I don't think I've ever mentioned it, but I did go to college. Elizabethtown College. I've never mentioned it because I don't really care much about it. I know lots of folks come out of their four year degrees with alma mater sweatshirts, mascot beanies, logo license plates and an unswerving dedication that they attended The Best College Ever, but that just ain't me.
Rhonda and I still get the Department of Communications' Alumni Newsletter (she also went to Etown) and even though I hate it, I do read it. Rhon always flips directly to the Alumni Update section, where they tommy gun a list of alumni in new jobs, addresses and/or relationships. Tellingly, it's always the same names.
I refuse to participate in this textual one-up-manship, but here's some paragraphs that I would submit if I thought anybody had any sense of humor.
Joe Fourhman ('96) and Rhonda (Millin) Fourhman ('95) moved to York, PA about five years ago. They both hold jobs. Rhonda recently put a Gladware container of cat food out for a stray to eat. Joe's hair is getting long, and he just bought a platinum Game Boy Advance SP (the new model with the built-in light.)
Sgt. Major Joseph Fourhman ('96) was unfortunately killed by friendly fire during the recent U.S./Iraq conflict. He was a Green Beret leading a doomed charge up the Tigris River. He died doing what he loved, killing foreigners at someone else's behest.
Joe and Rhonda Fourhman ('96 and '95) recently traveled to Columbus, Ohio to participate in the 2002 Doomtown World Championships. Joe reached the quarterfinals with a record of 3-2. Rhonda's record was 1-4 because she beat Scott Siegel ('97). Mike Fell ('97) also was in attendance.
A broadcasting professional, Joe Fourhman ('96) has managed to hold the same job since graduation. Joe attributes his success to hard work, attention to detail, and "working a lot of weekends!" If you watch movies, you probably have already seen his work. Joe's porno-credit pseudonym is Al Beefpatty.
