Master of Orion holds a special place in my heart, one of long hours and begging, “Just one more turn, Mom!” Both its prequels were very clever; they’re empire building games in space, and such games have existed before/around MOO (Pax Imperia, Stars! and Spaceward Ho!, just to name a few), but there’s just something about Master of Orion that makes it stand out in my mind. There’s the diplomacy, simple, yes, but a needed part of the game, there’s the sense of satisfaction when you see your empire growing, and because of that, a deep personal sense of vengeance when your opponent bites off a chunk of it. Yes, long hours of mine were spent researching new technologies, building vast armadas of technically superior warships, and burning the homeworlds of these horrible aliens until none dared stand to challenge me.

I'm planning a review of the PS2 earthquake survival game Disaster Report, but I want to play the game through another time before I rip into it.

It's definitely a game with problems. The reviews that complain about slowdown are spot-on, unfortunately. For much of the game, your character runs in slow motion. I suppose that could be for dramatic intent, but cinematography should not be at the expense of gameplay. It would be different if the game was pushing some major beautiful stuff along with the slowdown, but it's not. The environments are large, but not massive, and there isn't a great level of detail. And everything - everything - is gray.

If you're thinking that Disaster Report is some kind of survival horror game with falling buildings instead of zombies, you're pretty close. DR takes the familiar get-out-of-here-alive scenario, mixes it up with some interesting action sequences, places you on an island that's regularly falling into the ocean, and heads out for lunch early and never comes back.

This game has problems. Nothing irredeemable, but lots of stuff that makes you question what's going on. The game seems to be constantly battling itself, as it introduces new concepts and then promptly lets you ignore them. I'll explain in a bit.

The French Suck. No, I mean it!

I know that this website has been devoid of chatter concerning the situation in Iraq, and for good reason. Joe is into games, and the site is supposed to be used mostly for game reviews. I hate to be the guy to "break the seal" here, but I need to vent. What better place, huh? For those who don't like it, Sorry!

As I uploaded the new LAST BOOK READ crappy webcam graphic, I realized that I never really commented for you on the previous throne holder, Killing Monsters by Gerard Jones. Killing Monsters was a joy. The subtitle should present its thesis well enough: Why children need fantasy, super heroes and make-believe violence. It talks a lot about cultural items dear to me - video games, comics, cartoons - and even some I didn't expect to see defended, like horror movies, goth affectations, and gangster rap.

If I had to poorly summarize Gerry's book (and I can call him Gerry, because I've known his name since he was writing Justice League back in the early 90s), I'd say that children embrace violent media because it safely represents aspects of the adult world that they need to internalize and understand. It can be as simple as fighting or as complex as hate. And as the adults around them, it's our job to guide them through that with as little stress as possible. Instead of freaking out when a 14 year old gets into Eminem, we should talk about the lyrics and try to figure out why it's interesting.

This may be the last day I play Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. For I pick up Pokemon Sapphire tomorrow.

A couple months ago, I had this big plan for my GBA adventuring. It was to play out like this: Metroid Fusion, Legend of Zelda, then Pokemon Sapphire. The kink in that plan lies solidly in the middle. I loved Metroid Fusion (even unlocked the detestable NES Metroid.) Then finishing Zelda was to leap me directly into the waiting arms of Pokemon. But I'm finding something unexpected about A Link to the Past.

I find it annoying.

Today I picked up my Pokemon Sapphire. Interestingly, Toys R Us had it on sale already, a $30 game at $25. This mightily confused the cashier, since I had paid $5 to reserve it. Or actually, I used a TRU gift certificate, so I paid nothing according to my receipt. You can imagine the minimum wage confusion that resulted.

Once that was all straightened out, I was able to start my journey. My first impression is that it is eerily similar to the previous two Pokemon games. Just somewhat prettier. I chose the Treecko as my starting pokemon, but I quickly filled out my party with all the nearby low-level crap pokemon. So far, I've concentrated on the Treecko and a Wurmple as my main battlers. I've pegged the Wurmple as a Weedle/Caterpie type, and it already evolved into a dopey Cascoon, so I'm probably right on. Its next evo will likely be some kind of butterfly beast.

Sapphire restructured the familiar pokedex ordering, which stinks. Pokemon #1 is now Treecko, not Bulbasaur. I wonder if Professor Birch has an explanation for this sudden break in continuity.

One nice addition in Sapphire is the running shoes, which you get almost right as the game begins. With the shoes, you can run across the map twice as fast as normal. In the previous games, you had to wait to get a bike or something to motor around... and I was never sure if biking counted against your egg-hatching time. Anyway, with all the walking you do in these games, it's nice to be able to speed it up a bit.

As expected, the first Gym Leader battle was a total non-event. Although, with Treecko as my lead attacker, I held a definite type advantage... grass over rock. His Absorb attack flattened several Geodudes in a row, and Roxanne's entire force consisted of another Geodude (one shot kill, thank you very much) and a Nosepass, a hideous Easter Island sort of rock monster. She used a bunch of Potions on the Nosepass to prolong the battle, which I considered a pretty cheap play from a Gym Leader.

The new bits of Sapphire are beginning to open up for me. Today I entered my Sableye in two exhibition contests, which looks like it could be a very time-consuming subgame if I delved deeper into it. It adds an interesting dimension to your pokemon's skills and stats.

The way it works is you enter any given pokemon into a particular contest, smarts, cuteness, toughness, etc. And, exactly like a beauty contest, you display your entry alongside three competitors, vying for the attention and praise of the audience and the judge. The audience votes for their favorite in secret - and base don who knows what criteria. The judge however is more discerning. You must instruct your pokemon to perform attacks, not against anything else as in a battle, but more along the lines of a dog show where the owner makes them jump through hoops and trot down a straight line.

...somehow this happened. Fourhman.com is now collecting the Animal Crossing Log entries and Pokemon Sapphire Diary entries into their own archive pages, so you can find the whole bloggy shebangs in one area. Plus, each page has a brand new comments section now, so you can post your thoughts / complaints / insights / questions.

I actually took off work to follow along with the Spring Sports Fair on March 21st. (And I had Mike and Scott over to play Doomtown and other stuff, so it wasn't just an AC holiday.) The short of it is, the Sports Fairs are a non-interactive ongoing festival. Beginning at 9am, every two hours a new "event" occurs, and the animals involved simply continue their animating over the course of the two hours. Naturally, the real brass ring to the Spring Sports Fair is the Spring Sports Medal you get from Tortimer for showing up. The Medal has Mario on it, so you know it's good.

TMs. I've been through Yellow, Silver and most of Crystal, and I've used maybe 3 TMs. A TM (Technical Machine) is a unique item that teaches a new attack move to one of your pokemon. But once you use it, it's gone. This is probably why I generally don't use them, because I feel like I must keep every item I find. My packrat mentality even keeps me from selling off Nuggets for money.

As I recall, each game has had a couple TMs that you absolutely must utilize if you want to progress. Grudgingly, I've used them. In Sapphire, one of these is Secret Power, which is the move you have to use if you want to establish a Secret Base. Secret Power allows you to carve a base out of the side of a mountain or create a treehouse in certain trees. You can decorate your base with pokemon dolls and furniture. The interesting thing is that you can send a copy of your Secret Base into other player's games, creating the illusion that you and your friends are all in the same game.

I don't especially relish this sort of political weblog entry, because nobody ever knows 100% of the picture. But that doesn't stop anybody else from sounding off, and I feel that if I don't say something, then I'm liable to be counted as mute support.

I'm against this ridiculous war on Iraq. I don't think American citizens are being given the right information. I think our nation's obsession with 24-hour media coverage is responsible for spreading more "allegedlys" and "reportedlys" than actual fact. And I still haven't heard what Hussein did against us in the first place. One year ago, the dude's name couldn't even make the evening news.

Anyone who suggests the behavior of the fans at the Montreal Canadians game on Thursday night, March 20, was acceptable must have a diagnosable condition which requires heavy medication. (I wouldn't be writing this unless someone argued that it was in fact an acceptable behavior. Taking that position is not only ignorant, it flys in the face of common courtesy and runs roughshod over the concept of civil disobedience).

I really think that my local Toys R Us must have pissed off the video game distributors community somewhere along the line. I've already complained here many times that they get nothing on time, unless it's a presell game. Sure, they had Pokemon Sapphire and Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker right on time, but anything else? Forget it. Fatal Frame? No. Sonic Adventure 2 Battle? Nope. Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance? No way. The Three Stooges? Nuh uh. Weeks can go by before some games will hit the York store racks.

(Meanwhile, the Lancaster store some 30 minutes away is like fucking gaming Valhalla, with all the games on time and all promo materials displayed prominently.)

I did a lot of laps around the map as I searched for the next plot point. Yes, it was largely aimless wandering, which I usually abhor (see my comments on Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past,) but in the world of Pokemon, wandering can be a distinct benefit. Firstly, the battles you trigger during your travels are always helpful: your pokemon gain experience and you learn more about their attacks, strengths and weaknesses. And in Sapphire, you get to harvest delicious berries.

Dotted across the arboreal landscapes are patches of soft, loamy soil. "Loamy" is the game's word, not mine. In this specific soil grows berry trees of several different kinds. The berries have multiple uses: pokemon can eat them for various heathful effects, or you can process the berries into PokeBlock candies to improve their presentation stats for the beauty contests.

We started playing Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker around 9:30pm last night and didn't stop until 6:30am. That's nine hours where I didn't think about sleep, about tomorrow, or about anything but Legend of Zelda. At 9:30pm we were clearing up the Deku Tree's unfortunate skin condition and at 6:30am I had uncovered the secret of the King of Red Lions's true identity.

Yeah, "we" became "I" by sunrise. Rhonda passed out somewhere around 2:00am, but I would kick her awake for important cutscenes and boss fights. It rarely worked.

The great thing is that, unlike most adventure games, Wind Waker can become a 2P experience. Early on, you find the Tingle Tuner... a Game Boy Advance-shaped item that lets you talk directly to Tingle, a cloying fairy man thing who finds self-worth in helping your quest. Although I find Tingle one of the more obnoxious additions to the Zelda vista (he first appeared in Link's last N64 game, Majora's Mask), the connectivity with a GBA is wildly cool.

Tonight, after a long drawn out battle, Shannon won her first game of Doomtown.

Her deck, which she calls "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas", uses the Texas Rangers Outfit, and contains every female character that I have a card for. The deck idea sprang from Joe Fourhman's "Girls with Guns" deck - only the idea of this deck is to get out as many saloons and brothels as possible, and put the girls to work. With all the various bonuses to production and bullets, as it turns out the deck works rather well against other slow developing decks.

I check fourhman.com's statistics fairly frequently, if only to laugh at the great stuff you guys type into the Search field. ("give me fuckin kingdom hearts cheats now") And I'm proud to say that our readership has grown incredibly over the last year. But lately, I've been watching the difference between requests and pageviews, because it has alerted me to some innocent bandwidth stealing.

Let me explain. According to my service provider, requests is the total number of items that your machine asks for when you visit fourhman.com. Each graphic, each cgi, each html counts as a separate request. A pageview is the more commonly used unit of measure, a one-for-one relationship: one page, one pageview. So you looking at this page counts me one pageview and about thirty requests.