Three years ago a close friend found out she was pregnant. Joe and I had been trying for 6 months at this point and I was certain we too would find out very soon that we were expecting. But as her belly grew, my hopes shrunk. And while she was going into labor, we were beginning a long series of infertility testing and treatment. What made the disappointment worse was attending all three of her baby showers. I couldn’t even go near the baby section of the store without having a meltdown so I found myself giving books and other “safe” gifts. It is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been there how you can be so happy for them and so sad for yourself, but that was exactly how I felt as I watched her open gifts.
Fast forward to last month. It is finally our turn to be the couple expecting. We have the most beautiful little boy waiting in Korea to be our son. We first saw his picture on May 12th and every day I wake up and look at his photo and smile. We have waited so long and worked so hard to be this little boy’s parents.
Just 4 days after our referral, summer session started at the local university where I am pursuing my teaching certification. I had already signed up for a course which met 4 days a week and I decided the class would be a good distraction as we wait for Clark’s travel call. As it turned out attending class and work was brutal especially when all I really want to do is work on Clark’s nursery. But tonight was my last class and after staying up past 3:30 a.m. to finish the final requirement of the course, I was ready to get this last class over with and move on to baby related endeavors.
But tonight’s class was special for another reason too. During our break I was surprised with a mini baby shower! I truly was surprised and overwhelmed that this group of people who were also up late and had busy lives had somehow found time to buy our son gifts. I found out that one classmate in particular, Rose, had organized the surprise and in addition to this class she has another, which also had a project due tonight. As I started to write out the thank you notes I realized there was too little space for me to tell each person how much tonight meant to me.
Just a few weeks ago I told my husband under no circumstances did I want a baby shower. I didn’t give him an explanation, but it was because I still associated them with the sadness I had felt for so long, and deep down I felt I didn’t deserve all the attention. What is ironic is that it took the kindness of people who didn’t know me then and who in all honesty don’t know me very well now, to change this association and make me realize that baby showers aren’t about being pregnant, they’re about the birth of a child and celebrating the amazing transformation of two people from a couple to a family. Tonight the gifts were priceless and the cake sweeter because they were for my first baby shower.
I’ve learned a lot from this class in the past four weeks, but the most important lesson was the one I learned tonight from 16 people who’s only objective was to do something nice for the girl who cried the first night of class when she told the room about the little boy in Korea who was going to be her son. Thank you.
