The Cat Who Wrote a Crappy Book
08.19.03 / 01:27AM / Joe
I just finished reading one of the "Cat Who..." books, apparently one of the worst "Cat Who..." books. "The Cat Who Saw Stars" is the only book in the series I have ever read; I usually don't read this sort of small town mystery novel. We picked it up at a local paperbook book trade. I'm always looking for books Rhonda and I can read together, and we're avowed cat people, so it seemed a low risk. The store had several different books from the series, so I selected the one in the best condition. Figured I'd give it a shot.
I'm not going to incriminate the rest of the 20-some book series on the virtues of this one, but boy was this weak. All the "Cat Who..." books star Jim Qwilleran, an ex-reporter who stumbled into an inheritance and now lives a life of leisure in a small town with his two cats. Usually he (they) solve mysteries, I guess, although "Saw Stars" is a terrible example. Here's the blurb from the back cover:
UFOs in Mooseville? Rumors abound that a missing backpacker has been abducted, and it looks like Jim Qwilleran's sedate summer may be interrupted by an investigation - with the help of his own little aliens, Koko and Yum Yum. And when the backpacker's body turns up - and transplanted Floridian Owen Bowen is found dead soon afterward - the search for intelligent life turns into a close encounter with a killer...
Meet prizewinning reporter Jim Qwilleran and his extraordinary Siamese cats, Koko and Yum Yum - the most unlikely, most unusual, most delightful team in detective fiction!
Don't be fooled. This is no "detective fiction." This is boring slice-of-life, designed to laud the homey, countrified cast. Like if you watched only the middle scenes of "Fried Green Tomatoes." This adventure sends Qwill to his summer cabin in a small lakefront town, where he is forced to interact with an entire population of affable, super-intelligent, interchangeable citizens. Every time he opens his mouth, there's a Mooseville native there to continue a witty and pointed conversation. Entire chapters go by where absolutely nothing happens, just scene after scene of Mooseville comraderie... alternately degrading their silly hometown superstitions and traditions, and elevating them for their superior attitudes and quaint culture.
Qwilleran, for his part, gads about town like some kind of celebrity lecturer... until halfway through he decides to end his vacation prematurely... and then he gets saddled with a ridiculous walk-on guest star: some crazy lady who wants to write a movie about the positive qualities of crows. The crow lady - like 90% of the book - ends up having absolutely nothing to do with anything, least of all with what few dead bodies turn up as part of the ongoing "mystery."
I like Qwill. I just think he has lousy taste in friends. What annoyed me the most about the Mooseville people was their overriding sameness. Everybody blindly believes in UFOs. Everybody wishes people would read more books and watch less television. Everybody thinks the new restaurant in town is just great. Everybody is involved in the Fourth of July parade.
I was following along with all the happy horseshit well enough... until the scene where Qwill randomly meets with two ladies from the local newspaper and announces his idea that they should create a Mark Twain holiday to promote the paper and celebrate the town. And they love the idea. They spend the next three pages brainstorming ideas for a Mark Twain festival. If I ran a newspaper, and the Richy-Come-Lately jerk who writes editorials for me twice a week pulled me out to some restaurant with a suggestion that will cost me thousands a dollars and offer no discernable method to increase single-copy sales, I'm going to kick him in the nads right then and there. But our sappy happy businesswomen gets the following expository sentence instead: "[Her] eyes were shining as she thought of the possibilities." What a grand idea, let's paint the town in whitewash and make everybody wear gray Einstein wigs!
I can only assume that the wonderful Mark Twain Gala was held for some later book, because the entire project is never mentioned again.
And the cats? They feature prominently whenever Qwill isn't downtown exchanging literary quips with the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker. Koko is the presient one: he finds the first dead body in the sand and schemes to keep Qwill stuck at the vacation cabin until the mystery is solved. Poor Yum Yum, however, is a comparative retard. While Koko is sniffing out murder weapons, Yum Yum is sleeping with stuffed animals and hiding from lightning. If Koko is the titular "Cat Who Saw Stars" then Yum Yum is the "Cat Who Was Completely Normal and Slept Twenty-Two Hours a Day."
Thanks to Koko's machinations, Qwill does solve the mystery in the end. Or rather, he sits on his ass and has the entire thing spelled out for him by another character in a non-incriminating confession scene. Plus, the final explanation is so Left Field that no reader could ever have deduced it, especially since Qwilleran (or anybody else, for that matter) never bothers to look into anything. It's like the entire town is set against murder as a backdrop, rather than the other way around.
I did a little research online, and most fans seem to agree that this novel is not Lilian Jackson Braun's best work. I guess it's a shame I happened to pick this one to introduce me to the line. | 
