Stop sucking.
This is about your "Monthly Rag" news section. I know that it is difficult to write articles about upcoming toy lines. I know that almost every article in your old "Buzz" section was either "Toy Line X Announced" or "Look at these Protoype Figures from Toy Line Y." I know that every time you asked the brand manager for a quote, you always got the same inspid "We are SO excited to be able to bring these beloved characters to the fans" crap.
But that was all a damn sight better than this terrible Onion bullshit you've been doing since issue 95.
For example, in issue 101, you completely destroy what could be an interesting interview with the creators of Aqua Teen Hunger Force with fake comments from a Rabbi about the show being non-kosher. Ha ha, get it. I mean, this was with the guys from Aqua Teen. They're like a pull quote dispensary.
I get your message: toy news is boring. Perhaps a focus group told you that they usually skim that section. Well, now you've made it impossible to tell what the hidden news item is. The second article from #101 has some pictures of new DC dioramas, but in order to find out what the hell they are, I had to wade through a comedy piece about the "friends of Fayetteville, NC-area deli clerk Derek Motley" and his infatuation with the movie Se7en. If your efforts are just to spice up dull toy news, I'm telling you that you are over-reacting. Plus, you're not particularly funny in this "Not Necessarily the News" format.
You still have the "Incoming" section, which is nothing but big pictures of new toys. Many of the lines featured here don't hit stores for months, so I assume the only difference between Incoming and Monthly Rag is that you have a couple of genuine sound bites for the toys featured in the Rag (that's setting aside the Rag articles that are complete fakes, which only confuses the issue more.) Those DC dioramas could have been just an Incoming page, with pics of the toys, the in-store date, and a couple of "OMG we're drooling" comments in the accompanying text box. Instead they're buried under a giant jpeggy shot of Brad Pitt that is probably a copyright violation.
Please give it a rest. If you find straight news to be boring, then don't try to fill ten pages with it. Shove it into two and take a quarter off that $5 cover price. Or incorporate the news under the Incoming header, which is probably all you really need anyway.
If you print this, please hold the "lighten up d00d its a toy mag" comments. I've always loved ToyFare and enjoyed the word balloons, the McGuffin gag, Twisted ToyFare Theatre... even the paragraphs in the regular "Top 10" feature, which I know must get to be a grind after month upon month of Wolverine figures. I like my ToyFare funny. You've just gone overboard with your new Rag section, because you're treating the "news" like it's not important unless it is funny as well. Like I said, if it's not working for you, then dump it! The Rag is confusing, misleading filler... and it must be one of your writer's secret resume file for his/her rejected application to The Onion.
This is sort of unrelated, but I can't believe your reader mail goes to an AOL.com address. Time to toss the dial-up, man. Shamus has his own domain, make him share it.
Thanks, Joe Fourhman
P.S. Please tell the jerks behind Stikfas that it's time they actually submitted real world photographs of their new toys, not fucking CG renders. I don't want to see some CAD artist's conception of the toys, I want to see the genuine goddamn toys.
