I suppose this could be purely a Quick Review, but I like posting pictures of the Three Stooges, so this is probably the most thorough review of The Three Stooges for GBA anywhere.

You see, the upshot is that this is not a great game. It's a monotonous little remix that eventually makes you feel like A) I was ripped off (by the randomized death gameplay) and B) I was ripped off (by simply not having enough variety packed into that huge GBA cart.) After extensive play, it is obvious to me that this was a rush job of a release.

I hate my ass. I don't mean in any kind of physical attractiveness sense... I mean that I resent its general purpose and location.

You see, I worry about it. Because you can't see it, so you don't really know what it's up to. Plus, being that our society is assophobic, you've got no standard of health to compare it to, and no easy way to ask questions about it.

Example. So far, in my post-adolescent life, I am two for two on Doctor's Visits Including Ass Inspection Purely at My Request. The first time, I had noticed *bleeding* during shitting. And when I say "noticed," I mean "turned around and thought I had menstruated." So I arrange a checkup under the pretense of a possible hernia and have the man investigate my anal area. Before you go crying "ass-freak" at me, let me assure you that I was indeed worried about the state of my ass. Recurring blood in the bowl ought to be a warning sign. Generally blood in any form outside actual veins/arteries is an alertable function. But my doc (let's call him Doctor #1), upon completion of his knuckle-twisting inspection, just said I should strain less while "moving my bowels."

I'm taking my time with Resident Evil GameCube, mainly because it's so damn delicious to look at. The shadows, the lightning, the swaying grass, the mist rolling in through an open window. Lighting zombie bodies on fire. Thrusting a dagger in their soft skulls. The insane rabid speed of the redhead zombies. I hear that it's selling exceptionally well, which is good because this is a remake well worth playing. And subconsciously, I'm afraid that people will ignore it simply because it is a remake. Happily, this is not the case (which is probably due to a yearning for new Cube games more than anything else,) but let's talk about remakes.

IGN just started a new subsite... IGN Mac, dedicated to gaming news/reviews/releases for Macintoshes. Now, I am a huge Mac fan. Always have been. Nothing in the Windows world matches the elegance, efficiency and ease of the Mac OS. But I have serious problems with anybody who tries to tell me it's a gaming machine. It's just not. At least, it can't compete on that level and expect to win, or expect to be respected for trying and coming in eighth place with a bloody nose, torn tank top and a back covered in footprints from the Wonderswan team.

So I can't imagine what sorts of daily newsbites will appear on IGN Mac. Or can I? Here, using OSX's new "Connect To... THE FUTURE" command, is a list of upcoming features and news articles, covering the very latest in the Macintosh gaming scene.

I'm a collector at heart, so knowing that there are video games out there that I can't conceivably play, because I don't own the console, tends to weigh heavy on my mind. Perhaps I'm posting this as sort of a future letter to myself, should I someday actually go out an get an Xbox (with the smaller controller, match. Or - as we should all think of it - the normal-sized controller.) Here's the complete list of games I would get... these are the current titles that speak to me, for one reason or another. As far as I know, they're all Xbox exclusives. Or at least marketed as such until the contract winds change.