If you were to draw a graph of the United States Postal Service's stamp rate increase over the last few years, it would greatly resemble that old Encyclopedia Brown story where Encyclopedia Brown takes a bet about throwing a basketball 10 feet and having it turn around and come directly back to him, without bouncing or having anyone throw it back, and he wins the bet by throwing the ball straight up into the air. That Encyclopedia Brown was one smart motherfucker.
This June, we get another stamp increase... up to 37 cents. If you check their website, the USPS lays the blame at "increases in costs for fuel and health benefits." I suspect they're just doing it so anthrax mailers now have to shell out 37 cents to kill various American pigdogs. If we could find out the average price point of X grams of anthrax, maybe the USPS could eventually make it wholly unprofitable to poison senators, abortion clinics, and gay/lesbian activists.
Somehow along my life's route, I got on the USA Philatelic mailing list. Actually, I know exactly how it happened: I ordered a set of those Celebrate the Century stamps, which totally pissed me off because you only get one of each design, and they're so goddamn collectible that you hate to use them. But collectible stamps are positioned to be the savior of the Postal Service. (Aha! You thought I was digressing!) The USA Philatelic catalog takes great pains to enforce your enthusiasm (of which I possess exactly none) with commerative frames, books, posters, and first day heirlooms. My personal favorites are the stamps with hidden images, which are so cloyingly collectible they should come with an apology. The postal service is banking on the insane collector to keep the ship afloat.
Eventually, you're just not going to use paper mail anymore. Are you going to send out 30 Christmas cards when it costs 50 cents apiece to mail them? Maybe we should let third parties come in to break the USPS's monopoly. Sure, it might take three times as long for your letter to get there... but it'd only cost you a nickel. Plus, there'd be great fistfights when all these cutrate carriers try to park their little electric cars outside your mailbox at the same time.
