We're in the middle of an epic Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures level when we hear a bang from outside. Now, I have these guys parking along the street, so I peek out to see if something terrible and stupid happened to one of their cars. I can see both of the vehicles and there are no obvious signs of a recent accident... stationary headlights, shiny glass fragments, people standing around scratching their heads. None of that. So we make some repo man jokes and get back to Four Swords. This is about 11:30pm.

A short time later we hear big vehicle noises and when I look out the window this time I see a fire truck parked at the end of my driveway, with other rescue fleet cars all down the street. Now we figure we really ought to investigate.

Some choad in the next block has driven his SUV straight into his front door. I didn't see anything when I looked out the window the first time because his house is on the same side of the street and it kinda banks away from my view.

Now there are people everywhere, so the guys go out to make sure their cars weren't scraped or knocked around by this moron who forgot he doesn't own a garage. We're happy to say that no other cars or property were injured, apart from this guys own stuff.

We watched the firemen remove the car from the house (they just drove it back a couple feet) and knock down the brick that was obviously going to fall down anyway. I went to get my camera, but then I felt tacky taking pictures so I didn't bother. These images are from the morning newscast that ran the story the next day, which is why they all say "7:04am" on them.

Of course we had plenty of neighbors out in their housecoats and jammies gawking. I talked with some and learned that this same dude recently drove his motorcycle over the hill in the communal backyard and crashed it in the drainage creek... which explains the fire engines we had on our street a month or so ago. The rumor is that he is "addicted to something," because he is constantly in some kind of trouble.

Tony even got to talk to the crazy old guy who usually keeps to himself but every now and then undergoes a tempestous domestic with whoever lives with him. He informed Tony that "I'm not drunk, I just have a bad hip."

The 7:00am news covered the story in brief. Police officials told the newspeople that "his leg locked up" as he was parking. Bullshit. How the hell does that happen? How does somebody execute the right angle turn needed to enter the driveway, avoid all the cars on the street and the properties next door, get perfectly aligned with the driveway, and then jam a locked-up right leg on the gas with enough force to get over a brick entry platform and into a living room?

Here is a diagram of what happened:

The blue rectangles are innocent cars. Cars 1 and 2 belong to Josh and Tony. #3 is a nearly abandoned SUV that belongs to the trash that live across the street. Note how it is half on the sidewalk. They pulled it up there sometime last November and it hasn't moved since.

So this goon manages to make it into his own driveway - which doubtlessly required him slowing the fuck down to make the turn. Because I saw the car and it wasn't slammed into the door at a weird, hectic angle. It was dead straight. He had that car perfectly aligned with his driveway. Somehow, after running the gauntlet of normal obstacles on a townhouse-packed street, his leg magically locks up at the parking point. Not on his way up the street. Not while he was making the turn (which would have whacked that damn abandoned car, which would have been hilarious... but then probably chained into Josh's car, which would not have been as funny.) Nope, his leg stiffed the pedal after parking. It's either the greatest coincedence in Manchester Township, or this jerk was so fogged on something that he didn't know when to stop his car.

I just can't believe that "my leg locked up" is an acceptable medical defense for some guy destroying his own property and disrupting the neighborhood and wrecking our Four Swords game.

I don't know if there's any credence to the drug rumors. But regardless of whether it's an exotic leg cramp disease or he was strung out on something... here's a guy who needs to get something looked at before his issues escalate.