What's wrong with me? Is it just a lack of education? A lack of drive? A lack of talent? I read articles day after day full amazingly good writing and I think to myself "Hah! I can do that!" and yet when it comes down to writing something coherent I miss the mark. Repeatedly. And I'm left to admire those who can string words together while at the same time weaving in wit, humor, and attitude.

As I approach the end of Spider-Man: The Movie, I guess I can review it properly. It's not a particularly deep game, just a sporadically-inspired action romp. I wonder if it was rushed to ride the crest of Spider-Man movie hype (uh, yeah), because there's so many times that the game comes up short. The downsides aren't powerful enough to wreck the game entirely, thankfully... just a couple of key places that make you frown and hope for a fixed sequel.

The game follows the plot of the movie, in a roundabout way. You start out as an un-costumed Peter Parker for the training levels, and even have a run in his spider-prototype togs. Through cutscenes, you confront Uncle Ben's killer and put on the v2.0 tights. Since the movie has only one boss villain, Green Goblin, the game throws in Shocker, Scorpion and the Vulture... all suffering from a tacked-on feel. As a comics fan, I loved going against the other enemies anyway, but they never really mesh with the movie's "new hero in training" vibe.

Fourhman.com presents the first in a series of roundtable discussions on "Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones." Just four lads trying to sound intelligent and informed while talking about freaking Star Wars. Let's meet the contestants:

Matt, Chicago, IL. The only one of us to see the film in a digital theater, the bastard.	Joe, York, PA. The one, true Fourhman of Fourhman.com. More concerned with toys than with movie.
Scott, Lancaster, PA. Actually attempting to grow a padawan braid.	Chris, Wilmington, DE. Combining Star Wars fandom with general filmmaking fandom, a dangerous mix.

My philosophy on video games is pretty simple: I like to see as many different types and genres as possible, so that video gaming diversifies to the point that anybody can find a type they like. Like movies or television. Those are industries that are successful enough that they can support minority interests... like independant films and golf channels. More styles means more people can play, and video games aren't relegated to males 8-22 anymore.

As a gamer, I get more excited about games that offer different experiences, interfaces, styles and play modes than I do about games that offer upgraded graphics and newer tech tricks. For me, the theory of gaming - gaming for gaming's sake - is king.

So, while I considered buying both Dragon Ball Z GBA games, Legacy of Goku and Collectible Card Game, I ended up buying only CCG. Chiefly because Legacy is only (only!) a superdeformed RPG, while CCG is attempting to emulate a card game. Both received terrible reviews from most major game magazines, so I knew I was in for a struggle with either.

If you've done any kind of research on the Wavebird, you already know that Nintendo's wireless GameCube controller is the best console peripheral since the invention of the memory card. So if you need just one more positive review before you buy one, I humbly present it to you now.

I've always been mildly curious about wireless controllers, but they seemed to be the exclusive domain of technostic third party companies... and I try as hard as I can to avoid those. The Wavebird is the first time any console maker has seriously attempted their own wireless controller, and here's hoping it becomes standard issue with future generation systems. The Wavebird's only drawback is the lack of vibration... or "rumble" or "force feedback," depending upon whose copyright law you're operating under. Me, I dig vibrating controllers - when it's done right or used for a cool effect. Like, as a buried treasure indicator in Legend of Zelda or Pirates. Or even the "you're the winner" buzz at the end of each multiplayer Super Smash Bros Melee round. But for most games - where vibrating is used sparingly or just as a "you've been kicked in the junk" exclamation - you will not miss it.

Now that we have our first impressions off our chests (see Part 1), let's turn to something a little better. Clones definitely delivered some key Star Wars moments, and I think it's these that made the entire film worth seeing. I think we can all agree that seeing Yoda going apeshit in a light saber duel is something we've all dreamed about since second grade. Hearing the Imperial March when the Clone army was revealed. Anakin cutting down a Tusken village (what little we saw of it.) What else stands out as a huge Star Wars moment?

Part 1: First Impressions, Part 2: Coolest Moments. Now for Part 3: The Fett Family.

I have never bothered to install MAME on any of my PCs; I've always used the Macintosh version. But when Mike wanted to experience the joy of Mappy Arrangement on his Windows machine, he asked me to help him out. Plus, my MacMame runs Mappy Arrangement without any sound, so I would like to see if the PC MAME works better.

I'm not going to pretend to you that I was unfamiliar with the age-old concept of the MAME frontend. Even a Mac user like myself ran into that years ago. Thing is, I thought that perhaps that would remain "age old." It has not. MAME is up to version 0.60 and the frontends are still available and updated through the year 2000. In installing MAME, I am coming from a know-nothing perspective... just to see what the install is like for someone who has never done it before (Mike.) Here's what happened.

It's very interesting that a federal appeals court declared the modern version of the Pledge of Allegience unconstitutional. As an athiest, I fully support this decision and hope it sticks. It likely won't, since every politician around is taking the opportunity to ass-kiss the Christian Majority and scream from the church-tops about how terrible this is For America. Allow me to predict that the shallow soul who writes the decision that overturns this one will ramble on about how the Pledge is necessary to establish the good moral fiber of our country's children and other such happy-horse-shit rot. The reversal will be an embarrassing diatribe of patriotism and holy high ground that will set non-Christians back to our dark, evil caves to gnash our teeth and stab pincer beetles in our eyes while we rape children and consort with communists. If you can't understand that politicians always mouthpiece the majority groupthought because that's who makes them rich, then you're missing something incredibly vital about how the world works. There's nothing at all noble about the senators calling this decision "stupid" or "ridiculous"... or about their vow to immediately draft an opposition document. All they're doing is securing their re-election.

Got the presentation pilot for WB's Birds of Prey series in my eager little hands. Based on a huge amount of DC Comics lore, so it's right up my alley... despite my growing hatred of television in general. Non-spoiler review: it's good. Much more actiony than companion show Smallville, but also much harder for average people (non-comics/sci-fi) to grasp.

Spoiler review follows, so get out now if you don't want me to wreck it for you. I'm also going to take this from a comics fan perspective, so if you don't have an easy head for DC continuity, you might get left behind.

I was hooked about two minutes in. Because they brought to life one of the most chilling scenes in modern comics: those couple little panels from "The Killing Joke" where the Joker shoots Barbara Gordon in the stomach, confining her to a wheelchair (until a less respectful creative team takes over.) Having memorized "The Killing Joke," I knew what was going to happen the moment Barbara reaches for the doorknob, but I still jumped. And three thoughts instantly formed: I can't believe they're using Joker already! ... Holy crap he shot her! ... Was that Mark Hamill's voice?