That initial FF trailer was the big sucky, although it did do a great job of lowering my expectations enough that I actually enjoyed the movie. Man, what a terrible trailer.

The X3 teaser is not so terrible, but still offers plenty to get snarky about.

This is Item One in the much-disputed Halle Berry X3 Contract: Halle walks in front of all other cast members at all times.

So, out of all the major X-Men as yet unseen in film, can you name one that has a more ridiculous looking mutant power? We comics fans have been swallowing our disbelief on Angel for over 40 years now. I don't know who the actor is portraying Richie Rich here, but in the trailer's quick closeups he looks like that Kirk the Jerk guy from Judd Hirsch's "Dear John" sitcom.

What do you know. Something big gets thrown at the camera.

Ladies and gentlemen, the New Brotherhood. And Juggernaut doesn't look half bad, although I hope they ignore the "Charles Xavier's half-brother" bit. It's another silly soap opera coinkidink moment and I still have nightmares from that X-Men cartoon with Juggy going "Dear BROTHER" all the time. I don't see the Blob in this shot. That will probably be fine.

This li'l chunk o' drama will probably be retouched for the actual film, because Cyclops's fillings are distractingly obvious.

Speaking of distractingly obvious. Dark Phoenix wears short shorts when in the X-Infirmary.

If you have a problem... if no one else can help... and if you can find them... maybe you can hire: The X-Team.

Judging from the nonsense Halle Berry put us all through in the Catwoman movie, I'm wondering if she didn't get her claws a little too deep into modifying the X3 effects script. Because what we see here is Storm doing a terrible spinning cyclone move to whisk Wolverine out of danger (which, as usual, consists of something big being thrown at him.)

You know what I see when I look at this image? From left to right: Somebody who isn't Beast, Beast, Somebody who isn't Beast, Somebody who isn't Beast, Somebody who isn't Beast, Somebody who isn't Beast.

I'll tell you, that right there is why I'm going to see this movie. Frasier as the Beast. I hope the casting office didn't have to work too hard on that day.

I stopped caring about Anna Paquin about thirty minutes into the first movie. They took an awesome character, a fanboy favorite, a superhot megastar of the team... and turned her into a whiny teen goth with all of Kitty Pryde's plot beats. Awful.

There's the adamantium-is-metal trick again. When they did that in the comics, the entire fan world let out a collective "Duh." I completely forget: did they do this bit onscreen already? I'll have to ask the guys at work.

Here's that stupid tornado move again. Halle's contract must be ironclad, because there's no reason to showboat this embarrassment twice in the same trailer.

OK, seriously. I am totally over everybody milking the Fastball Special. I know I hoped for it in the last movie, but I am older and wiser now. It's been animated, it's been in card games, it's been in tabletop games, it's been in video games. It's done. I am rolling my eyes right the hell now.

I do like that logo. X4 will instead be the solo Wolverine movie and this logo sets us up for an instant visual connection when that movie hits.