I'm speeding towards the end of the game's main storyline, and I've been getting ditched by my girlfriends all over the map. I've started dating all 6 of them... because you get some pretty nice rewards for doing so. The biggest deal being NOT having to lose all your weapons when you die or get caught by cops. That's worth it.

The problem with the girlfriends is that they hide a layer of complexity that the game doesn't discuss... which is inconsistent with the game's moderately annoying practice of throwing tips at you when you enter a new facet of gameplay. Well, maybe not "tips" so much as full definitions of what it means to be killed, to dance, to mod your car, etc... all covered on the first time you encounter said example.

With the girlfriends, I recall being told "You have a girlfriend. Stop by her place to take her out on dates!" Nothing about your personal sex appeal level (something the entire game barely talks about), nothing about what could possibly "turn off" your girlfriend's interest in you, and most importantly, nothing about when she will be home.

Because, somehow, some way, you can screw this up. If the girl likes guys with a high fat level, she won't go out with you. And you won't be told this, you'll just never ever see her mission point spawn. It works like this: you initiate the relationship when your attributes match her criteria, but if your attributes change, she just disappears. Presumably once you bring your fat level up (or whatever), her mission point will return... but then there's another factor: her schedule. Some girls are only around from midnight to noon, or 14:00 to 18:00... and you're never told this. You just have to drive by and visually check for a mission entry point. Stupidly, the girlfriend locations are always on the map, regardless of whether or not the girl is actually home. It would be smarter if the cute little map hearts popped up only when a girl was available, so you could see the heart and then hightail it over to San Fierro to pick up Katie before she leaves for work.

Now, this is all fine (semi-fine) as optional bonus missions. If you can manage to dope out the girl's wants and needs, you get a cool extra... unlocked car, hidden clothes, and the weapon junk mentioned above. Then I would say it is worth the hassle of figuring things out on your own. However, one of the girls (Millie up in Prickle Pine) is required dating to complete the Las Venturas heist missions. Now the struggle to date correctly is at odds with finishing the heist, and I'm annoyed.

So off to the FAQs. This game generates FAQs like diarrhea. Any yahoo can talk about this game with imagined authority. As such, I've found several FAQs that list two different times for Millie's availability. FAQs, in their purest form, should be written by anal-retentive gamers who have played the game obsessively, tracking every location, noting every power-up, listing every magic spell effect, copying every dialogue. Unfortunately, FAQ-writing has degraded into an avenue for minor celebrity status, so most just copy info from strategy guides or from each other... all rushing to be the first goof to get their printed word up on GameFAQs.com.

I ask you, how does the FAQ writer determine the schedule for when, say, Michelle is available for dates? They ought to park their asses outside her house and stalk the mission point. Instead, they copy/paste from some other source. And in this case, there must be multiple sources. I only found one guy who went out on a limb and said the strategy guide was wrong and he found Millie's date point available at noon.

And nobody seems to know exactly why a girlfriend would disappear, even when you're meeting her individual requirements. But I can't fault them for that; that's back end programming that Rockstar ought to have been more clear about.

Going through the six girls in the game, the only one I've successfully dated to 100% is #1, Denise. And that's only because she's nearly always available and has no attribute necessities. Helena (in Blueberry) requires low muscle and high sex appeal... getting the low muscle is relatively easy, but I only just recently connected sex appeal with flashy cars, so I need to get back to her again soon. I have not seen Michelle (San Fierro) since first contact back at the driving school. I've tried to meet her requirements - - but her mission point has never appeared for me. Not once. Katie (San Fierro) actually was home a couple times, but I took her to a restaurant she didn't like and the date grenaded. Now she's not around, and I don't know if we broke up or what. Barbara (El Quebrados) has just started with me, and I have not been back for a second date yet. Millie (Prickle Pine) is the real problem: I need her for a mission and she's never around.

So did the missing ladies dump me because I wasn't quick enough to call them? All six hearts are still on my map, so I should be considered "dating" all six of them, right? Mike did some experimentation: he flat-out assassinated his Denise with a shotgun, and her heart disappeared. Trust me, I've treated my girls like a perfect gentleman. Comparatively. When I could find them.

Can you stakeout a girl's house and watch for the mission light to pop up? I'm inclined to think you can't, because I have sat outside for days with no luck (usually listening to WCTR.) Even with Millie, who has no requirements. So maybe you need to be away from the house, then drive to it during the designated availability hours? For Millie, at least, this shouldn't even be a concern. She should be there at noon and ready to go, so I can continue the heist mission sequence.