I find garbage disposals have a unique and fragrant odor, much like some of my third grade students who only wash their bodies on days ending in the letter Z. One particular garbage disposal stands crisply out in my memory though - the one we fed crappy Magic cards into after we set them on fire with vanilla insence. This achieved two objectives: mask the stench of last week's brocolli-cauliflower-turnip casserole my mother was so fond of, and to rid the greater New Jersey area of useless Magic cards.
Pardon me Chris, can you pass another Cyclopean Mummy?
Fast forward to the present, where Doomtown has happily and quite sufficiently replaced Magic as my TCG of choice. From my point of view, it's enjoyable playing a game where the entire outcome is not primarily decided by the first lot of cards you draw. Let's face it, many times in Magic you knew whether you had won or lost right after the initial shuffle and pull.
Let's see. One forest, four island fish jaconius and two Italian Goblins of the Flarg.
So Doomtown appeals to my sense of fairness and longing for balance in a game.
Most of the time that is.
Some Doomtown cards though are truly amazingly too powerful for friendly play. Why? Because they throw off the competitive nature of the game and encourage lazy decks that rely entirely on a single shtick. If you play the game, no doubt you have a few of your own, but here are mine:
Lord Grimely's Manor What genius thought this one up? Worth something like eight billion control points. Can't be controlled by another player. Essentially one of those homemade Magic cards that say: To win game, tap. This is fun?
Jackelope Stampede Now this cards wouldn't be so awful if it could only be played in shootouts. And if it were aced after each use. And if you personally apologize each time an opponent's deck is run down to squat. Lame lame lame. One positive though: it does help such whizbang cards as The Slaughterhouse and Pox Walker to show up in many decks.
Sioux Union Spirit Warriors The entire playtesting crew must have been transported to the planet UrQuan on this one. A home rife with migranes, arguments and divorce. Combined with my all time favorite, Brawl, an entire legion of nine year kids can win by essentially playing zero cards and taking advantage of an obese sized loophole. Since when can booted dudes start shootouts?
Original Blackjacks Home Perhaps if it only produced one Ghost Rock per booted dude. Perhaps if something more profound than becoming wanted was the result. Perhaps if it could only be used once per turn. Perhaps if every Blackjack dude I played didn't use this same damn home every single time. Perhaps it should have been rewritten, eh?
Those are my favorites, to say the least. I would gladly send these punks to meet their maker in whirring metallic glory if I could, but unfortunately I have no garbage disposal in my new digs. I guess it's up to my older-than-dirt, puke green, rusted chain three speed to obliterate them. Or I could give them to my students to stick in their fungi armpits. Regardless, the light of day these cards do not deserve to see.
