But we get this newsletter approximately every month, which amounts to a fibercon dosage of the strange dichotomy of begging for friends on one hand and warning everyone to keep their noses clean or else. Each photocopied issue usually swings erratically between "Please let us know how we can help you" and "Keep your pets inside and quiet or we will call the police." It strikes me as being very normal and typical... and the unashamed use of Microsoft Clip Art seems to bear this out.

I thought I'd share some clippings from the most recent issue (a two page monster of bullet points and single-column layout) because I'm starting to worry about our Association President. Rhonda actually went to an open meeting once and found him to be completely exasperating and egotistical... and his writing indicates to me a man on the edge. Most of these quotes are from his post-mortem on the development's Halloween Party, a relatively new stab at this mythical community-building. The Association decorated one of the townhouse units in the usual pseudo-scary bric-a-brac, positioned some costumed volunteers to moan convincingly, pop out of plywood coffins, lead kids through a dark basement tour, and hand out candy. The article begins:

I wish we could have had more visitors to the Haunted House, but I believe the 240 or so that did come had a great time. ... Although it was designed to be non-threatening to younger children, older children and adults whose imaginations could get away from them did get excited sometime. (sic)

As I said, we have 266 homes here. Considering that a Haunted House is primarily a family/children-related offering, 240 people sounds pretty fucking amazing to me. Since Rhonda and I don't fit into that category - and I doubt we would have showed up even if we did have kids - I suppose I could complain about my monthly dues being used on this sort of thing. I won't though; it's okay. Just don't ask me to help.

Then he launches into a list of thank-yous, including this precious aside:

Beth was my most pleasant surprise. When I approached her to help I expected her to say "yes" and then blow me off like most people do.

This is where I start to wonder. Why telegraph this feeling, this deep-seated distrust of people, in the happy monthly newsletter? Here's another quote from a later acknowledgement...

She deserves most of the credit for putting up with my frustrated swearing tantrums that I didn't dare let anyone else see or hear.

Unstable. Completely unstable. If a frickin' Halloween party inspires frustrated swearing tantrums then you're trying far too hard. Put out a goddamn dish of candy and walk away. This next one was slipped in at the end of a long string of individual praise...

...helped in setting up the house and in making the food for the cast party after the show.

There was a cast party? Sheesh. I wonder if Mike got any food, because...

Mike was our attic spook in the garage. It's a shame his puppet skeleton wouldn't stay together.

Our President seems incapable of glossing over small failures. Poor Mike's skeleton must have come apart at the seams a couple times, but I doubt it ruined the experience for the lines of sub-ten year olds being led through on promise of candy. Again, why bring this up in the newsletter? Why hang Mike publicly, dangling like his obviously deficient puppet, as if he let the whole group down? I wonder if that damned skeleton inspired one of those near-psychotic swearing fits. Then there's the inevitable conclusion:

Thank you all!!! As irritable as I got I'm very proud of our results. Jeff

I guess we're supposed to be sympathetic at this point. Here's old Jeff, doing his best to throw together a gala Halloween festival, and the whole thing teetered so dangerously on the point of destruction. But he did it for you, fellow homeowners. Like a good soldier, he did the right thing for the right reasons... but you better be aware of how difficult and frustrating the whole thing was. Jesus, man. If your objective was to make us all feel uneasy and embarrassed, mission accomplished.

This dude is strongly broadcasting how miserable he is and how we all disappoint him. It's rather ironic that a few paragraphs after the Halloween dissertation he's asking somebody to volunteer to replace him.

I have had over six years of service ... and I need a break!

These next quotes aren't specifically attributed to Jeff, but they capture his special desparation and melancholy so well that I feel they must be his.

An increase [in monthly dues] is inevitable at some time. We've never had one, so prepare yourselves.

While [a proposed independant management company] seems to be a very good company, their basic proposal would only cover our minimum needs and wouldn't meet the level of service historically offered by our self-managing boards. Certainly this would make life for the Board members much easier.

We are in need of reliable and eager volunteers to participate in the annual property inspections next year. Due to the lack of participation and busy schedules, the process was very long and drawn out this year.

And the final item is a request for ideas for a community Christmas activity. Good fucking christ if I have to endure people caroling...