January 2005 Archives

Where's Juice Newton?

Bought Resident Evil 4. Which brings me to five major console games I have yet to boot. No time for love, Dr. Jones.

Not that I needed RE4, but I had good reasons. #1) $50 gift certificate to the mall, which is what passes for the office holiday bonus these days. #2) buying RE4 at EB comes with a free Making of Resident Evil 4 DVD. So really, there was no cost at all, except that I threw in the San Andreas soundtrack CD set as well.

The San Andreas soundtrack album is awful. Unlike Vice City, you don't get every single song in the game, or even nearly every single song. The San Andreas soundtrack is a 2 CD set, totalling about two songs per in-game radio station. And since the game's radio stations cover such a wide range of musical tastes, you're guaranteed to absolutely hate half the songs in this set. No L7's "Pretend We're Dead," no En Vogue's "My Lovin (Never Gonna Get It)," not even Rod Stewart's career-defining magnum opus "Young Turks," a song so terrible it's actually good. Instead you get that 7 minute James Brown song that refuses to end and the embarrassingly juvenile angst anthem "Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine.

And there's not a single DJ segment or fake commercial. I want that Glory Hole ad on my iPod!

But what makes the soundtrack a GTA necessity is a packed-in bonus DVD, containing a 20 minute prequel movie. So since less than a quarter of the songs actually ended up in my iTunes, I'd say I spent that $20 on the DVD. About $1 per minute.

Great stuff for the completist. It's a series of loosely connected vignettes concerning the characters' lives immediately before the game starts... so you get to see some events only alluded to in the game proper, as well as some foreshadowing (and minor spoiling) of stuff that happens to you later on. And some great shots of CJ driving around Liberty City, like the Red Light Distract and other locations I immediately recognized even though it's been three years since I played GTA3.

As for the Making of Resident Evil 4 DVD, it's also a cool little bonus. Interviews with the creators, lots of game footage... but more documentary styled than hype machine. Instead of all the typical "YOU MUST BUY THIS GAME" hardsell, the pushiest the video gets is when the director offers his humble wishes that you will enjoy the game. By now I've seen quite a few of these "Behind the Scenes" sort of interviews, and I love the way the Japanese talk about their creations. While American developers are always seen gushing about their games being cool and exciting and full of explosions, the Japanese almost always talk quietly about their interest in detailing, immersion, and their sincere hope that gamers will understand and appreciate the art form their game represents... even if their game contains just as many explosions as a Western-designed game. You can see why our respective cultures treat video games so differently... the Americans simply haven't learned how to talk about video games without sounding like a sugared-up 14 year old.

After watching both of these DVDs, the thought occurred that this is what G4 should aspire to. Well-produced documentaries such as these would go a long way towards salvaging the cable channel's galling reputation. Gamers are eager for competent, in-depth looks at their favorite games, creators and companies. Hell, maybe they do run things like this sometimes... but every time I turn it on, it's some faux hipster in a gameskins t-shirt smacktalking his way through a "review" with more or less the equivalent intelligence level of your average bulletin board forum. Just without the smileys and mile-long sig graphics that either say "NINTENDO SUX" or "NINTENDO ROX."

The free OPM monthly demo disk has better content than most weeks of G4, except for the rare instance where the disk tries to wipe your memory card.

I'll be right back.

If you're not already visiting Mark Evanier's website, now's a good time to see what the man has to offer... because he's been posting some crazy good stuff about the late great Johnny Carson. (Archives begin here and continue on for several days.) What makes his weblog so interesting is that his career in broadcasting/animation/writing has brought him in contact with so many industry greats... and anyone he hasn't met, he's done research on. (He's mentioned alongside some terrific Bob Kane stories in a book about comics I just read, Men of Tomorrow by Gerard Jones.) So he always has a good story to tell. Particularly about celebs from the classic eras gone by. Unfortunately, these folks are becoming scarcer and scarcer, so he's posting more memorial items than he'd like. To wit: the passing of Carson.

The thing about the rush to lionize Carson posthumously is that he is largely irrelevant to anyone under the age of 30. I don't deny his effect on television, his place in history, or his influence going forward... but he's been away for so long that the modern twentysomethings just aren't going to have the same warm fuzzies about his legacy. That's a shame, but inevitable. When they go old like that, there's always going to be a sizable population that has never heard of them. Jackie Gleason died in 1987, and his database entry in my head is only for a debatably amusing sitcom that inspired the Flintstones.

I watched Carson, because it was you did. It will always be a rite of passage for kids to earn the right to stay up late... and in those days (mid to late '80s for me), the only thing to watch was Carson/Letterman and Saturday Night Live. I learned about program formatting from the Tonight Show - monologue, comedy bit, interview. I learned about razzing the sidekick, the band playing you to the desk, smoothly getting to the plug, saving the comedy bit that goes flat, talking to the studio audience... all talk show standards that I first experienced under Johnny Carson's guidance. The Tonight Show was comfortable, reassuring. Eventually I came to see Carson as the "old guard," the comic for the previous generation. By the end he was mainly a speed bump on the way to Letterman.

But when he left, it felt like he was abandoning my age group. We were just coming of age to stay up late and see the Tonight Show, and now the guy was bailing. And instead of bringing in the rightful heir to Johnny's throne, we got that guy from the Improv. The whole Carson vs. Leno vs. Letterman thing left an ugly taste in my mouth, so I left Tonight and never returned.

As cable stations proliferate, the importance of the late night talk show has been greatly diminished. There is no more "national dialogue" led by the likes of Carson or Cronkite. The audience is simply gone, scattered in the pursuit of more individualized programming. I watch Adult Swim every night (when I'm watching anything), regardless of competitive programming... hell, even regardless of what Adult Swim is running. I don't foresee anything that would bring me back to the Tonight Show. I haven't even considered Letterman in years. Their place as a touchstone for pop culture interviews, current events commentary, and absurd watercooler acts has long passed.

There are no more big fish in TV. Johnny Carson was a big fish, perhaps the last one.

Fantastic Teaser

The big Fantastic Four teaser trailer hit online last week. A "teaser trailer" means you get a trailer that does nothing but show explosions.

Even though I'm a big comics guy, I haven't seen many of the modern era Marvel films. Pretty much only the Spider-Man and X-Men ones. Did not see Hulk, Daredevil, Elektra, Punisher or any of the Blades. And I likely won't. It's just difficult to imagine them being much good. I mean, Blade?

As for this summer's FF movie... I don't know. I'll probably buy it on DVD four months later out of affection for the characters, rather than out of expecting a great movie. The teaser trailer doesn't do much more than look like a new X-Men sequel.

The 4 logo reminds me of the Smash Bros. icon (an L shape in a circle, of no particular significance to Nintendo that I've ever heard.) Perhaps they're sticking with "4" as the movie's title so they can avoid the hack writer headlines should the film bomb: "FANTASTIC FOUR NOT SO FANTASTIC."

Watch it with me, won't you?

What crap: they kick off the big trailer with "ON". And they're using Arial for the titles throughout the whole thing. If you can call them titles. I prefer "placeholder graphics." Hopefully they'll finish up the text and release the final version soon... right?

So Ben gets to be bald before the accident too? Chiklis, you're needed back on the Shield set in twenty.

Meaningless sci-fi space debris. You're intended to be impressed. That number is probably Jack Kirby's shoe size, a desperate ploy to toss in easter eggs for the true fans.

I'm so serious about this font thing. Even compared to the overdone 3D spiderweb junk we had to endure for the Spider-Man 2 titles, this looks like ass. Incidentally, a couple frames before this, they typed out "forever"... and now we get this slide with "4 ever," just in case you didn't get it. Get it? GET IT?

Explosion. Check.

Here Dr. Doom demonstrates his latest power: ripping off scenes from TV's Mutant X.

First big "powers revealed" FX shot. I like this guy as Reed. We better get a scene with him getting lost in his work and ignoring Sue.

I like this shot too. Thing stopping a semi with his shoulder.

I guess the suit is okay. Not enough brow, nose too low, overall not large enough compared to normal humans. Michael Chiklis is a short dude, and that doesn't work well for the character. I can't help but wonder if they would have been better off with a big CG Thing.

Early rumors suggested that Johnny would be limited to producing flame with his hands, but this obvious Flame On! shot suggests otherwise.

That's as much Sue as I've seen yet from Jessica Alba, even if it's only from the sexed-up Jim Lee era.

And like all action movie trailers, something gets thrown at the camera for the final clip. OMG A CAR IS GOING TO HIT MY EYE. Yawn.

So... it's getting there. It reminds me of a pitch piece so far. If the investors choose to back the project, then we'll see some really bitchin' titles and a proper 8 foot wide Thing.

I'm pulling for 'em. FF remains one of my favorite books, and it would suck to see them get Roger Cormanned, again. And anyway, who would have predicted the first X-Men movie would be any good?

Two Months Later

I've now had a DS for two months. It hasn't become the end-all portable gaming gadget for me, just sort of a GBA with bonus features. The really big DS games are still too far away - Animal Crossing, Pokemon Pearl/Diamond. WarioWare Touched is next month; that will be my next DS purchase. So how does the DS (and 4 games) stand up after two months?

Metroid Prime: Hunters: First Hunt: Demo Version: Free With Purchase is still a great example of good stylus usage. The simulated mouselook is the best thing since actual mouse mouselook. It's fast and smooth and just plain works. The only weak spot is attaching jump to tapping the stylus. There's some kind of touchy timing to pull it off, and it makes the jumping platform sections of the demo moderately obnoxious. They need to hurry up and get the full game out, because it will be a major rung towards taking the DS seriously.

Super Mario 64DS. I think the original nomenclature of 64x4 was funnier. You know, I don't care what the reviews say, the lack of a proper analog stick makes the game harder than it needs to be. It's fine for the early levels, but once you hit the really tricky crap, the flaws become obvious. The game is playable and beatable, but going for all 150 stars is beyond all hope. The precision needed for jumps (like in the clock level) just isn't there no matter what control scheme you use. Luckily, the stylus-based minigames are worth quite a bit. I spent half an hour last night playing the Mario Poker game, just a-clicking on cards.

Feel the Magic XY/XX is a showoff title. I've made everyone play it up to the bit with blowing out candles. You can beat it in a weekend, and then dabble back through the expanded games at your leisure. The thing is, I predict WarioWare is going to do everything Magic does, cranked up to 11. Will WW have multiplayer? I hope so.

Sprung. Ugh. Now I know why dating games don't fly. Although I suspect Sprung is just a lousy example. I understand that the basic idea is that it's a choose-your-own-adventure book, but that doesn't mean you couldn't include some minigames, more graphical variety, just something anything else to do. Instead of caring about the characters and comic soap opera, you're just rifling through trial and error conversations. Here's what really ticked me off: the game will let you pass through a checkpoint that makes completing the level impossible. That's enough to warrant tossing the DS across the room. In the mission where you have to hook Eliot up with Shana... the whole mission rides on the first half where you talk with Eliot. If you don't accomplish a certain conversation before hitting the mid-level checkpoint, the game will push you into a Shana segment that is impossible to win. And when it fails, you're asked if you'd like to restore from the checkpoint! Assuming the game isn't going to ask you to pick up a ave that makes the level unplayable, you do. Fooled! And the misery feeds upon itself.

So the true DS touchstone moment is still in process. Will it be Animal Crossing? Zelda: Four Swords? Crystal Chronicles? WarioWare? Or something totally unexpected, like Another? Nintendo has already sold a ton of them, so I don't fear for the system's longevity... but Sony's PSP is moving in soon. The PSP hits the US in, what, March? And it just may get a new GTA as an early release. Now that's a huge grab! It's becoming more likely all the time that I'll get a PSP as well... hopefully I can hold out until the first hardware revision that tackles the awful battery life.

I will say that GBA games look spectacular on the DS. Sharp and bright and colorful. The difference between frontlit and backlit, I guess.

By the way, Rhonda wanted me to point out that she won the coveted Minigame Star in Mario Party 6 tonight. Truthfully, I tend to win that one since it corellates directly to how well you perform in the minigames... and I have a ton more practice in that arena. But tonight I was handily smacked around, 148 to 117.


Rhon was Toadette, second from top. I was Toad. We set the CPU players to the Wario Jerks.

Yeah, I won the game on pure star count, but snagging the Minigame Star for Most Coins in Minigames was victory enough for Toadette. Mushroom!


Stop me if you've heard this one: adventurous young lad travels through a series of Disney movie-based worlds - accompanied by Donald Duck and Goofy - in the hopes of reuniting with his missing friends.

What worked for the seminal PS2 Kingdom Hearts works for the GBA sequel. Picking up exactly where KH left off, Chain of Memories takes series lead Sora into a bizarre sidestory of promises and lies. If you did not play the original KH, this game will feel very fresh, dramatic and imaginative. If you did, Chain is a little stale, because the game rehashes almost every environment and character from its precursor. There are some critical differences in combat and exploration, but the visuals are all very very familiar. Some of which is comforting from a franchise standpoint (for example, Sora's heels-over-head leap to reach a higher platform... a cute example of good characterization through movement from the first game that is re-created here in 2D sprites), but at times you'd rather the restrictive storyline would allow for more new concepts.

We pick up their story as they enter the imposing Castle Oblivion. Maybe you wouldn't have entered a place called "Castle Oblivion," but Sora does... mainly because he has little else to do, and Pluto has headed off in that general direction. (There's a really nice CG movie at the start of the game, near-PS2 quality crammed into the GBA's initimate screen size.) Castle Oblivion erases the memories of his previous adventure, requiring Sora to rebuild his memory level by level. In each level, he must confront more Heartless, classic Disney villains like Ursula and Captain Hook, and a new group of enemies only hinted at before... the Organization.

This is the gimmick that explains why we're seeing the same bosses, the same enemies, the same levels as in the PS2 version. (Except, interestingly, the Tarzan-themed Deep Jungle world. No doubt keeping Tarzan out of the game save Disney some licensing fees.) But I can't talk further about the nature of the game's levels without first explaining the foundation of exploration and combat: cards.

This is a card-based game, although not in the sense of any other card game I've ever played. Cards here are a metaphor for your customization ability. Through the use of the cards you've collected, you create the game worlds and refine your attack prowess. Ergo, you're physically rebuilding Sora's stolen memories.

It makes for a nice interactive experience... although I feel the whole thing could have been explained more thoroughly. The manual glosses over how your cards work, and much of it makes no sense until you've actually played for a bit. Also, there's very little in-game tutorial... which seems like it would have been a golden opportunity to have Jiminy Cricket expound for screens about how to play effectively. In this respect, the game's first hour is daunting. You have crappy cards and little knowledge of what to do with them.

Let me help. First we'll look at Room Synthesis, which is a Final Fantastical way to say level creation. Levels in Chain of Memories are comprised of rooms and connected by doors. When you try to go through a door, you have to spend a card - one of your Map cards, which are kept separate from your combat cards. Each Map card has a numerical value and an ability that will define the room you're about to "create." See, you're building the levels by re-forging them from Sora's memories... using cards.

You don't get to pick the size or shape or anything overly Simsy like that; you're mainly selecting the baddie composition of the room, as determined by the card's ability. The card "Teeming Darkness" means your room will spawn lots of enemies. "Lasting Daze" means enemies can be stunned longer. So you get to choose how you'll be fighting, basically. You could conceivably only create rooms with weakened Heartless, but then you would gain less experience, level up slowly, and not be prepared for the boss fights.

The reason why Map cards are numbered is because the doorways require certain numbers to open (another key reference, just as in the first game). Map cards are also identified by color, so a door may require a blue card with a value higher than 4, or a green card exactly equal to 8. Potentially you could run up against a door that you don't have a proper card to open, so you would have to instigate more fights since cards are awarded randomly after battles. I actually rarely found myself in that situation; I almost always had a card to match. If it helps, you can re-re-create rooms using different cards. So if you do build an easy non-combat level, you can always travel back and redo some rooms.

Still, it gives you something to think about... I could use some experience points, so I'll play a Teeming Darkness card here... This world is getting long and I want to rush to the boss, so I'll play Feeble Darkness. There are also cards to create rooms with save points, treasure chests, and Moogle Shops. The Moogles of Castle Oblivion buy and sell cards, but only combat cards. The Moogles are clearly students of contemporary collectible card games, because they only sell packs of random cards. If you pay more, you can buy packs with a greater chance of rares... rares being high value attack cards and the better summon spells. It pays to be Mr. Suitcase, kupo!

Combat is tougher, and it maintains the nimble-finger tradition of KH. You have attack cards, magic/summon cards, and item cards. All cards have a strength value of 0 to 9. 9s are obviously the best and your deck ought to have many of them. Zero cards are like wraparound Aces... they'll always lose if played first, but always win if played after an enemy attack.

I've already made it sound boring... "if played first." It's hard to explain without it sounding like War or some other traditional card game. But the battles take place entirely in real time, and it is fast arcade action. Jumping, slashing, combo-driven combat. It's amazing how the designers managed to combine the two concepts: the customization of a deck of cards and the intensity of a Street Fighter. Follow along while I attempt to spell it out plainer than the instruction manual does (or most other reviews, who simply say "the card based mechanic is awesome.")

When you trigger a battle (by stepping on a roving enemy inside one of those rooms you created), the isometric view switches to fullscreen combat. You'll have your usual health meter and EXP count, plus the health meter of whichever baddie you're targeting (which is merely the nearest enemy; there's no purposeful targeting here.) But in the lower left corner is the card reel, where you see the top card of your deck. What makes this combat different is that the top card indicates what will happen when you hit A. If an attack card is up, you attack. If it's a Blizzard magic card, you cast Blizzard. Now, what's your inclination when you're in a room surrounded by little nasties all taking swipes at you? You start hammering the A button to fight, of course. The problem with Chain of Memories' mechanic is that rampant A-smacking will burn through your deck faster than most teens through Epcot's World Showcase.

It's not very intuitive. The visuals are all very Double Dragon, but your attacks are being controlled by some crazy deck of cards. It takes a leap to embrace the system and understand what you have to do to make it work. Because it would all be easier to just attack the Heartless with A button sword slashes, map some spells to the shoulder buttons, and be done with it.

Why did they do it this way? There's no storyline rationale for Castle Oblivion requiring complicated card battles. That's just the way it is. You'll do it because you're here and that the way things are done. My suspicion is they did it because it's different. And it is interesting, once you dive into deckbuilding.

You see, your initial deck is crap. Lots of low power attack cards, meaning your attack will be blocked more often than not. The enemies are using cards too, although you don't see their decks as you see yours. If you come at an enemy with a 3 attack card, and he uses a 7, your attack is blocked. "Card Break" is the term the game uses. This is where zeros are utilized... they themselves are beat by any number when you play them first, but if you wait until an enemy comes at you, then the 0 beats everything. Zeros are especially useful against the killer card combos wielded by bosses.

So you have got to get your deck stacked with high level cards. I quickly worked mine up with attack cards no lower than 6 - I didn't even use 0s for most of the game - and within not too long a time I was able to keep it to almost all 8s and 9s.

Deckbuilding uses a point structure to limit how may cards can be in your deck. A 9 is worth more points than a 3, so when you switch in the bigger numbers, you sacrifice the number of cards in your deck. The only downside to having a smaller deck is that you'll be reloading it often. It's sort of like a shuffle except that the cards never change order. A reload just resets your deck. Reloading takes time, and Sora has to stand still when doing it. Plus, reloads take longer as the fight goes on. Still, once I moved on to high-level attack cards, I never looked back, lengthy reloads or not.

Magic cards and summon cards just make Sora cast a spell instead of swinging his keyblade. Fire, Blizzard, all the usual Final Fantasy suspects are here. Longtime FF and KH fans know that you can always amp up your spells for greater damaging effect - upgrading Fire to Fira and then Firaga, for example. That is accomplished in Chain of Memories through "sleights"... saving cards in groups of three to be cast simultaneously. Hitting L and R at the same time stocks the current top card. Once three cards are stashed, L+R again casts a combo spell or attack. Guess what, three Fire cards turns into Firaga! You can stock attack cards and summon cards in the same way.

The trick is that certain combinations of stashed cards will become a known sleight. Fire + Mushu + any attack card triggers an impressive fireball attack. If you stock them in the wrong order, they will not combine and instead the cards will play out as if you had used them normally. So you have to make sure your stocking cards in the proper order, and this is where smart deckbuilding will help you out. Always decide on a couple sleights you like, place them in your deck in the correct order, then build the rest of your deck around them. See the sidebar for the three decks I used during my game.

Item cards are the third type, and they usually let you reload your deck for free or heal up. Typically, I would include one or two of them at the end of my deck. That way, they were at the end of the deck where they would be the most useful. Plus, I could rotate backwards to find them if I needed one ahead of time. Whatever you can do to make your deck structured and efficient, do it. You don't want to waste time clicking through cards to find the one you need to cause a Card Break or complete a sleight.

One other factor. After beating a boss, you usually get an Enemy card. Enemy cards have powerful effects on them, like Oogie Boogie's ability to slowly refill your HP. These cards go into your deck and count against your deck points, but they do not appear as part of the attack cards in the reel. Hitting Select switches you to a second reel of just Enemy cards, where you can rotate through and activate the one you want. You can only activate one Enemy card at a time. The card's effect duration is different for each card... usually "one reload" or "30 attacks" or similar. Skillful manipulation of your Enemy cards is a must in the tougher boss fights.

Again, I have to stress that this is all happening rather fast. It is easy to accidentally stock the wrong cards, waste attack cards against protected enemies, or mis-time your reloads so that you take cheap hits while you're out of action. This is the game's challenge. It's sort of a long way to go, but at least it's something new. There are enough types of map cards for you to have some fun in designing the levels, and there are plenty of combat cards to create your own style of attack.

Two other combat card flukes I should mention. The first card stocked in a sleight always disappeared for the duration of the battle. This is so you don't just sleight everything into some crazy powerful combo, because eventually you'll delete your entire deck. Secondly, there are "premium" cards - normal cards with a shiny sheen to them. Collectible hologram cards, really. They use up less deck points than regular cards, but they always disappear after being used. So you can't make an entire deck of those either. All of the removed cards come back once the battle is over.

Also, there's a minor RPG element. When Sora levels up, you choose whether to add to his HP, his CP (the Card Power of his deck, a higher number means a deck with more cards), or learn a new sleight. I mainly avoided the sleights. You learn most sleights without having to waste a level up on them, like how two Simbas are better than one Simba, etc. Most of the level up sleights involve tracking card number values, and I just didn't care to worry about that in the heat of battle. For example, there's specific combos formed when stocking three attack cards with a total value between 15 and 20, or whatever. I just played with 8s and 9s, plus some summon or magic based sleights that worked well for me.

Graphically, Chain of Memories is a standout. The sprites are massive and detailed, whether in the 3/4 overhead view or in battle. Characters have multiple frames of animation, so they can react during the cutscenes. All characters with speaking roles also get big closeup headshots, and these too have multiple expressions and emotions (although the closeups are all still frames.)

Battles can become distractingly impressive, especially when you start flinging spells. There are simulated lighting effects, something you don't often see in a GBA title. It is possible to cause slowdown during a really packed fight with a ton of enemies, but it never lasts for very long.

Just about every Heartless from the PS2 game returns here, each maintaining the visual style and movement fans will remember. Shadow Heartless slink and scurry along the ground. Wonderland's Trickmaster bobs on his unsteady legs. Even the Fantasia-inspired Mushrooms are in, pulling the same please-cast-magic-on-me gag. Then there's Neoshadows... I don't recall the Neoshadows actually being in Kingdom Hearts, instead premiering in the famous Deep Dive teaser video... so I think their appearance in Castle Oblivion is the first time gamers gets to fight them.

The game's soundtrack uses many of the same tracks from the first game, including the full version of Hikaru Utada's lovely "Simple and Clean" playing over the end credits. A nice feat! As for speech, well, this is still a GBA game, so the only sound samples are brief shouts and cries played during battles. According to the credit roll, those grunts are the work of the voice actors from the original. I'm sure they could have easily used generic voices or soundalikes here, but they used the same audio as before for consistency's sake. It's a little thing, but it's appreciated. James Woods probably got another $60 check out of the deal.

So we've talked at length about how exploration and combat works, about graphics and audio. Beyond that, it's all plot points and cutscenes. As you storm through Castle Oblivion, reliving a sort of Kingdom Hearts Greatest Hits, you find that Sora is being manipulated by the Organization. They are after the power of the keyblade, and their connection to Ansem and the events of Kingdom Hearts is hazy.

"Chain of Memories" is a appropriate subtitle, and it carries a double meaning. Chain as in connected path, and chain as in bondage. The wordplay becomes apparent into the game's second act, as Sora and company confront the machinations behind the quest.

Things come into sharper focus after you beat the game, when you can start a second adventure as Riku. Titled "Reverse/Rebirth", Riku's story is much easier (shorter) than Sora's. Riku doesn't build decks; instead he is assigned a different deck in each level. He still has to build the worlds using cards, and use cards during battle... Riku just doesn't have as much sleight ability or customization options as Sora. In exchange, Riku can enter darkness mode, which powers up his attacks. While Sora's story is mainly about the search for a way home and the promises he made to protect his friends, Riku's is concerned with his ongoing battle against the darkness in his own heart.

The characterization in Chain of Memories is not as strong as in the original, but this is simply because not as much happens here. Sora is still eager and impressionable, loyal to a fault. Donald and Goofy continue to agonize over their mission, finding King Mickey. The biggest surprise is Riku, last seen entering a futile struggle against the Heartless with King Mickey. Since so much of Kingdom Hearts had to do with Riku's descent into darkness, it's nice to meet up with him again in a more heroic form. And in Riku's story, we get a taste of what Disney fans have been waiting for: seeing Mickey on the battlefield.

And the stage is set for the next game, Kingdom Hearts 2 - back on PlayStation2.

On racks filled with NES/SNES re-releases, the GBA needs games like this to maintain its legitimacy. I mean, a direct sequel to a PS2 hit lands on the Game Boy! That's status. Chain of Memories is complicated, dramatic, and offers an innovative twist on typical adventure games. I think the card junk could have been explained better, but once you dope out the game's workings it does make sense. For the Kingdom Hearts fan, this is a necessity... even if the emphasis on re-presenting locales from the first game creates too much deja vu.





Kingdom Decks

Here's the three decks I used during my game. My final CP total was 1025.


General Combat Deck 36 cards
This deck was altered several times throughout the game, but only with regard to the summons/spells used. I started with the Simba summon, but as I found new spells I would swap out the old ones for new and more powerful sleights. You can see my attack pattern here... basic keyblade attacks, followed by some magic combos, then more attacks.


Kingdom Key 9

Kingdom Key 8

Divine Rose 9

Kingdom Key 9

Wishing Star 8

Kingdom Key 9

Wishing Star 8

Oathkeeper 4

Olympia 7

Olympia 9

Pumpkinhead 9

Fairy Harp 9

Fire 8 (for Firaga Break sleight)

Mushu 7 (for Firaga Break sleight)

Lady Luck 7 premium

Kingdom Key 9

Three Wishes 8

Lady Luck 9

Cloud 4 (for Cross-slash sleight)

Cloud 2 (for Cross-slash sleight)

Wishing Star 7

Kingdom Key 7

Three Wishes 9 Premium

Kingdom Key 8

Oblivion 6

Olympia 0

Olympia 0

Cure 9

Hi-Potion 3

Mega-Ether 4

Enemy: Larxene

Enemy: Search Ghost

Enemy: Oogie Boogie

Enemy: Ursula

Enemy: Hades

Enemy: Neoshadow


Mushroom Deck 21 cards
This deck is only for use when fighting the White Mushrooms. They're helpful critters, but only if you cast the proper magic spells on them. So this deck contains a selection of spells, easily cycled to find the one the Mushroom wants.


Fire 5 Premium

Fire 4

Fire 1

Blizzard 7

Blizzard 5

Blizzard 4

Thunder 7

Thunder 4

Thunder 3

Aero 7

Aero 7

Aero 7

Cure 7

Cure 9

Cure 8

Lady Luck 9

Divine Rose 9

Fairy Harp 9


Boss Deck 32 cards
This one is special for attacking bosses. Bosses constantly throw powerful sleights at you, and if you don't Card Break them, you're screwed. The idea here is to cycle forward to the 9s for combat, then quickly cycle back to the 0s when you see a sleight combo headed you way. The Enemy cards are geared towards endurance. Start the battle by immediately activating the Neoshadow (enemy HP slowly drops). When that peters out, turn on Maleficent (power up attack cards). If the boss is throwing a lot of magic at you, activate Ursula to halve the magical damage. If the boss has a lot of 0 cards, use Jafar to stop him from breaking your attacks. The key to survival is judicious use of Vexen, Search Ghost and Oogie Boogie. If you get low on HP, you can use Vexen for a free revive, then immediately use Oogie Boogie to slowly regenerate your health. If your health gets knocked down again, use the Search Ghost to absorb health when you attack. When you're out of those guys and low on HP again, activate Hades (power up attacks when low on HP) for the final push.


Kingdom Key 0

Kingdom Key 0

Kingdom Key 0

Olympia 0

Olympia 0

Wishing Star 0

Lady Luck 0

Pumpkinhead 9

Kingdom Key 9

Kingdom Key 9

Three Wishes 9 Premium

Kingdom Key 9

Divine Rose 9

Lady Luck 9

Fairy Harp 9

Wishing Star 8

Wishing Star 8

Olympia 9

Kingdom Key 9

Three Wishes 8

Cure 9

Hi-Potion 2

Mega-Potion 2

Hi-Potion 3

Enemy: Vexen

Enemy: Neoshadow

Enemy: Oogie Boogie

Enemy: Dragon Malificent

Enemy: Search Ghost

Enemy: Ursula

Enemy: Jafar

Enemy: Hades


Comment Bombed

It's ironic... Chris and I were just talking about this last week. Older versions of Movable Type are highly susceptible to automated comment insertion, where unscrupulous internet shamboys run scripts that post commercial comments wherever possible. Chris was hit hard with it some months back, so he removed the comment feature on his weblog. I was slammed once, end of last month. I manually deleted all the offending comments and crossed my fingers.

And then yesterday I was hit again, as a hundred "comments" all advertising some Online Poker game appeared all over my site. So I dumped my comment feature too.

Which sucks. It's nice that some brainless scumbags get to ruin my personal, non-commercial, barely-visited (comparatively) website. And to further confound matters, the poker stuff advertised doesn't even seem to exist. If you go to one of hundreds of fakey URLs embedded in the comment, you just get a big ugly text page talking about how great and wonderful this mythical online poker is... without a single link to any genuine method to play poker online. were I to guess - and I am - it looks like a site designed to transmit spyware and other malicious code onto unsuspecting users. Since I'm on a Mac and therefore untouchable by such things, I clicked with abandon. But I would hate to be unknowingly sending Windows folks over to those sorts of scams.

So down came all the "live user comments" stuff from the site's video game reviews. I still have all the comments archived behind the scenes. Should I one day upgrade to Movable Type's pay version, I'll bring them back, since the pay MT has much more robust control over comments. Until then, this site is read-only.

I did like the meager interactivity the comment fields provided, especially for dissenting opinions and questions on video games. Although (aside from my various Pokemon diaries) the only game is really pull in a large list of comments was Boris's negative Jet Set Radio Future review. Somehow, that review must have ended up reaching some rabid JSRF fans, because they came in from all over with insults and indignant language on ol' Boris. It amused me. I've had email requests to open up a complete forum for users... so that's something I've been investigating. I'm not sure I have the time to moderate it, however, and forums in general are something I personally avoid. Nothing would look sillier than a gigantic fourhman.com forum sub-site with 10 registered users and 2 abandoned topics. That's why I liked the low key MT comments thing: minimal expectations, yet the ever-present ability for people to post a message.

Since I was carpet bombing all the commenty features, I took the chance to slightly alter my video games page. Now the full reviews are listed by console for easier browsing. And as for the Quick Reviews... I've never been happy with how the Quick Reviews pages look - and I'm still not - but I like the concept, so I'm leaving them around. My site would be cleaner without them, but sometimes I just want to dash off a short paragraph about a game instead of a full-blown review. Some of my big reviews take me hours to put together, for better or for worse... so the Quick Reviews are a nice exercise in being succinct.

The sad thing is that had I been asked to link out to a real, classy online poker site, I probably would have. But as I said, the jackholes who spammed my site have no such thing and are only looking to implant garbage code inside your Windows box. At least it wasn't a string of porn URLs, I suppose.

Limit Hold 'Em is Boring

The stakes are raised: now Scott is in on the online PS2 poker fun. Tonight during the obligatory pre-game call, Mike asked me if I liked playing it. Sounds weird, but not really an odd question if you know Mike, or if you know me. What he's getting at is that I usually don't much enjoy games like poker... probability-based, abstract, wagering games. In fact, were it not for Doomtown, I wouldn't even know the hand ranks. As for Mike, well, he just likes asking questions.

But I do like it. I think I like it mainly due to all the gear being utilized. All three of us have identical setups: broadband and wireless network, USB headset for voice chat, EyeToy camera for live jpeggy video feed. Plus the PS2 and game, naturally. It's a pleasing amount of peripherals all working in concert to mimic three pals playing a trendy game of Texas Hold 'Em. Without all the cards and chips and cleanup.

The problem with console peripherals is that they are, by definition of "peripheral", underutilized. So the casual gamer isn't going to get his money's worth out of it. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles is not worth one person trying to assemble all the physical parts to play it. I know; I did it. Same with Donkey Konga... one guy is not going to buy 4 sets of bongos just to enjoy the 4P jam session modes. With games like those, you have to convince friends to buy into it. So it's always nice when the extra bits (EyeToy + headset in this case) are blessed with functionality in multiple games. If I ever get to Ratchet & Clank 3, now I know two other dudes who are one game purchase away from joining me.

The EyeToy adds nothing to World Championship Poker, really. Just a goofy geeky cool factor. I think we were all promised widespread video chat about 20 years ago; it's just now coming to reality. Even though the detail is lousy, it's fun to watch the game cut between all of our faces. Or feet, or cats, depending on where the camera is pointing. Since there's no camera for the Xbox, the live video bit is a PS2 exclusive.

The game itself remains crappy. Limited environments, lacking in audio options. You hear a shuffling sound effect, but see no shuffling animation. The only visual that raises it above a PS1 game is the unique avatar system. Which, for all the crazy controls (eyeball depth, forehead length, nose width, etc), simply can't come up with an attractive human figure. Particularly in females. Wait until you see your avatar smile, it's positively ghoulish.

But fundamentally it's poker, and it's hard to screw that up. Especially when you don't bother to play the single-player game and always play online against human opponents. Can the game randomly deal cards from a set of 52? Yes. Then you're good to go.

Small Apples

So the Macworld Expo Keynote rumors were (mostly) true, and we now have a smaller iPod and a smaller Mac. My favorite live update site of the day was, predictably, Gizmodo. Especially the bit where he too questions the "Ken Burns Effect". Come on, it's a freaking pan and/or zoom. We don't call the rack focus the "Alfred Hitchcock Effect." We don't even capitalize rack focus.

And now, the iPod Shuffle, presumably named so because iPod Mini was already taken. The Shuffle is minier than the Mini, "smaller than a pack of gum and weighs less than 4 quarters," to paraphrase the marketing metaphors. I never liked the Mini, because $250 for 4gig is preposterous compared to $300 for 20gig. Don't try to explain to me how the Mini and the Regular Size are placed in different market segments. That's nonsense. If you like a Mini, it's because you like the style and size of the hardware, not because you think you're getting a great deal compared to other (IE, non-Apple) music players. Regular iPod is a much better buy than the Mini, unless you're deadset for having one in light blue. Or you absolutely don't have that extra $50, which is stupid crazy.

The Shuffle comes out to $150 for 1gig, or $100 for 512MB. The cost-to-gig ratio keeps getting worse, but at least the price is where it needs to be. When things get that cheap, you stop caring about how they measure up to the luxury editions. $250 is not an impulse purchase, $100 is. And it's definitely in the "nice gift" range. Smart move getting these guys in the Stores before Valentine's Day.

Now how did the Shuffle get so cheap? No screen, for one. Therefore, one playlist, which must be chosen beforehand in iTunes... and can be changed every time you sync. Your Shuffle playlist can be pulled from your Library, or whatever sub-list you like. iTunes will even create a random playlist on every sync, and it can be told to favor songs you've rated highly. Although I personally have never rated songs, because I can't stand to make judgments like that. I also don't think I could handle not knowing what songs are on my iPod. So I believe I'd be unchecking the "randomize" boxes.

Apple estimates 240 songs inside 1gig. My TMBG playlist holds 389 songs, and it is just under a gig... lots of short songs from those lads, I guess. Fingertips'll do that.

So I'm thinking: How do I use my current iPod? I have a dozen playlists - but some of those are just favorite albums/compilations that I keep as playlists for easier access. I usually have the playlists set to shuffle. The playlists get the most attention; I browse for a non-playlisted album maybe 1 time in 10 uses. Several of the playlists are long enough to drain out the battery if I'd let it. Having already lived in the comparatively gigantic 10gig world, I don't think I could dumb down to a single playlist. Besides, it still rankles that my edition no longer receives updates and doesn't have Solitaire... and the Shuffle definitely is not going to be playing Solitaire. Unless you paint up 52 of them, I suppose. Given our upcoming expansion, I'd spring for one of the iPod Photo models, given the chance.

Apart from having a dedicated Giants iPod, the Shuffle isn't the model for me and won't be replacing my 10gig iPod anytime soon. (Now Rhonda, on the other hand, would love it...) I like knowing that every song worth a damn in the known universe is on my hip, although I concede that it is a pain to rotate through that massive library to find exactly what I want.

The Mac mini. mini is lowercase for no good reason, except to emphasize the smallness of it all. Had I been invited to the brainstorming sessions, I might have suggested calling it the mMac, which would be awesome on paper but stupid in actual pronunciation. $500 for a Mac no bigger than the last Harry Potter hardcover. A lot of Windows goofs are going to take their first dip into Lake Computer That Works with this one. Maybe you're one of them? Sick of popups, viruses, spyware, critical patches and security updates yet?

You have to bring your own monitor, USB keyboard and mouse... which really isn't asking much. Everyone has those. There's a ton of people out there with ancient Windows boxes - still on 2000, 98, maybe even 95 - and they probably have older keyboards that aren't USB... but the monitor is likely fine and a new USB keyboard/mouse combo can be had at Target for next to nothing. Although, if you are on one of those "legacy" systems, Microsoft's position is that you're part of the security problem and ought to send them some more money. Maybe your money would be better spent elsewhere.

Of course, Apple sells plenty of varieties of homegrown monitors and such - ideal for matching the Mac mini's form - but if you're just testing out how a Mac works, how OSX feels, what works better than Windows and what doesn't... $500 is perfectly acceptable. There's even an adapter (sold separately) to use your television instead.

iSight is still too expensive, though. I was hoping for a price drop announcement on that. It's been a year and a half, for crying out loud.

The Week In Entertainment Media Thoughts

Here's a fatal flaw for you: just about every boss fight in Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories is preceded by a huge conversation. If you die in the boss fight, you have to re-live the conversation with no way to skip through it (other than the time-honored practice of smacking a button to speed up the text display.) Ugh. I love plot and story and characterization in my video games. But when you have to re-read the conversation multiple times, it actually works against the flow of the narrative. The dramatic punch is diluted - and in fact becomes a source of anger - when you have to hammer the A button to get through it. If you opt to continue after dying in a boss fight, the game should reset you at the start of the boss fight. End of discussion.

We had the announcement of Mario grafted into NBA Street v3, now we can add to that a Mario version of DDR. Good news all around, that. The GameCube has been without official dance mat fodder since forever (I just saw some non-Bemani GameCube dancing game at Circuit City yesterday and I was astonished). It's one less item on the big list of Games You Can't Buy On GameCube, although it's coming awful late in the game. I haven't seen just how the Mario angle will work, or if the game will retain DDR's usual style despite the prevalence of the Mushroom Kingdom. Unfortunately, I doubt I'll pick it up, and the reason is purely in home decorating. We learned long ago that we can't play DDR on our first floor because it's not stable enough; if I play serious, I start shaking shelves. So we moved the DDR setup to the basement, where the Earth itself supports my frantic dancing. Doing that meant buying a second PS2, and I just don't feel up to buying a second GameCube to run on the lower level. Had they done more LAN games, I might be more inclined.

Headless iMac rumors. Here's another good idea. You know all those Windows guys that bought iPods? They just might be considering buying a Mac, now that they've had their first taste of honey. They haven't done so yet because of the relative expense of it. High end Macs and PCs are comparably priced, but on the low end... well, there just isn't a low end Mac. At least, not one low end enough to compare to those email-and-printing shambles you can buy at Sam's Club for $400. Plus, all those Windows iPodders already have a perfectly fine Windows machine (terms relative) with monitor. Enter the headless iMac. (Fake photos here, courtesy Gizmodo.) Little more than a super-sized iPod, now the bi-curious can indulge a White Chocolate fantasy for under $500. Attach that existing CRT monitor (or maybe even a television, according to one rumor I saw), switch the iPod over to its native habitat, and you've got an easy way to get folks to turn against Windows. Unless they want games, obviously. But this rumored machine's theoretical stats aren't going to register on the Pro PC Gamer's HUD anyway.

The return of Hal Jordan storyline is already showing signs of contrivance. Green Lantern: Rebirth #3 is setting the stage for the weakest resurrection rationale ever plagiarized: It wasn't really Hal who went evil. Eh, it's easy to be cynical. Kicking Hal out was a sales event years ago, and bringing him back is just as much of one. I will give them this point: they retconned a pretty cool explanation for the famous "yellow impurity" of the Lanterns' energy source, although it's a little headtrippy. It's like, negative vibes, you know? Even the gray streaks in Hal's hair have a reason, and it's not just because the character first appeared in the 1960s.

The second Sealab DVD hits February 1st. Also the first Brak Show DVD. I'm definitely in for Sealab, only a maybe on Brak. Brak was an early darling of the Adult Swim movement, and most of that first season is pretty good ("Why don't you feed him... three hams!") but it's all but vanished from the modern AS. Probably starting playing too old. I remember seeing Brak on Space Ghost C2C and Cartoon Planet back in the mid-90s. In the final tally, poor Brak was just a high-profile launch title. Still, I'd rather see four year old Brak Shows than freshly imported Super Milk Chans. The real DVD excitement for me will be a Venture Bros. release, easily my favorite contemporary Adult Swim offering. I'd request Mission Hill too, actually.

And what about Squidbillies? Was that a real show-in-development, or just a big joke? It was hugely hyped, and then the premiere was a total bait-and-switch. They didn't run Squidbillies Episode One, they ran an anime parody called Perfect Hair Forever and a Space Ghost talk show segment. If it's a gag, it's an elaborate one. And a successful one. A quick Google search on Squidbillies finds the show already listed on television geek sites like TV Tome, even though the only stuff that aired was a couple promos that could have been produced over one long weekend.

Lost in San Andreas, Part 4

Last time I talked about San Andreas, I was afraid to leave home. Well, young lad, you'll never get anywhere in life with that attitude, so I did the right thing and tackled the final Los Santos mission. It's a smallish gang fight in a parking lot, pretty easy actually. I did, however, wait until I had taken over every available enemy gang territory.

And actually, at the moment I'm fresh out of San Fierro, the game's second major metropolitan area. I'm in the Toreno missions, which seem to center mainly in the desert area that precedes Las Venturas (city #3.) I really liked the change in CJ's circle of friends in San Fierro... sort of a Scooby gang of toughs: Cesar, Woozie, and the Truth (what happened to him anyway? Haven't seen him in a while.)

I've saved almost 20 photos of my journey so far - which is enough to half fill a standard PS2 memory card, absurdly. I'm a sucker for games with cameras. I don't know of any way to snag them off the card, so I snapped some quickie Hiptop2 pics. (I'm sure there's some stupid PC/PS2 peripheral that would do it, but I foresee two problems with that: third party PS2 junk and Windows.) Enjoy my little virtual slideshow trip. You can click the thumbnail for a large version, but it's usually not worth the effort since the camera is lo-fi and the lighting is bad. That moire effect isn't as bad in the big versions though.

Here's a pair of arcade games, found inside the Green Bottle in Los Santos, right up the street from Mom's. Although it's nice that you can actually play these games, they are all awful. Does save high scores though.

Some ugly guys enjoying a meal at a Pizza Box somewhere in the countryside. I had popped in for a salad myself and was struck by how hideous that one pinhead is.

This guy is floating. I suppose this means the game is buggy. This was also in one of those northern Red County towns.

This is Helena, who is always practicing at a rooftop shooting range in Blueberry, Red County. She is dating material, but she wants you as skinny as possible. I stopped working out for days to drop my muscle weight... and now she won't go out with me because of the way I dress. A woman's perogative, I suppose. I have no idea what kind of clothes she wants, even after wasting an hour trying on different outfits and running back to talk to her.

The view from sunrise over Mount Chiliad, the highest altitude in San Andreas. There's a mountain bike race mission up there, which I failed when I missed a hairpin turn and dived down the mountain instead. Long way down.

I hadn't been in San Fierro more than a couple minutes when I heard a loud noise behind me. I turned around and saw this WWII plane crashing into the street in a ball of flame. It skidded on past me, shoving cars around... and I had the presence of mind to pull out the camera. Crazy.

Some Vice City action figures for sale in Zero's R/C shop. (He also has Manhunt figures, but who would want those?) Zero's place holds the game's worst mission. Probably the worst mission in the franchise's history: Supply Lines. You have to pilot a remote control plane around San Fierro and kill 5 couriers (some in vans, some on bikes.) Should be fun, but Rockstar managed to wring all the enjoyment out of it by: A) giving the plane terrible, floaty, touchy, non-intuitive controls, B) allowing the couriers to run off in random directions - which can make the mission absolutely impossible thanks to C) limited fuel. You're expected to drift a lot so as not to waste gas. Just maybe I could forgive them this horror if they allowed you to drift on in mid-air even after running out of fuel... but no, as soon as the fuel meter hits the end, your flight fails. Ugh. I'm happy it's more or less an optional mission.

Here's the famous mystery map, found inside Mike Toreno's cabin. Rumors have it that each dot in the map marks some sort of bizarre event - verified by the one in lower left that sits over the spot where phantom car wrecks appear every night in the early morning. But Rockstar has publicly debunked the theory. That's not much fun, is it. They also claim there's no Bigfoot in San Andreas.

Other notable memories of San Fierro:

  • The crack factory with workers in bathing suits and gas masks.
  • The "snakehead" guy from the enemy Da Nang gang who I killed with one stroke of my katana.
  • Michelle, the mechanic babe who is never ever around when I want to go on a date.
  • T-Bone Mendez saying "Mike can hear gulls!"
  • The cutscene with CJ and Wu Zi playing video games; Woozie is blind, and winning.
  • Trying (and failing) to take the collectible SF snapshots before the game activates the photo markers. And even then the marking points are invisible.
  • Hearing "Hey Cesar, the yay is leaving for San Fierro, right?" twice a week.
  • Realizing that CTR adds new radio content gradually, including the return of GTA favorites Lazlow and Fernando Martinez!

New Year Fest

This time Mike and Noelle hosted the New Year's event (last year we stranded ourselves in the wilds of upstate PA)... and as expected, we played games.

San Andreas was a regular visitor, an odd choice given the mostly single-playerness of it all. Although since the game tends to become an action movie during even the simplest of missions, it remains fun to watch. Assuming action movies are your thing. It certainly is a crowd pleaser for the male half, at any rate.

Cranium is always a good choice for big groups. We had two teams of four. I managed to sneak a couple of those thrice-damned Humdinger cards (where you have to hum a song for others to guess) to the back of the box. It's astonishing how large a gap is present between what a song sounds like in your head and how it escapes your lips. They're almost always a loss when they appear - unless the song is asininely easy, like "When the Saints Go Marching In" - so I dump them when I can. I've been thinking I should buy one of the Cranium Booster packs and swap out most of the Humdingers. More Sculptorades, I say.

Mike and I played a bunch of Pokemon using the recently released World Championships 2004 decks. Since I can't be bothered to follow the tourney scene or analyze online decklistings, I've been learning a lot about deck construction from these four pre-built decks. They're fast, interactive decks centered around some nice card/ability combos. Makes me want to re-build most of my handmade decks.

Chad brought up his Chainmail collection, a miniatures game that has always struck me as Wizards' response to Mage Knight/HeroClix. Like Mage Knight, Chainmail bridges the gap between the hardcore mini games (Warhammer, historical, etc) and not playing mini games at all. I can never wrap my head around the bookkeeping angle of these games, even when they try to simplify it as they do for Chainmail, HeroClix and the rest. Halfway through I started thinking how cool this would be if I had a little LCD display to track all my pieces stats/abilities electronically. Like a DS with GPS. Even when I tried to throw myself into a miniatures battle game (Great Rail Wars), I never got to know the ins and outs well enough without having to consult the rulebook, and that's the kiss of death as far as I'm concerned. So my strategy in our Chainmail game consisted of me asking "What do I have to roll?", being told "16", and then rolling a 3. It was a sad display.

The great video game Show and Tell between Chad and I boiled down to my DS and his Steel Battalion for Xbox. Both set high points for gimmickry. In Steel Battalion, the game is really just a means to an end for that wonderful controller yoke (pictured above). There's 50 buttons on it, all of which do something... usually not all at once however, thankfully. The game reduces to Giant Battling Robots, something we've all done a hundred times before, just not with this level of tactile immersion. The startup sequence is adorable: a button to lower the cockpit, a button to start the ignition, 5 toggle switches to activate your 'mech's subsystems, then a final Go button. Left hand joystick controls heading, right hand controls aiming. There's even a set of sturdy-looking foot pedals for sidestep, brake and gas. It is engagingly daunting. I know if I had a Xbox, that massive controller would already be fighting for shelf space and winning.

Did some EyeToy stuff. I brought along the new(ish) Sega Superstars, which remains an uneven purchase. Played the NiGHTS minigame for the first time; liked it. You have to hold your arms out to simulate flying, and it more or less feels like you're flying. I suggested we put a small fan on top the TV to simulate the rush of air currents.

We even managed to run some 4-man Texas Hold 'Em, during which I had to have the house bail me out three times.

Just get to Venom already.

Finally saw Spider-Man 2. We weren't trying to avoid it; we had every intention of seeing it in theaters, but never got around to it. Plus, I felt much of the bloom was off the rose after that massive trailer that hit every major plot point. Ruined it a bit, I thought.

Not as good as the first one. Probably all those flippy action smacking into walls bits looked so cool in the first movie... and just one sequel later they're already old. Doctor Octopus was a much better character than Green Goblin, particularly in costume design. So, better villain, worse movie. Interesting paradox.

The middle was awful. Drifting, aimless, repetitive scenes of Peter losing his self-respect. Half of that could have been edited out. Especially this little example of fluffing up your film... Peter loses his powers and crash lands in the alleyway, then we cut through a few more days worth of teen angst scenes, and then back to that same alley where he ditches the costume. Trim the middle: make the alleyway scene be "the last straw" and have him dump the tights right there. Cleaner. Where were the editors on this one? For that matter, where was the director? What was with all the B-grade horror movie snap-zooms? The Doc Ock surgery scene was terribly shlocky, and the whole movie was filled with ugly civilians-screaming-at-the-camera shots that would have fit inside the very worst MST3Ks.

But nothing was worse than enduring yet another Spirit of New York City moment. In Spider-Man 1, we had that truly awful "Nobody messes with New York!" scene where a bunch of passers-by start throwing rocks at the Green Goblin. And instead of pumpkin-bombing their stupid faces, Goblin tries to deflect the rocks Wonder Woman-style. In 2, we have an exhausted Spidey - maskless so we can watch more gross close-ups of Tobey Maguire acting by grimacing - carried to safety by a train car of New Yorkers (one of whom was Phil Lamarr!) Who all promise not to tell anyone his secret identity because the city needs him so much. Vomit. Pandering.

Not to say nothing was does right. That shot in the alleyway (the second time) was a beautiful riff on a very famous Spider-Man comic cover. JJJ was great. And it's hard not to like all the CG fighting and swinging sequences, even if some of them look like they rotoscoped somebody shaking a cat.

The scene that made the movie was the Legacy of the Goblin bit, where Harry finds his father's secret stash. Hopefully his first order of business will be to toss Dad's crappy uniform. I had a mail order subscription to Amazing Spider-Man (before they started vowing "All titles mailed flat!" actually, because mine were always folded) right when they introduced Hobgoblin, so he has always been one of my favorites. It's a generational thing. The Green Goblin was dead and buried before I was actively following Spider-Man. I knew about him, but at the time he was a memory in Spidey's life. Hobgoblin was the new guy, the revamp for my era... so he has always been my favored Goblin. Plus, much cooler costume. It should be easy to maintain Hobgoblin's raggedy demon look for next movie, right? If leaked photos of Spider-Man 3 start hinting at that embarrassing metal Willem Defoe head spray-painted orange, I may opt to never see it.

That's assuming 3 will go that way, of course. I'd like to see Hobgoblin and Venom, which has been a popular rumor for a while now. Of course, the internet would also have you believe that Lindsay Lohan is going to play Firestar, which makes me hate. And not hating on Lohan, per se, but more the suggestion that the Spider-Man franchise would go the Shumacher Batman route and become a self-aware parody by including one of Spider-Man's Amazing Friends. Why must the internet ruin everything.

Oh, and stop resurrecting that godawful '60s Spider-Man cartoon theme song. The cartoon was terrible, the theme song worse. We don't need Punk Band Du Jour remixing that for every damn movie.

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This page is an archive of entries from January 2005 listed from newest to oldest.

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