Simpsons Road Rage is one of those titles that gets ported to every system. These usually suck; after all, the developers need to make it as non-envelope pushing as possible for it to work on every system, and they probably had to cough up some bucks to Nintendo just to let 'em liscence for their competitors (or at least would in the olden days; read The Making of Mario if you want to find out how dirty the Big N could be). So it's with some bit of incredibility that I say Simpsons Road Rage is pretty fun.. at least, for small stretches.

Essentially, if you don't like the Simpsons, read no further, this game has no appeal to you. Crazy Taxi does the concept of picking up fares and driving like a hoodlum so much better anyway, there's no reason for you to even look at this game. If you do like the Simpsons, or at least enough to laugh at a character you recognize getting run down like a dog, then there's some fun to be had here.

The Plot: It seems silly to even bother with a plot write up here, considering the Simpsons, but I'll try. The opening cinematic explains it perfectly; Monty Burns, the plutocrat villain in much of Springfield's shenanigans, has unveiled a system of nuclear powered busses. Homer sees this as a good way to make a buck off of those unwilling to sit in an irradiated uncomfortable bus seat, and he and the rest of the clan pick up fares, aka the rest of the cast of the Simpsons (excepting, of course, Burns and Smithers).

To complicate matters (marginally), Burns is on to you and will occasionally drive into you or harass you. Likewise, the busses are a major road hazard. Not that this matters one whit; the physics are completely unrealistic, and at worst you might sail through the air with no fear of vehicle damage whatsoever.

It's not a very involved plot, and there's no explanation of why you'd have a time limit at all, but hey, it's meant to be enjoyed over short stretches anyway.

The gameplay: You drive around, stop and get characters, and drive them where they need to go. That's the entire game right there. The only reason you do this is to get cash; as long as you have a passenger, the meter is ticking, and you get a tip for delivering your fare quickly. Cash is used to unlock other playable characters (Reverend Lovejoy and his book-burning mobile is a hoot to play, even if the vehicle bites) and tracks, so it actually does have a use. The rewards are spaced far enough between that you do have to log some driving time in order to get everything, and some 2 years after buying the game, I still haven't unlocked everybody. That should give you an idea of how limited the gameplay is right there – it's fun, but it's not so fun that I can dedicate more than 15 minutes at a time to playing it.

When you stop and get somebody, they have a little dialogue with your character (covered much more deeply in the aesthetics section below) where, after exchanging pleasantries, they tell you where they want to go. However, you can just ignore them and follow the jolly arrow that shows up on your screen, which points directly at the destination. This does not, however, mean there is a direct route to the destination, and the fun of Road Rage is finding "alternate" routes, or just going offroading for fun.

I'll mention this right away: The physics for Road Rage is laughably poor. There is absolutely no sense of realism in this game, which, well, works fine, because it's inspired by a cartoon. With the exception of Bart's Honor Roller and Professor Frink's hovercar, every playable car in the game is far heavier than every other car in the game. Some much more so. If you want to make short work of downtown traffic, take Marge out in the Canyonero and hit everybody in your path. Cars just fly off of you, comically sailing into other cars and knocking them all over the place. Nothing ever flips over or even so much as gets a lot of air, but the way things punt away from you is worth a good chuckle, particularly if you've just come home from work and been stuck in traffic.

The same is true about destructible objects. Mailboxes, bus stops, street signs, lamp posts, hell, even trees, can be knocked over and bashed away with the most feathery of touches. These do get some air, and watching a mailbox sail in a lazy, letter spraying arc is just an added touch of mirth for the game. Trees are clearly just puffy green balls on sticks, and if you hit one with enough force, the foliage will roll down the street and off screen. It's ridiculous, but it's funny, so whatever. If you wanted to play Gran Tourissmo, well, go play that.

So, with crappy physics engine in hand, you can pretty much just fly through Springfield, bashing crap out of your way and running over all who dare oppose you. Hence, the game is really simple, and purposefully so.

There are two other modes to the game – mission mode and head to head. Mission mode is pretty sad; there are 10 preset missions which invariably involve hitting objects along the road within a time limit – Barney runs down a bunch of Capital City mascots, Willie mows down mailboxes, Krusty hits street signs, etc. The only point of this endeavor is to unlock Homer's alternate vehicle, which I won't spoil for you; you can probably guess what it is. Head to Head is more like tag; you and your buddy race through town for a SINGLE fare, and if the fareless cab touches its rival while carrying somebody, you steal their passenger. It's amusing enough, but hardly worth playing more than a few times.

The Aesthetics: Ah, where to begin. First of all, purists should be happy, it's very clear that the sounds were either recorded from the voice actors themselves or very good imitators. Dialogue is the hallmark of this game; they paid for the license, they're using the license. Good for them. A lot of characters have generic discussions and specific dialogues for chummy characters – Barney has a more complicated greeting exchange with Homer and Moe than he does for any other character. These sort of break up the monotony of hearing the same character deliver the same lines over and over again, and it encourages you to change vehicles frequently to hear a different driver go through the set of lines. However, when all's said and done, there's a very finite number of lines characters have to say, and it gets old hearing them after too long. If, like me, you've more or less burned out on the Simpsons, don't entertain the prospect of playing this game for too long in any one stretch; you'll get downright nostaliga-ed out.

So much attention was put on the dialogue that it makes goofs look all the worst. First, there's the problem of speaky characters. Some characters, notably Homer or Krusty, have a lot to say as passengers, particularly when they get out of a cab. Additionally, fares can be short rides, and a new fare is invariably at the exact same corner where your fare wants let out at. So very frequently, your first passenger will still be finishing up the greeting exchange when you let them out and pick up a new character. This is a problem when you’re zooming off with passenger #2 and passenger #1 is STILL yapping at you. Sounds never overlap, so you won't hear the second passenger asking you to take them to the box factory while the first one is thanking you for the ride to the megalomart; instead, they'll wait politely until the first character is totally done speaking. In fact, if you get two short fares in a row, you can let the second guy out even before he's finished his greeting, because you've been following the arrow the entire time the first character was finishing up. A simple, "Oh! We're here! Thanks!" dialogue intrusion would have fixed this problem simply and neatly.

Second, the generic discussions are often inappropriate for certain characters. Snake, the frequently featured denim wearing thug, will ask Apu to take him to the Quickimart so that he can rob it. Apu just gives a generic, "You're the paying customer" response. Why wouldn't Apu say something to that? Homer will ask Marge to take him to get something for Marge's birthday, hoping she won't notice he forgot. Um, Homer? She's right next to you, in her car! The designers could easily have fixed this by having some character not ask to go to conflicting locations if it wouldn't make sense with that driver. Snake could just as easily rob the Frying Dutchman. Sloppy execution of otherwise well done dialogue again sours the aesthetics.

There's one more mention of the physics here – if you have a passenger in your car already, you can run down other characters like dogs. They go flying! If you just tap them, they fall over and roll, and if they roll to a stop, they'll stand back up. Gil, the affable loser of Springfield (more so than Homer), is never available as a fare, but he exists on two of the maps, and hearing his whining complaints, "Ohhh, Gil's gonna sue, I'll be living on easy street" while he's flying into oblivion is just hilarious, particularly if it's been a rough day. You can literally hit characters again and again, lodging them into buildings, throwing their carcass into traffic, knocking them off of cliffs, etc. etc. In typically cartoon fashion, of course, once they go off screen, they immediately are restored, in perfect health, to their starting locations. Naturally; it's a cartoon! There's not a reason not to do this as often as you want to.

Graphically, the game is well done. It's not pushing the envelope as far as polygons go; characters are well designed but not exactly "realistic," even as 2D cartoon characters go, buildings are just bitmapped boxes, and I've already mention the laughable trees. However, that said, there's no slow down, things look good enough, and the appeal of the game is hearing the characters. If you had wanted to watch the Simpsons, it's available on DVD; enjoy.

Wonderfully for a Simpsons fan, all the locations you can imagine exist, in their full glory, and you don't even need to see all of them to play the game. There's a Springfield tire fire, an escalator that goes nowhere, Monty Burns' casino, the Black Box bar at the airport, Kamp Krusty, etc. etc. etc. Many of these aren't even destinations, they're just there to be seen as you're mowing recklessly through Springfield trying to shave off spare seconds. Somebody who zealously loved the show was obviously on board for map making, and I can't think of anything that has been omitted. Then again, I do have a life, and I can't say I've bothered to catalogue what was there vs. what's been mention in minor passing in an episode of the show.

The only glaring omissions I would mention involve the maps – some of them are downright miserable and are no fun to play whatsoever. Evergreen Terrace, Downtown and the Nuclear Plant are alright maps, but the more spread out mountainous routes are at best triangular and are defined by a single road path; you can't go off road at all. I realize that obscure locations like Kamp Krusty and Monty Burns' mansion have been included by adding in these armpit maps, but for the sake of not seeing these, they could have done much more! Why couldn't the Simpsons drive recklessly through Itchy and Scratchy land, knocking Itchy robots far and wide? Or drive crazily around the top of the Duff Byramid on the way to Duff Gardens? A minor caveat from a fan boy, but when there's only 6 maps and 3 of them blow goats, it seriously limits the fun value of the game.