December 2003 Archives

 

Thanks for playing!


We are the Fourhmans that saved Christmas.

We just unlocked everything in Mario Kart: Double Dash, having finished All Cup Tour / Mirror Mode with 146 points. The thing about All Cup Tour (which is all 16 races in a row) is that it should end up being academic. As long as you keep placing high, and your next two opponents keep switching off wins, by the last track there should be no possible way you can lose in the overall point total. Our first attempt was an unfortunate failure, mainly because we seemed to have only *one* chief rival, and that team would consistently NOT get wrecked by the other players. On our second try, things went more to plan... we actually clinched the Gold Medal going into the second-to-last race, meaning that even if we got 0 points on the last two tracks, we'd still end up with the most points. It's always nice to go into Rainbow Road knowing that simple math is on your side, because that track is terribly unforgiving.

When Rhon and I play co-op, we almost always play Paratroopa and Toadette in the Toad Kart. I drive and Rhon handles weapons. The low, speedy Toad Kart suits my driving style, and our characters give us access to some of the better weaponry: the Red Shell trio and that pumpable Gold Mushroom turbo.

A happy holiday has been secured.

 

Reduccio!


You have to hand it to J.K. Rowling. How many people are able to write about an imaginary fantasy world and have in accepted not only by millions of children, but also their dollar, pound and lira providing adults? How terrific is this: people can bring up Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy or Quidditch in conversation and she knows that it was all made by her. Truly a very cool thing. Probably the only thing I will be long remembered for after I am recycled will be the time I threw up on David Kiernan on the school bus in fourth grade. Such is life. So she has me there.

However, after that glowing introduction, I must be frank and say that the fifth installment of the Harry Potter series simply is not worth your time and effort.

I can be notoriously critical of both movies and novels; Chris Benson can no doubt tell you about the three dozen or so movies he's loved that I came away shaking my head from. But I believe I am on firm ground here as Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix rambles for 850 plus pages of schenanigans that just don't add up to all that much.

Exactly like the first four novels in the series, this book starts with Harry stuck at Privet Drive for another long summer. Somewhere in all this he is attacked by dementors, which was a nice beginning. Unfortunately the momentum created from this attack is lost as Harry wanders around the Ministery of Magic, Sirius Black's house and points inbetween for far too long. Then it's back to Hogwarts and about three hundred pages of very_slow_moving plot points. And that only gets you to the Christmas break.

In addition to the glacial pace, the characters are more one dimensional than would be expected, even in a novel somewhat geared for children. Malfoy is Malfoy, Hermoine is as whiny as ever, but to give credit Snape is shown in varying shades of gray which was pleasant. But far too often characters merely exist to, well, exist. Very often their actions do nothing to advance the plot. Was that a plot you said? A what?

Right-o. Plot. For some reason Voldemort is after a prophecy in the Ministery of Magic - for what reason I have no idea. Well, I have an idea, it's just not really important at all. See, if Voldemort gets a hold of this prophecy then he will know Harry Potter was the child who must be destroyed so that Voldemort can live. Christ, I thought it was that Neville Longbottom kid who was the key to the wizard universe. We needed a whole book for this?

It's been obvious from the earlier books that this whole series will come down to a Voldemort/Potter showdown in book seven. I'm cool with that. While we all know how that will end, the enjoyment of going along for the ride that was present in the first four books is almost completely missing in the fifth. But after four very well received books, should I really have even had my hopes up for this one? How many Potter books can be written that are new and fresh? How many of anything can be new and intriguing after four go arounds? So with that said, I am looking forward to the sixth installment to see if Rowling hires an editor (George Lucas too, you need one really something awful) and hacks through the pedantic, pedestrian jibberjabber.

 

And what about the Grey Havens?


The One Ring.net has a link to a roundtable discussion on the spiritual dimensions to the Lord of the Rings movies. As usual, the Christians fall all over each other in their rush to justify their illogical, fairy tale beliefs. Tolkien was a devout Catholic - and although he initially resisted it, his own conservative religious upbringing did seep into his story - but does that mean that the entire saga is meant to be viewed as a representation, or worse, an endorsement of Christianity?

I'm going to criticize the article in general here... the actual full-length discussion shows several different opinions, but I'm painting them all with the same brush. And, yeah, here there be movie spoilers. Interesting that you can still have spoilers for a book that's half a century old.

When a story covers such a broad and timeless theme as "good vs. evil," you can construe it to be allegorical to just about anything. But remember that "good" and "evil" are relative! Just because the good guys wear white and are human and beautiful, the Christians immediately want to play the role of the Fellowship. I could very easily present a case that Sauron represents the force of religion in the world, with Sauron's all-seeing eye likened to the all-seeing God. The simplistic and warlike Orcs are his most devoted followers, just as religion tends to attract the disenfranchised, the poor, and the stupid. Their march across Middle Earth, recruiting some peoples and destroying others, is exactly how Christians see their role in the world: either you're part of their belief system and headed to eternal salvation, or you're not and must therefore be converted or subverted. Sauron is called the Great Deceiver, and what greater deception is there than to offer an everlasting paradise with no proof, arbitrary guidelines, and no straight answers? The Free Peoples represent free thinkers, philosophers, artists... who see their ideas and thoughts unfairly challenged by the restrictive dogma of centuries past.

The Sauron-as-Religion metaphor would likely fail under close readings (particularly of The Simarillion) but we're supposed to be mostly talking about the watered down movies here. And anyway, the point is that you can read into it whatever you want, because it reduces down to Us Vs. Them. But these guys, with their formal degrees in myths and lies, end up being too easily seduced by Tolkien's own creation myth.

They point to Gandalf's line about Aragorn's kingdom being "blessed" (as if there's only one way to use that word, in a Christian sense.) Or his comforting words on the afterlife to Pippin as they await the enemy armies. One posting says that Aragorn's statue of his dead mother (from the Fellowship EE) is "quite clearly the Virgin Mary" (it's a woman in a hood, for fuck's sake) and that Gandalf's "secret fire" remark refers to the Holy Spirit. (He attributes that explanation directly to Tolkien, but neglects to mention that Gandalf could have just been talking about Narya, his fucking ring of fire that he kept fucking secret.) Then there's a very tiresome debate on the entire cast as Christ. Frodo is Christ. Aragorn is Christ. Boromir is Christ. Gandalf is Christ. Just about anybody who either A) lives through a terrible ordeal or B) dies through a terrible ordeal, gets to be Christ.

They also complain about the alterations to the Cracks of Doom scene. In the book, Gollum pretty much trips over the edge and dies. In the movie, Frodo pushes him over. You know why Peter Jackson made this change? Because it's goddamn stupid that nimble, acrobatic Gollum would fucking dance his ass over a cliff. That may play in the intellectual and intimate arena of the book, where the author has had pages upon pages to delineate his style and pace in your own imagination, but in a movie where we actually get to *see* it, it would have been asinine.

The most vital piece that they all overlook is that Tolkien wrote a story where theology makes sense. That's why it's easy to construe The Lord of the Rings as having overt religious messages. This is a world where there is a God (Iluvatar) and his creations of grace and power (Angels, via the Maiar and the Elves, even the descendants of Numenor) actually do intercede on the common peoples' behalf, instead of never showing up, leaving us to the evangelists and Bible-thumpers and door-to-door preachers. There is a universal acceptance and knowledge of how Iluvatar and his pals created the races of Middle Earth, and how Melkor and Sauron sought their own power through domination.

This is probably how Professor Tolkien wished Catholicism could be, at once inspiring and logical. Perhaps he felt - as many do - that religion was not providing answers, but instead adding a confusing layer of pseudo-philosophy overtop an already complex world. But he was far too conservative to reject it, so in his story he would simply fix it. (Interestingly, the one race almost completely free of ritual and religion is the one that Tolkien himself most identified with: the Hobbits.) But in the real world, it doesn't wash. Religion may be inspiring - to those who feel they need it - but it certainly isn't logical. At the end of the day, LOTR is a fantasy. Just like the Bible. One is just far better written.

 

Sunday Wrap Up


I'm still stupefied at how CDDB can average at least one mistake per CD. This weekend I popped the second Harry Potter soundtrack into iTunes, and good ol' CDDB had the track "Dobby the House Elf" spelled with one 'b'. So that means that the entire known world (or at least the subset that has inserted the second Harry Potter soundtrack into their computer) has the song "Doby the House Elf." I visited the CDDB website to learn a little about their process, and it's just as stupid as I thought: normal users submit track listings to the database, rather than any sort of near-competent employees. I guess you get what you pay for. It is striking that CDDB - whoops, they're trying to build a brand name now: 'Gracenote' - pulls all this Important And Inspiring bullshit on the site, as if CDDB is on some kind of vanguard of musicality in the new century... when all they are is a goddamn database of typos.

Finally picked up Fatal Frame 2, but I doubt I'll start it for a couple weeks. I'm really enjoying Ratchet & Clank 2 right now, and I have The Hobbit already started as well.

Seen Return of the King twice now. Doing my bit to help that opening weekend box office. Still missing Saruman something fierce, but there's still the EE to look forward to. After the movie ended, some jackass behind me said "I heard they're not going to release an Extended Edition of this one, they're going to do a big three pack of the long versions of all three movies, so you have to buy the first two again to get the third." Shut the fuck up, you moron. This was the same guy who laughed - laughed! - when Denethor was pouring oil over himself in preparation to be burned alive. I don't mean ironic boy-is-he-going-to-get-it laughter, I mean Ha Ha Monkey Picked Nose laughter. Maybe he farted.

I've discovered a long overlooked piece of Pokemonabilia, the "Pokemon Adventures" manga. At first glance, it didn't seem like much more than another way to milk off the franchise... but the actual story grows quite dark and complicated once you get past the initial chapters. It's an interesting take on the original Game Boy games, almost good enough to be considered a "real world" version. As in, what if pokemon actually did exist. This particular manga (I know there are others) isn't afraid to look at pokemon as actual animals, with all the necessary evils that the natural world requires. So some types of pokemon will eat other types, sometimes a battle will end when one pokemon dies, etc. Circle of life, baby.

We even did some Christmas shopping this weekend, although no shopping trip is complete unless I buy something for myself. FYE had the Spider-Man DVD Collector's Set on sale... it's the two-disk Spider-Man movie DVD and the Kevin Smith / Stan Lee interview DVD "Mutants, Monsters and Marvels." While I was in the FYE checkout line, I saw these stupid Marvel Mighty Beanz in the coveted impulse buy position by the cash register. Somehow I stopped myself. I can't help but think back to when all the Marvel Zombies hated DC because of that terrible Super Friends cartoon and the prevailing opinion that DC books were geared for kids... and today Marvel is licensing themselves out to anybody who walks in the door. Anything to stave off another round of bankruptcy, I guess. Have you seen those embarrassing Genio Cards? They're fucking flash cards dressed up to look like a TCG.

Only the blindest of grandparents are going to be fooled by this. And only the blindest of children will see any excitement in collecting educational factoid cards where The Thing briefly expounds on Terra Cotta Soldiers. I wouldn't be as critical, larnin' is larnin' after all, if the company wasn't so dead convinced on marketing Genio Cards with so much hype. The commercials show a club of EXTREME kids flopping these things like it's the Magic Nationals.

 

Well, I'm back.


It's hard to describe seeing your imagination opened up in front of you and knowing you had nothing to do with it. "The Return of the King" is the final piece in the visual penumbra that has lurked in my mind for years. Not just my mind, obviously. The Witch-King. The Army of the Dead. Shelob. Shagrat and Gorbag. The pyre of Denethor. The Grey Havens.

The Lord of the Rings has been a touchstone for most of my life. My father discovered the books when he was in school and eventually passed the novels on to me. If you knew my father, you might consider this story an odd thing for him to take a passionate interest in. He spent almost 25 years doing mindless, physical dock work for a freight company. He's been a lifelong motorhead, having personally driven, fixed, scrapped and re-built hundreds of cars throughout our family's history. (The whole car thing never quite made it to me.) But if you knew my father, you might have uncovered this fascination with J.R.R. Tolkien's masterpiece of fantasy.

To my knowlege, he's never read any other single work of fantasy. Quite frankly, he's not even a reader of fiction, period. But something about LOTR grabbed and held him... to the point where he can recite lines, discuss the minutae of chapters and characters, and generally "geek out" over it in a manner worthy of the biggest D&D anime gamer Star Wars fans. He's even read The Simarillion, a thick, dense, posthumous Tolkien novel that you have to be truly hardcore to attack.

He is an exacting fan, and we have had many conversations on the movies, their strengths and weaknesses. Overall - beyond overall - we're thrilled with them. Now, having seen Return of the King, we've experienced nearly the entire scope of Peter Jackson's adaptation. They're quite a balancing act. For every slight misstep, there's ample scenes of perfection to rein it all back in. You don't like Arwen's stand at the Ford of Bruinen? Just sit tight until the reveal of an aged, hobbling Bilbo and his heart-wrenching reunion with Frodo. A little put off by the way in which Merry and Pippin trick Treebeard into witnessing the devastation of the Gap of Isen? You're about to see Ents go apeshit against the cauldrons and axes of a thousand Orcs. Confused as to the continuing presence of Osgiliath, a city that Tolkien had abandoned years before? The Pelannor Fields battle is frame for frame an astonishing barrage of war and confusion and loss.

For purists, the film version is more akin to a Greatest Hits collection of scenes from the books. In that regard, there are very few disappointments. In fact, I'm often left to wonder what people might think who haven't read the books, because the book can explain things that the movie can't. I read one dickhead's critical review of the trilogy (and he was being critical solely for the sake of being critical, because he thought the entire franchise needed to be brought down a few pegs and he was just the prick to do it) where he expressed disgust at, among other things, Elrond neglecting to wrest the Ring from Isildur in the Prologue, but then complaining about the weakness of men during the conference at Rivendell. Vitriol aside, it's a valid point. One that requires some additional reading of the text and even some reading into Elrond's thoughts as presented in the movie. The answer being that young Elrond was little more than a drummer boy during the Last Alliance of Men and Elves and the movie kinda fudged that whole scene just to give some weight to Elrond's words and warnings. If you're going to judge these three films as merely three films, you might come away with questions and plotholes... but I would say that's not seeing the forest for the trees, because these are more than movies, these are accomplishments of emotion and vision, buoyed by a backstory of the finest literary traditions and propelled through the endurance of the best of modern cinema. There's so much that's right that it's difficult, even useless, to consider what might be wrong.

That was pretentious. Especially if this sort of thing isn't your cup of tea.

I was floored by the relentless march of scenes. Where Fellowship has that pleasant meander to it, and Two Towers the staccato point-counterpoint of the divergent storylines, Return of the King is almost cruel in its continuous thrust of moment after moment. Only three hours long? I could have sat for twice that and not noticed. And even after you hit all the major conflicts - all the terrible dramatic battle bits you've been anticipating for three years - there's an unexpected parade of soothing epilogues, as if to calm you down and pat you on the head and send you off fulfilled and happy.

Now there's just one more wait to go, the wait for the Extended Edition of the DVD. And maybe, just maybe, The Hobbit.

 

5 > 4


Mario Party 5 is definitely a step-up from last year's edition. If you're considering buying one or the other, go with 5... and anyway, I don't think MP4 has hit the cheap Players' Choice line yet.

The single player mode of MP5 is much more tolerable. MP4 basically made you play the normal 4P game with three CPU opponents. MP5 pares down the experience considerably, giving you three Koopa Kids that all move at once... plus the game boards in single are half the size of the boards in multi. And instead of the whole coins-for-stars dynamic - which made MP4's single player mode radically difficult - you just have to beat the Koopas down to zero coins. It's pretty interesting to play, since most of the mini-games turn out to be 1 on 1 duels, which are rarely seen in multiplayer games. Although this year's boss sequence at the end of the mode isn't as cool (or as long) as last year's. The pics here are from the credit roll when you beat 1P mode.

MP5 has more minigames - almost twice as many - as MP4. When it comes to Mario Party, the amount of minigames is of supreme importance. They're all newly designed, even if some repeat the gameplay of older iterations. Come on, you don't really think they'd abandon games with fast repeated A button mashing?

The gameboards are multileveled now, as compared to the flat and sort of boring looking maps from MP4. They're also much less frustrating, so you won't have as many problems with getting lost or stuck in infinite loops. There can still be an awful lot of waiting around, especially while watching a long item-attack sequence. The mini-mega system of MP4 has also been ditched, which I don't miss in the least because it was such a pain to explain to people.

There's a ton of extra modes now, which is where MP5 really gives you your $50 worth. Several mini-game only modes, for those who want to get right to the action. A "card game" which is sort of like the normal game without mini-games. A vehicle combat mode where you build custom cars and fight, arena-style. But the standouts are Ice Hockey and Beach Volleyball. Beach Volleyball is like Beach Spikers without the clumsy camera and annoying announcer. Ice Hockey is a decent 3 on 3 Mariofied sport, with CPU goalies and simplistic controls... but it works rather well. I've always thought hockey would be a great choice for the next Mario Sports title, and this little bonus game shows what it might be like. Since these two extras are just that, extras, they're not exactly fully-realized games, but they're fast and fun and a completely unexpected bonus.

By the way, I have to mention how well Nintendo's customer service department works. Every time I have emailed them, I have received a relevant and helpful response. (For customer service issues anyway, not inanities like "WHEN IS TEH NEXT ANIMAL CROSSING GAME OUT.")

Examples: when I was concerned about missing the first issue on my Nintendo Power subscription, they explained that new subscriptions often take a little longer to get moving but that I would definitely receive the January 03 issue with the kickass Smash Bros orchestral CD. When I emailed them about Toys R Us screwing me out of my Double Dash demo disc, they gave me a phone number to call... and that operator was extremely helpful, telling me what I could do and what Toys R Us might have done to fuck things up. About a week and a half later, Nintendo sent me a Double Dash demo disc at their expense.

Whatever they're doing, whatever they're spending, however many people they employ... they're doing it right. Nintendo knows how to take care of their customers.

 

Where your eyes don't go.


In every Bookmarks file a few duds must fall. Here's a couple of sites that I used to visit but now avoid, and why.

PVP Online. In the online comics world, this is one of the biggies. I visited regularly until I realized that it's not funny, and it never was. I like Scott Kurtz's style, but his writing is just incredibly average. The strip that did me in went something like this...

Panel 1. Guy: Boy, sure glad I made cookies!
Panel 2. Guy: Hey, who ate my cookies?
Panel 3. Guy: Fatty, did you eat my cookies?
Panel 4. Fatty: Mope. (Mouth gummed with cookies.)

Plus Kurtz is a complete schizo, liable to fly off the handle in one newspost and then start bawling about how lazy he is in the next.

Gameforms. Actually, I still do check Gameforms because they do have some nice articles... but I have vowed to never again read their letter column. See, they used to have a nice letter column, and for about two months I enjoyed it and contributed to it. Then that editor decided to leave and they pulled out all the stops searching for a replacement. The guy they chose, John Hummel, immediately annoyed me by declaring Wednesdays Haiku Day or some such bullshit. So an intelligent discourse on Modern Issues in Video Gaming was sent into the crapper.

I stuck around for a couple weeks after that, but it soon became apparant that Hummel is less interested in gaming and more directed towards turning himself into an Internet Celebrity. Every column started to begin with interminable monologues about his home life, his affection for tentacle porn, the girls he finds attractive that piss off his wife, whatever. The once mighty Gameforms locol now stands as one man's weblog, with a couple of viewer mails thrown in the middle.

I wonder if he's still doing Haiku Day.

Ludology.org. For a time I was this guy's biggest fan. He was writing about game theory, about scholarly approaches to talking about video games, that sort of thing. Then he spent far too long not posting much of anything, instead working on a second website that was supposed to be the next big thing in intelligent gaming: newsgaming. Although he spent lots of time creating the interesting idea that newsgaming is gaming done to current events, his site ended up presenting one single flash "game" where you bomb a Middle Eastern country. Sometimes your bombs kill terrorists, and sometimes they kill innocents... my christ, what an amazing statement, War Is Hell! I could go to any elementary school and see deeper topics covered on the painted-hand-as-turkey wall.

And when he came back, he stopped talking about games and instead started talking about talking about games. Now all the "news" is about upcoming speeches and conferences.

He's kicked off another site, this one purportedly dedicated to "games that go beyond entertainment. ... This includes new genres such as advergaming, newsgaming, political games, simulations and edutainment." I think our Ludologist has officially spread himself too thin.

 

Game Review / Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga (GBA)



The N64's Paper Mario was easily one of the best games of the last generation. In fact, I'd place it above Ocarina of Time, the Zelda game that most everyone else says is the best N64 game ever. In Paper Mario, the infallable and eager Mario led a team of Mushroom Kingdom heroes into the usual fray against Bowser on a search for seven missing stars. (Luigi was largely unseen, spending the entire time at the Bros. home.) Using a lightened RPG format, Paper Mario was completely accessible yet customizable and challenging. Superstar Saga picks up the substance of Paper Mario and evolves it for the GBA.

The Paper Mario pedigree boils down to this: turn-based battles, long the bane of many of the more stolid, boring RPGs, are transformed into a cartoonish sequence of timed button presses. At no point in a battle can you look away. You need to always be ready to smack a button, either to do extra damage on your attack, or to guard against an incoming hit. In fact, the enemies all have specialized attacks, most of which feature some kind of hidden "tell" so you can anticipate which brother will be attacked (if not both of them) and ready your defensive button pressing. The A button always controls Mario, and the B button always moves Luigi... which becomes especially important when some enemies attack both boys at once, requiring you to coordinate your defensive jumping or hammering.

This addition is both simple and profound. It gives you even more physical control over your characters, making you personally responsible - in a clean, arcade format - for their success or failure. Most RPGs rely on pure number-crunching to generate battle results, and while that certainly has its place, it would seem out of place in the gleefully risky world of Mario and Luigi, where death is always one mistimed button hop away.

Now add another layer, the frosting which lifts the basic design beyond the forebears: certain attacks require complex button patterns that cause both brothers to attack as one. These Bros. Attacks let Mario swing Luigi around like a projectile, or have Luigi home run hit Mario at the enemy. They're fun to watch, and highly damaging if you can pull them off. Each one has several levels of finesse... on the first level, the attack runs in slow-motion with obvious button notices so you can learn the proper sequence. Step it up to level two and the attack runs at normal speed, now with increased damage capability. Move to level three and the button hints disappear, and your damage goes up again.

This tiered system of Bros. Attacks lets you build your own comfort level as you push Mario and Luigi up into doing the maximum damage. Eventually you'll find a couple that you're really good at (for me it was Chopper Bros. and Knockback Bros.) and you can concentrate on those for the big boss fights. It's not like just selecting your high-level attack in Final Fantasy, or even just working up your ATK score in Kingdom Hearts. You need solid arcade reflexes to win. See what I mean about you forming a real, tactile connection with the battle system?

And don't overlook this... each Bros. Attack has a secret Advanced mode, where a slightly different button sequence will cause a different and more damaging final attack.

(Obviously, the next step for this unique style would be to have two players control each of the brothers. You could try this out now with the Game Boy Player and two controllers, but I would like to see Nintendo give the 2P concept some fresh thought and specialized design.)

So that's the battle mode, but the synchronized movements carry over into the rest of the game as well. When you're gadding about the map, the brothers walk in single-file, and you can switch their positions on the fly... putting Luigi in the lead at any time, for example. A diagram in the top right shows what action is currently assigned to your A (Mario) and B (Luigi) keys, and actions are changed with the shoulder buttons. Mario and Luigi each get a Jump, a Hammer attack, a Hand attack, and a special advanced Jump, as well as occasional context sensitive actions.

The trick here is that these actions are independant of each other. You can assign both lads to Jump, but you still have to press both A and B to get M & L to jump. Keeping them jumping separately means even a simple series of hills turns into a thumb-exercise worthy of the best classic 2D platformers!

The other actions all show inventive use of position. If Mario is in front, his Hammer simply hammers, so you can smack around enemies or trigger a latch. If he is behind Luigi, his hammer smashes poor Luigi into the ground, when you're allowed to control him like a mole so Luigi can sneak under locked gates or dig up hidden items.

Alternately, if Luigi is in back, his hammer action just squishes Mario into a half-size midget... similar to the difference between Super Mario and regular Mario from the NES days. Pint-size Mario can investigate mousehole-sized openings, giving each brother their own special solo challenges as Luigi goes underground and Mario gets small.

It's that kind of genius gameplay that keeps Superstar Saga from getting old. Each area of the map is packed with locked rooms and clever tricks, and you have to dope out which of the boys' maneuvers is best suited to the situation. The game really goes the extra mile to make sure that every ability has a purpose, and isn't just there for effect. Sure, Ratchet & Clank had twenty weapons, but how many of them did you actually use and trust?

My goodness, I haven't even mentioned the story yet. This is sort of an RPG, after all, so it's bound to have more plot than, say, Super Mario Sunshine.

The critical difference between Superstar Saga and every other Mario game to date is that it doesn't take place in the Mushroom Kingdom. Our heroes instead must travel to the nearby Beanbean Kingdom. Cackletta, the villain of Beanbean just as Bowser haunts Mushroom, has stolen Princess Peach's voice on her evil quest to awaken the powerful Beanstar.

If you're confused or annoyed by the whole voice thing, you can put those feelings aside. They deal with the absurdity of stealing a voice pretty early on, and things move over into the more familiar ground of Peach's entire person being kidnapped.

Things are different in the Beanbean Kingdom. The baddies you're used to have all been replaced by beanified versions. Instead of Spinies, there's Sharpeas, for example. Functionally, they're much the same, but it's interesting to shake up the visual continuity a little bit. Shifting the venue has created a fresh look at the usual Mario style, but you can't ignore the other big change: the game's sense of humor. Not that Paper Mario was serious, but it was relatively straight forward. Here, there's greater emphasis on telling a funny story... Bowser complaining that he can't kidnap Peach properly without her voice, Luigi becoming hypnotized into thinking he's brave like Mario, Cackletta's minion Fawful talking like a badly translated NES cart, the statistic that shows how nice your moustache is, and both brothers speaking in a hilarious mock-Italian audio sample that honestly never gets overused.

There's a small assortment of sidequests, some fun minigames, and the expected lists of items to buy. And not to worry, Beanbean has Warp Pipes so you don't always have to walk everywhere. I guess that technology was imported from the Mushroomites.

One fun feature of Superstar Saga is the constant subtle inclusion of elements from past Mario games. One room has you zig-zagging upward while jumping rolling barrels, exactly like the original Donkey Kong. Another area recycles the Dr. Mario Virus characters into baddies, and if you get their colors to match up, they all disappear. Professor E. Gadd, a relatively new addition to the Marioverse, shows up complete with the ghosts, Game Boy Horror, and music from Luigi's Mansion. Nobody knows how to revere (and re-use) their history like Nintendo. You'll find references and jokes like these throughout the 15-20 hours of gameplay.

If you have the Game Boy Player, this is a perfect title for your big TV. The graphics are truly worthy for public display. The characters are large and well-animated, the worlds full of color and detail, and the battles fun to watch. Many GBA games pale a little when they're blown up to three feet wide, but not Superstar Saga.

The only bad thing I can say is that it's one of those games that ends. Once you finish off the final boss fight, the credits roll and that's it. Any leftover sidequests are left unfinished, the minigames at the arcade forgotten. I would have really liked the option to Save the Day and then drop right back into Beanbean to continue playing.

Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga is a fantastic GBA game, worthy of the mantle of Paper Mario. Quite frankly, I would rather see more of these games churned out for the GBA than variations on the NES/SNES platformers.





Pokebilities


After seeing the colorful, detailed graphics... the flawless battle system... the RPGish usage of items and attacks... this is what Pokemon Advance should have been.


When Ruby/Sapphire screenshots started to emerge, we were all a little surprised. The visuals just didn't seem to show what the GBA was capable of; it was just a slightly re-colored rendition of the classic Game Boy Color editions. R/S doesn't even have the animated battle shots of Crystal or the time-based features of Gold/Silver/Crystal.


Superstar Saga shows what could have be... what still could be. Sure, some of the Mario-esque trademarks wouldn't apply (the happy eyes on every hill and tree, for example), but imagine a Pokemon game with backgrounds as vibrant as M&L. With battle scenes where the pokemon actually interact with each other. With an overworld teeming with crawling and hiding wild pokemon instead of invisible random battles.


It would call for producing an incredible amount of animations. After all, one of the legendary reasons for Pokemon's relative weakness of visuals is because much of the ROM is taken by the ceaseless lists of attacks, types, hold items, conditions, and other data... all further exponentially complicated by over 350 different phyla of pokemon. But I say Nintendo can do it. I say the GBA can handle it. Although given how important interoperability is between the various Pokemon games of this generation, it also seems pretty far-fetched to expect such a drastic change.


I love my Sapphire, and it's a fantastic cart, but it doesn't measure up to the presentation and style of Superstar Saga.


 

Animal Crossing Log Entry 26


The streak is over.

Yes, I finally missed a day after playing for over thirteen months straight. It was a Friday, I worked late, we had some running around to do, I came home and passed out. Woke up and realized I had forgotten to play Animal Crossing. Hey, I did the entire year. Got nothing for it, but I did an entire year. The experiment is still a success. So it's not a big deal at all, just the first chink in the armor against inevitable obsolescence.

I have found several missing catalog items since the last Log Entry. I now have no further need to talk to Saharah or Gulliver. I'm missing four Wendall wallpapers and nine Gracie shirts, a handful of Redd items and Island items, and fifteen Gyroids. Once I find the Basic Painting I'll completely finish up the Museum, and then there's the Post Office items and a couple of Camper items. Not much, really. Most of these items aren't tradable or I'd give you a list.

The Station Models worry me. I had originally thought that you could get all fifteen of them from the eCard games, but that's not the case. I'm only missing one of the game cards (P08, the one that gets you Station Model 12) and I still need four Station Models besides that one... 1, 4, 7 and 11. I suppose someday I'll have to look into creating towns for the express purpose of filching their individual Station Models, which you only get during the July Hometown Day holiday. Ick.

The eCard game where you have to guess which villager is under investigation by Copper or Booker is unacceptably hard, by the way. The dog will give you five clues, and you have to guess which villager he's talking about. Out of approximately 300 characters. You have to get the guess on the second clue to get the good prize... and the clues are maddeningly vague. "Is Pink, Red or Purple" "Has nothing on head" I played for about an hour and it was extremely lucky that I won once within two clues.

My turnip market quest has continued. I've only missed two weeks out of the past thirteen, and the internet theory has held up. It sounds like a good theory until you realize how many numbers there are between the seventies and one-twenties. I have had exactly one price repeat - 119 - but it was a bust both times, as predicted. I've only hit twice in thirteen weeks, on 114 and 86, and naturally those have yet to show up again.


EA's action-oriented Lord of the Rings series began with last year's The Two Towers, an impressive hack-and-slasher that combined elements (and film clips) from Peter Jackson's first two LOTR movies. Return of the King picks up the Gauntlet and adds the most-missed component, co-op play.

These are not overly deep games... they're primarily old fashioned games of endurance. Can you outlast the onslaught of Orcs and Easterlings and Trolls at Sauron's Black Gate? Can your thumbs live through the frustrating zig-zag goal looping of Pelennor Fields? Sure, there'll be a couple times where you have to activate a switch to continue the level, but for the most part you're dropped into an angry sea of baddies and expected to fight your way through. Even the so-called "stealth" levels of the hobbits hold a generous amount of sword-to-pike thrashing.

Were it not for the excellent and complete use of the movie license, these games wouldn't rate much of a look. Thankfully, the presentation is handled well, turning a fairly typical video game experience into something akin to a Lord of the Rings DVD, with bonus interviews with the actors and the now-expected quality stamp of the Jackson trilogy. The other factor in the games' success is that they're extremely hard. Even set to the easiest difficulty level, these are games that require the sturdiest of hands and the mashiest of buttons.

The combat is visceral, carnal. Swords swing like baseball bats, sending sprays of black blood. The X button is your basic weapon attack, with triangle and circle supplying two additional physical attacks (triangle is a "fierce" attack that destroys enemy shields and circle is some kind of girly shove maneuver that I rarely used.) Square parries, which sounds useless until you're in the thick of it trying to dope out exactly what you should be accomplishing instead of dying. Parrying is especially helpful against incoming arrows. Parry away the projectiles and wait for the enemy to re-nock the bow for your chance to return fire.

Each character has a killing move on R2, which instantly dispatches any enemy lying down (they often stand back up). The killing moves sound a tad more dramatic than they really are; most are simply a downward stab. Still, the killing move becomes vital when clearing out an Orc infestation.

The branching level path of ROTK covers three separate tales. In the center is the Path of the King, where Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli take on the King of the Dead and Pelennor Fields before the final confrontation at the entrance to Mordor. On one side is the Path of the Wizard, a Gandalf-centric quest from Fangorn to Minas Tirith. The Path of the Hobbits takes Frodo and Sam from Osgiliath to Shelob's Lair to Mount Doom.

The additional playable characters make things visually interesting, even if they have only minor gameplay differences (the hobbits can cloak themselves and sneak around invisibly, for instance.) Like TTT, your characters collect experience and level-up, purchasing new attacks and abilities as they go. Due to the frenzied nature of most levels, however, actually pulling off those new combo moves is easier said than done. With some practice, you'll get good at a few of them, but most of the time you'll stick with the basic attacks. Surrounded by a knot of Orcs, those basic attacks are often the only thing you can do, since they'll be constantly hitting you and interrupting your combo button chain.

I wonder how more interesting things could have been with an easier and more reliable combo system. When you have Easterings on all sides and a massive Troll bearing down on you with his spiked war-club, it's a little tough to do a triangle-triangle-square-triangle move. Often there just isn't enough time. Maybe an advanced attack on a relatively simple double-tap? Or use a shoulder button as a modifier key? Perhaps all the system really needs is a way to strike at multiple enemies... one of those combos may do this, but I never found the time for it. Taking down a couple at a time would clear the way for some of the more extravagant combos, which in turn would allow for more interesting combat animations.

The rather strict character system of TTT has been revamped. You can now re-play old levels with the same character... it's a transparent attempt to level-up, I know... but you were weirdly blocked from doing that in Two Towers. Also, you can now buy attacks and abilities for ALL characters at once, not just your current character. They run about twice as much, but you'll be able to afford it in the long run.

There's essentially two types of levels in ROTK: linear path levels and arena levels. In the path types, you're rushing from point A to point B, with the occasional extra instruction to track. Like, save 200 villagers, or help the Ent take down the dam, or keep Frodo and Sam away from exposure to the roving eye of the flying Nazgul. The strong point to these levels is that you're always moving, so they don't feel as futile as the arena levels. The arenas are intentionally hopeless, as wave after wave of enemies appear from all sides. But, since you can conceivably hang out in them indefinitely, they become wonderful experience pimp sites.

Experience helps. It's insane to play a level 1 Gimli at the late-game Pelennor Fields. It is a cheap way to force replay value, since you pretty much have to start all characters out at the first mission and work them up individually, or play 2P with one strong character and one weak. But it's your best way to combat the game's aggressive difficulty, once Gandalf gets up to his kickass glowy energy weapon attack. You always hear people bitching about how games today are too easy... ROTK is no walk in the Shire. Several levels compound the enemy level with repetitious enemy events you have to deal with, like running back and forth over the parapets of Minas Tirith kicking over Orc-ladders. The march of the Mumakil during the Pelennor Fields level is surpremely annoying, and if you don't plan and anticipate your next oliphaunt kill, you're going to lose.

The two player cooperative mode makes all the difference, especially in the arena levels. There's something comforting about fighting back-to-back against hordes of rampaging Orcs. The game doesn't split-screen at all, which makes for a nice unified vision... at the cost of some maneuverability. If you run too far afield of your partner, you're liable to hit an invisible wall until he catches up to you. That sort of separation is dangerous, so it's better to stick together. The PS2 version supports online co-op play, including in-game voice communication and USB keyboard chat.

Even if you're stuck playing single player mode only, you won't be alone. Many of the levels provide CPU-controlled teammates to complete the movie feel. In the King path, you always get Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, no matter who you choose to play. In the first Hobbit mission, you have to play Sam, but you get Frodo tagging along and even a helpful Gollum leading you through the ruins of Osgiliath. Of course, the computer drones aren't as helpful as a human partner, so get used to seeing Gimli standing around in a corner of the screen picking his nose... but it's nice to have them around for the atmosphere. And the conversation.

The visuals that knocked everyone flat last year in Two Towers have paled a bit in ROTK. Maybe it's all deja vu, but there's not much that stands out. The levels still look great and do an amazing job of re-creating the movie scenes, but the low-poly character models rarely hold up in the closeup scenes. Aragorn in particular looks rough and unfinished. Everything looks great when the cam is floating overhead, thanks to exceptional motion-capture and a variety of realistic body movements. Makes you wish they would have done the cutscenes in full CG instead of using the in-game engine.

The old trick of morphing actual film clips into game graphics is also re-used, although not to as great effect as in TTT. It's obvious that EA just wasn't given enough Return of the King footage to sustain the game all the way through. During one game-to-movie scene, the movie clip itself is literally only a second long. And during the game's final moments, the narration is forced to explain the Happy Ending over footage culled mostly from Fellowship of the Ring.

Movie spoiler fans will notice a few brief clips that did not widely appear in trailers and behind-the-scenes specials. There's some stuff from the Two Towers Extended Edition, and a scene where Merry and Pippin finally part ways. What might be more exciting to fans waiting for the third movie's release are the in-game cutscenes that illustrate key points of the plot: Eowyn and the Witch-King, the Paths of the Dead, and Gollum at Mount Doom.

The entire film cast provides voice-over and sound effects, which adds a much-appreciated polish. This would not be the same game with sound-alikes. To add to the overall "APPROVED BY PETER JACKSON" veneer is a collection of unlockable interviews with the actors. And since they mostly talk about the game and their role in it, not the movie, you're going to see stuff you haven't seen before.

Return of the King is a good example of a fun game that lives as much on presentation as actual gameplay. The action could be uncharitably called unambitious, seeing as it is nothing more than running and jamming the X button. But added to the high-quality environments and motion capture, and the DVD Extras style of unlockable features, it makes for an involving and accessible experience. This is a definite purchase, especially if you're looking for some co-op play.





A chance for X to show his quality


Once you beat the game you unlock the ability to use any character in any level, as well as secret characters Merry, Pippin and Faramir. Note that this reward is specific to either campaign, 1P or 2P... so if you beat the game in co-op, you still have to beat the single player mode to unlock everybody in that.


I was initially disappointed by finding Merry and Pippin among the hidden characters - great, more damn hobbits - but then I realized that the game is providing you with a complete playable Fellowship. Albeit with Faramir replacing his dead brother. So that's kinda neat.


You can also unlock two bonus levels, although they are nothing more than small arenas with increasing waves of baddies. (The waves that feature 20 archers all firing simultaneously are especially rough.) In compensation, the game also unlocks a friendly list of in-game cheats.


 

Addendumb


I just did a search for the number of times I've bitched about Toys R Us and it's an unheathy number. So I'm hesitant to go this route again, but what is a weblog if not an infinite recursion of boring true-life stories?

Went to TRU to get Pokemon Channel for GameCube - which is only marginally a game, more like one of those click-and-click Putt-Putt Reader Rabbit Spy Fox shinolas they mass produce to prove that games still come out for Macs, but my lust for Pokeproduct will not be sated.

Glory be, they have it. But for $50.

Pokemon Channel has a MSRP of $30. EB, GameStop, even TRU's own website all list it at $30. Nintendo is being very honest here; they know this isn't a full-featured video game. It's a $30 holdover for the faithful and the very young. I would swear that even the TRU presell tickets from a month ago said $30.

I used the Hiptop to do some live-on-the-scene double-checking. Yep, still $30 at every Video Game Shoppe in the known world. But my frickin' Toys R Us has it for $50. And a ton of them too, hopefully left behind by educated shoppers... but I doubt it. We even scanned one of the yellow tickets to see if it was just a printing error. Nope, $50. I could have talked to one of my seasonal employee pals - I do hold them largely innocent in the endless dance of disappointment - but I would likely just be assured that $30 was probably some kind of website deal or special sale from the other boutiques. Nothing short of a personal phone call from Iwata-san could convince them.

Much as I love Pokemon, there's now twenty bucks worth of Righteous Indignation to deal with. So the journey continued to an unlikely place: Wal-Mart. We have a family rule about Wal-Mart, Stay The Fuck Out. Our local Wal-Marts are exceptionally trashy. Whenever we enter one I see beings that I am convinced could not have been born naturally but instead must have spontaneously sprung to life from the dangerous mixture of linoleum tiles, hunting rifles and McDonald's fat vats.

Aside: While in the toy section I overheard some behemoths discussing a child's wishlist. The female of the pair, although no less the hairy, said "We still need to get some trading cards. Pac-Man. No, Pokey Man." Is it too hard to know what your kid is into, at least to the point that you can accurately read the brand names off a list? No wonder the modern parent is forever befuddled by kids toys; they can't even pronounce them right. Pokemon becomes even more confusing when you think Pikachu and company are collectively referred to as a Pokey Man.

What we saw in this Wal-Mart's Fortress Electronics was laughable, a cosmic sign that the retail industry is truly dying. The entire GameCube section was stripped bare, the glass doors open, filled with stacks of random DVDs. One case to the right, PS1 Greatest Hits titles. To the left, GBA games. In the middle, under a happy Mario sign, a spoiled mess of Ben Affleck movies and Sopranos Boxed Sets.

Every single GameCube game in the store had been moved into another glass case at the other end of the Fort. Stacked on their sides like bricks, without any kind of alphabetical order or even visible prices. Looking for Double Dash? Hope you can read the side panel art. Want to buy F-Zero GX? It's in there somewhere. The disregard was so obvious and hateful as if to say "Look, just consider yourself lucky we stacked them with the spines facing outward."

Nationwide, Nintendo sold over half a million GameCubes over Black Friday weekend, outpacing every other console by a huge margin. Not at this Wal-Mart, buddy. We've got $10 PS1 titles to move.

So I found myself at GameStop again, like a prodigal son begging forgiveness. They had Pokemon Channel. $30. And it was the very last copy, I assume because everyone ran there after choking on the price at TRU. They also had Space Channel 5: Special Edition for $20, a title (and price) that Toys R Us has probably never heard of. So I completed one of my life's secret goals: Go into a game store and only buy games with the word "Channel" in them. Shine Get!

 

Uh, I already have it.


According to Planet GameCube, Pac-Man VS. is now shipping. That's funny, since I got one last Friday, four days ago.

After once again getting screwed by Toys R Us (even though I pre-ordered Double Dash, I didn't get the *!&@% demo disc), I ventured over to the GameStop at the mall. As a rule, I hate buying from the mall chains. The employees are usually smug, uneducated assholes. I do have a local EB that I don't mind, but I actively avoid all the nearby GameStop/FuncoLand hellholes; they just seem to be a haven for the poseur Matrix "mature" crowd. And I break out in hives when I see people selling back old games.

I was actually in the mall to pick up advance tickets for Return of the King, while Rhon did some food shopping in preparation for a family viewing of the Two Towers Extended Edition. Which was expectedly excellent, both the movie and Rhon's vegan razzleberry pie. Since TRU still has no Platinum Wavebirds, I hesitantly tried my luck at the GameStop.

Of course they had them. Everybody but goddamn Toys R Us has them. So I got one and impulse-shopped two packs of the Pokemon EX Dragon expansion. Weakness to Colorless! Why, it's evolutionary.

I was idly chatting with the 14 year old counter girl - who actually seemed to like games, a trait you don't often see in game store employees - when my eyes found a rubber-banded stack of Pac-Man VS. discs. Now, according to everything I've read, you can only get Pac-Man VS. as a free pack-in (!) with purchase of Pac-Man World 2, I-Ninja, or R: Racing Whatever. I had been planning on buying I-Ninja, based on the sample on a recent OPM demo disc. and as far as I knew, none of those games had shipped yet.

"What do I have to do to get that there Pac-Man VS.?" I asked. She shrugged and gave me one. Fo' free. And a day mired by the draining lack of a Double Dash demo disc became suddenly brighter. Lesson learned: seek out the good employees and a crappy store might pay off for you. And I might still get I-Ninja too.

We tried it out that night. If you don't know, dope, it's a masterpiece of hardware usage. One player plays normal Pac-Man on your Game Boy Advance while three other players control the ghosts on your GameCube, in a fancy split-screen 3D view. Required equipment: a GameCube, a GBA, a GC/GBA Link Cable, and multiple controllers (Wavebirds preferred.) When a ghost catches Pac-Man, you trade controllers and the former ghost gets to be the Man on the GBA. Since it's free, there's not a ton of modes... not even a 1P option; you just play until somebody gets 10,000 points or something.

It's very cool. A wonderful translation of a classic game that has pretty much languished in knockoffs, emulation and difficult franchise management for fifteen years. It must be said, however, that Pac-Man on the GBA is slooooow. Much slower than what you're used to from decades of Pac-play. I assume this is to facilitate the addition of human ghosts, as well as the technology gap between rendering 2D arcade pixels and fully 3D cartoony Cube graphics simultaneously.

So, you know, go get it. I hear it's finally shipping.

 

Game Review / Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GameCube)



More of the same.

In the spirit of the tag-team, cooperative nature of Double Dash, both Joe and I are collaborating on this one. As usual, the bulk of the vinegar is mine, the more sensible reality check on the game is Joe�s. Sweet and sour, or tart and tangy, you decide.

Boris: Mario Kart, for the SNES, is hands down the best Kart racer. The font from which all Kart racers hath sprung. No matter what the racer is, it�ll ALWAYS have to be compared to Mario Kart. This rule applies to the sequels to Mario Kart as well. The good news: They didn�t mess it up. The bad news: It�s not that original. But, considering it�s close to the template of the original, that�s not that bad as far as news goes.

Joe: I think that the misty waters of time have diluted everyone�s MK SNES memories. Yes, that�s the game that sparked the mascot racing sub-genre, but it�s now like a doddering grandfather left behind in the slow lane. It can�t hold a candle to the visceral experience of Double Dash.

Boris: Infidel!

The Plot:

Boris: I don�t even think the manual even mentions one. There�s no reason why your beloved Nintendo owned characters should be in cars, zooming around bizarre tracks. Nobody explains why these tracks exist, or who built them. That�s probably for the best, really.

Joe: A couple levels are obvious nods to Super Mario Sunshine, with the characters and architecture of Isle Delfino� but the game makes no conscious effort to link anything together in some kind of Mario World Rally Cup. And just like the N64�s Mario Tennis, we get to pit Mario and Baby Mario in a time-twisting Grand Prix. We even get Baby Luigi this time!

Boris: Gaping logic flaws aside, it�s a racing game, it needs no explanation. Diddy Kong Racing made the mistake of trying too hard. Just gimme a kart and let me throw shells, why don�t you?

The Gameplay:

Boris: The biggest change in this Mario Kart is the fact that there are two participants in each kart. I�ll let you in on a little secret: It really doesn�t change the dynamic all that much. Essentially, the biggest character you select has the most dramatic effect on how your kart will perform; if you pick a heavy character, expect to accelerate slowly and reach a higher top speed. If you pick a light character, expect the reverse. The second character is more or less just for show. You can�t squeeze a larger character into a smaller kart, so picking a large and a small character will have you limited to the selection that two large characters would give you. I�ve not noticed any significant difference from choosing two bruisers and a bruiser/lightweight combination, which is a little odd.

So, what difference does the second character make? Not that profoundly much, to be honest. The back character (i.e., the one not driving) gets to be the one that picks up and uses powerups, the question mark blocks introduced in Mario Kart 64. Each character (and his or her twin) can randomly get a powerup specific to their type: The Marios get fireballs, the Bowsers get giant spiked shells, Wario and Waluigi (ugh!) get bombs, Baby Mario and Luigi get a chain chomp, Yoshi and Birdo get homing eggs, the Koopas get triple shells, the Kongs get giant bananas and the princesses get hearts (a shield). Otherwise, they more or less do the same thing every kart can do � throw powerups. If they don�t have a powerup, a back character can punch or kick at a nearby kart; having your heavy characters in the back gives you a little more range, and you can clobber nearby karts off the tracks if you time it right. You can also swipe powerups that the back character on the nearby kart may be holding, although this doesn�t happen very often.

Joe: But then there�s co-op mode, which elevates Double Dash laps ahead of the previous versions. Playing cooperatively puts 1P in the driver�s seat and 2P in charge of weapons. This has several benefits, not all of which are in the manual.

Having a second player as your gunner divvies up the responsibilities and adds some new ones. For one, the driver no longer needs to worry about attacking, just ramming through item boxes. 1P can still collect items through the new double-item-boxes, but he can�t use them. Instead, the driver can happily toss his item back at the touch of a button. The famed drift-turbo also shifts to the rear player, as well as a great sideswiping attack when enemy karts pull in too close. In 50cc, when you�re one lap ahead of everyone else for 90% of the race, your co-pilot won�t have much to do� but in the heated 100 and 150cc races, 2P will be kept plenty busy manipulating items and whacking anybody within arm�s reach.

Plus you can switch positions at any time with no loss in acceleration or bearing. You just have to both simultaneously hit the Z button, a genius stroke of tangible cooperation.

As for the secondary benefits, consider this: co-op Double Dash is perfect for gaming couples where one member simply doesn�t want to drive. Or for the younger set who might be continually outclassed in head-to-head races.

Boris: Fair point � I�ve already gotten in trouble once with the missus for practicing. I still want it to be fun for her, too.

Joe: It�s also a neat way to combat the one big failing of most multiplayer console games: the compressed and warped split-screen. With Double Dash, you can get two people playing a super-fast, super-gorgeous game on a single full size television� how often does that happen?

Boris: Alrighty, fine. Two drivers = good if players =2. Otherwise, consider it an extra item holder. Speaking of items: Most of the same items you�ve lways known and loved have returned. The characters get their character specific items, but otherwise, it�s the same stuff from Mario 64. Red shells, green shells, bananas, mushrooms, stars, fake item blocks and the lightning bolt are all back. The blue shell returns, but not quite as much of a first player cheese as it has been � it�s a flying shell, so only the first player can be hit by it, and it explodes when it strikes, so any nearby kart, including the thrower, will be caught up in the blast. That�s a nice balance tweak, and I appreciate it. The Ghost powerup is gone, sadly, replaced by your ability to swipe powerups from foes. Sadly, the Feather does not return, which is too bad, because it was a useful dodge powerup in the original, and let you get to some fun shortcuts if you timed it right. Coins also do not make a return, which is also too bad; they made an interesting strategic element from the first game.


The character specific powers are unbalanced. The Koopas are the only ones who get access to triple shells. Whoopdefriggindoo. Triple red shells can be abusive, but triple green shells sucks compared to the other powerups. By far the most powerful is the Babies� Chain Chomp, which both steamrollers enemies and pulls you along the track at a greatly increased speed (which can be disastrous if it pulls you off the track, but I�ve never seen that happen). Birdo and Yoshi get a short range homing egg (treat it like a short lived red shell), which, upon exploding, drops 3 randomly generated items. Which means that you could be treating your victim and other drivers to free stars and mushrooms. Gee, great powerup there, Yoshi. The giant shell that the Bowsers get is nice enough; treat it like a green shell that survives multiple impacts, but it�s likely to run you down if fired in a tight area you�d need to drive through � which is just the situation where rogue green shells work best in. The giant banana�s a large target, and when hit, sprays 3 little banana peels around it � best dropped on zip ramps to really kill off your pursuers. The Princesses get a heart shield, and it survives two impacts by any dropped or fired item. Not only do you survive it, you get that powerup, meaning you can turn right around and lob it back at whoever fired at you. Not terribly abusive, but certainly a powerful ability. The plumber�s Fireballs are fairly low power compared to some of the other abilities; you send out a spread volley of 5 bouncing fireballs which die off after a short while. And, lastly, there�s Wario and Waluigi (sheesh)�s bob-ombs, which will almost always explode on you if you make the foolish mistake to throw them forward � the timing is such that by the time you catch up to your hurled bob-omb, it�s ready to explode. Great. If you drop it behind you, expect it to blow up when nobody�s around to suffer it. Great.

(I should point out that if you�re in first place, you�ll mostly get green shells and bananas. You can pull your character specific item in first place, but the odds are not good.)

The tracks are varied, and most defy description. Very few aren�t fun, but none of them are overwhelmingly cool, either, and the Jump of Death! tracks from the original game do not really make a return. What few short cuts there are may or may not require a mushroom to successfully leap, and it doesn�t really do all that much fun stuff for you, where in the original, a well timed JoD would place you waaaaay ahead of the pack if done correctly (or down a hole if done
incorrectly, which was also fun). Some tracks have very constrained areas where a wrong move drops you down a hole; these are perfect ambush spots for banana peels and fake out blocks, because there�s really no choice but to hit them. A number of tracks are so twisty that if you�re about a screen away from the guy in front of you, you may NEVER have a chance to attack them with an item, but they can, of course, drop items in wait for you. That�s a little unbalanced, and it makes the computer AI godly simply by nature of the track, rather than any skill on their part. There are nods to the original and the sequel; Rainbow Road makes a return, and it�s pretty fun. One notable improvement is that you can set the number of laps you�d like to race on Versus mode... but, sadly, you can�t customize the lap number in Grand Prix mode, which stinks for cooperative player team up versus 6 computer players.

Joe: The tracks are beautiful. Each one is packed with little details and hidden paths that you�ll only notice during a replay or an especially lucky turn. (Check the sides of the vehicles in the highway levels!) Since there are no uber-cheat paths, you just have to rely more on careful driving and smart item usage to get first place.

Boris: I like the uber-cheat paths. It gives a player that would otherwise be aaaay behind a fighting chance to catch up, but the risks are great. If you�re already ahead, and you pull off a showy short-cut, it�s humiliating to your soon-to-be-lapped foe, unless they try it too, which always carries with it a risk of failing miserably.

Joe: But, wow, there�s only 16 tracks. That�s complete crap. This is 2003. That disk should have 30 tracks on it, plus a couple of remixed classic tracks. Where�s the Boo track and the cloud track? Super Circuit, the GBA version, had more tracks than this.

Boris: Agreed. That was a critical failing from Mario Kart 64, too. Diddy Kong Racing had a crapload of tracks, and while few were particularly fun, at least that�s more effort than 16 tracks. The original had 5 per cup, for crying out loud.

The skid turn from Mario Kart 64 returns, but seems a little less powerful � you do the same trick (rock back and forth while skidding around a corner) and when you let go, you get a brief 5 mph boost. Like real brief. Like, maybe 3 seconds worth. It�s almost not worth bothering with, and the computer doesn�t seem to use it very much on 100 cc mode. Perhaps they�re skid turning bastards on 150 cc, but I�m still working up to that challenge.

Joe: The mini-turbo is more trouble than it�s worth. I�ll have to go back and check, but I think the turbos in previous games were longer. Rhonda and I have cleared all but one gold medal at this writing, and we�ve used nary a skid-turbo.

The Aesthetics:

Boris: Pretty without being overwhelming. Tracks are detailed, but not so detailed that you have no clue where you�re supposed to go, which was a big problem for Diddy Kong Racing. It�s obvious where it is you need to go in almost all the tracks, and arrow signs are plentiful when you�re going to be exposed to a sudden sharp turn (Bowser�s Castle is full of signs, and it almost ruins the experience). I guess it�s a concession to neophytes so there�s not a massive skill difference between those who�ve memorized the tracks and those who�ve not, but it�s a little less cool for those who have memorized the tracks � it just turns into a dumb luck fight for who got the best item. A minor quibble, but there should be an option to ditch the signage.

There should also be an option to mute the characters. Dear God, some of them are annoying. Every time � EVERY TIME (let me stress this again) EVERY DAMN TIME you toggle characters, they say hello. A quick "Yoshi!" or "Eku eku!" from the koopas isn�t so bad. "Itsa Mario time!" and "Hi, I�m Daisy!" is teeth gratingly annoying. They woohoo or gasp whenever they pass/get passed by another kart, fine, and the laughter/screams from hitting/being hit with an item is ok. But please, don�t say hello all the time. We know you�re there. We can see you on the screen, changing positions. We don�t need to be told "Hi, I�m Daisy" every damn time.

The funniest effect is when you recover from a hit. The character at the back of the kart falls off and maintains a desperate grab onto the bumper of the kart, all the time complaining until they pull themselves back up. There�s nothing you can do to help them, and your speed is diminished while you�re dragging your fallen accomplice around the track like a Just Married can line. My favorite is hearing adult Bowser groaning, "Arrrrgh! Stop!" while getting an asphalt belly rub.

I can�t leave this out: (edit by Joe: Toad doesn�t show up until you get a gold trophy in one of the final races). Toad was always the chosen kart of my best friend, and I�d eternally chase after the unloyal retainer as Princess Toadstool. Many a grudge match we had, and without a playable Toad, it just won�t feel the same this Christmas when we sit down for some Double Dash action. Instead, we get Baby Luigi, who�s essentially Baby Mario, Daisy (c�mon, Daisy had ONE appearance in the first GameBoy Mario game, and now she�s elevated to starring character? What is this crap?), Birdo (does anybody else remember that Birdo is Nintendo�s only transvestite? Birdo�s a he dressed like a she!), and frickin Waluigi (ptooie!). C�mon, Nintendo. Wario�s funny, because he�s like the fat, evil Mario. Mario is SOMEBODY. But does poor Luigi, who�s forever going to be cast as the stupid kid brother who tagged along with his more talented elder sibling, really need a nemesis? Hell, a day in the limelight is Luigi�s nemesis; creating a lanky, sinister looking version of Luigi is insult to injury. It�d be like creating an evil version of Sunday. Sunday�s never going to be more popular than Saturday. If you�re church going, you�ve gotta go do that on Sunday morning, and of course, you�ve got work the next day, so Sunday night isn�t more fun than Saturday night. We don�t need WaSunday to rub it into Sunday�s face. Waluigi indeed (pbbt).

The Obvious:

Joe: Online play. Double Dash needs online play so badly that it�s almost absurd and annoying to complain about it. It�s like that Thai restaurant in town that has only one waiter. They just need more waitstaff and that�s all that need be said.

LAN play is a poor substitute. Actually, it�s a rich substitute since you�re going to need a ton of extra �Cubes and Double Dashes to get it to work. It�s a nice bonus, but I doubt anybody outside of a frat house or a tech support clan is actually going to use it.

Boris: And that�s just a lot of hassle for a �Cube game anyway. If there were multiple LAN games, it�d be worth considering hooking �em up, but just to do it for Mario Kart? No thank you.

Joe: This just makes the wait for Nintendo�s eventual online solution all the more painful. I mean, I can see where they�re coming from: online gaming blows because online gamers blow. What they should have done is set up a private box-to-box connection accessible through IP addresses and passwords. That way you only get to chat with people you know (unless you venture into a publicly broadcasted IP) so there�s no danger of swearing, slurring, screaming and other such roadblocks to a family-friendly atmosphere. Those who want to play with random idiot opponents can figure out how to do so; those who just want family and friends simply trade IPs.

Boris: Never underestimate the appeal of spanking feebs online. Putting up with jerks is just the price paid for the opportunity to make �em really get down and lick boot. But yeah, playing from the comfort of one�s living room with people who actually bathe and go outside is probably going to always be limited to people who you already to talk to in real life.

Final Thoughts:
Boris: It�s Mario Kart. If you like Mario Kart, and you want to play another set of tracks, get it. If you�re looking for some ground breaking use of licensed Nintendo characters... um.. what are you thinking? Nintendo doesn�t DO ground breaking anymore. Their stable of characters have been doing the same things since 1987. Mario Kart: Double Dash is essentially the same game as Mario Kart 64, which was essentially the same game as Mario Kart. If they changed it too much, nobody would like it. More to the point, if it ain�t broke, don�t fix it. Mario Kart�s a sound formula, and some generous percentage of the proceeds from MK: DD should go to the forgotten programmers of the SNES version for coming up with an eternally milkable formula. I doubt that�ll actually happen, but hey, here�s trying.

Joe: HI, I�M DAISY.





Boris: The learning curve on this game is steeper than I would have expected, considering it's essentially a retread of a retread. The AI is also about as hate-worthy as you'd really hope for, and they do the same general trick of "Ok, which one of us is in the lead? Ok, you guys flank and harass the player while I go for it" as any other version of the game. For some reason, however, they're better at it than I would have expected, or I'm rustier than I care to admit. Which is fine; I'd hate to blow past this game in no time.


 

Bear and grin it.


I usually have several projects burning at once, but it's pretty rare for me to actually finish one. TaleSpin: the Card game has been one such project. Thanks to plenty of recent playtesting help, I think it's ready to hit the 'net. As with my other two games (Red Dwarf: the Card game and MST3K's Mitchell: the Card game), TaleSpin will exist publicly only as a website. If you want to read the rules and print out the cards, you can go ahead and do that. Also, my game bears no support or endorsement from Disney.

TaleSpin has been in the works for over two years. I can't imagine this is interesting to you, but here's the process thus far. Circa mid-2001 I began mulling over the broad concepts of the game: I wanted to do it in card game format, and somehow incorporate dogfighting and shipping cargo from location to location. I also wanted to include the cartoon's wide cast of characters and enable players to recreate the show as part of the game. Perhaps most importantly, I wanted it to feel like a collectible card game without being collectible. IE, a single game deck from which all players draw... but with card interactions and abilities closer to Magic than to Uno.

The first set of cards was literally Sharpie scribblings over regular playing cards. I always keep extra packs of cards around for just this purpose. Once I felt semi-comfortable with the rules, I starting the design process.

I don't know how pro game shops do it, but for me, graphic design is a huge component. First of all, using Photoshop is fun... but as far as game design goes, I can understand things a whole lot better if they look "finished." I completed the first set of black-and-white playtest cards right before our November 2001 trip to Disney World. In fact, the first place I played a game with these cards was the Disney Coronado Springs hotel.

The game stayed in this format for a year and a half. My rules were overly complex and the entire game was unwieldy and draining. Rhonda stuck it out, but even I had to admit that it just wasn't fun. In an effort to simulate airplane flight, I had developed a timing keyword system similar to the phases of the Lord of the Rings TCG. I had the Hire Phase, the Takeoff Phase, the Inflight Phase, etc etc. Looking back, it seems weird that I tried this route, since that's exactly why I don't like the LOTR TCG. Too much micromanagement, not enough action.

Two concepts that have more or less survived to present are dogfighting and shipping cargo. Dogfighting is handled very much like 7th Sea, in that each card has a numerical dogfight value on it and players must beat the previous value played. When you find yourself in a dogfight, you have to weigh a card's dogfight value against it's potential for normal play later on. Playing cargo is a bluffing game using Cargo cards. Cargo is played to the table facedown, so any card could conceivably become "cargo," but if a facedown card is flipped over and is shown to not be "real" Cargo, it is discarded. Playing cargo is how you win the game.

A big drag during this phase of creation was that I intended every character card in the game to be a discreet entity. The gameboard consisted of 12 Location cards (and still does), and I had made over 40 wooden tokens to represent each character. At the beginning of your turn, you had to choose which of your characters would be moved that turn. The idea was that multiple characters would better simulate the cartoon universe, but it ended up a complete chore. Players would avoid playing new characters just so they wouldn't have to worry about moving them. This concept evolved into a Passenger system, where your "lead" character could pick up other tokens and carry them around, adding their abilities to his own. Yes, this was a step up, but still clumsy.

It was a pile of complicated crap. TaleSpin sat on a shelf for many months until I gathered up the nerve to rework the bulk of my rulebook.

The change that served as the catalyst for awakening the project was a drastic change to my Passenger system. The most obvious gameplay recommendation was to get rid of all the extra characters. On your turn, you move your Player and that's it. That's fine for Baloo's exposure, but what about Trader Moe, Ace London, or Rebecca Cunningham? I evolved the Passenger system further: Now you play additional characters immediately as Passengers, right behind your Player card. Since some characters were originally intended as strong dogfighters, I split them off into a second card type as Pilots.

The next step with the Passengers was adding a die roll. My problem was this: the characters all needed reasons to play them. In Pokemon, you build your deck based on how well the Pokemon powers, attacks, abilities and stats all mesh. In this game, there is no deck-building... so I needed a way for characters to be powerful (thus worth playing) yet balanced (so they don't provide an instant win for whoever gets to them first.) My solution was to rewrite each character's ability - which initially was triggered by those insane timing keywords - into a list numbered 1 to 6. At the end of your turn, you roll a die and work your way down your line of characters, following the instruction according to the number you rolled. Roll a 3 and carry out all your #3 abilities in order. So sometimes Becky will let you draw 2 extra cards and sometimes she won't. I varied the effects so that, say, a 6 won't always be crappy... so if you have a good assortment of Passengers you should be seeing some kind of beneficial effect each turn.

Once this was settled, I re-Photoshopped the character cards, printed them in full color and started a new round of playtesting. Since the die roll thing is a pretty important cornerstone to the game's design, many of the other cards now were outmoded, irrelevant or totally broken! Eventually I worked through every card in the set (about 80, as it ended up) so that each card was mostly okay and understandable. Mike and Rhonda, my playtesters, provided lots of thought and time from this phase onward. With their help, we attacked other bugs and problems that needed fixing.

My next step is to redo the website, get all the card images and rules online so TaleSpin fans can check it out. Actually, I guess that's pretty much the last step, aside from future rule and card changes. Honestly, I'm damn proud of this one. The game is now fast and fun, and still does a great job of staying true to the source material. There's a great deal more graphic work on TaleSpin than on Mitchell or Red Dwarf, so the cards are more interesting and pretty to look at.

I can't say when I'll get the site up - the end of the year is a weirdly busy time at work, plus Rhon and I have our annual Fourhman Calendar to create and distribute to family and friends - but hopefully sometime soon.

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