underclass that exists inside the human world. It's like Disney's Robin Hood vs. Disney's 101 Dalmatians. In Robin Hood, it's a world of talking animals run by a world of talking animals. In Dalmatians, the talking animals live parallel to normal human characters. I would like to see Pixar tackle more concepts like Robin Hood and less like Dalmatians.
Disney just has to be beside itself for allowing Pixar to become a brand name. If they had somehow managed to keep the hammer down in the early days of Toy Story's success, they wouldn't be fighting this brand split between the Disney family and the Pixar family. But, who knew then that these movies would hit so big? Disney had done plenty of lackluster sidebar-studio deals before, where they distribute somebody else's baby or share ownership in some fashion (Brave Little Toaster, Who Framed Roger Rabbit), so when Pixar pushed for equal marketing representation, they must have been "Sure, that way if it tanks, we only take half damage." For the Disney loyalist, allowing the rise of the Pixar brand ranks as one of the top mistakes the company ever made.
Also, when Toy Story launched, feature length CGI movies were still looked upon with a skeptical eye. Nobody thought you could get the same warmth and layers out of 3D constructs that you can coax from a hand-drawn character. Whoops.
What I like about the deal is this: we now just have a lot more talent in the same room. What Pixar provides can solve Disney's problems, and what Disney provides can solve Pixar's problems.
I'm so happy to see The WB and UPN merge into one network, because now I'll have one less thing to hate in my life. And now we'll no longer have to hear the fabricated word "netlets" bandied about in the trades.
The best news is that the working title for the new gestalt is "The CW," which is so hilariously awful that it's difficult to foresee any success at all. Even aside from no one understanding what CW stands for (CBS and Warner, and even that makes the common man raise an eyebrow, wondering what CBS has to do with anything), it's the continuation of WB's "The" that truly makes it stink. If they had gone with CWTV or CWC or CWN, they might have a show at respectability. Maintaining the "The" - which clearly did wonders for The WB's success - just makes them look lame.
My suggestion is "SplashPop TV." It's edgy, it's hip, it lends itself to soda tie-ins. It doesn't require an article. You want a network with an identity, there it is. I even spent three minutes designing you a logo. (Note now you could swap in other media types in place of the "TV", so you could easily branch out into SplashPop Web, SplashPop Radio, SplashPop Cares, SplashPop Ringtones, SplashPop Instant Beverages, whatever.)
That's probably the problem: Trying to manufacture an identity for the network regardless of the programming. Nobody watches networks anymore; you'd think the chumps in charge would have realized that by now. People watch shows. Even FOX - which, if you'll recall, was once the urban, young, in-your-face, mega-EXTREME channel - has given up on "the FOX attitude." FOX goes from 24 to American Idol to House to That '70s Show to Trading Spouses to America's Most Wanted to The Simpsons in any given week (at the moment.) Where's your brand identity in that? Action / reality / drama / comedy / serious / light / animated / young / rural / urban / scripted / ensemble / medical / crime / talent competition. There's nothing unique or unifying about any network's prime time lineup across seven nights and it's asinine to pretend that there is. It's all about the shows. If you like House, you watch House. No one in America "likes FOX shows" purely because they're shows on FOX, or that they're the kind of shows FOX airs. That thought no longer has any meaning.
So until The CW figures out the schedule (Wrestling, Smallville, Top Model, Gilmore Girls, and Everybody Hates Chris, from my Magic 8-Ball), any attempts to carve out an imaginary brand are just wasted effort. Because they'll be just as young / real / drama / scripted / competition / female / male / comedy / urban / crime as the rest of them.
OMG, I just realized: that stupid frog is gone! Michigan J. can go back into the vault and pretend he didn't spend ten years as a punchline. LOL NOOB.
