July 2005 Archives

Really?

Doctor Octopus?! Who is posed caught in his fury against the Public Works Department, destroying a fire hydrant? Maybe he's fighting a reformed Wild Pack or Avengers-era Sandman and he plans to turn Sandy into that mud creature like when Sandman fought Hydro-Man. Gad, that was an awful time in comics.

We stopped by Toys R Us today (Clark's fourth visit! He's averaging one a week) and I picked up another Marvel Figure Factory set. The selection looked like the same packs that were there last time when I pulled Storm out of the Mystery Figure box. So, with 12 Mystery Figures, I estimated the odds of getting another Storm out of the same rack seemed awfully low.

There was one other Mystery Figure, two or three Iron Men, two or three Hulks, and three or four Doctor Octopi.

I passed over three or four labelled Doc Ocks so that I could get a flaming Doc Ock inside a Mystery Figure package?!?!!! Look at this:

Doc Ock is clearly shown as one of the eight "known" figures, the ones that come in a labelled package. (Sidenote: observe how my TRU stocks only the lamest of the known figures, Iron Man, Hulk and Doc Ock. What, no Green Stupid Goblins?) I can't believe they would also sneak Doc Ock into a Mystery Figure package! What a pile of crap!

The even bigger burn is that, for a split second, I thought I had gotten Mr. Fantastic. When we got home, I asked Rhon to open the package because I couldn't stand the pain of getting a second Storm. She asked me who I would like to get (she often has incredible luck with that sort of thing) and I said "Silver Surfer, Dr. Doom, or any of the Fantastic Four. But it will probably be somebody dorky like Daredevil or Cyclops or Captain America." When she popped the lid to the little crate, she said "I think it's long arms guy." She had mistaken the metal tentacles for a stretched limb. Then I looked at the silver arms and went into shock.

He is a pretty neat-looking figure though. Should I go back and get the remaining Mystery Figure? What are the odds it will be another Doc Ock?

Usually all of my tabletop gaming comes from my comic store with impulse booster pickups at Target etc. This month I bought a pair of new games from Toys R Us, one of which I'm actually pretty interested in. The other is just meh.

The good one is the Zatch Bell card game, which is something I bet you'll never hear again. These are relative terms. Zatch Bell wins because it has a gameplay hook that fascinates me. Now, I know almost squat about the TV show; I've seen it once or twice on Cartoon Network and it seems benign enough. Another Pokemon variant with DBZ action. I wasn't heading out looking for Zatch Bell merch. So me snapping up the card game went something like this:

We walk into Toys R Us and one of their ad flyers catches my eye. It has the Zatch Bell logo and the phrase "THE HOTTEST GAME OF THE YEAR HAS ARRIVED!" Remember, I'm in a TRU so naturally I'm thinking "video games" and I am highly amused to see somebody call a Zatch Bell video game the Hottest. The video game industry is prone to hyperbole, but with big titles like Zelda and GTA around, it would take extreme balls to call a licensed anime game the Hottest of the Year. So I pick up the flyer.

Turns out, it's for a card game. Well, that's still a bold bit of marketing, so I retain my smirk. But I start softening around the edges when I read this in the bullet points: "the first collectible card game with no deck to shuffle, no draw or discard phase, no cards "in hand" to reconcile!"

Say what? How in the hell did they manage to make a card game that doesn't operate out of a deck? The next paragraph explains how you insert your chosen cards into a little spell book, and cards are played as you turn the pages of the book.

That did it. I have to see this one in action. Purchased.

Then I made Mike play it. And I'm still willing to call it interesting. I like how the spell books easily display your cards, and I like the way the presentation mimics the action in the cartoon. The cards could use some better design... there's four types of cards and the only way to distinguish between them all is with a colored border. Mamodos/Orange, Partners/Blue, Spells/Brown, Events/Green. They didn't bother to print "SPELL" or "EVENT" on the cards, which would have added a little instant visual clarity, especially for beginners. Also, although you'd think you could easily identify the Mamados and Partner cards as being people, they went and made a bunch of Event cards that are also people. I hate that.

Deckbuilding looks like a pain, since there are waaaay too many Mamodos in the card set... and each Mamado can only cast his or her own spells. So if you want to make a deck around one of the more obscure Mamodos (IE, not Zatch himself), you're going to have to buy a lot of boosters to dredge up all of the relevant spell cards. I think it may be a Toys R Us retail exclusive, which means you're at the mercy of $4 boosters, which is just awful.

Also, Mike and I have a philosophical concern. Given that you don't shuffle your spell book cards, there is a potential that any games between the same two spell books might play out exactly the same. Aside from a couple coin-flip based cards, the only randomizing factor is that each player can choose how many pages to turn at the beginning of each turn (the more pages you turn, the more magic points you generate, although when you run out of pages, you lose.) Further research required.

The other game is Super Hero Showdown, a gesalt customizable card game and action figure game. Each player gets an action figure and some corresponding power cards, and you trample over a modular card-based gameboard trying to hit each other.

The packaging makes a big deal about how posing the figures is an integral part of the game. It's not. Taking the time to pose your figure to match your attack (punch or kick, for example) means as much to the gameplay as you just announcing "Hey, I'm punching." It's not like the game judges you based on how well you can pose an action figure.

Basically, you move, you decide if you're going to do a regular attack or blow out one of your card attacks, you apply any effects from the space you moved to, then roll the dice. In a classic stupid move, you have to add your 2D6 roll to your hero's attack score (defender does the same)... but each figure's Attack and Defense are almost identical! Every guy I've seen in the assortment has numbers ranging from 11 to 13, which ain't much of a spread. I bought the Spider-Man (12A, 13D) vs. The Thing (13A, 12D) two pack, and a Ghost Rider (12A, 12D) booster figure. How dopey is it that all three of those guys have nearly the same Attack and Defense. Obviously nobody wanted to spend any time constructing finely balanced figures here, where a character with low numbers has awesome power cards to back him up, and vice versa. No, everyone here has the same A & D, and a similar assortment of Plus This and Minus That power cards. Weak.

There's a Dr. Doom figure in the next wave, so I'll definitely get that one... maybe Human Torch as well. But I'm getting them mainly as miniaturized Marvel Legends figures that just happen to have a game attached to them, rather than the other way around. Alhough there's an idea, use the Legends figures instead...

The Thing figure is really nice, especially when you consider these guys are roughly Star Wars size, 4.5" to 5". The Spider-Man figure is one of the least poseable Spider-Man toys available, which was something of a shock, given the gme wants you to pose toys all day. He also suffers from a waif body that makes decent posing even harder to pull off. I like my Spider-Man skinny, but he shouldn't be a supermodel.

I forgot to mention that every figure comes with a spring-loaded weapon for ranged attacks. Hilarious.

Right beside the Showdown racks was a handful of Marvel Figure Factory boxes. This isn't a game, but I bought one anyway. Each one is a plastic crate that contains a Marvel hero diorama you assemble yourself. Eight of them are labelled, but there are twelve SECRET figures! I sprung for one of the secret boxes. Mainly because the coolest labelled box was Iron Man, and I didn't think his model was that cool at all. So I hoped I would get somebody awesome like the Silver Surfer or Doc Doom.

I got Storm.

Day of Vengeance #3. This is a fun one. First, some great voiceover by Blue Devil. I love his thought captions. Then a little journey towards a plot point with Detective Chimp, who I just realized I hear in my head talking like Lancelot Link. Who was voiced in homage to Humphrey Bogart.

There are some padded spots: an entire page devoted to BD dressing down a quailing Ragman, for one. Also, an uncomfortable exchange between the Chimp and Nightshade where he questions her magic ability. There's something not right about that entire conversation. It makes you feel like they scripted something else altogether, changed their minds after the art came back, and got stuck filling the word balloons with anything... almost like the speech stretching that goes on when they dub anime to make the English dialogue fit the Japanese mouthwork. I don't know, it just seems like something that should have been cut. Part of the fun of reading comics is the visual language of panels and layouts, obvious clues to important action and sequences... and the layout of this particular conversation makes it very important (there's a massive rendering of a skeptical Detective Chimp that takes up almost an entire page, a very dramatic shot), yet the actual verbiage comes off like reality TV contestant sniping.

And who is Lori Zechlin? This miniseries' Deus Ex Machina, that's who. Given the way Infinite Crisis is recycling old DC trademarks (Secret Six, OMAC/Brother Eye, Checkmate), I wouldn't be surprised if Lori turns out to be a completely hipified, mermaid-in-exile Lori Lemaris. Or Ultra the Multi-Alien, for that matter. More likely, Lori is the Comics Find of 2005 whom DC is prepping for a spinoff series.

OMAC Project #3. Max Lord has the best hair in villainy, that's for sure. You just never see guys with a coiff like that anymore, the LEGO Mini-Figure Generic Male Brown Hairpiece look.

I am so glad they restored Gardner's GL status, because I have missed that Guy. Now that he's back in the Green, he's the tension-buster that the DCU sorely needs. And it is so nice that he's back to being a regular-sized dude, rather than the hulking shirtless alien Indian chief he became during the Warrior days, a victim of the post-Coast City mandate of ONE Green Lantern at a time, I suppose. And they didn't change his costume one bit! With the Max Lord / Blue Beetle thing such a major (if upsetting) part of this story, it is entirely appropriate that the rest of their gang should show up. In Guy's scene, Booster Gold opts to go with Guy instead of the current Big Gun JLA and tells Wonder Woman "You were never part of our League." That is an incredible moment, although I think there's more ill portents to come for the Giffen-era Leaguers. They'll round up Fire and Power Girl, maybe Elongated Man since we haven't seen much of him since Sue's death. Captain Atom is back to normal, hopefully expunged of his 'Extreme Justice' kick; get him too. Is Crimson Fox dead?

The last two pages are amazing. You can hear Max's voice get louder, feel his "push" power working. And then it leads directly into a sidebar story told in the Superman titles, plus an issue of Wonder Woman since DC canned the fourth Superman monthly some time back. I get the Super-books, but I didn't get the OMAC connection until re-reading them in sequence. I miss the triangle system.

Villains United #3. Hey, Ragdoll's secret origin! And bonus: he has the stupidest blackmail reason ever... Mockingbird has all his joint oil.

Catman continues to not act like Catman. Several mysteries still follow this guy: Talia and Calculator both suggesting he's not really Catman, and his letter to Green Arrow. I'd suggest he is in fact an undercover Batman if Bats wasn't getting his ass kicked by Superman over in the OMAC/Superman tie-in. Plus, he fights to kill, which even a disguised Batman hip-deep in villains won't do. In this issue Catman manages to do something absolutely awful to Captain Nazi.

What's with Weather Wizard's dialogue: "I'll cook you like an egg on the sidewalk, Catman! A very naughty egg indeed!" The hell?!? And I was set to respect the guy too, with his new Van de Graaf hair and all.

I'm still not sure who Scandal is and what her powers include, but I just saw her eat an ear.

The book ends with the Six escaping their imprisonment and vowing to come after Luthor's Society... but I don't think anyone would argue that they should have killed every opponent in the room. (Note that Catman is the one who counsels against killing them all...) Let's look at who the DCU would lose had they followed Cheshire's execution plan.

Sledge. No need to keep him. Just another strong dumb guy. Dime a dozen.

Weather Wizard. A vital - but silly - member of Flash's rogues' gallery, but would probably benefit from being dead for a year or two. (And he's already been substantially dead at least once.) Easily resurrected if the Flash writers want him back, just have him fizzle back to life out of lightning or something. Although if I remember correctly, his powers come out of his wand, right? He's not some kind of meta with a required fetish object, right? So anybody could be WW if they get the wand.

Killer Frost. I've always liked her (great name!), even though she's just a Firestorm villain, which is probably terribly embarrassing. No one in the DCU would miss her, but I would. She was great in Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Knockout. A Superboy villain, and not classic 1960s/70s Superboy... no, she's current-Universe Superboy. Knockout did have her own OverPower card, but even that won't save her from obscurity. Could have been easily killed, plus, because she was the "nice one" in this group, it could have been a terkjerker assassination.

Count Vertigo. He's one of those guys who debuted with such a vague explanation of his powers (makes people dizzy) that contemporary writers get to keep amping him up every time they use him, like Sonar or Dr. Polaris. In this series, however, he does not use his powers once, unless his powers now include "gets easily caught in a leglock by Ragdoll." I've always liked his cape's interior pattern, but that won't stop me from endorsing his death.

Captain Nazi. This goes without saying that this sad caricature belongs buried in the Golden Age. Just another old Fawcett villain that totally sucks.

Fatality. You know, when she first appeared in Green Lantern, I was interested. She is the sole survivor of Xanshii, the planet John Stewart accidentally blew up in Cosmic Odyssey. It's generally considered the flashpoint at which John Stewart became an interesting character; shame he had to kill a planet to do it. Years later, this gal shows up in the GL books for righteous revenge. I was surprised to see her in Villains United since most of the guys in this book are more Earthbound villains. She really ought to have been dealt with by now; her story path seems best suited to pull a Vegeta-like reconciliation and end up becoming a Lantern. I would miss her solely because I think she hasn't been fully utilized yet.

Firefly. Is that Firefly? Or did somebody find the original Killer Moth costume and paint it black? Whatever. He's not a meta, so, again, any old jerk can be Firefly if somebody wants him back. Off him.

The Crime Doctor. A useful supporting villain, in my opinion. Every comics universe needs an evil plastic surgeon. But he's just a doctor; I'm sure somebody else would fill the role should this guy die.

Hyena. Who is this werewolf again? The only Hyena character I knew was the cross between Sabretooth and The Joker from the Amalgam Universe (which was a funny idea but a hideous character design). A justified homicide.

Overall, not an A-list of characters. Fatality is really the only one worth keeping, because she has an irreplaceable Green Lantern connection. The rest are all completely replaceable or just plain stupid. (I would argue strongly for keeping Killer Frost around, though!) Of course, thanks to some unexpected charity, only Hyena gets killed. Whoops!

Rann-Thanagar War #3. I figured out why this one still doesn't do much for me. I don't care about Rann and I don't care about Thanagar. And this whole story is one sci-fi cliche after the other. Almost every word balloon is trite and reads like a dashed-off radio play. The writer is Dave Gibbons, best known for the incredible art on Watchmen; authoring space opera junk just isn't his forte.

It really is crap. Part of the problem - aside from the uninspired Worlds at War plot - is that almost everyone speaks in regalese. "I shall have my revenge!" "It is as I feared!" "Please accept my comradeship." It makes everyone in space sound pompous and boring. As a character, Adam Strange (of Rann) is just a Flash Gordon ripoff, and the Hawks (of Thanagar) have been missing link heroes in search of a backstory for decades... this miniseries is doing neither group any favors.

Since video games are now expected to be judged based on ancillary content that was developed but never included in the game as sold, I feel it is my duty to point out some distressing similarities between the All Ages Nintendo GameCube game Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door and the Mature rated Nintendo GameCube game Resident Evil 4. I offer no judgements, explanations or apologies for the screens below, I just present the data. Is it a coincidence that Nintendo's family-friendly Mario brand should dovetail with the bloody action and adult themes of the latest entry in the core Resident Evil series (or, "Resident of Evil Creek" if you work in politics)? Or is it part of Nintendo's new secret strategy to court older, more mature gamers with Xbox Live accounts who hang out at the mall on Friday nights until Mom swings by the food court entrance to pick them up?

After all, until a few short days ago, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas was just a harmless adventure game where kids could drive cars and shoot hookers, and now it has been found to contain Hidden Consensual Sex! Could Mario be the next video game character to resort to sex and violence to harm our children?

Example 1: On the left we see Mario and his female sidekick in front of the Thousand Year Door. On the right is Leon and his female sidekick in front of one of many similar doors inside the Castle portion of RE4.

Example 2: When Mario enters the Shadow World level, he travels through a massive castle with indoor water features and high ceilings. When Leon enters the Castle section, he travels through a massive castle with indoor water features and high ceilings. In all fairness, the main difference is that while Leon is constantly picking up boxes of shotgun ammo in his Castle, Mario usually only finds Shine Sprites and Star Pieces.

Example 3: Still, the visual similarities are too close to ignore. If you removed the lead character graphics, you might even think you're looking at the same castle!

Example 4: Both games use a Game Boy Advance SP as a communications device for the characters. Leon's foldout SP is only a little less obvious than Mario's blatant GBA SP. Not only are the games merging, but they also contain hidden commercials for another Nintendo product!

I would also like to say that Paper Mario's "Pit of 100 Trials" sub-game is a complete nasty bitch and that I got all the way to level 92 before I died and since you can't save as you go I lost about four hours of work drilling down through all those battles.

I certainly wasn't expecting much, but the Fantastic Four movie was much better than I would have guessed. As a fan of the comics, I thought it did a fine job of presenting the characters' personalities and it hit most of the hallmarks of the team - the in-fighting, the lack of secret identities, the sugary science. But what kind of weblog entry talks about things I liked? So...

Thing was comically, tragically short. Stupidly short. I think the Thing suit was actually shorter than Thing actor Michael Chiklis. The Thing looked great in the close-ups, when they used the much more animated and expressive face mask... but whenever he had to stand beside somebody else (somebody human), he was invariably shorter. They should have pulled some Frodo-and-Gandalf effects on the guy and made Thing at least a foot taller and broader than anybody else in the movie. Forgetting about his height (which the crowd scenes make impossible) he was very true to the books.

Torch was the scene-stealer of the entire movie... and I don't mean that as a compliment. I liked him, mostly, and being an immature ass has always been one of Johnny Storm's beats in the comics... but this Torch was so obviously written to steal scenes that it inched toward overbearing. Did we really need that many extreme sports scenes? And although his fire form was more CG modernized in comparison to the original Jack Kirby red-guy-with-flames look, I have to confess that it was a thrill to see him fly.

Reed was great. I loved him. Most reviews I've read hate him, or hate Ioan Gruffolffoelddleold's performance... but I thought he was perfect as the team's absent-minded professor. See, I understand Reed. I've been a faithful follower of the FF since Marvel's awful Heroes Reborn storyline (when was that, 1998?) and a student of the characters (and the classic 1960s stories) since well before that. So I've seen how the man acts... and this movie captured the super genius that is Reed Richards. When he switches over to science-geek talk, when he ignores Sue because he's working, when he volunteers himself as the test subject for an experiment that he doesn't fully trust: that is pure Reed. Unfortunately for him, both his name and his power are a potential cinematic embarrassment, so he almost never gets called "Mr. Fantastic" and he is rarely shown stretching to the limit in crazy shapes like he does in the comics. It's a slight insult to Jack and Stan that the movie plays off the team's code names as being foolish and un-creative improv remarks from a media-hungry Johnny!

Aside: Willie Lumpkin! Boy, I wish they'd let Stan wiggle his ears!

Sue. Sue. You know, they didn't really know what to do with her in the comics either, for a good twenty years! It wasn't until some writer realized her potential - aside from simply turning invisible, which has been the topic of many a feminist essay - that she became a great character. The movie grabs a little of the modern era Sue Storm but most of her role is to spur on the other characters: yell at Johnny, comfort Ben, be cold to Reed. Just like Mr. Fantastic, she doesn't get to do some of the really spectacular stuff she does in the comics, like making flying platforms or creating bubbles around bad guy heads to cut off their oxygen. She just fades away or creates a force field. Torch and Thing get to do all the flashy stuff.

Dr. Doom was easily the most mishandled character. They got his ego, but they simplified his motivations down to cardboard levels. Now, I wouldn't have expected the movie to talk about his days as a Latverian exchange student in college with Reed or his ill-fated attempts to meld science and magic so he could resurrect his dead mother... but it is a much more layered and interesting backstory than Dr. Luthor and Mr. Hulk, which is what we got. I had high hopes for his costume - did you notice the Von Doom building's elevator! - but they were quickly dashed when the movie drops in a Green Goblin mask out of nowhere. Does Latveria have a long and storied tradition of making metal Darth Vader masks? I sort of didn't mind the change to an organic metal body much as I sort of didn't mind giving Spider-Man organic web shooters. What was super-awesome was the final shot, which implies that we could be visiting cheery old Doomstadt in the sequel.

I would not be surprised if a Fantastic Four sequel stayed with a revived Doom and didn't add in anybody else. The FF villain roster contains a large portion of ridiculous oddball foes... Mole Man? Blastaar the Living Bomburst? Annihilus? Psycho Man? Dragon Man? Cornballs like that are why Dr. Doom has inherited so much attention over the years... he's the least sucky one. Maybe they could do the Mad Thinker and his Awesome Android. Maybe the Skrulls. Maybe the Inhumans. But there's always the Big Guy himself: I can't imagine a comics fan alive that wouldn't want to see a movie tackle the coming of Galactus and the Silver Surfer... but that would be so cool that I can scarcely allow myself to consider it.

And there's always the Red Ghost and his Super-Apes.

A bit more manageable would be Reed and Sue's wedding, which was a super-hero guest star extravaganza in the comics... and would be the same on film, if they could get some choice cameos by Tobey Maguire, Eric Bana, Patrick Stewart, Ben Affleck and Hugh Jackman. Keep 'em in their civvies (unlike the comics' version of the blessed event) and you could have all kinds of fun with it. Peter Parker surreptitiously tries to websling a pig-in-a-blanket from the other side of the table, only to have Logan jab a claw into it.

So anyway, I liked it. Buying the DVD.

I was walking out of the local EB the other day and fell in line right behind a normal, everyday family. Middle-aged mom and dad / pre-teen kid, maybe 8 or 10. The dad had spotted the big Grand Theft Auto placard and sort of sniffed at it. Then - while holding his kid's hand, remember - started telling his wife about the Hot Coffee issue. His monologue started out like this:

"Grand Theft Auto. Pfft. Have you heard, kids can do something in that game that shows all kinds of pornographic content."

At that point, I wanted to jump in and ask for his definition of "kids" and "all kinds." I mean, "kids" to him could have meant "college kids" or even "teens", but I doubt it... the wife was already shaking her head in that frustrated disapproval common to these sorts of conversations. This is exactly how the Hot Coffee thing is getting parsed by well-meaning, confused parents. It's another black eye for Rockstar, another black eye for video games in general.

Here's what we know about Hot Coffee. The name comes from the mod file posted online (by hackers, for lack of a better term) that unlocks a sex-based minigame in the PC version of GTA: San Andreas. Now that the hackers have done all the heavy lifting, the Hot Coffee mod is easy to install. In game terms, Hot Coffee changes the dating sub-missions so that you actually get to go inside the house after a date. Prior to Hot Coffee, a good date (after three or so getting-to-know-you dates) ends with a shot of the girl's house and some suggestive audio and text. Yes, they're having sex inside. In an M-rated video game. I know, it's shocking.

With Hot Coffee enabled, you get to see the bedroom... with CJ and his girl on a mattress. CJ fully clothed; the girl more or less clothed, undies at the least (unless you have a nude code enabled, which is another aftermarket mod.) So no nudity deeper than a bathing suit and no genitalia at all. I don't even think the various nude codes get genitals to appear, they just change the characters clothing to fleshtone colors. There are several positions you can cycle through, and you can rotate the camera. The "game" part of it requires you to keep a steady left-right rhythm while you fill an Excitement meter.

Before we go any further, if you haven't played the game, note that we're not talking photorealistic graphics here. The GTA games are not particularly impressive in that regard. So the sex you're seeing isn't what you're imagining.

The guys that created the Hot Coffee mod pulled it out of the PC version, which just came out last month. This sort of thing is easy for tech-heads and has been going on forever, because computer software is easily poked through if you have the right tools. In college, I used ResEdit on almost every piece of early Mac software I had, including the System file. I remember finding the semi-hidden Woz and Jobs icons, and replacing graphics files with my own images so I could make my own games.

However, Hot Coffee doesn't add anything to San Andreas, it uncovers something that was already in there. Something that there is no way to find in the game au natural. It looks like Rockstar originally intended it to be the reward for all those crappy dating missions, chickened out and blocked it off, but failed to physically remove the data. When first confronted with the sex minigame's presence by the media, they tried to doubletalk their way out of it and blamed the hackers wholesale. But then somebody found it in the PS2 version...

Getting it to show up there is considerably trickier, since the closed nature of the PS2 platform means you can't load a simple Hot Coffee mod. You need an Action Replay Max (one of those obnoxious cheater boxes I've often railed against) and an unfathomable string of text codes to enter. Additionally, if you enable this code on your PS2 game, the game reportedly locks up after the sex game is over, so it's not something you would want to do unless you don't mind screwing up your save file.

Now back to my concerned and easily excitable parent at the mall. Is he weighing the fact that GTA is rated M and therefore shouldn't be in the hands of minors anyway? Is he considering that the game's rating warns of "strong sexual themes" on the back of the box? Has he seen the supposed "all kinds of pornographic content" and realized that it comes down to two blocky, low-poly figures in three repetitive sexual positions, only differentiated from your average late night TV programming in that there's no dramatic lighting to shade out the naughty bits? Naughty bits that are fully covered to begin with?

No, he's not and he hasn't. He probably half-heard a blurb on FOX News or read a paragraph in the local paper. Even if the article was thoroughly researched and well-presented - and I would bet it all that it wasn't - the message he received was "Grand Theft Auto lets kids see porn." Which, in his brain, became "a video game could let my kid see the kind of porn I look at online at 2am." Which, of course, it doesn't. Even digital porn created with a My First Poser lessonbook is more visually detailed than the Hot Coffee mod.

The "porn" present in San Andreas - porn that Rockstar never intended to be seen - amounts to less nudity than you get with Benny Hill, less action than you get in afternoon soaps, and less eye candy than you get on HBO.

Blame: Rockstar should have pulled this code out before the final press, unless they were secretly hoping it would leak out and start another round of free press for them. Which sounds irresponsible, but this sort of thing is actually a valid way to advance the public perception of video games, if we could just get the damn press to stop couching every damn article as if video games are made solely for kids. As gamers and game developers, we're ready and willing to have this discussion... it's just that often no one else is around to hear it. Or, Rockstar could left it in the actual game and tried for the sales-crushing AO (Adults Only) rating. That would have ticked off the stockholders, but I personally would have loved to see the sex minigame pop up after a dating mission. I would have found it hilarious, and it's precisely the kind of unexpected gameplay shock that oozes throughout the GTA games. And, after a couple dates, it would have gotten completely boring.

Blame: The media continues to only care about stories that can get people riled up. If it can be sensationalized into an eye-grabbing headline, they will do it. Since a detailed and moderated discussion on video games is bound to be boring, all the media weight goes behind self-styled do-gooders like Jack Thompson and Hillary Clinton, because loud complaining and posturing makes for a better sound bite. Ironically, broadcasters ought to be the first ones stepping to explain the rights and privileges of the art form known as video games... because if video games lose the battle of free speech, television is next. The usual "real world" argument levied against M-rated video games is that kids get them anyway (despite the ESRB warnings, despite good parenting) and that's why they should be stopped. If that small-minded platform wins, then what's to stop the same group from attacking sexual/violent content on television? Sure, the sexy stuff doesn't run before 9pm, but kids are watching it anyway. Then what's to protect film, books, music or internet? All we will have left is a state-controlled entertainment factory in the hands of the banal cabal.

My feeling is, you should be able to sell whatever entertainment you want as long as the contents are easily defined from the outset. If you want to do a side scrolling shooter with homosexual themes (and yes, someone did), go right ahead. Just mark it as such on the box and let the market decide how much money it makes. Add to that: and as long as the products are differentiated on the store shelf. Retailers want the warnings so they can be better informed on how to display the products... Borders doesn't stock Penthouse right beside Home and Garden, and your cable station doesn't give you Cinemax unless you specifically pay extra for it. Retailers really do want parents to be informed, because they A) don't want the trouble of being accused smut peddlers and B) they want the money from the adults who do want to buy smut. And nothing is as hypocritical as a Wal-Mart boasting about not selling M games when a rack of R movies is right across the aisle.

GTA's M rating and the "strong sexual themes" coda more than covers the sex minigame in my book... and the minigame can't even be found without plenty of ridiculous outside tinkering. This is a game for adults. If adults want R rated movies and albums with explicit lyrics, adults should be able to get M rated video games. And if adults can get those movies and music at Target, they should be able to get those video games at Target as well. Rockstar probably ought to work up an AO version of San Andreas and watch even more money pour in.

Lately my Animal Crossing Log has generated a few nice emails, from people who are new to the game and perhaps looking for trustworthy non-cheaters with which to trade. When one kind soul (Hey Simon!) offered up a Basic Painting, I knew it was time to play again.

As you can see, the forest floor has been overtaken by invasives. I fired up the game after midnight hoping to find Wisp for a quick mowing of the property, but I did not see him. Those weeds are going to stay there until I do, which may, I suppose, never happen.

Here's a couple villagers giving me the business for being away for so long. Amelia quoted my absence at 17 months. Billy was more concerned about me being up so late. It was fun seeing everyone again, hearing catchphrases I had nearly forgotten, even though the animals' scripts haven't improved one bit while I was away. "Want to know the secret to catching fish?" No, dude, I caught my last fish two years ago.

There was a letter from Aziz in my mailbox; I don't even remember seeing that guy in town. I think Ace just moved in... we had the "first conversation" speech so I know he is new. I had forgotten how terrible the camping games are... Hank here wanted me to guess which photograph (out of four) was his. Not fun.

This is why I love Animal Crossing. I have not touched the game since 2003, and yet they still went on with their fishing tournaments and posted the weekly winners on the town bulletin board. This screen shows one of the champs from the summer '04 tourney.

It was about this time that I remembered that Nook isn't open late at night, so I couldn't perform any trades anyway. I came back again at 9am sharp the next morning.

Here's me turning over the Basic Painting to Blathers. He is understandably thrilled... and then even more excited when he realizes that the entire Museum is now complete: all the fossils, all the fish, all the bugs, and now all the paintings. I expect a Museum Model in my mail tomorrow morning.

As thanks for Simon's Basic Painting, I sent him a Scary Painting, with more on the way.

I also found myself doing the usual old run around: dig up fossils, sell any found items, deposit the bells in the bank, scan for any expensive-looking bugs or shells. I may even have a return visit to the island sometime this week.

See, Animal Crossing DS is coming, and I'm starting to feel the familiar twinge for exploring and collecting in this confined little world. Plus I can't wait to see how Nintendo manages to un-confine it as it kicks off their big online strategy this fall.

I think I played Paper Mario for about 7 hours today. Initially, it was while Clark was napping... then when he woke up but Rhonda didn't. Then the game endured some lengthy pauses while I fed and played with him. He seemed fairly entertained by it, during a couple sessions where he was calm enough to sit and watch the TV. Bright colors, little moving things, soft happy music. I wish Nintendo was more aggressive with soundtrack albums, because the various musics of Paper Mario are all great.

I only have one star to go before (I assume) the game ends. One thing I remember about the N64 Paper Mario: when the plot ended, the game ended. That's a huge problem in a wonderful little world like this one, full of sidequests and collectibles. So I'm trying to complete as much of the extra stuff as I can, just in case this Paper Mario also bails out on me.

So today was spent mainly in Rogueport, the wretched hive of scum and villainy in the Mushroom Kingdom. At first I was concentrating on fulfilling some Trouble Requests and buying up some missing badges, but soon I dived into the game's obnoxious recipe collecting. If a game goes to the trouble of giving me an empty inventory grid, I feel obliged to fill it.

The Chef Shimi trouble mission was giving me fits. He wants a Mystic Egg, a Golden Leaf and a Keel Mango. The egg is easy; the punie girl back in the tree hands them out. But I had never seen the other two before. The Chef is only sparingly helpful: the leaf is found in the Creepy Steeple and the mango is (obviously) found down on Keelhaul Key. I explored both worlds and couldn't turn up either, so I had to research through an online player's guide. There is no way in hell I would have found the magical Golden Leaf tree of Creepy Steeple by myself. The path to it is extremely subtle and requires Mario to go paperthin to enter it. The mango I should have found... it's in a tree, duh.

Anyway, once I found all the ingredients, it occured to me that I might use some extra leafs and mangos in discovering Zess T.'s hidden recipes, so I grabbed plenty of doubles so I wouldn't have to come back.

The recipe thing is a major headache. I can't imagine any player figuring all 50-couple out through trial and error, given how many food and food-related items are in the game. The way it works is you give crotchety old Zess T. one or two items, which she then cooks. If you're lucky, you'll uncover a new combo-item and the game will fill in one of the empty slots in your recipe book. If you're not, you'll waste perfectly good and useful items as Zess T. cooks them into crap.

Some are easy: Mystic Egg + Mushroom = Omelette Meal. Cake Mix = Cake. But to expect an Icicle Pop out of Honey Syrup and an Ice Storm? The Ice Storm isn't even food! I pulled up a FAQ page on the iBook (then switched it to the Hiptop when the iBook battery drained) and set about running all over creation hunting down rare foods. That was pretty much my 7 hours right there.

I still have a handful to finish, but I know exactly what they are and why I haven't cooked them yet: the ingredients are expensive. I need to buy a couple more Jammin' Jellies and Ultra Shrooms to complete my recipe book, and both of those cost 200 coins apiece. Note that the game refuses to register coin amounts over 999 and you'll have an idea what these items mean to the Mario economy.

Man, it was game enough just finding all the ingredients and trying to spend my money as efficiently as possible. Most of the final results I sold back to replenish my cash supply. Without a player's guide, you'd easily go through 10x as much money and time finding all the recipes. It makes me wonder who Nintendo thinks is going to accomplish that task without outside assistance.

It's only been one week since Clark first touched US soil, and already we can't imagine life without him. It's a strange adjustment. Of course, pre-baby you have a cognitive idea of what baby life will be like - and every parent you see chortles and tells you how different your life will become - but there's always little things that you didn't see coming. We're not idiots. We knew there would less time to do X, Y and Z and more time devoted to Clark's well-being. The game now is to see how well we can integrate the people we used to be with the family we want to be.

Mike - always with the probing questions - asked me if there was anything about "Surprise! Parent!" that I didn't expect. I have to say, not a lot. Even at four months old, babies are a lot like the worst pet you ever had... always either sleeping, eating, whining or pooping. Laughing if you manage to debase yourself enough to amuse them. What I told Mike was, the biggest surprise was the amount of time Clark needs to be held and rocked. And always while standing; the lad won't accept any weak-kneed sitting. I had sorta assumed we could lay him on a playmat or sit him in a swing to calm him down... so that's really been the biggest unexpected requirement of parenthood so far.

The sleep schedule isn't going great. Tonight Matt - who has a son only one month older than Clark - showed me their doctor's suggested sleep patterns, so now we have a goal to work towards. If it trims down the every-other-night problem of waking up at 1am and staying up for several hours, we'll be calling in Merlin Olson for a Thank You bouquet.

Clark has been introduced to lots of lots of family members in his first week home, with more visits planned. We had been warned that Korean babies tend to hate car rides, but Clark has been largely fine with that. As long as he's moving, he's okay. That goes for automobiles as well as mommy/daddy's arms. It seems to be his mantra.

He has sat and watched me play Paper Mario and Katamari Damacy for about 15 minutes each. He gave the TMBG ABCs DVD and Sesame Street about 20 apiece... we figured that was plenty at his age. Most of his entertainment comes from us shaking things at him, since he's not up to grabbing and shaking toys himself yet. Staring at lighted objects is also big stuff. We have some light-up Baby Einstein toys that he enjoys.

The cats really could care less about his presence. If he screams really hard, Zoe will bolt and Annie will hide. But aside from that, they still proceed as normal. In fact, today Annie tried to crawl into my lap while I was still feeding him. That's how little they regard him. For Clark's part, he doesn't have a cat concept yet. He'll watch Zoe in the kitchen since she's so high-contrast, but nothing akin to delight at seeing them run or feeling a fluffy tail brush his face. Since he's not grabbing fur yet, the indifference seems to be mutual.

We assembled his stroller today. The prevalence of giant baby necessities like that makes it all the more real. All of a sudden, we're those people with the big stroller and motorized swing and a SpongeBob sunblocker on the car window.

OK, this is in the gift shop of the ANA Narita Hotel in Tokyo. This is precisely how I've always imagined Japan.	POCARI SWEAT! Naturally I had to try Japan's popular ION ENERGY DRINK. It tastes a lot like really weak lemon-lime gatorade.
This is our early morning flight from Tokyo to Seoul. Note the wife playing on our DS. After this shot, all the pics are from Korea.	This is the doctor, foster mom and nurse taking Clark through his pre-flight physical at our Wednesday meeting. (L-R): Doctor, Clark, Foster Mom, Nurse
I took this cool shot of a sidestreet as we walked down the sidewalk from the agency to the hotel... after a couple blocks I realized that every sidestreet in Seoul looks like this.	"Hey, you save the coupons?" "Sure, how do you think I got this sweet POCARI SWEAT outdoor lounge set?"
I don't intend to poke fun at Korean culture at all here, but there are some great examples of mangled and re-appropriated English to be found. I can't blame them; English is a mess. This You Are Here map shows the "Street of Try to Walk," which I can't imagine is an intentional name. Other clever uses of English: "Tostore," a store that sells toast, and "Sand Presso," offering sandwiches and espresso.	This was on 24 hours a day, several different players discussing Go strategy. I have to respect that. In other Korean TV news, one night I watched this great action film that had all kinds of amazing live-action Dragon Ball Z-type attacks in it. I'd love to own a dubbed/subtitled version of it, but of course I have no idea what it was called. There was a princess who had two suitors, one the rogue hero and one the goody-goody hero. She accidentally dies during one of their epic clashes when her mean father tries to take down the rogue and hits her instead. Later on, the dad breaks the rogue's arm with a force bubble attack, so he rips off the entire thing right out of the shoulder socket and unleashes some kind of wild blood attack to escape. He ends up taking some farmer's arm to replace his! Then the goody-goody finds a big sword and totally does an InuYasha windscar attack. At the end, the two heroes take down the dad. Awesome.
Tourist brochure rack in the hotel lobby. Check out how many of them offer up guided tours to the DMZ! Crazy!	A hallway covered with video game posters leading down to the game store.
The vending machine where I got Jimmied. the pic centers on the Tinker Bell toys we didn't buy, so you can see how cool they are. I do kinda worry about the one where she's stuck in a keyhole though.	PC Clubs are everywhere, presumably this is where the PC gaming youth of Seoul go to forget to eat for a couple days. This was must be pretty old school... giant posters of Starcraft.
This sort of thing fascinates me: a normal everyday cereal aisle at the grocery store (Hapjeung Mart, if you're interested.) There's some familiar Western faces there, but some happy local mascots as well.	The end of the second and final meeting RE: Clark. That's the foster mom on the left and the new mom on the right.
This is me, Clark and Pikachu back in the hotel room.	And this is Rhonda and Clark checking out downtown. We were in room 809 and we just remembered we left a Poong Poongie kids drink bottle in the hotel room fridge.
This is what most of the Tokyo-Detroit flight looked like, one of us walking in circles over by one of the emergency exits.

More pictures are found in our complete photo album of the trip, which also has a convenient slideshow doohickey.

At the hotel, we winged it. We had a pretty good idea of his feeding and eating schedule, thanks to the info from his foster mom. So we fed him for the first time, played with him for the first time, walked around the room bouncing him for the first time. Changed his diaper for the first time, during which he peed on the hotel bed. Even though we have been working for this for years, it still felt an awful lot like we were a couple of first-time babysitters.

After a couple hours, we appraised him worthy of a quick trip to the Seoul Pizza Hut. Hold your complaints, it's only two storefronts down from the hotel, in the same block. He was fine during the entire jaunt, sitting open-eyed in the carrier watching his countrymen zip about. The manager at the Pizza Hut did some cutesy baby stuff with him while we waited for the take out. Had the same clerk girl who was so nice to us on our first visit. I don't know if this is Korean standard service orientation or just how they treat the illiterate Americans, but the clerks at both Pizza Hut and Outback reviewed our order with us after we placed it. To get through the language barrier, the pacing was not unlike how you'd talk to a two year old. "Large? Pan? Cheese? No drink. Take out." It was a fun little interaction.

I think I said this already, but I really really liked being the foreign visitor. For me, the stress about a trip like this is entirely bound up in the travel... the damn plane flights, making hotel reservations, buses and taxis and subways. Once I'm there, I get all naive and carefree and have a really great time. Walking around in a little english bubble, staring at their signs and stores and cars, always watching for the tiny details that give each culture their zest. I'd hate to think of all the places I'd go if only I didn't have to travel there. (Not to mention that the vast expenditure of this trip was the flights, which is a crime considering how terrible they are, by definition. Not counting the flight, we spent about $500 in Seoul. That includes the hotel.)

After the Pizza Hut excursion, we attempted going to bed, but Clark was clearly not into it. He fought sleep for hours, but did eventually pass out on top of Rhon. Around 3am, he needed another diaper change, and after that Rhon was able to get him to sleep directly on the mattress. I didn't sleep much at all, partially because it was my side of the bed he peed on. So about this time, I got up, showered, and started packing up. The room was a mess, since Clark had occupied every action the night before, we just weren't able to start pre-packing like we normally would on the night before an early bus to a hellish plan ride home. I started with the easy stuff: my gear, and before too long it was 5 and I woke up Rhonda. We wanted to be at the bus stop around 7.

Of course Clark also woke up, so I held him while Rhon showered. Then she held him while instructing me how to pack up everything, because under no circumstances was Clark going to sit by himself on the bed. He must have recently seen a 20/20 piece on how dirty hotel rooms really are, one of those where they pull out the blue light. But we made it in great time, checked out of the hotel, and headed across the street to the bus station.

The bus was almost entirely full; our stop was one of the final city stops on the route out of Seoul and to Incheon Airport. So we had to sit separately. I must have looked pretty lost after Rhon and Clark were given a seat, because an elderly gentleman in the middle of the bus pointed to the open seat next to him. Kamsa hamnida, I said, and sat down.

While we checked in at the airline, all of a sudden there was a huge uproar not too far away. We looked around and saw what had to be 150 girls swarming over to one of the entryways. Turns out some kind of celebrity was being escorted through the airport by security! Naturally, we have no idea who and what he/she/it was... a Korean rock star? Actor? We saw autographs being signed and lots of girls walking away laughing and high on adrenaline. I quipped "What, are the Beatles in town?" to the Korean airline guy, but in retrospect, maybe Elvis would have been a better choice. He laughed, regardless. May not have been at me, though.

No such flock of young Korea awaited our departure, but the x-ray guards did require us to take off our shoes... and in a nice cultural bonus, they gave us temporary slippers to wear for the six steps it took to get through the machine. Seriously.

I'll make this quick: Clark hated the plane flights. More specifically, he hated having to sit still. So at any point with a FASTEN SEAT BELTS sign lit, Clark was screaming. Now, he had been fussy back in the hotel, but this was full throated violent red screaming. This being our first time seeing him that upset, it hurt us like hell too. No amount of Katamari humming was going to get him through this. The magic secret was: stand up. As soon as Rhon would stand up and walk around the cabin, he would quiet down and either sit semi-comfortably looking at everyone or just fall asleep.

So on the big jetstream-assisted flight from Tokyo to Detroit, we spent a lot of time walking. To make things even worse, somewhere over the Pacific we realized just how tired we were, and Clark's required field trips made sleeping impossible. I'll describe our flight through the onboard movies:

Pre-movie entertainment. An episode of Joey and some other junk. Rhonda walked Clark. I slept, sort of.

Movie #1. Hitch. Rhonda walked Clark. I slept. I think this movie contained the most amount of turbulence, which meant Clark did the most amount of screaming. At several points, Rhonda gave up on the SEAT BELTS sign and stood up with him anyway, which always drew dirty looks and sharp language form the bitch assigned to our section. Welcome back to American customer service.

Movie #2. Robots. For some reason, Clark let us all sit for the entire film. He and Rhonda slept. I watched the whole thing. It was lame, as expected. Why so many sub-characters? And the whole movie's point was to save Mel Brooks? I felt like the movie was loading sight gags into a howitzer and firing them directly into my face. Robin Williams was in it, and I hate him. Actually, what I really hate is how movie producers keep telling him to go off-script whenever they write themeselves into a boring bit, and then go on the press junket high-fiving and talking about what how much fun it was to work with him, and what a talented improv comic he is. Now, I may have been flight-deluded, but I don't think he did his John Wayne impression in this one. I'll assume it's in the DVD edition.

Movie #3. Disney's Ice Princess. Rhonda slept. I walked Clark. Although I saw most of the movie, I heard none of it since we were floating around the cabin. Nerdy girl gets into ice skating against Joan Cusack's wishes, gets all hot by the time the credits roll. Initially rivals with Ally McBeal's daughter but ends up as fast friends. Falls during her big number but does well anywayh. Reconciles with Joan and walks off into the sunset with her and Kim Catrall, who is out there hitting family friendly features trying to tone down her Sex and the City rep, which is ironic considering Sex was done to tone up her Wasn't She In Mannequin? rep.

I thought it was kinda weird that the flight backloaded the kids movies deep into the ride. Maybe their research shows that kids conk out early and start wanting entertainment after the five hour mark. That wasn't want I saw as we marched around the cabin; I saw lots of sleeping little girls who probably would have really enjoyed watching Disney's latest use of the word "princess."

Inbetween the second and third flights, we had to officially get Clark into the US on his visa, which is valid for six months or so. Bit of a line there, and another jarring example of that classic bored-and-annoyed attitude of the average American public servant. We just came from a culture where even the goddamn shoe store clerks bow at you... and now we can't even get a social nicety out of the immigration officials.

Also weird about Detroit: we had to pick up our baggage and check it again. Your homeland security at work, I suppose.

Clark slept through the last flight. Now that we were back in the USA, the time zone change shifted us back to an hour before our Tokyo flight took off. Our entire trans-Pacific voyage was neatly erased from Eastern Standard Time! But by now, I was approaching a full 24 hours awake with only a few unsettled naps to my credit. And Rhon not too far behind!

We both picked up additional energy when we met my folks and sister at the airport. And what a homecoming! We had gifts waiting for us, the cats were happy to have us home, we had pictures and souvenirs to share... and of course the newest little Fourhman. Things soured after my family left home, though, as Clark had another rough night. We had to hold and walk him until 5am. Rhon and I could barely handle it, even in shifts... we were both dead tired after the trip. This morning I noticed several of my footprints still ground into the carpet from where I had been walking him in place. Only after sunrise could Rhon slip him onto a quilt on the floor of the living room for some true sleep. (Yes, the floor, which is where he would have slept in Korea.) We slept right beside him. Even with that awful plane flight screwing things up, Clark was still more or less on Korean time, plus you have to consider the whole new upside down world he was just forced into... new smells, new things, new people. I don't blame him at all. These first few days are going to be all about his schedule, and we'll slowly transition him to a more typical US-timed pattern.

We all got up around 3 in the afternoon, although Rhon tells me there was some bottle feedings and phone calls in there. We took him outside for a bit, gave him the big daylight tour of the place. He's still uneasy and wants to be held almost all the time. But we did get him to sit in a rocking baby chair, which he likes. In fact, he's sleeping in it right now. He's probably taking this as a long afternoon nap, Korean time. When he wakes, we'll feed him and hope we can get him into a flat sleep. On the floor, if that's what he wants.

3:30am local time. I've been up since about 2:30, which is not bad, considering. We want to be at the bus stop around 7, and the hotel room is a disaster area, so this will give me plenty of time to pack up while Rhon and Clark sleep some more. After this weblog update, anyway.

Rewind. Being up so early yesterday morning, we figured we might as well hit the shops early. Rhonda had picked out a grocery store and a department store that she wanted to see. Planned to hit a coffee shop first, then stop by the gamestore for those Wario toys. On the streets by 7am.

Problem: nothing was open. Not even the Dunkin Donuts.

So that was disconcerting. From 7am to 8am, we saw barely anyone up and around. A few commuters, but nothing like the big city throngs you'd expect. After walking by a ton of dark storefronts, we headed to the underground mall that had the game store. We didn't think it would be open, but the Wario capsule machine was cleverly placed outside of the store in the hallway.

The mall area was wide open, but empty, except for a woman sweeping up and an elderly security guard. Lucky for us, the mall adjoins a subway station, so it wasn't too weird for us to be there. However, the game store is off to the side a ways... in the why-are-these-Americans- over-there-at-7:30am section. But we continued to play the stupid foreigner card and walked over anyway.

The thing to remember is that vending machines of any type make noise. A big clunking sound. So after buying a couple toys, the security guard was right behind us. But he quickly realized what we were doing and started talking jovially at us. The Wario figures required two 500 Won coins (about $1), and he was pointing to the Tinker Bell toys which needed six of them... sort of in a "Man, these things are expensive!" way. The Tinker Bell toys were really, really nice though.

End of story: Rhonda got a cute little cat figure. And as for the WarioWare toys, one Mona and THREE Jimmy T's. Crap!

So we walked to the department store, which we understood to be an upscale sort, like a Harrod's or Bloomingdale's. We got there by 8, not expecting it to be open. So we stood by the closed gate while a killer thunderstorm blew through town. Monsoon season. We think the sign on the door said 8:30, but who knows. At 8:40 we gave up and entered the nearby subway hold, which is probably something we should have done during the storm.

Underground, we found an open coffee shop and had a pair of iced mochaccinos and some big pretzel-looking things. The clerk understood our english, but I always forget about the Value Added Tax thing and get confused on the inevitable "take out? eat here?" question, so Rhon had to field that one. The store menu listed all the various capuccino varieties under the heading "CCINO" which actually makes sense if you think about it. Another shocker: they had a separate employee dedicated to serving us the ccinos when they were ready.

We figured the department store would be open by now (after 9am), and it was, sort of. An army of young hip female Seoulites was running into the underground store entrance. Running. And they were all getting some sort of free gift canned beverage on their way in. We were about to join in (free gift!) when we noticed each girl was quickly digging through her purse for a special card to show the doormen... so as near as we figure, the Hyundai Department Store was holding a crazy early bird, members-only sale. And you had to get there fast to get in on the bargains. So we skipped the store. And for a couple blocks down the street, we still saw girls hoofing it like mad to get there.

Back to the hotel. Still not much open, so we figured to wait an hour or so before attempting the grocery store at the other end of town. ("Town" being defined as the 20 block stretch we know well enough by now.) After 11am, we headed out there, largely to see their baby formula section, because Clark may prefer his native brand for a while.

The grocery store was very Western-styled, just smaller. So it wasn't the traditional open market type stuff you see on TV documentaries with fish vendors yelling at you and junk. That stuff is here, sure, just not within our roaming plan. Lots of American brands, but plenty of local stuff. The checkouts were what an American would expect, conveyor belt scanner and all that.

On the way back to the hotel, I took us on a totally different path because I wanted to see more of the sidestreets. Rhon was convinced I was getting us lost, but I knew geometrically how to get us back to the one big street that has the hotel and everything else. No worries.

We decided to go out after that department store again, this time taking the subway... even though it is only a single stop between our hotel and the store. Easy enough subway system, lots of english. Probably makes more sense to Americans who are already accustomed to dealing with subways, because we did become momentarily disoriented finding the pathways down to the platforms.

Yes, now the store is open. And what a pile of people inside! By now, the streets were more filled, and the store doubly so. I think it was 9 or 10 stories tall, with several underground floors. Looked more or less like a big US department store, but with most sections within a floor separated according to item and manned by at least two employees each. Seriously, every ten to fifteen feet was another pair of clerks bowing and nodding at us. Rhonda had one big search here, a traditional-style Korean baby carrier, the kind where the baby gets wrapped to your back. Eventually we found it, after looking at several non-traditional ones because the clerks assumed we wanted more Americanized versions. I think we embarrassed the young shopgirl because we asked her to show us how to wear it... she dutifully grabbed a nearby doll and had her sectionmate tie it on! So of course we bought one. Almost no English during this entire exchange, by the way.

We had also heard about these cute little kids shoes that have squeakers in the soles, so when the kids run around you get this pleasant little squeak-squeak sound from them. A little girl at the store was wearing them and it was adorable. Unfortunately, the store didn't seem to have any... and I'm pretty sure the baby shoe section clerks understood us because picked up the shoes and made little squeak noises to explain. They shook their heads no and smiled apologetically.

Back to the hotel. Now we're looking at about an hour to go before our meeting at Holt Children Services. We cleaned up, still very hot and humid out here. On the way there, we walked with our friends who are picking up their toddler girl this week; they had a meeting scheduled half an hour after ours.

The foster mom was already in with the doctor giving Clark his final exam. The nurse we knew from Wednesday was there, and all three seemed happy to see us. The doctor gave us some final instructions and then the foster mom and us went into another room to meet with the social worker and go over his departure papers. Rhonda took care of that while I played with Clark and talked (sort of) with his foster mom. She was really great the whole time, but it was clearly emotional for her as well. I shot a brief movie of her singing and talking to Clark, so we would never forget how she sounded with him. We exchanged gifts... more stuff from the US for her, lots of baby stuff for us, including his traditional first birthday formal wear (a Korean hanbok. Google that, they're beautiful!) We also got a photo album of his time with her family, which is more precious than gold to us. Holt gave us a front-loading baby carrier for the trip home, which everyone helped slip onto Rhonda and get Clark inside.

All too soon, we had to go. 25 minutes total. The goodbyes were tearful. We walked with the foster mom to her bus stop and said goodbye and thank you again, many times. Then we walked back to the hotel in unbelieving delirium. Three of us.